u/Ok_System_6825

hello. im 15, 4’11”, 115lbs, and AFAB. for the past two months i have been having really weird poops. There hasn’t been a single day in the past 2 months or so where i just pooped normally and comfortably.
it started out as diarreah for weeks on end. this was awful. then, it was sort of constipation. and thats where im at right now. TMI but during these constipation bouts i have had to use my finger to help the stool come out. when it does, its these long, fragmented, skinny (about the thickness of a craylona washable marker) poops. and after, my asshole is on fire. my stomach is upset always. its really uncomfortable, and i just want an answer. my ocd has me fully convinced i have colon cancer, so im really hoping thats not actually the case. please please please, its been going on for long and i need help.

edit: oh and if it means anything im on prozac. just saying because it said to include meds your on

hi! ok so before i go into detail about the title, i think context and background information would be helpful.

so. for context, hi! im 15 and in recovery! (\*honorary claps\*) this relapse had started back in late november/ early decemberish when i got put on prozac and it killed my appetite. i started eating less and before you know it i was barely eating at all.
from december-march i was eating less than >!500!< calories a day, along with overexercising, with no binging or overeating. i went from bmi >!22/23ish!< to >!low 17s/high 16s!< during this time.
eventually, my mum got worried and on march 18, she drove me to the hospital. i was admitted in the general hospital for 5 nights, and then was at an eating disorder ward for 3 nights before i got signed out AMA… (long story, not necessary for the context, but the place was traumatising and awful.) then in april, i was put in a renfrew PHP. i had some really bad experiences there and got fully discharged on june 5 (yayyy!!) and since then have been on my own. no dietician, no therapist, nothing. (except for a psychiatrist because im on antidepressants)
throughout these months in recovery, specifically all throughout april and may MOSTLY, i had had very extreme hunger. i am weight restored and a bit over too. i had experienced eh in june and july too just not to the same extent.

anyways. these months with the less severe hunger, i have still been experiencing food noise. lots of it. its not mental hunger, im not thinking about what food to eat and that i should eat more, its mostly im just always thinking about what i have had to eat today so far and what time ill eat next and about food overall. im just always thinking about food and sometimes will accidentally (my brain just does it on autopilot) add up the calories of what ive ate but it doesnt influence what i eat. and when i do eat, typically around lunchtime, i find it hard to stop eating because my mind is unsure of when my body will get food again, so i just eat eat and eat until im very full. and then, im no longer hungry around dinner time. my body doesn’t trust me.

this is still going on and i just want to know. will it end?? i wasnt restricting for long, so, its scaring me, my ocd is convincing me im developing binge eating disorder. how do i overcome this?? will i overshoot even more?? im not scared of overshoot im just afraid of going from one ED to another. any advice is needed.

hi! ok so before i go into detail about the title, i think context and background information would be helpful.

so. for context, hi! im 15 and in recovery! (*honorary claps*) this relapse had started back in late november/ early decemberish when i got put on prozac and it killed my appetite. i started eating less and before you know it i was barely eating at all.
from december-march i was eating less than >!500!< calories a day, along with overexercising, with no binging or overeating. i went from bmi >!22/23ish!< to >!low 17s/high 16s!< during this time.
eventually, my mum got worried and on march 18, she drove me to the hospital. i was admitted in the general hospital for 5 nights, and then was at an eating disorder ward for 3 nights before i got signed out AMA… (long story, not necessary for the context, but the place was traumatising and awful.) then in april, i was put in a renfrew PHP. i had some really bad experiences there and got fully discharged on june 5 (yayyy!!) and since then have been on my own. no dietician, no therapist, nothing. (except for a psychiatrist because im on antidepressants)
throughout these months in recovery, specifically all throughout april and may MOSTLY, i had had very extreme hunger. i am weight restored and a bit over too. i had experienced eh in june and july too just not to the same extent.

anyways. these months with the less severe hunger, i have still been experiencing food noise. lots of it. its not mental hunger, im not thinking about what food to eat and that i should eat more, its mostly im just always thinking about what i have had to eat today so far and what time ill eat next and about food overall. im just always thinking about food and sometimes will accidentally (my brain just does it on autopilot) add up the calories of what ive ate but it doesnt influence what i eat. and when i do eat, typically around lunchtime, i find it hard to stop eating because my mind is unsure of when my body will get food again, so i just eat eat and eat until im very full. and then, im no longer hungry around dinner time. my body doesn’t trust me.

this is still going on and i just want to know. will it end?? i wasnt restricting for long, so, its scaring me, my ocd is convincing me im developing binge eating disorder. how do i overcome this?? will i overshoot even more?? im not scared of overshoot im just afraid of going from one ED to another. any advice is needed.

fuck you. you guys fucking messed me up. i get flashbacks of you guys telling me to drink water while you shove the tube up my nose. i get flashbacks of you yelling at my mother for her to leave when she just wanted to see her son one last time before he was admitted. i get flashbacks of pacing and doing laps around my small room with nothing but a mattress. i get flashbacks of you guys yelling at me to take off my clothes. i can still feel your guys cold hands press down on my arm while you put the IV in. and took it out. and put it in again. i can still feel myself laying on the cold floor telling myself i would commit suicide the second i left this fuckass psych ward. i can still feel the comparing, the looks, the side eyes that people gave me during group therapy. i can picture the dark hallways, the ones i would sob in while on the ward’s phone with my mother. i can feel my cold hands dial her number, tears dripping down onto the screen. i can picture me shoving my unfinished apple slices up my sleeve. i remember it all. so fuck you.

this lyric hits so fucking hard