u/Salt-Refrigerator981

I'm 39.

Over the last few years, I've gradually withdrawn from almost everyone in my everyday life outside of family and slowly removed myself from environments I used to frequent where I actually got to engage with people I knew regularly. Between a rollover car accident, my brother's wife passing away and leaving five kids behind, unexpectedly getting fired from my last job, carrying the burden of my dad's financial situation, and pure exhaustion, I've arrived at a point where I don't fully feel like myself, and I blame myself for being friendless.

Two people in particular have been on my mind. Even though one of them got married, moved away, and I only saw once a year, he was a solid guy. The other was a girl I had known since high school, and we acted and understood each other like siblings. I miss them, and I've been thinking about reaching out to both of them just to see how they've been and to briefly communicate what's been going on with me so they at least have some context. The only thing is I haven't spoken to or hung out with either of them in over two years, but they know me well, and we had the type of friendship where we could pick up where we left off.

I removed the majority of people (these two included) from social media because I don't like social media to begin with but am forced to use it for business reasons, including marketplace and my writing endeavours. I stopped checking in, turned down invitations, and became MIA. One day, I just wasn't the same person anymore, and I realized I had lost a bit of zest for life. And it has nothing to do with them at all. I've been overwhelmed and keeping to myself so I don't unintentionally project or unload anything onto them. Not being completely open and distancing myself has made me feel like a bad friend.

If I do reach out, I wouldn't expect interest from their end to rekindle the friendships, and I'm not trying to make excuses. I just want to apologize for why things are the way they are and let them know I think about them often.

I'm 39.

Over the last few years, I've gradually withdrawn from almost everyone in my everyday life outside of family and slowly removed myself from environments I used to frequent where I actually got to engage with people I knew regularly. Between a rollover car accident, my brother's wife passing away and leaving five kids behind, unexpectedly getting fired from my last job, carrying the burden of my dad's financial situation, and pure exhaustion, I've arrived at a point where I don't fully feel like myself, and I blame myself for being friendless.

Two people in particular have been on my mind. Even though one of them got married, moved away, and I only saw once a year, he was a solid guy. The other was a girl I had known since high school, and we acted and understood each other like siblings. I miss them, and I've been thinking about reaching out to both of them just to see how they've been and to briefly communicate what's been going on with me so they at least have some context. The only thing is I haven't spoken to or hung out with either of them in over two years, but they know me well, and we had the type of friendship where we could pick up where we left off.

I removed the majority of people (these two included) from social media because I don't like social media to begin with but am forced to use it for business reasons, including marketplace and my writing endeavours. I stopped checking in, turned down invitations, and became MIA. One day, I just wasn't the same person anymore, and I realized I had lost a bit of zest for life. And it has nothing to do with them at all. I've been overwhelmed and keeping to myself so I don't unintentionally project or unload anything onto them. Not being completely open and distancing myself has made me feel like a bad friend.

If I do reach out, I wouldn't expect interest from their end to rekindle the friendships, and I'm not trying to make excuses. I just want to apologize for why things are the way they are and let them know I think about them often.

I had one removed already (upper left), but that was several years ago. I found the procedure to be fine overall... just a bit of fatigue.

I originally wanted to spread out these three remaining ones, but I was told it's better to get them over with, so I went along with the plan. I'm going to be fully awake (I opted for this and am not sure if it was a mistake), so I don't know how it's going to go and whether I'll have a bit of breathing room in between each removal.

I'm wondering if anyone else here has had multiple wisdom teeth removed in a similar fashion and how it went.

I'm 39.

Those who have known me over the years know that I have a big heart and am a deep person, and when I care, I care with everything I have inside, but it doesn't seem to mean anything in the kind of world we live in today. Or maybe I just have the worst luck when it comes to crossing paths with the right people. If I had to guess, those who have never met me before likely see me as someone who is reserved, put together, and self-sufficient, three labels that can instantly turn someone away.

I walk through the world feeling like there's this invisible barrier around me. Everywhere I go, I feel noticed but not seen. I don't know if it's because I'm inadvertently closing myself off (I've been told before that I'm too closed off), or because I've been highly independent for so long that the idea of a real, no-strings-attached connection has become foreign to me, or because I've been let down repeatedly in the past and haven't had consistent friendships to begin with.

I would describe myself as a chameleon, someone who is able to mesh with all sorts of personalities and adapt to varying environments without truly belonging anywhere. Someone with a large pool of people that he knows but no one he can call a close friend. I've felt like this for a long time, being surrounded by people yet being out of place, as if I'm a lone wolf who is meant to stay alone. I honestly thought I'd have a stable social life by now, but it's lacking far beyond what I would have imagined for myself. I have family, which I'm grateful for, but they've always had an inability to show up and support me in the ways I need them to, and a big part of it is due to us not operating on a similar wavelength. That means I've learned to be my own support system, which can be a dark and lonely place sometimes.

When it comes to meeting new people, I've tried the usual things like joining sports activities and volunteering, but since nothing ever came out of it, it only reinforced that sense of worthlessness. I have also been out of the workforce for a few years now and am self-employed, so that just feeds into the isolation. Although I'm comfortable in my solitude, I'm almost too comfortable, and I want nothing more than to change my circumstances. I just can't seem to make things happen for myself, and a part of me has given up hope.

I'm 39.

Those who have known me over the years know that I have a big heart and am a deep person, but it doesn't seem to mean anything in the kind of world we live in today. Or maybe I just have the worst luck when it comes to crossing paths with the right people. If I had to guess, those who have never met me before likely see me as someone who is reserved, put together, and self-sufficient, three labels that can instantly turn someone away.

I walk through the world feeling like there's this invisible barrier around me. Everywhere I go, I feel noticed but never seen. I don't know if it's because I'm inadvertently closing myself off (I've been told before that I'm too closed off), or because I've been highly independent and self-sufficient for so long that the idea of a real, no-strings-attached connection has become foreign to me, or because I've been let down repeatedly in the past and haven't had consistent friendships to begin with.

I would describe myself as a chameleon, someone who is able to mesh with all sorts of personalities and adapt to varying environments without truly belonging anywhere. Someone with a large pool of people that he knows but no one he can call a close friend. I've felt like this for a long time, as if I'm a lone wolf who is meant to be alone. I thought I'd have a stable social life by now, but it's lacking beyond what I would have imagined for myself. I have family, which I'm grateful for, but they have an inability to show up and support me in the ways I need them to, and a big part of it is due to us not operating on a similar wavelength. That means being my own support system, which is a lonely place to find yourself in.

When it comes to meeting new people, I've tried the usual things like joining sports activities and volunteering, but nothing ever came out of it. I've also been out of the workforce for a few years now and am self-employed, so that just feeds into the isolation. I'm comfortable in my solitude, almost too comfortable. I want nothing more than to improve on this, but I just can't seem to make things happen for myself, and a part of me has given up hope.

I'm tired of being someone who is worth knowing but not holding on to.

I'm 39.

Those who have known me over the years know that I have a big heart and am a deep person, and when I care, I care with everything I have inside, but it doesn't seem to mean anything in the kind of world we live in today. Or maybe I just have the worst luck when it comes to crossing paths with the right people. If I had to guess, those who have never met me before likely see me as someone who is reserved, put together, and self-sufficient, three labels that can instantly turn someone away.

I walk through the world feeling like there's this invisible barrier around me. Everywhere I go, I feel noticed but not seen. I don't know if it's because I'm inadvertently closing myself off (I've been told before that I'm too closed off), or because I've been highly independent for so long that the idea of a real, no-strings-attached connection has become foreign to me, or because I've been let down repeatedly in the past and haven't had consistent friendships to begin with.

I would describe myself as a chameleon, someone who is able to mesh with all sorts of personalities and adapt to varying environments without truly belonging anywhere. Someone with a large pool of people that he knows but no one he can call a close friend. I've felt like this for a long time, being surrounded by people yet being out of place, as if I'm a lone wolf who is meant to stay alone. I honestly thought I'd have a stable social life by now, but it's lacking far beyond what I would have imagined for myself. I have family, which I'm grateful for, but they've always had an inability to show up and support me in the ways I need them to, and a big part of it is due to us not operating on a similar wavelength. That means I've learned to be my own support system, which can be a dark and lonely place sometimes.

When it comes to meeting new people, I've tried the usual things like joining sports activities and volunteering, but since nothing ever came out of it, it only reinforced that sense of worthlessness. I have also been out of the workforce for a few years now and am self-employed, so that just feeds into the isolation. Although I'm comfortable in my solitude, I'm almost too comfortable, and I want nothing more than to change my circumstances. I just can't seem to make things happen for myself, and a part of me has given up hope.

I ship from Ontario, Canada. In testing a random zip code in New York, a single tank top I have listed is coming up as $70.81 CAD for eBay International Shipping + Est. $48.63 CAD for import fees. The item price is $113.25 CAD, and I am using calculated shipping with the following numbers entered: 286g for the weight with dimensions of 32cm x 26cm x 2.6cm. I'm also using UPS as the carrier (for domestic shipments) with discounted rates enabled for the buyer.

I've checked out other stores within my niche and their costs seem to look normal compared to mine. I'm not sure if there's something I'm missing that I should be looking at.

I had a single wisdom tooth removed years ago, and it was a fairly long appointment, although I didn't find it bad at all. It was just the fatigue during removal and post-bleeding that I found to be a bit annoying.

I'm now scheduled to remove my 3 remaining wisdom teeth in a few days and I opted for no sedation. I was originally planning to spread them out and only do 1 wisdom tooth at a time, but I was told it's better to just get them over with.

I'm 39 and looking for some outside perspective.

I have a Bachelor's degree in Management and Organizational Studies (Finance & Administration), Graphic Design diploma, and Business Insurance diploma. Throughout my career I've worked in banking, insurance, higher education, health care, fitness, and retail. My last full-time role was with a university, a position I unexpectedly lost a few years ago. Since then, I've been self-employed running a few online businesses.

The businesses have generated income, but not enough to comfortably sustain me long-term, so I need to re-enter the workforce to supplement my income. The struggle I'm having is that many of my office and professional roles left me feeling lifeless. It was too cutthroat and fake for me, and it felt like I was staring at a screen all day waiting for the workday to end. I tend to feel more like myself in environments where I'm moving around and interacting with people. I already spend a lot of time at my desk with my business stuff, so I need a change if I'm going to pursue traditional work again.

I noticed a Retail Store Supervisor position at a Value Village (about 5 minutes from my place) was posted recently. Earlier in my career I was a Customer Service Manager at a Walmart Supercenter and a Front End/Cash Office Supervisor at another grocery store. Even though that was 17+ years ago, those were some of my more enjoyable work-related years. The thrift environment also genuinely interests me.

The supervisor role pays decently and has good benefits, although even the top of the posted salary range would still be about $15,000 less than I was making in my last full-time position. At the same time, it seems like the kind of job where I could do my work, go home, mentally leave work at work, and still have the time and energy to continue building my businesses. The only thing that's been stuck in my head is knowing my education and career history and placing too much weight on what I think I should be doing versus what would actually give me a better quality of life, a greater sense of fulfillment, and enough autonomy to continue pursuing the things that matter to me outside of work.

I'm 39 and looking for some outside perspective.

I have a Bachelor's degree in Management and Organizational Studies (Finance & Administration), Graphic Design diploma, and Business Insurance diploma. Throughout my career I've worked in banking, insurance, higher education, health care, fitness, and retail. My last full-time role was with a university, a position I unexpectedly lost a few years ago. Since then, I've been self-employed running a few online businesses.

The businesses have generated income, but not enough to comfortably sustain me long-term, so I need to re-enter the workforce to supplement my income. The struggle I'm having is that many of my office and professional roles left me feeling lifeless. It was too cutthroat and fake for me, and it felt like I was staring at a screen all day waiting for the workday to end. I tend to feel more like myself in environments where I'm moving around and interacting with people. I already spend a lot of time at my desk with my business stuff, so I need a change if I'm going to pursue traditional work again.

I noticed a Retail Store Supervisor position at a Value Village (about 5 minutes from my place) was posted recently. Earlier in my career I was a Customer Service Manager at a Walmart Supercenter and a Front End/Cash Office Supervisor at another grocery store. Even though that was 17+ years ago, those were some of my more enjoyable work-related years. The thrift environment also genuinely interests me.

The supervisor role pays decently and has good benefits, although even the top of the posted salary range would still be about $15,000 less than I was making in my last full-time position. At the same time, it seems like the kind of job where I could do my work, go home, mentally leave work at work, and still have the time and energy to continue building my businesses. The only thing that's been stuck in my head is knowing my education and career history and placing too much weight on what I think I should be doing versus what would actually give me a better quality of life, a greater sense of fulfillment, and enough autonomy to continue pursuing the things that matter to me outside of work.

When I care about someone, I care with everything I have inside. My loyalty is gold until it's not, and it usually takes a long time for me to get to a point where I give up on someone, which speaks to how much I've tolerated over the years.

I've always been the listener, the emotional sponge, the advice-giver, the favour-doer, the one who will drop everything at a moment's notice to help those who need me, the "nice guy" who knows a lot of people but somehow has no friends and gets easily left behind or forgotten. I've grown numb to the idea that good people are meant to find their way into my life. And I'm just tired of fighting so hard for a seat at the table. Tired of being the convenience friend. Tired of giving so much of myself and getting nothing back. Tired of being the one who constantly has to maintain a conversation or connection. Tired of only being acknowledged or valued when it suits the other person.

I blame myself for my toxic habit of overextension, which is so embedded in me because earning my way to things is all I've known. Despite being highly independent and self-sufficient, I'm an empath who is wired to be a giving person, and maybe that's my downfall. Even at 39, I have to catch myself from falling into old ways of being. There's this never-ending loop in my mind that tries to tell me, "if I become more of x or y, maybe I'll be someone worth holding on to," but it's never been true in my experience.

I feel like there right now, and I just don't get why it's so hard out here for some of us INFJs to find people who actually care about them without strings attached.

A lot has occurred/changed in my life in the last few years:

• I had a rollover car accident and haven't been the same since then. It's like I'm disconnected from the world despite wanting connection.
• I lost a stable job coldly and unexpectedly which made me more hesitant to work for someone else again.
• I'm self-employed at the moment, which means not having much structure and working at all hours of the day, and I don't know how much longer I can do it for as I haven't yet scaled it to a point where it can sustain me long-term.
• I'm managing my dad's debt alone and helping to pay it off, and I've reduced it by 35%, but he has quite a bit left to go. My goal is to get us all into a house again, but that goal is so out of reach. I also have two older siblings who don't step in or seem to care about my dad's situation, and it irritates the hell out of me.
• I'm constantly thinking about my parents' declining health and the inevitable reality surrounding it.
• I'm trying to figure out whether returning to traditional employment is the right move and what that would even look like. But I also don't want to fully give up my autonomy.
• I have years of post-secondary education and experience and have always been a high achiever, but I still feel like a failure.
• My social life is nearly non-existent. Family and mere acquaintances are all I've got. I find it difficult to put myself out there and make new friends.
• I have bad sleeping habits and am having a hard time breaking the cycle. I usually sleep at 3 to 4 AM and get up at around 11 AM.
• I used to weigh about 170 lbs and was fairly fit. I'm now about 230 lbs, my face breaks out from time to time, and I don't like the way I look.
• The gym used to be my happy place, and I'd typically work out 5-6 days a week, but even going to the gym doesn't feel the same anymore. I recognize I need to get back on track, but I'm struggling with it. My consistency is off, and I always fear I'm being watched or judged when I'm there, even if that's not the case.

I'm basically overwhelmed and feel like I'm on my own.

Any advice or feedback is appreciated.

I’ve been dealing with a recurring pattern where I’m constantly overwhelmed, carrying what feels like mountains on my shoulders. This includes responsibility for my family’s financial situation (helping manage and pay off my dad’s debt and trying to get us all into a house again), worrying about my parents' declining health, being self-employed with full accountability for everything that comes with that, and trying to decide whether re-entering the workforce is the right move and what that would even look like. On top of that, I don't have friends anymore and struggle meeting new people, I’m single at 39 and coming to terms with what that likely means long-term, and I barely have any emotional support and can't really share things with my family without hearing negativity. I also lost a stable job at a university about 4 years ago which was a complete blindside, and it took a shot on my confidence that I don't think I fully recovered from.

When I try to focus on work related projects, I understand what needs to be done and know that small steps are key, but there are days when I physically can't get myself to move into action. Then hours will go by and I'll wonder where the time went. I often sit at my computer with the intention to power through tasks, and I'll find myself staring at the screen as my mind drifts and I get lost in distractions. I'm also working on my first book that's sitting at 195 pages. It's something that should have been put out into the world years ago, and it still remains unfinished. I even declared publicly to my 24k audience on social media that I had a book in the works, thinking it would be a way to hold myself accountable, and if anything, it only applied more pressure and makes me feel like a fraud for not keeping my word. People will ask about it sometimes, and I don't know what to tell them anymore. I've been inactive on my writing page for like 5 months now as well, just because I want the book to be finished before I do anything else.

I went to school for 10 years, have two college diplomas and a degree, and have done a lot professionally, yet when I look at where I am right now, it's almost like all those years I invested were for nothing and I'm falling behind as the days go on. I feel lost, defeated, and alone most of the time even though I likely seem high-functioning on the surface, and it's such a shitty place to be in.

I'm single by choice and someone who leans heavily toward introversion and deals with both hyper-awareness and social anxiety. Generally, I feel like I'm merely existing and have these walls up that are so damn high that even I can't break through them. I'm always in my head and worrying about how I come across to people. To an outsider, I likely look confident and put together, and me putting up that front is the way I've learned to protect myself.

I've arrived at this strange place in life where literally no one that I know will keep in touch unless I message first. And even when I do, the conversation usually doesn't last very long, and there's no real interest shown to connect offline. Some people are quick to say they have to go, while others engage in emotional dumping and then go silent... makes me feel like that's all I'm good for. I get that people are busy, overwhelmed, and have their own lives, so I don't expect much. But every once in a while, it would be nice to know you're on someone's mind. It's sad to me that I haven't hung out with anyone in over two years, and it was with an old friend who lives in the U.S. (I'm in Canada). I don't even remember the last time I got a hug... as lame as that sounds.

I have family and people I can talk to both online and in person, but there's no one I'm really close to. It doesn't help that I grew up in a household where affection was a foreign thing and have two older siblings (brother and sister) that are absent from my life. There's this void that I can't seem to fill... this longing for unconditional love and acceptance that I can't find outside myself. It's something that's been there since I was younger despite having friends over the years. It has occurred to me that I've pretty much gone through the majority of life as a floater, someone who can maneuver their way socially and adapt to different personalities and environments but doesn't truly belong anywhere.

I've been wronged a lot in the past, been intentionally led on and had my heart broken, got caught up in the wrong circles, sacrificed my values to fit in, and often accepted scraps in an attempt to avoid being alone. But eventually, it all caught up to me, and one day, I stopped being that person who was willing to open their door to just anyone. I found myself reevaluating relationships I had established and made changes as a result. And even though it typically meant disconnecting from a person, I don't regret it, because I feel more at peace in my own body and realized that I deserved better.

The thing that sucks is it's incredibly hard for me to put myself out there and find my people. It's like part of me has lost the ability to connect. I don't open up easily at first, and I imagine there's something about my demeanour that gives people the impression I'm uninterested even though it's the opposite of what I'm feeling. As of now, the only place I can realistically see myself making a new friend is at the gym I go to. I haven't been going consistently enough, though, and I need to work on that. In the time that I've been there, I've had micro interactions that have come up naturally as well as non-verbal communication like eye contact or a nod, so I do feel noticed, and it's possible I'm not as closed-off as I think I am. But I can't say for sure.

I'm single by choice and someone who leans heavily toward introversion and deals with both hyper-awareness and social anxiety. Generally, I feel like I'm merely existing and have these walls up that are so damn high that even I can't break through them. I'm always in my head and worrying about how I come across to people. To an outsider, I likely look confident and put together, and me putting up that front is the way I've learned to protect myself.

I've arrived at this strange place in life where literally no one that I know will keep in touch unless I message first. And even when I do, the conversation usually doesn't last very long, and there's no real interest shown to connect offline. Some people are quick to say they have to go, while others engage in emotional dumping and then go silent... makes me feel like that's all I'm good for. I get that people are busy, overwhelmed, and have their own lives, so I don't expect much. But every once in a while, it would be nice to know you're on someone's mind. It's sad to me that I haven't hung out with anyone in over two years, and it was with an old friend who lives in the U.S. (I'm in Canada). I don't even remember the last time I got a hug... as lame as that sounds.

I have family and people I can talk to both online and in person, but there's no one I'm really close to. It doesn't help that I grew up in a household where affection was a foreign thing and have two older siblings (brother and sister) that are absent from my life. There's this void that I can't seem to fill... this longing for unconditional love and acceptance that I can't find outside myself. It's something that's been there since I was younger despite having friends over the years. It has occurred to me that I've pretty much gone through the majority of life as a floater, someone who can maneuver their way socially and adapt to different personalities and environments but doesn't truly belong anywhere.

I've been wronged a lot in the past, been intentionally led on and had my heart broken, got caught up in the wrong circles, sacrificed my values to fit in, and often accepted scraps in an attempt to avoid being alone. But eventually, it all caught up to me, and one day, I stopped being that person who was willing to open their door to just anyone. I found myself reevaluating relationships I had established and made changes as a result. And even though it typically meant disconnecting from a person, I don't regret it, because I feel more at peace in my own body and realized that I deserved better.

The thing that sucks is it's incredibly hard for me to put myself out there and find my people. It's like part of me has lost the ability to connect. I don't open up easily at first, and I imagine there's something about my demeanour that gives people the impression I'm uninterested even though it's the opposite of what I'm feeling. As of now, the only place I can realistically see myself making a new friend is at the gym I go to. I haven't been going consistently enough, though, and I need to work on that. In the time that I've been there, I've had micro interactions that have come up naturally as well as non-verbal communication like eye contact or a nod, so I do feel noticed, and it's possible I'm not as closed-off as I think I am. But I can't say for sure.

I’ve been self-employed for just about 4 years now. I run a few online stores after getting let go from a $70K web/content job due to restructuring. I haven’t worked at a company since then, and my self-employment isn’t generating enough consistent income, so I’m now trying to figure out my next direction.

I’d ideally like to continue scaling my business, but it’s not realistic for me to rely on it full-time at the moment. So I’m weighing whether to go back into full-time work or take a lower-pressure part-time job alongside self-employment to reestablish some sense of stability.

I have 10 years of post-secondary education (both college and university) across business/finance, insurance, and graphic design, and I’ve worked in banking, insurance, healthcare, fitness, and university/medical environments across web/content, data entry, finance, IT/asset management, and systems-based roles. I also worked in retail/management in the past, but that was 15+ years ago.

I don’t like corporate environments or sales, and I’ve stepped away from pursuing graphic design outside of my self-employment work. If I'm going to work for someone else, I prefer jobs where there's more movement and interaction, and I don't have to think about work off-hours.

For example, I came across a part-time systems/admin role at a grocery store, which is 5 minutes from my place, but they're only offering $20.85/hr. It's a do your job and go home kind of position, which I like, but I don't know if I'd just be wasting my time. I also wondered if something like Costco might be worth trying as I've heard good things about people being able to move up and do well. Part of me is worried about getting judged for working somewhere that is unexpected, even though I know I shouldn't care.

I’d appreciate any guidance and perhaps input as to the types of roles I should consider.

I’ve been self-employed for just about 4 years now. I run a few online stores after getting let go from a $70K web/content job due to restructuring. I haven’t worked at a company since then, and my self-employment isn’t generating enough consistent income, so I’m now trying to figure out my next direction.

I’d ideally like to continue scaling my business, but it’s not realistic for me to rely on it full-time at the moment. So I’m weighing whether to go back into full-time work or take a lower-pressure part-time job alongside self-employment to reestablish some sense of stability.

I have 10 years of post-secondary education (both college and university) across business/finance, insurance, and graphic design, and I’ve worked in banking, insurance, healthcare, fitness, and university/medical environments across web/content, data entry, finance, IT/asset management, and systems-based roles. I also worked in retail/management in the past, but that was 15+ years ago.

I don’t like corporate environments or sales, and I’ve stepped away from pursuing graphic design outside of my self-employment work. I prefer jobs where there's more movement and interaction, and I don't have to think about work off-hours.

For example, I came across a part-time grocery store role 5 minutes from my place, but they're only offering $20.85/hr. It's a do your job and go home kind of position, which I like, but I don't know if I'd just be wasting my time. I'm also wondering if something like Costco might be worth trying.

I’d appreciate any guidance and perhaps input as to the types of roles I should consider.