u/OttieStar

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING!!

Maybe I've just disassociated my life away and I can't remember what enjoying things was like. But from my vague memories, even with a variety of hobbies, I always ended up crawling back to SH. Maybe just to prove that I can, that I can make a choice for once in my life that is entirely my own. I don't know. I never thought I'd miss it in those days, I saw it as something that hurt me, and I thought I wanted to heal, but now I have no access to SH tools and I miss it so much. I miss it like a ghost by the seaside waiting for a ship that sank years before, I miss it dramatically, like an old friend. I should hate SH but I love everything about it, and I hate that I can't say that without sounding like I'm romanticizing it. I don't think SH is good, but it makes me happy. I like watching apricity fall on my cut up skin, I like the way the bandaids line up, I like the metallic smell of a fresh blade, I like the dull ache of it all and the way everything has a vaguely melancholic tone, a blue tint. I wish I could SH all day and nobody could stop me. But SH is wrong and I can't change that nor do I want to. I hate myself, and I feel guilty.

I think it's because just don't know anything. What if I am chosen by the universe? What if medication prevents me from reaching my full potential? There's no way of knowing, all the "clues" are vague and lead to nothing, when I write them down they stop making sense. My symptoms have provided me nothing but misery, yet they keep me perpetually at the edge of enlightenment and I think that's addictive in a way. I feel like I'll lose all my creativity without my symptoms, I feel like I'll be mindless and I'll never question anything again. I shouldn't trust doctors and therapist etc etc etc, I shouldn't want a diagnosis, but I do. I feel like I'm betraying everything for wanting to be able to function and live like an average human. I wish I could live with myself without medication but I can't and I feel like that makes me weak.

I don't want to hide my natural hair or feel ashamed about it but...I hate it sm. 😭 Is it considered wrong to wear a wig just because one has thin hair? If not, are there any decent ones out there that don't cost every limb on my body? Tysm for any advice!! 😓

So for context I already have extremely fine and short hair. Over the summer I've pretty much stopped restricting because of parents + I'm SURROUNDED by food all day so my hair has thickened up quite a bit! BUT I guarantee I'm going to start restricting again once school starts (which is soon.) I've been dreaming about it all summer, and even though it makes me feel like crap and it ruins my hair, I feel so much happier when I'm restricting, which I hate to admit but here I am. What I'm getting at here is that there is no possible way to avoid restricting this school year, but I am dreading what's going to happen to my hair. Is there any way to avoid it? I know this sounds so stupid but I'm genuinely desperate.

Looking for anything with prominent notes of citrus and eucalyptus that doesn't smell like straight up bug spray! I wore an essential oil blend I made with these notes and someone asked why it smelled like bugspray in the car lol 😭

Extra points if there's also some rosemary!

Looking for anything with prominent notes of citrus and eucalyptus that doesn't smell like straight up bug spray! I wore an essential oil blend I made with these notes and someone asked why it smelled like bugspray in the car lol 😭

Extra points if there's also some rosemary!

I've been trying some grounding techniques that were recommended to me but I can barely do them without panicking. It never stops the disassociation it just causes me to panic and/or age regress, which is also not a good coping mechanism for me as I find it to mostly be a distressing experience personally.

Beginning to wonder if there's even a way out of this.

Awhile back my parents found out and I no longer have access to what I used to use to SH. I can't go out on my own so I have no way to get anything to use. There are a few things in my house that I use sometimes but they are dull and don't work like what I was using originally. They are also risky to use because if they go missing my parents would notice. I don't know how to cope with this. The suffering of having my only coping mechanism taken from me out of the blue is one hundred times worse than cutting ever was. My suicidal thoughts are constant now that I can't SH. Im genuinely considering sneaking out to buy something because I cannot live like this. I know SH is frowned upon but at this point there are no good options left for me. Any attempt at trying to feel real or to ground myself ends in an anxiety attack, I can't even look at my own hands.

Really praying there's a magic fix I haven't heard of although I know that's impossible lol.

I've been dissociating for about three years. I was initially really distraught when it first started which resulted in a lot of symptoms that made it worse. I didn't (still don't) have a support system of any kind, so to combat the worsening disassociation I decided that the only course of action was to let it completely consume me. Not a second goes by that I am not disassociating. I don't know what it would feel like to stop. I tried for a while. I tried journaling and meditation and generic grounding techniques and it never did anything. I feel so far gone. Are there any grounding techniques that would work for someone in my situation? Any help would be so appreciated 🫠

The amount of people I see fetishizing this community makes in so hard to exist, especially as someone who is trying to accept their age regression after a long period of denial. There's so much misinformation and invalidation that goes around in conversations about people who age regress and it's really saddening to see. I wish there was a way to break the stigma but when I see people try they tend to get ridiculed. It's honestly disheartening.

Hope everyone here is having a nice day besides all that 🫖🍰

I've been dissociating for about three years. I was initially really distraught when it first started which resulted in a lot of symptoms that made it worse. I didn't (still don't) have a support system of any kind, so to combat the worsening disassociation I decided that the only course of action was to let it completely consume me. Not a second goes by that I am not disassociating. I don't know what it would feel like to stop. I tried for a while. I tried journaling and meditation and generic grounding techniques and it never did anything. I feel so far gone. Are there any grounding techniques that would work for someone in my situation? Any help would be so appreciated 🫠