u/Prudent-Teaching2881

My husband (25) and I (24) met at university and got married about two years later. We’ve now been together for almost five years. In that time we’ve had a baby, bought a house, and we’re currently renovating before we move in.

The issue is that I’ve always had lingering feelings about not being fully physically attracted to him. When we first met, I did find him somewhat attractive, but it wasn’t that overwhelming feeling of attraction. I remember thinking, “He’s a genuinely good man, and attraction can grow.” He was kind, gentle, generous, and had such good character that I overlooked the fact that the physical attraction wasn’t particularly strong.

He’s a few inches shorter than me and has a much smaller frame. When we first met, he went to the gym regularly, but with work, renovating, and now having a baby, he hasn’t had the time. I’ve also changed physically since having our son. I’m 5’5” and around 95kg, and I carry most of my weight in my hips and thighs. Because my husband has such a slight build, I sometimes feel very large beside him. I sometimes wonder whether I’d feel differently if he had a broader frame.

The thing is, he’s objectively a wonderful husband. He provides for us, supports me emotionally, stands up for me when it comes to family issues, helps with household chores without being asked, and is an incredibly loving and involved father. I know these qualities are far more important than appearance, which is why I feel guilty even admitting how I feel.
The other issue is that I wish he would take more initiative and lead our household. I don’t mean being controlling or dominant in the bedroom. I mean being decisive, making plans, taking responsibility for decisions, anticipating what needs doing, and sharing the mental load instead of waiting for me to direct everything.

I’ve tried explaining this to him many times, but I don’t think he fully understands what I mean. His response is usually that he lets me choose everything because he wants me to be happy. While I appreciate the intention, it has the opposite effect. Constantly being the one who has to decide everything feels exhausting, and I don’t feel like we’re sharing that responsibility. He also says he wants to be more of a leader but genuinely doesn’t know how because he never had a strong male role model growing up. His dad left when he was very young, and although his mum remarried later, the closest thing he had to a father figure was an uncle who was only a few years older than him.

I also don’t really enjoy intimacy, and I think that’s partly because the physical attraction has never been particularly strong. To make matters worse, I sometimes notice myself feeling attracted to other men, not to the point of acting on it, but enough that it makes me question why I don’t feel that same level of attraction towards my own husband. That makes me feel ashamed because he hasn’t done anything wrong, and he deserves to feel wanted.
I’m struggling because I know I have a husband who is loving, loyal, caring, and an amazing father. Yet I still find myself wishing I felt more physically attracted to him and that he naturally took on more leadership in our marriage.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did attraction grow over time? If your husband wasn’t naturally decisive, were there practical things that helped him become more confident and take more initiative? And if you’ve experienced attraction to others while being married to a genuinely good spouse, how did you work through it?

Edit: I have just taken a measuring tape and measured myself at 66.5 inches tall which is 5 foot 6ish. I have just weighed myself too and I am 94.5kg. My husband is 5 foot 4. Just wanted to clarify that. I know my post says a different height, but that was an error on my part. Yes, I’m still overweight. Yes, my husband is still shorter than me.

My husband (25) and I (24) met at university and got married about two years later. We’ve now been together for almost five years. In that time we’ve had a baby, bought a house, and we’re currently renovating before we move in.

The issue is that I’ve always had lingering feelings about not being fully physically attracted to him. When we first met, I did find him somewhat attractive, but it wasn’t that overwhelming feeling of attraction. I remember thinking, “He’s a genuinely good man, and attraction can grow.” He was kind, gentle, generous, and had such good character that I overlooked the fact that the physical attraction wasn’t particularly strong.

He’s a few inches shorter than me and has a much smaller frame. When we first met, he went to the gym regularly, but with work, renovating, and now having a baby, he hasn’t had the time. I’ve also changed physically since having our son. I’m 5’5” and around 95kg, and I carry most of my weight in my hips and thighs. Because my husband has such a slight build, I sometimes feel very large beside him. I sometimes wonder whether I’d feel differently if he had a broader frame.

The thing is, he’s objectively a wonderful husband. He provides for us, supports me emotionally, stands up for me when it comes to family issues, helps with household chores without being asked, and is an incredibly loving and involved father. I know these qualities are far more important than appearance, which is why I feel guilty even admitting how I feel.
The other issue is that I wish he would take more initiative and lead our household. I don’t mean being controlling or dominant in the bedroom. I mean being decisive, making plans, taking responsibility for decisions, anticipating what needs doing, and sharing the mental load instead of waiting for me to direct everything.

I’ve tried explaining this to him many times, but I don’t think he fully understands what I mean. His response is usually that he lets me choose everything because he wants me to be happy. While I appreciate the intention, it has the opposite effect. Constantly being the one who has to decide everything feels exhausting, and I don’t feel like we’re sharing that responsibility. He also says he wants to be more of a leader but genuinely doesn’t know how because he never had a strong male role model growing up. His dad left when he was very young, and although his mum remarried later, the closest thing he had to a father figure was an uncle who was only a few years older than him.

I also don’t really enjoy intimacy, and I think that’s partly because the physical attraction has never been particularly strong. To make matters worse, I sometimes notice myself feeling attracted to other men, not to the point of acting on it, but enough that it makes me question why I don’t feel that same level of attraction towards my own husband. That makes me feel ashamed because he hasn’t done anything wrong, and he deserves to feel wanted.
I’m struggling because I know I have a husband who is loving, loyal, caring, and an amazing father. Yet I still find myself wishing I felt more physically attracted to him and that he naturally took on more leadership in our marriage.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did attraction grow over time? If your husband wasn’t naturally decisive, were there practical things that helped him become more confident and take more initiative? And if you’ve experienced attraction to others while being married to a genuinely good spouse, how did you work through it?

Does Islam protect these children? If so, where’s the evidence to back this up?

Just want to preface by saying that I understand that not all Sikhs hate Muslims.

Guru Nanak, the founder of Sikhism, had a friend who travelled the world with him called Bhai Mardana. From what I’ve researched, he was born a Muslim and remained a Muslim during their friendship.

Considering this, why is it that there is a general dislike towards Muslims from some Sikhs? I personally see a lot of similarity between both groups. Both believe in one God, reject idolatry, charity etc. I would have thought that there is some sense of familiarity between them.

Tbf he did only tell Dina, but how come she didn’t clock that he lied to her?

I’m so, so confused why (not all, but many) Brits want to leave the EHCR. Not sure if I’m even allowed to call myself a Brit anymore, but I was born and raised here in the UK, as was my mother, but we are of South Asian origin. I’m a woman. I’m disabled. I’m of a religious minority. I’m also just an average human being, working a 9-5, studying for a masters. I have a son. I’m married. Like the EHCR protects the average person is SO many ways. Why would you not want it? It gives us the right to life, right to a fair trial, right to the prohibition of torture, right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion and freedom of expression etc.

How would making a ‘British bill of rights’ make any difference like why is it so terrible to have an already existing bill of rights? Not to mention, British politicians played key roles in actually having the EHCR created: Churchill spoke about it in a speech he gave at the Congress of Europe, many British lawyers had a say in what was written. It also took inspiration from the already existing English Bill of Rights. The whole purpose of the EHCR was to prevent another human rights catastrophe like the holocaust. It just seems like leaving is Britain making a huge step back as a country.

Please help me understand your perspective on why you, as a Brit, don’t want to be part of the EHCR.

God says that ‘after hardship comes ease’. What about people who have only ever known horrific torture and abuse? What about people who have had awful diseases and illnesses from birth? When is their ease in this world? Like what purpose has people’s suffering have in Islam? I think I’m having an existential crisis because this has been on my mind for days now.

I love my mum a lot. She’s done a lot for me. She also has chronic health conditions and is in a lot of pain. The older I’ve gotten and the older she’s gotten the more hurtful her behaviour becomes towards me.

I recently had a baby. I never intended to bottle feed and that isn’t a judgement on anyone who does, but I just find it easier to breastfeed I don’t have to faff around finding a bottle and there are some health benefits which is important to me personally. My mum, from even before my son was born, was insistent on telling me I’d need bottles and that I would need to feed my baby formula. When my baby was born he was premature and breastfeeding was a little difficult to start off with. She again pushed for me to bottle feed. When my son was cluster feeding she said that he was too hungry and my milk wasn’t enough for him. At this point I was so tired of her and so overwhelmed with breastfeeding 24/7 I gave into her even though I didn’t want to and started giving my son 2 bottles of formula a day. The other day she said to me in the middle of an argument that she knew I would end up using bottles and that she didn’t want to say I told you so but I told you so. She said that my son is getting no benefit from my breastmilk because all I eat is takeout. She said my son is addicted to sweet food because that’s all I eat. She said my son gets no nutrients because I have not nutrients in my body. She said some babies are just more hungry and I’m not enough for my son. I feel so hurt by this. She said other things to me in this argument. I called her for an unrelated topic and she started this argument out of nowhere because I happened to just vent to her about my in-laws. She criticises me over every single thing. She criticises me over not giving my son a slice of apple even though that’s a choking hazard and he was not even 5 months old at the time. She criticises me that I don’t let people kiss him on the face or hands because he ended up in hospital with RSV when he was 3 weeks old. She criticises me for not letting people take and share photos of my son. She says I’m stopping people having a relationship with him, but plenty of other people have a loving and affectionate relationship with my son without doing any of those things. She makes me feel like an inadequate mother. She makes me feel like I’m good for nothing. I feel really hurt by her constant criticism. Whenever I express that she’s hurt me she always turns it back on herself about how hard of a day she’s had that day and me arguing with her is making her day worse and she has no energy for it, even though she started the argument by bringing up a topic I told her many times I’m not open to debating or discussing again because I’ve made my decision. My husband said to just stop ringing her to discuss anything specific with her. I feel like maybe I keep ringing because I’m hoping the next time I ring she’ll be the supportive loving mum that I want.