u/Top-Elephant6981

So we all know tech is in a bad spot. A lot of fields are in a bad spot. I am sure Low Voltage has been hit as well. I have a BS in IT and about 6 years experience doing tech support tier 1 and tier 2 and now I work as a sole IT specialist at a highschool.

I've been aggressively trying to make a lateral move for a year now and I actually recently have had some luck with getting interviews, however it seems that rejections are fairly common so there is no telling what might work out for me.

I don't want to go in a ton of detail, but my current work has burned me out and I need to change things up. Being stuck in the role for a year while trying to leave has been just awful. Up skilling, constant resume revisions, career counselors, networking, applications.. things are just brutal.

I am consider plan B. Low Volt, AV, Security systems? has been an interest for me, but I didn't strongly consider, because things weren't as bad several years ago for myself and I saw a more hopeful future in tech. I did always miss more hands on work, which is part of why I had considered these options.

My dilemma. I make 55k right now, which is honestly not good at all for someone who has been in IT for almost 6 years. I also can't afford to make much less, which makes any career moves feel impossible. My wife and I are in a 1bedroom apartment and eat out about once a week. We don't have much to cut financially and things are tight already. So that is a huge problem for any significant changes on my end.

I know my networking knowledge would be of use, but I fear my lack of hands on experience will set me back to low entry pay. I know there are certs I could get? But that is still not hands on experience.

If I were to seriously consider this, what would I be facing? What reality do I need to face with that? Any advice would be appreciated.

So we all know tech is in a bad spot. A lot of fields are in a bad spot. I am sure AV has been hit as well. I have a BS in IT and about 6 years experience doing tech support tier 1 and tier 2 and now I work as a sole IT specialist at a highschool.

I've been aggressively trying to make a lateral move for a year now and I actually recently have some luck with getting interviews, however it seems that rejections are fairly common so there is no telling what might work out for me.

I don't want to go in a ton of detail, but my current work has burned me out and I need to change things up. Being stuck in the role for a year while trying to leave has been just awful. Up skilling, constant resume revisions, career counselors, networking, applications.. things are just brutal.

I am consider plan B. Low Volt and AV has been an interest for me, but I didn't strongly consider, because things weren't as bad several years ago for myself and I saw a more hopeful future in tech. I did always miss more hands on work, which is part of why I had considered AV. Plus I played music a lot when I was younger, so I always though AV stuff was cool. I know Corporate is different, but that doesn't mean I don't find that interesting as well.

My dilemma. I make 55k right now, which is honestly not good at all for someone who has been in IT for almost 6 years. I also can't afford to make much less, which makes any career moves feel impossible. My wife and I are in a 1bedroom apartment and eat out about once a week. We don't have much to cut financially and things are tight already. So that is a huge problem for any significant changes on my end.

I know my networking knowledge would be of use, but I fear my lack of hands on experience will set me back to low entry pay. I know there are certs I could get? But that is still not hands on experience.

If I were to seriously consider this, what would I be facing? What reality do I need to face with that? Any advice would be appreciated.

Edit: I do not see any stickied thread for career? So I am sharing this in hopes it stays up.

My life has really been challenging me to my limit.

I had double concussions about a year and a half ago and I am still recovering. At this point it is my nervous system that is shot. I have Post concussion syndrome.

I also have a job I hate and I've been burned out for about a year now. I work in IT and have been trying to leave my job for a year. So many resume re-writes, networking events, applications, rejections, interviews that lead no where, up-skilling..

At the same time I am experiencing the worst allergies of my adult life. I am 33 and can't believe how bad it has gotten. I was on an antihistamine for over a month and still had allergies issues, but at least it kept me from the worst of it. But I went off thinking it was the end of spring. Two weeks later and I am back to having the worst allergies of my life. Sneezing so hard and so much I don't even know what day it is. I come home from work and just crash, exhuasted, loopy. I wonder if I am sick, but it turns out to be allerges and so I am back on my meds, but still feeling completely exhausted. I can't even hear out of an ear and have an ENT appointment tomorrow.

My twin brother married a very manipulative women a little over a month ago. She refused to ever meet me and my wife and plans to never allow use to see their kids. For petty manipulative reasons. She has isolated my brother from family and from anyone honest and berates him and treats him like a child. I pulled every stop I had to help him get out before the wedding (which was just them alone, no family) and my dad drove 6 hours, from out of state, to try to talk sense to him. He is not mentally well so I feel for him, but also he rejected and betrayed me, my wife, and my entire family by doing this. It has deeply hurt me. I could write a mini book on the situation, I'll save ya'll from the drama.

I am pissed becuase I've had to have the belt changed in my car, then the AC was acting up, so I had to take it back, then the AC compressor needed replaced, but now it blowing hot air on my face and it is 95 degrees outside. I've pouring money into my car and I feel like everytime I go back the mechinic misses something. A very nice mechanic that is basically my wifes family mechanic. I fill like I can not talk bad about the guy, but I am beginning to think he isn't thorough enough.

I have made the same 55k for 4-5 years and I feel like things just keep getting tighter and tighter. I feel like I can't plan anything. We can't do any family planning, any potential moving planning, any big trips, we aren't saving much. I inherited debt when I married my wife so now it is our debt so I am stressed out about paying it off, while we are not saving that much to begin with.

I can't get myself to push through a IT cert. The stress from my job and the burnout leaves me feeling exhuasted most days after work. Due to my post concussion syndrome (PCS) I have not been able to exercises like I used to. I have a HR threshold where my body starts going into fight or flight. I can barely do 12 pushups when I used to do 30 easy.

I can't just quit my job. We can't afford it, plus it is what provides health insurance.

I see a therapist weekly which is helping, but I feel like I am just dragging myself through life for far to long and it is just exhuasting. I am so tired.

I have improved a lot with my PCS, but had a flair up this week after some eletric shock (I'm okay). I feel like a mess and don't know how to enjoy life.

It is a tough time for tech, of course not only tech, but since I am sharing on about IT then that is the focus. It can feel like a blood bath. I've been on a rough road to get a better job in IT and this market has been brutal to navigate. I've meet way too many people who are unemployed or in bad job situations, who are even more experience then myself.

Anyone thought about just leaving, instead of facing what IT is becoming? If so what did you change to?

Or did you consider it, did your research, and decided you where better off doubling down in IT? If so why? Grass wasn't greener?

Just trying to get a feeling for how people are navigating thoughts of leaving IT.

We have been married for almost two years now. Marriage has been incredible, some health stuff has been a huge challenge for us, but it only has proved even more that I have a wife who cares deeply for me and is willing to go through tough stuff together. I am 33m and she is 30f.

I work in IT, but only make 55k and she works in retail and makes actually over 20 hourly, which is not bad for retail, but obviously we don't make great money combined. We live in the US (NC) and the cost of living is starting to squeeze us more and more. With how the job market is, I am struggling. Tech is a blood bath honestly. My wife has a degree in marketing, but has struggled to find any momentum. Together we have both felt stuck for over a year at least now. I've been applying aggressively and trying to network and up skill.

We are not sure we want to live where we are at longterm and we also want two kids. This is where the stress comes in.

My wife is from New Jersey and is used to having NYC accessible. She has family in westchester as well. Family is incredible important to her. Since marriage she has had consistent breakdowns over being far from family and she feels nothing can replace how up north made her feel at home. We have talked about moving, but not just up north. She understands how expensive it is.

We visited Chicago recently and she feel in love so much she brought up the idea of us maybe moving there. Which I was so on board with. However, family just visited. After more then a month after the trip for her to process things she said something to the extent that she wasn't sure if she could feel longterm comfortable in Chicago or anywhere really. That nothing replaces home for her.

My wife also really wants to be home with the kids the first couple of years. The ideal situation would be for her to have a remote part time job or something. This makes me feel pressure to raise my income.

When my wife married me, she knew I was not a goldmine or anything. She knew that I was not an eat and breath, my career type person. So when we talk about the idea of moving up north I have communicated how stressful that makes me feel. I tell her I would love if we could make that work, but I feel I would have to sell every ounce of my soul to tech, in order to make the kind of money to own a home and raise a family in NJ or Westchester, NY.

It makes me feel sad, because I would like that as well, but reality is I just fear I would make my life a living hell to make enough money to survive up there. Unless I got lucky. It is not like she is pressuring me, but her sadness over being far from home makes me wish I could provide that for us.

Even without the move, the way everything is so stagnant, I feel unable to plan anything. when can we afford kids? I feel like until something changes for my career, we can't plan anything at all.

I guess I have internalized a lot of stress over desires to move, travel more, start a family. own a home, during a time where the job market is trash. It has left me feeling a bit depressed as of late. I don't say this to make it seems like my wife is putting all that one me, but I take it upon myself, because it kind of does mostly land on me.

I have been in IT for 5-6 years after getting a BS degree in IT. I went from tier 1 to tier 2. My last job did some aggressive restructuring and I got let go. I ended up getting a job as a sole IT Tech at a highschool. Worst job of my life. Some might think that might be chill, but no, it is terrible I am beyond burned out. Chaos, disrespect, underpaid, doing the job of 2-3 people.. I've been trying to get out for a year now. Yeah, I know a different job in a good work environment will change a lot but I think the fantasizing goes beyond that.

I spent time with family from my wife's side yesterday and we planted a couple trees for my in-laws. You know what? I felt happier doing that then anything I've done in IT. Being outside, on my feet, and of course I didn't do all the work so it was not back breaking. So no that does not amount to doing it for work, but I was talking to my grandma on my wife's side and we were discussing how younger generations needs to get into more hands on work. I even told her that I would not have gone into IT if I could have predicted things to end up like this.

I did a couple of years of Drywall in my early 20s, and then when I went back to school in my mid twenties I did pressure cleaning, painting, hanging pictures, etc.. for a dad of one of my close friends. It allowed me to work when I could throughout my degree. It was not easy work, intense summer heat being on roofs sometimes, painting for hours.. That stuff is physically exhausting.

But you know what? I realized that my first job in Tech stressed me out and left me more fatigued then anything I had ever done. Yes, hard labor left me physically exhausted, but something about sitting in an office all day stressed me out and exhausted me more. I am just mentally shot. And for what? I only make 55k right now. Tech is a blood bath. I've made the same amount of money for 4 years while everything has gone up. I am getting squeezed while in a terrible job.

So yeah it is easy to think about the grass being greener, but that is where I really stop. I can't do that harder labor anymore. I am in my 30s now and also spent the last 1.5 years recovering from a TBI. There is no way I could do grueling manual labor. Beyond that, it is not some magic ticket to good work and it comes with its own problems. You start at low pay and work hard to make decent money.

So what does that mean for me? Double down in tech? find another white collar job? Or considering something more hands on?

If I made a career change I couldn't make less then 55k, which puts me in bad spot. I couldn't stop working either. For instance medical school, but I can't afford to stop working. I make the most money between my wife and I and we also use my job for health insurance.

I've floated the idea of a plan b, but idk what skill I could pick up that could lead to career change if, for instance, next year I am still stuck in my miserable job and decided I needed the change.

I don't know what I'd go for? Something more hands one, but not grueling hard labor? Something that I could start out make making much less then I currently make and work my way up to a decent livable wage?

Maybe I need a related check? Maybe I should start in IT. However, the direction things are going I am not sure sometimes if I want to sell my soul to survive IT.

any advice?

This is the full story and it is long: (TLDR at end)

About two years ago, my brother began dating his now-wife around the time of my wedding. Early in the relationship, he frequently confided in me about problems between them and often seemed deeply unhappy. He described constant conflict, emotional tension, and feeling drained by the relationship. I spent a lot of time listening during this period, and I told him I believed he deserved better than the situation he was in.

As the relationship progressed, my wife and I repeatedly tried to include him in our lives and spend time together, but he increasingly became distant and difficult to reach. Many times we would invite him to hang out and receive no response. Other times he would respond later saying he needed over a week’s notice to make plans. The dynamic began to feel unusually formal and emotionally distant, which was painful given he is my twin brother.

Around eight months into the relationship, during a birthday meetup, I told him I was concerned about how disconnected he had become. I also said it felt concerning that he had been in a long-term relationship while his partner still had not met me or other family members, especially given how close we had previously been. He was reluctant to engage in the discussion, but I made clear I was concerned both about his increasing isolation and his ongoing unhappiness. My brother legit complained about pressure to met, when I told him that of course I want to met her and spend time with him. He is my brother and he was entering in a longterm relationship.

His partner continued to refuse meeting me or other family members. From what I understood at the time, she had formed a negative view of me and the family based partly on frustrations my brother had shared with her early in the relationship, including relatively minor family conflicts and moments where I had been unavailable during wedding planning.

Over the next few years, I had multiple conversations with my brother in which he expressed doubts about the relationship and described feeling trapped, emotionally frozen, and psychologically stuck. At one point, he called me in tears saying he did not think the relationship was going to work, but shortly afterward he went on an overseas trip with her and again became distant for months. Later, after the holidays, my wife and I met him for lunch where he said he had a fully thought-out exit plan but felt unable to act on it. He described knowing what he needed to do but being psychologically unable to follow through.

During this period, he also posted anonymously online about feeling miserable, isolated, and uncertain about marrying her. In those posts, he described difficulty trusting his own judgment and used language comparing his situation to feeling unable to stop something harmful from happening. In some of those posts, he also stated that his therapist believed he was being emotionally abused.

Politics and race eventually became a major source of conflict. My brother told people online that he had shared my 2016 vote with his fiancée, something I regret and no longer identify with politically. He told me this contributed to her refusal to meet me or engage with the family. (Basically everyone in my life knows my vote in 2016 and accepts me as a changed person, my wife and I are both progressive).

At my sister’s wedding, there was a political disagreement involving another family member and my brother. My wife and I stepped away from the situation to avoid escalation. My brother later expressed frustration about the interaction. I acknowledged his feelings but also said I did not want the situation to escalate at a wedding and that I preferred to avoid political conflict in that setting.

Later, my brother relayed that his fiancée viewed the broader situation as evidence that our family handled political disagreements poorly or insensitively. (again I know this because of online posts)

There was also an incident where he responded publicly to misinformation posted online by my mother-in-law. In that case, my brother was the one who engaged with her post, and I later told him I would prefer that we not engage in online political arguments with her going forward. My brother later said online that this interaction contributed to his fiancée’s negative perception of how we handled political disagreements. (my wife and I choose to handle disagreements directly with my in-laws and did talk to my MIL about this and she took it down).

At one point, my brother invited me to meet his fiancée in person. The timing coincided with a day when my wife was also available. I agreed and said my wife is available as well, but was asked not to bring my wife. I declined to attend under those conditions. I was asked to exclude my wife. I later learned that this situation was part of a broader dynamic in which she did not intend to develop a close relationship with me regardless of the meeting outcome, and that the invite was a setup. She had planned to confront me without my wife present.

Over time, my brother became increasingly isolated not only from family but also from friends and broader social connections. At one point he told people online that she had described herself as “the only person in my life right now who treats me well,”.

By late 2025, the engagement had occurred with minimal communication to the family, and many of us were unaware of the wedding details. During this period, he continued posting online about feeling emotionally exhausted, trapped, and uncertain about the marriage. I never learned how he proposed, what the ring looks like, etc..

In March 2026, I learned from my mother that the wedding was scheduled for April 2 and would be a courthouse ceremony without family invited. Around that time, I sent my brother a long message expressing concern. I said I believed he had been uncertain about the relationship for years, that he had shown little excitement about the marriage, and that he still appeared deeply conflicted. I also shared that it had been painful watching him withdraw from the family while continuing to express distress privately.

I told him that if he went through with the marriage, I would likely need to step back from the relationship for my own wellbeing. At the same time, I said I would support him if he chose not to proceed, including helping with logistics or being available if needed.

Several days later, he replied saying he felt overwhelmed, confused, paralyzed, and unsure how to respond.

The following day, he posted anonymously online stating he did not want to get married but felt unable to stop it. He described feeling emotionally paralyzed and wishing external circumstances would intervene so he would not have to make the decision himself.

That same day, he also posted a second version of the situation framed more heavily around interracial relationship conflict and political disagreement. However, both versions included similar themes of isolation, emotional exhaustion, and feeling stuck. He also described communication breakdowns where discussions about race and politics made resolution difficult and increased his sense of isolation.

During the final week before the wedding, he continued posting online about nearly ending the relationship multiple times. He described packing his belongings, attempting to leave, and then reversing course. He also described emotional exhaustion and difficulty acting decisively.

My father drove 6 hours to speak with him in person because the family was concerned about his wellbeing. He told my brother he loved him, believed he deserved better, and wanted him to know support was available.

Despite all of this, my brother proceeded with the courthouse wedding in early April 2026 without family present. I had attempted to call him several times and messaged him several times leading up the the wedding date. He went completely silent.

Immediately afterward, he deleted many of the online posts in which he had described years of uncertainty and distress. He then went on his honeymoon and began posting FB updates of the trip. Family members responded supportively, while I struggled with the rapid shift from prolonged concern to outward normalcy.

A couple of weeks later, my sister spoke with him and later told me he said therapy had helped him realize our family was not as negatively aligned as his wife had believed. I told my sister that if that was the case then he should not have married her and that I would not normalize this.

My wife and I were still excluded from his relationship dynamic and we live just 20minutes away. My brothers partner has a rule of seeing my immediate family twice a year and it must be in her chosen location where she feels safe.

At this point, I have largely stepped back from the relationship as I said I would before the wedding. However, I still struggle emotionally with the situation and with how quickly the broader family seemed to normalize everything afterward. I still love my brother deeply, but I refuse to normalize this.

Wrapping this up:

I know that was a lot, and honestly didn't cover everything. My brother has been divorced before by an emotionally abusive women. I told him I would always be very truthful going forward and I did. Yes, I think he is a victim to some of this, he is not emotionally well. However, this has been incredible insulting and I feel betrayed. My family are incredibly friendly and don't deserve this. My inlaws would take a bullet for us, even if we don't align with our politics. My wife and I take family seriousely. We accept that family means disagreements and we can handle that. But this?? My brother just accepting this dynamic? They want to start having kids this year that I am barred from ever meeting? My twin brother is okay with that? We have always been close. I've asked myself so many times "what did I do" and I see him online say I'd be a great uncle. Yet he has no backbone and sold his family for a women who wants to isolate him. to add, my wife and I are also interracial. My wife feels incredibly offended by this whole situation as well and I hate that she had to go through this with me.

It has been over a month since the wedding. My brother doesn't even update his FB or anything on it. I am struggling to move forward. I have been working with a therapist on this. The goal is to move forward and build community without him, while leaving the door open if he ever needs help. but I won't subject myself or my wife to this toxic situation anymore. So I am trying to detach from it, but its my twin brother. How can I really move on from this?? I need to find peace and accept that my brother has decided that it was an okay trade off to betray me for his now wife. My immediate family is doing the thing they are always do.. avoid confrontation and normalize toxic shit

TL;DR

My twin brother entered a relationship that became increasingly isolating and strained his ties with our family. Over several years, he repeatedly expressed doubts, distress, and feeling “stuck,” including online posts and direct conversations where he said he wasn’t sure he wanted to marry but felt unable to leave. Contact with him became limited, and his partner remained distant from my family.

Despite ongoing concerns, he went through with a courthouse wedding in 2026 without family present and then shifted to presenting everything as normal afterward. My wife and I remain largely excluded from their lives.

I’ve stepped back as planned, but I’m struggling with the emotional impact and how quickly others seem to have moved on.

This is the full story and it is long: (TLDR at end)

About two years ago, my brother began dating his now-wife around the time of my wedding. Early in the relationship, he frequently confided in me about problems between them and often seemed deeply unhappy. He described constant conflict, emotional tension, and feeling drained by the relationship. I spent a lot of time listening during this period, and I told him I believed he deserved better than the situation he was in.

As the relationship progressed, my wife and I repeatedly tried to include him in our lives and spend time together, but he increasingly became distant and difficult to reach. Many times we would invite him to hang out and receive no response. Other times he would respond later saying he needed over a week’s notice to make plans. The dynamic began to feel unusually formal and emotionally distant, which was painful given he is my twin brother.

Around eight months into the relationship, during a birthday meetup, I told him I was concerned about how disconnected he had become. I also said it felt concerning that he had been in a long-term relationship while his partner still had not met me or other family members, especially given how close we had previously been. He was reluctant to engage in the discussion, but I made clear I was concerned both about his increasing isolation and his ongoing unhappiness. My brother legit complained about pressure to met, when I told him that of course I want to met her and spend time with him. He is my brother and he was entering in a longterm relationship.

His partner continued to refuse meeting me or other family members. From what I understood at the time, she had formed a negative view of me and the family based partly on frustrations my brother had shared with her early in the relationship, including relatively minor family conflicts and moments where I had been unavailable during wedding planning.

Over the next few years, I had multiple conversations with my brother in which he expressed doubts about the relationship and described feeling trapped, emotionally frozen, and psychologically stuck. At one point, he called me in tears saying he did not think the relationship was going to work, but shortly afterward he went on an overseas trip with her and again became distant for months. Later, after the holidays, my wife and I met him for lunch where he said he had a fully thought-out exit plan but felt unable to act on it. He described knowing what he needed to do but being psychologically unable to follow through.

During this period, he also posted anonymously online about feeling miserable, isolated, and uncertain about marrying her. In those posts, he described difficulty trusting his own judgment and used language comparing his situation to feeling unable to stop something harmful from happening. In some of those posts, he also stated that his therapist believed he was being emotionally abused.

Politics and race eventually became a major source of conflict. My brother told people online that he had shared my 2016 vote with his fiancée, something I regret and no longer identify with politically. He told me this contributed to her refusal to meet me or engage with the family. (Basically everyone in my life knows my vote in 2016 and accepts me as a changed person, my wife and I are both progressive).

At my sister’s wedding, there was a political disagreement involving another family member and my brother. My wife and I stepped away from the situation to avoid escalation. My brother later expressed frustration about the interaction. I acknowledged his feelings but also said I did not want the situation to escalate at a wedding and that I preferred to avoid political conflict in that setting.

Later, my brother relayed that his fiancée viewed the broader situation as evidence that our family handled political disagreements poorly or insensitively. (again I know this because of online posts)

There was also an incident where he responded publicly to misinformation posted online by my mother-in-law. In that case, my brother was the one who engaged with her post, and I later told him I would prefer that we not engage in online political arguments with her going forward. My brother later said online that this interaction contributed to his fiancée’s negative perception of how we handled political disagreements. (my wife and I choose to handle disagreements directly with my in-laws and did talk to my MIL about this and she took it down).

At one point, my brother invited me to meet his fiancée in person. The timing coincided with a day when my wife was also available. I agreed and said my wife is available as well, but was asked not to bring my wife. I declined to attend under those conditions. I was asked to exclude my wife. I later learned that this situation was part of a broader dynamic in which she did not intend to develop a close relationship with me regardless of the meeting outcome, and that the invite was a setup. She had planned to confront me without my wife present.

Over time, my brother became increasingly isolated not only from family but also from friends and broader social connections. At one point he told people online that she had described herself as “the only person in my life right now who treats me well,”.

By late 2025, the engagement had occurred with minimal communication to the family, and many of us were unaware of the wedding details. During this period, he continued posting online about feeling emotionally exhausted, trapped, and uncertain about the marriage. I never learned how he proposed, what the ring looks like, etc..

In March 2026, I learned from my mother that the wedding was scheduled for April 2 and would be a courthouse ceremony without family invited. Around that time, I sent my brother a long message expressing concern. I said I believed he had been uncertain about the relationship for years, that he had shown little excitement about the marriage, and that he still appeared deeply conflicted. I also shared that it had been painful watching him withdraw from the family while continuing to express distress privately.

I told him that if he went through with the marriage, I would likely need to step back from the relationship for my own wellbeing. At the same time, I said I would support him if he chose not to proceed, including helping with logistics or being available if needed.

Several days later, he replied saying he felt overwhelmed, confused, paralyzed, and unsure how to respond.

The following day, he posted anonymously online stating he did not want to get married but felt unable to stop it. He described feeling emotionally paralyzed and wishing external circumstances would intervene so he would not have to make the decision himself.

That same day, he also posted a second version of the situation framed more heavily around interracial relationship conflict and political disagreement. However, both versions included similar themes of isolation, emotional exhaustion, and feeling stuck. He also described communication breakdowns where discussions about race and politics made resolution difficult and increased his sense of isolation.

During the final week before the wedding, he continued posting online about nearly ending the relationship multiple times. He described packing his belongings, attempting to leave, and then reversing course. He also described emotional exhaustion and difficulty acting decisively.

My father drove 6 hours to speak with him in person because the family was concerned about his wellbeing. He told my brother he loved him, believed he deserved better, and wanted him to know support was available.

Despite all of this, my brother proceeded with the courthouse wedding in early April 2026 without family present. I had attempted to call him several times and messaged him several times leading up the the wedding date. He went completely silent.

Immediately afterward, he deleted many of the online posts in which he had described years of uncertainty and distress. He then went on his honeymoon and began posting FB updates of the trip. Family members responded supportively, while I struggled with the rapid shift from prolonged concern to outward normalcy.

A couple of weeks later, my sister spoke with him and later told me he said therapy had helped him realize our family was not as negatively aligned as his wife had believed. I told my sister that if that was the case then he should not have married her and that I would not normalize this.

My wife and I were still excluded from his relationship dynamic and we live just 20minutes away. My brothers partner has a rule of seeing my immediate family twice a year and it must be in her chosen location where she feels safe.

At this point, I have largely stepped back from the relationship as I said I would before the wedding. However, I still struggle emotionally with the situation and with how quickly the broader family seemed to normalize everything afterward. I still love my brother deeply, but I refuse to normalize this.

Wrapping this up:

I know that was a lot, and honestly didn't cover everything. My brother has been divorced before by an emotionally abusive women. I told him I would always be very truthful going forward and I did. Yes, I think he is a victim to some of this, he is not emotionally well. However, this has been incredible insulting and I feel betrayed. My family are incredibly friendly and don't deserve this. My inlaws would take a bullet for us, even if we don't align with our politics. My wife and I take family seriousely. We accept that family means disagreements and we can handle that. But this?? My brother just accepting this dynamic? They want to start having kids this year that I am barred from ever meeting? My twin brother is okay with that? We have always been close. I've asked myself so many times "what did I do" and I see him online say I'd be a great uncle. Yet he has no backbone and sold his family for a women who wants to isolate him. to add, my wife and I are also interracial. My wife feels incredibly offended by this whole situation as well and I hate that she had to go through this with me.

It has been over a month since the wedding. My brother doesn't even update his FB or anything on it. I am struggling to move forward. I have been working with a therapist on this. The goal is to move forward and build community without him, while leaving the door open if he ever needs help. but I won't subject myself or my wife to this toxic situation anymore. So I am trying to detach from it, but its my twin brother. How can I really move on from this?? I need to find peace and accept that my brother has decided that it was an okay trade off to betray me for his now wife. My immediate family is doing the thing they are always do.. avoid confrontation and normalize toxic shit

TL;DR

My twin brother entered a relationship that became increasingly isolating and strained his ties with our family. Over several years, he repeatedly expressed doubts, distress, and feeling “stuck,” including online posts and direct conversations where he said he wasn’t sure he wanted to marry but felt unable to leave. Contact with him became limited, and his partner remained distant from my family.

Despite ongoing concerns, he went through with a courthouse wedding in 2026 without family present and then shifted to presenting everything as normal afterward. My wife and I remain largely excluded from their lives.

I’ve stepped back as planned, but I’m struggling with the emotional impact and how quickly others seem to have moved on.

I think because my IT Degree was IT in Management and Cybersecurity and I have a Sec+ cert people assume that I am aiming to get into Cybersecurity.

I went to the affordable state college near my hometown and took the only BS in IT they offered. I got the Sec+ becuase I believe that with my degree the Sec+ would do me better then the A+ or Net+ and then I would move on to things beyond Comptia certs. Now I am 5 year into my career.

I am currently studying for the MD-102. I am aiming to get back into a Window environment (I work for a school where everything is google workplace). I am working on building endpoint management skills and plan to move onto Azure certs. So Cloud seems to be to longterm focus for myself.

My Wife has brought up more then once that she knows someone who switched careers by doing a Cybersecurity Boootcamp and that he made good money immediately. I wouldn't do a bootcamp, that person must have done that 5+ years ago. I am surprised that worked out tbh. I don't make great money tbh and feel very much underpaid.

Right now i was debating towards networking certs such as the CCNA, but I believe MD-102 and then AZ-104 would lead me towards cloud work. The reason I am getting the MD-102 right now is becuase I am trying to gain endpoint management experience that most modern companies expect and I also am trying to learn about GPO since past work didn't have me do more then adding and removing users and computers to on premise AD.

I think Security is fine, but I've have the mindset that it is the hottest most aggressive focus, so unless I REALLY want it, Cloud focus may better suite me.

I am overall trying to figure out what focuses are going to be best for me. I did try the CCNA but stopped halfway through. I could try again, but since I am not considering going towards networking as a sole focus, it seems to make more sense to me to focus on Azure and maybe some AWS later.

Hey all, I have a BS in IT and about 5 years experience. I am looking for a lateral move to a better work environment. My experience is closer to tier 2 and not yet tier 3. I am working on upskilling, but right now I hope to find a better work environment for team work and career growth.

Any advice on companies to watch out for? Places hiring? Things have been a bit tough, hoping to get any advice.

Thank you

And now my PCP suggested metamucil daily?

I am a 33m. Around 27-28 I started to have constipation issues. I actually had a hernia that last a couple weeks and receded before a specialist could look at it. I dropped dairy and slowly stopped eating red meat. Red meat just stops everything and makes me feel super sluggish. I have had three PCPs over the years just say "well it isn't good for you anyways, so just stop eating it".. okay so I did.

I really like my current PCP, but her solution was taking miralax daily. Which to me seems odd, like why not try to find out why I have this issue?

This past holiday I was constipated for over a week. It was one of the worst constipation experience I've had. I took miralax, drank prune juice, ate apples, drank tea that is supposed to help you go etc and thought I might have to go to the Dr becuase it was so bad. I was in so much pain and it ruined eating over christmas break. I finally had success after I came home from visiting my family.

Since then I am good for a couple days, then I slowly get constipated. that lasts 3-4 days and then I can finally go.. But often pebbles for a day or two. It has been so annoying.

I drink plenty of water, I have basically my entire adult life. I eat fairly healthy. We cook most of our food and eat lots of good proteins and fiber. Salmon, Chicken, Turkey, Chickpeas, lentils, beans, broccoli, green beans, fruits, apples, etc. I am eating an apple basically every day.

And I get so incredible bloated when I eat lentils and chickpeas. Those Oli Pop drinks for example completely wreck me. I am so gassy a lot. My wife keeps thinking maybe I didn't get enough fiber, but I can't see how that is true. I've always eaten greens, fruits, beans, etc as an adult. I was actually underweight most of my 20s and now I am struggling to maintain my weight, which is impart probably to to much sugar lately.

Which is one thing I think I should change. Eat less sugary snacks at night. but honestly again I tend to eat less sugary stuff then most coworkers. I amt he person eating the apples provided while others eat the chips and other snacks.

I even cut caffiene years ago. I do deal with anxiety and I am in therapy for it.

I guess the frustration is that I see the Dr and they question if I am eating enough fiber, drinking enough water, getting enough exercise. I eat better then almost any coworker I've worked with! I eat apples for breakfast, often salads for lunch.. I feel frustrated honestly.

But maybe there is a supplement I could take daily to help? I am a bit hesistant on the miralax or metamucil?

Maybe I need to see a nutritionist or a gut/stomach dr(sorry don't know the correct term)?

At least my dr said that if I made significant diet changes and find a supplement like metamucil and I am still have issues she will consider a colonoscopy.

My curent PCP is great for a lot of things, but I am honestly a bit tired of being told to just not eat red meats, to drink water, and to eat more fiber. When I drink more water then most people I know. How clean does my diet have to be?? It is really tough knowing what I am supposed to do?

Any advice?

This morning I had a short interview at 6:30am. The gentlemen who does the interviews is overseas and it is the busiest time of the year at my current job, so when I selected the options available I went with this. I planned things the night before and woke up extra early. They were no show and never responded to any emails I sent this morning.

Since the biggening of the year, job hunting has gone like this.. I had a job offer, but then they would only offer me 41k. That is unlivable for me and is a 14k pay cut to my current pay. I had to decline, they were not willing to negotiate.

I had a very promising in-person interview that lasted about 3 hours. I toured the entire facility and meet a lot of people. I got ghosted entirely. Two follow-ups was followed by just nothing.

I had a great two round interview that lasted 3 hours and that time they at least got back with me for the rejection. Then a month of silence.. then this morning with the no show for my interview.

I have been trying to leave a bad job for a year now. I've meet with career counselors, I started to go to networking events, I started getting more active on linkedin, I've been learning new skills and continuously strengthening my resume. I started writing cover letters for everything and applying directly on companies websites instead of on linkedin/indeed.

I am in therapy in large part to manage a job that has burned me out and has been a horrible fit. My boss reached out to me last night, while I was out, and wanted attention to something. I legit almost had a panic attack.. I feel so stuck. I am a sole tech at a school and it is the worse job I've had. I am try so hard to manage my current job in a way that protects my mental health and also keep pushing to find a better job.

I can't quit, I can't take much lower pay. It has been such a drag. I keep thinking I need a breakthrough.. I have 6 years experience in this field and just can't believe things are this bad.

I have no real choice, but to keep on pushing until something lets up. I know many of you may even be unemployed and experience similar or worse. How do you keep persevering?

Near the end of 2024 I had two concussions 3 months apart. This led to post concussion syndrome. This has been the hardest experience of my entire life. I felt like a hollow shell, was basically handicapped, and couldn't just do nothing(just rest), but couldn't do too much. I had to gradually push myself. Maybe others understand what TBI recovery looks like. It honestly sucks.

I am 33, but honestly I dealt with an underlying anxiety problem my entire 20s. This concussion stuff seriously messed up my nervous system. It is a common repercussion of TBIs.

After a year I saw a Pysch who had me try several options. Prozac, Buspor, Lexapro. I had horrible responses to everything he tried with me. Lowest doses.. I believe I had Serotonin Syndrome on two of the options and Buspor made me so loopy I kept thinking I was going to pass out. The conclusion was that my brain was not ready for medication. I literally thought I was going to rip my skin off on the meds they gave me.

6 months later and I have been doing weekly therapy almost since. It has been incredible. Very important. I will keep doing it no matter what because I think we are making breakthroughs.

Yes, I have gotten better in many ways. But there is still an underlying stress, restlessness, etc that I am just so exhausted from.

It doesn't help that I am in a very bad job that I have been trying to get for a year now (job market is rough!) and I had some recently tramuatic family stuff (once close brother decided to marry someone who has dicided me, my wife, and my entire family are dangerouse and that I should never be around her or their future children). So dealing with what feels like intense betrayal and also a horrible job, with a lot of pressure to work on my career so I can move on. I work in Tech..

I am close to considering that I may revisit the Pysch. I think I will wait until June and decide from there. Partly because the busiest time of the year for my job is this next month and I can't start anything new during that time. I am nervous to try something again though. My experiences were horrible, but he did suggest I could come back after some time.

I feel jealous of people who are on these meds and say that they worked for them. I feel like I am "raw dogging" anxiety while others get some level of help. I feel like I am working through this the hard way, when if I could get something, even just something small, medicine wise, it could help me. Yet, my brain isn't playing well with the meds.

This is also a debate on a Strat vs a Tele, which I know is more about preference then anything.

I actually played for over a decade and mostly played a MIM Strat. Love that guitar, sold everything though and it has been 5 years since..

Things are different for me know, and one thing is the budget. Which is why I am going for these models.

I kinda of always wanted a Tele, so apart of feels like maybe I should just go with a tele. Tone wise I am not sure about the Squire Affinity over the Tagima TW55.
The Tagima has 1 Ceramic Lipstick and 1 Standard Ceramic Single Coil
The Affinity tele has two Ceramic Single-Coil.

Between the two I think maybe Tagima would be better build quality, but Affinity might have better Tele tones?

Between the three, the Yamaha 012 or 112 seems to be the winner to my ear from what I hear online for Strats.

I have struggled to find Yamahs around me to try out. I really like that it is HSS. I have always played SSS and have thought a HSS would be better suited for me.

All theses options are very cheap budget guitars. So all come with cons.. One is staying in tune. That is a pet peeve. I wonder if a budget tele would stay in tune better due to it no being a flaoting bridge? While a Pacifica might be a bit of a hassle on the cheaper end?

i am not country player by any means and I don't listen to county either, but I do like some of the twang from a tele. That I don't tihnk I am going to get from a Strat.

I know some will say to look for the classic vibes, but even used I can't find them under $450 which is a big jump and out of budget for myself.

From demos the Affinity tele sounds good clean, but is a bit meh with higher gain. I don't tend to play at high gain either way, some break and some more beyond that at times.

I love all kinds of music, indie, funky stuff, shoegaze, alt, etc... Jungle, Wednesday, The Black Keys, Radiohead, Alabama Shakes,Pixies, David Bowie etc so old and new