u/Violetteotome

I have a very difficult relationship with my family and honestly there is so much to explain. I am too tired to explain in full, but I’ll give some context to my title.

My mom is a narcissist I think, and my sister is the golden child who dances to her tune. My father is a passive enabler who means well but just gets swept along.

My whole family has this perception of me that’s just… not true and it has persisted my whole life. I m a classic black sheep as well as an identified patient. I’ve been told shit like I’m too sensitive, I’m too negative, I’ve been called “Eeyore” or told to “calm down, Francis”. To be fair, they’ve also said a lot worse, but that’s at least one major recurring theme in their portrayal of me.

I was recently in a very scary situation where I was in my hotel in a major foreign city where riots were taking place and people were trying to break in. I ended up barricading myself in and was afraid, but ultimately ok. I am a very small woman and was completely alone. I travel to this city for work every week now.

In the aftermath, I was calling my husband and family a lot about it. Long story short, my mom told me to basically get over it and that it wasn’t a big deal. I told my sister, hoping for a “wow, that’s awful, I can’t believe she said that” but got a “uh… maybe mom’s right and you need to chill out”. It was in this moment, after 28 years, a switch finally flipped.

I realised that by being honest with my family about my struggles, my fears, my anger, my challenges, only served to bite me in the end. It’s thrown back in my face every time and 28 years later it has finally clicked and I’ve stopped. Now I give an info diet. I tell them nothing, and if I do say anything about my life it’s either positive or completely meaningless shit.

The worst part, in a way, is they haven’t even noticed and they don’t really ask either. When I call, all I get is an hour of being talked at about their life and how crazy or difficult or wild it is, or about the drama in the lives of family friends, people who live across an entire ocean from me now.

I love my husband but I am so lonely in this way. I cannot be myself, and no one has even noticed that I’m acting different. It’s like my family never knew me at all. And I’m sure that even like this, they’ll probably find a way to insult me still. I could see twenty years passing with my new approach toward them, and if I slip up and am honest about something negative in my life even once, it’ll go right back to the same mocking jabs.

Going back to the recent turning point I gave of the riots, there was never a moment of concern from my mother. Actually, that’s a lie; there was. My mom was concerned that I’d approach my company about what happened. She said not to talk about it to anyone because they’d think I was over-dramatic or difficult. She instantly became afraid of how I could bungle my job, rather than my safety or about the state of affairs in the country I’m traveling to, or my mental wellbeing or even the stress of travel. I mostly texted and called my dad during this ordeal and in the aftermath. The only communication I ever got from my mom throughout the entire ordeal was the above in the form of a text. This is also a recurring theme of her treating me like I’m a fucking idiot. It’s not concern about me as a person, it’s concern about money, about status, about how it reflects on me, my husband, her… And my entire life she has done this and treated me as though I’m a fucking idiot who doesn’t think.

So I guess my title is wrong. I can still talk to my family, just as long as I am a completely different person and just fucking lie or hide shit. My true self is unloveable and probably annoying and/or unbearable in their eyes.

I have a very difficult relationship with my family and honestly there is so much to explain. I am too tired to explain in full, but I’ll give some context to my title.

My mom is a narcissist I think and my sister is the golden child who dances to her tune. My father is a passive enabler who means well but just gets swept along.

My whole family has this perception of me that’s just… not true and it has persisted my whole life. I m a classic black sheep as well as an identified patient. I’ve been told shit like I’m too sensitive, I’m too negative, I’ve been called “Eeyore” or told to “calm down, Francis”. To be fair, they’ve also said a lot worse, but that’s at least one major recurring theme in their portrayal of me.

I was recently in a very scary situation where I was in my hotel in a major foreign city where riots were taking place and people were trying to break in. I ended up barricading myself in and was afraid, but ultimately ok. I am a very small woman and was completely alone. I travel to this city for work every week now.

In the aftermath, I was calling my husband and family a lot about it. Long story short, my mom told me to basically get over it and that it wasn’t a big deal. I told my sister, hoping for a “wow, that’s awful, I can’t believe she said that” but got a “uh… maybe mom’s right and you need to chill out”. It was in this moment, after 28 years, a switch finally flipped.

I realised that by being honest with my family about my struggles, my fears, my anger, my challenges, only served to bite me in the end. It’s thrown back in my face every time and 28 years later it has finally clicked and I’ve stopped. Now I give an info diet. I tell them nothing, and if I do say anything about my life it’s either positive or completely meaningless shit.

The worst part, in a way, is they haven’t even noticed and they don’t really ask either. When I call, all I get is an hour of being talked at about their life and how crazy or difficult or wild it is, or about the drama in the lives of family friends, people who live across an entire ocean from me now.

I love my husband but I am so lonely in this way. I cannot be myself, and no one has even noticed that I’m acting different. It’s like my family never knew me at all. And I’m sure that even like this, they’ll probably find a way to insult me still. I could see twenty years passing with my new approach toward them, and if I slip up and am honest about something negative in my life even once, it’ll go right back to the same mocking jabs.

Going back to the recent turning point I gave of the riots, there was never a moment of concern from my mother. Actually, that’s a lie; there was. My mom was concerned that I’d approach my company about what happened. She said not to talk about it to anyone because they’d think I was over-dramatic or difficult. She instantly became afraid of how I could bungle my job, rather than my safety or about the state of affairs in the country I’m traveling to, or my mental wellbeing or even the stress of travel. I mostly texted and called my dad during this ordeal and in the aftermath. The only communication I ever got from my mom throughout the entire ordeal was the above in the form of a text. This is also a recurring theme of her treating me like I’m a fucking idiot. It’s not concern about me as a person, it’s concern about money, about status, about how it reflects on me, my husband, her… And my entire life she has done this and treated me as though I’m a fucking idiot who doesn’t think.

So I guess my title is wrong. I can still talk to my family, just as long as I am a completely different person and just fucking lie or hide shit. My true self is unloveable and probably annoying and/or unbearable in their eyes.

I have a very difficult relationship with my family and honestly there is so much to explain. I am too tired to explain in full, but I’ll give some context to my title.

My mom is a narcissist I think and my sister is the golden child who dances to her tune. My father is a passive enabler who means well but just gets swept along.

My whole family has this perception of me that’s just… not true and it has persisted my whole life. I m a classic black sheep as well as an identified patient. I’ve been told shit like I’m too sensitive, I’m too negative, I’ve been called “Eeyore” or told to “calm down, Francis”. To be fair, they’ve also said a lot worse, but that’s at least one major recurring theme in their portrayal of me.

I was recently in a very scary situation where I was in my hotel in a major foreign city where riots were taking place and people were trying to break in. I ended up barricading myself in and was afraid, but ultimately ok. I am a very small woman and was completely alone. I travel to this city for work every week now.

In the aftermath, I was calling my husband and family a lot about it. Long story short, my mom told me to basically get over it and that it wasn’t a big deal. I told my sister, hoping for a “wow, that’s awful, I can’t believe she said that” but got a “uh… maybe mom’s right and you need to chill out”. It was in this moment, after 28 years, a switch finally flipped.

I realised that by being honest with my family about my struggles, my fears, my anger, my challenges, only served to bite me in the end. It’s thrown back in my face every time and 28 years later it has finally clicked and I’ve stopped. Now I give an info diet. I tell them nothing, and if I do say anything about my life it’s either positive or completely meaningless shit.

The worst part, in a way, is they haven’t even noticed and they don’t really ask either. When I call, all I get is an hour of being talked at about their life and how crazy or difficult or wild it is, or about the drama in the lives of family friends, people who live across an entire ocean from me now.

I love my husband but I am so lonely in this way. I cannot be myself, and no one has even noticed that I’m acting different. It’s like my family never knew me at all. And I’m sure that even like this, they’ll probably find a way to insult me still. I could see twenty years passing with my new approach toward them, and if I slip up and am honest about something negative in my life even once, it’ll go right back to the same mocking jabs.

Going back to the recent turning point I gave of the riots, there was never a moment of concern from my mother. Actually, that’s a lie; there was. My mom was concerned that I’d approach my company about what happened. She said not to talk about it to anyone because they’d think I was over-dramatic or difficult. She instantly became afraid of how I could bungle my job, rather than my safety or about the state of affairs in the country I’m traveling to, or my mental wellbeing or even the stress of travel. I mostly texted and called my dad during this ordeal and in the aftermath. The only communication I ever got from my mom throughout the entire ordeal was the above in the form of a text. This is also a recurring theme of her treating me like I’m a fucking idiot. It’s not concern about me as a person, it’s concern about money, about status, about how it reflects on me, my husband, her… And my entire life she has done this and treated me as though I’m a fucking idiot who doesn’t think.

So I guess my title is wrong. I can still talk to my family, just as long as I am a completely different person and just fucking lie or hide shit. My true self is unloveable and probably annoying and/or unbearable in their eyes.

I have a very difficult relationship with my family and honestly there is so much to explain. I am too tired to explain in full, but I’ll give some context to my title.

My mom is the narcissist I believe, and my sister is the golden child who dances to her tune. My father is a passive enabler who means well but just gets swept along.

My whole family has this perception of me that’s just… not true and it has persisted my whole life. I m a classic black sheep as well as an identified patient. I’ve been told shit like I’m too sensitive, I’m too negative, I’ve been called “Eeyore” or told to “calm down, Francis”. To be fair, they’ve also said a lot worse, but that’s at least one major recurring theme in their portrayal of me.

I was recently in a very scary situation where I was in my hotel in a major foreign city where riots were taking place and people were trying to break in. I ended up barricading myself in and was afraid, but ultimately ok. I am a very small woman and was completely alone. I travel to this city for work every week now.

In the aftermath, I was calling my husband and family a lot about it. Long story short, my mom told me to basically get over it and that it wasn’t a big deal. I told my sister, hoping for a “wow, that’s awful, I can’t believe she said that” but got a “uh… maybe mom’s right and you need to chill out”. It was in this moment, after 28 years, a switch finally flipped.

I realised that by being honest with my family about my struggles, my fears, my anger, my challenges, only served to bite me in the end. It’s thrown back in my face every time and 28 years later it has finally clicked and I’ve stopped. Now I give an info diet. I tell them nothing, and if I do say anything about my life it’s either positive or completely meaningless shit.

The worst part, in a way, is they haven’t even noticed and they don’t really ask either. When I call, all I get is an hour of being talked at about their life and how crazy or difficult or wild it is, or about the drama in the lives of family friends, people who live across an entire ocean from me now.

I love my husband but I am so lonely in this way. I cannot be myself, and no one has even noticed that I’m acting different. It’s like my family never knew me at all. And I’m sure that even like this, they’ll probably find a way to insult me still. I could see twenty years passing with my new approach toward them, and if I slip up and am honest about something negative in my life even once, it’ll go right back to the same mocking jabs.

Going back to the recent turning point I gave of the riots, there was never a moment of concern from my mother. Actually, that’s a lie; there was. My mom was concerned that I’d approach my company about what happened. She said not to talk about it to anyone because they’d think I was over-dramatic or difficult. She instantly became afraid of how I could bungle my job, rather than my safety or about the state of affairs in the country I’m traveling to, or my mental wellbeing or even the stress of travel. I mostly texted and called my dad during this ordeal and in the aftermath. The only communication I ever got from my mom throughout the entire ordeal was the above in the form of a text. This is also a recurring theme of her treating me like I’m a fucking idiot. It’s not concern about me as a person, it’s concern about money, about status, about how it reflects on me, my husband, her… And my entire life she has done this and treated me as though I’m a fucking idiot who doesn’t think.

So I guess my title is wrong. I can still talk to my family, just as long as I am a completely different person and just fucking lie or hide shit. My true self is unloveable and probably annoying and/or unbearable in their eyes.

Hi all. So we live in Scotland in zone 8b. We have either sandy or clay soil. We are thinking of a climbing rose for a pair of 5ft obelisks. We have always bought David Austin roses, and I love them dearly, but I kind of want to venture out a little. However, I kind of wanted to go for a popular variety, as there is more data on them and they are a bit more vetted. These roses will be at the front of our home in full sun and on either side of our door.

The varieties I am considering are:

• Earth Angel Parfuma
• Eden climber
• Iceberg

The David Austin varieties I am still considering:

• Generous Gardener
• James Galway

I really would like something disease resistant, and with lots of full foliage. I really don't like when you can see the canes and they look very bare. I also want overwhelming flowers! I know Wollerton Old Hall is also a very popular variety, and I do like it, but the husband is not a fan of nude tones.

Ok, a silly prompt here! Today, I want to hear about what your evil twin, your polar opposite, would have in their collection. I want to know your most HATED perfumes. You can even write what you imagine this person is like. I’ll go first. The collection would consist of:

* Fame in Love - Paco Rabanne
* Lilac Love - Amouage
* Blossom Love - Amouage
* Eau de Cashmere - Guerlain
* AlUla - Penhaligons
* Un bois vanille - Serge Lutens
* Habanita - Molinard
* Black Orchid - Tom Ford
* Marfa - Memo Paris
* Le Rêve Nirmala - Molinard
* Vanilla Sex - Tom Ford

Side note: no offence is meant to anyone who enjoys these perfumes! They are simply not my cup of tea and honestly, I kind of hope someone in the sub likes one of these. I’d quite like to meet the white swan to my black swan.

Hi all. We live in zone 8b in Scotland and we are trying to create a little hedge. We are replacing Eustacia Vye and Emily Bronte with some other varieties. We are considering the above choices, and we are curious if anyone has any positive or negative experiences with them.

We have heard, for example, that the Poet's Wife blooms shatter extremely easily. For that reason, we are considering Charles Darwin instead. We quite like Roald Dahl too, but the blooms are classed as "medium" and generally our preference is for "large".

We are hoping to get a healthy, disease-resistant shrub. So is anyone familiar with these varieties? Thanks!

Hi all. We live in zone 8b in Scotland and we are trying to create a little hedge. We are replacing Eustacia Vye and Emily Bronte with some other varieties. We are considering the above choices, and we are curious if anyone has any positive or negative experiences with them.

We have heard, for example, that the Poet's Wife blooms shatter extremely easily. For that reason, we are considering Charles Darwin instead. We quite like Roald Dahl too, but the blooms are classed as "medium" and generally our preference is for "large".

We are hoping to get a healthy, disease-resistant shrub. So is anyone familiar with these varieties? Thanks!

Hi all. You may have seen my recent post about the rose varieties I have, and I would like to replace my Eustacia Vye and Emily Bronte. They aren't bad roses, but I don't love them. I only bought them as they were touted as extremely healthy, and that has been the case for 2/3, but I just don't love their petal pattern. They don't "spark joy", and never have, even when I was browsing them online initially

So I have gone back to the drawing board. I am considering the following, and am hoping to hear peoples experiences with them. I have listed some of the cons I've heard for each, and am looking to see if people can support or refute these:

• Boscobel - only noted to grow in full sun, which is a problem
• Gentle Hermione - perhaps too similar to Olivia Rose Austin, which they will be beside? also only noted to grow in full sun, which is a problem
• Penelope Lively - haven't heard much about this one online
• The Poet's wife - blooms shatter very easily apparently
• Golden celebration - prone to blackspot, also only noted to grow in full sun, which is a problem
• Tranquility - blooms are a bit blousy from what I can see in online pics? Wondering how the petal pattern compares to eustacia vye... Also only noted to grow in full sun, which is a problem
• Roald Dahl - haven't heard much abut this one online

Ultimately, we need an option that has a complex, extremely frilly (but not blousy) petal pattern (think: Olivia Rose Austin, ideally). It needs to be robust and to do well in both full sun and partial shade.

Hi all. You may have seen my recent post about the rose varieties I have, and I would like to replace my Eustacia Vye and Emily Bronte. They aren't bad roses, but I don't love them. I only bought them as they were touted as extremely healthy, and that has been the case for 2/3, but I just don't love their petal pattern. They don't "spark joy", and never have, even when I was browsing them online initially

So I have gone back to the drawing board. I am considering the following, and am hoping to hear peoples experiences with them. I have listed some of the cons I've heard for each, and am looking to see if people can support or refute these:

• Boscobel - only noted to grow in full sun, which is a problem
• Gentle Hermione - perhaps too similar to Olivia Rose Austin, which they will be beside? also only noted to grow in full sun, which is a problem
• Penelope Lively - haven't heard much about this one online
• The Poet's wife - blooms shatter very easily apparently
• Golden celebration - prone to blackspot, also only noted to grow in full sun, which is a problem
• Tranquility - blooms are a bit blousy from what I can see in online pics? Wondering how the petal pattern compares to eustacia vye... Also only noted to grow in full sun, which is a problem
• Roald Dahl - haven't heard much abut this one online

Ultimately, we need an option that has a complex, extremely frilly (but not blousy) petal pattern (think: Olivia Rose Austin, ideally). It needs to be robust and to do well in both full sun and partial shade.

So I have been gardening roses for... 2 years, maybe going on 3 years now. When I started out, I bought a variety of different David Austin Roses, and here are my honest thoughts on the varieties I purchased:

Eustacia Vye

• This was one of my very first rose purchases, as it was touted as super healthy. I have not found that to be the case.
• Blooms are quite loose and blousy, and I have learned that this is not my preference in terms of petal formation.
• Blooms fall apart rapidly, barely last two days
• Late bloomer
• Overall: 6/10 - I would not repurchase. I think there are much better varieties

Emily Bronte:

• Got this by accident, was meant to be another Eustacia Vye
• Basically identical to Eustacia Vye, but just paler in color. Does have a better scent though
• Blooms fall apart rapidly, barely last two days
• Late bloomer and throws off less blooms compared to Eustacia Vye
• Overall: 6.5/10 - I might repurchase, but it's further down on the list

Olivia Rose Austin:

• One of my favorite roses
• Great smell, beautiful petal formation, very robust and healthy
• Blooms are so big and heavy that some canes are not strong enough to support them, so the blooms tend to nod - however, it throws so many blooms that the majority remain visible
• Early bloomer
• Overall: 9.5/10 - will always have this in our garden

Mary Delany:

• A healthy rose. Our dog has attacked it several times, and it is STILL kicking. Very determined
• The blooms are ok. A little small, very blousy, almost seem to have some jagged edges sometimes.
• Overall: 7.5/10 - will keep, but I do wish we went with something else a bit

Lady of Shalott:

• Stunning, vigorous, smells divine. No complaints as of yet.
• Newer acquisition, waiting to see more.
• Overall: 9/10

Princess Alexandra of Kent:

• Fun, vigorous. Adds a pop of color to our garden.
• Newer acquisition, waiting to see more.
• Overall: 8/10

William & Catherine:

• Pristine white blooms, but they are much smaller than expected. Nice dark foliage
• Newer acquisition, waiting to see more.
• Overall: 7.5/10

Bring me Sunshine:

• Beautiful, incredible petal pattern.
• Blooms were short lived, but they did spark joy
• Newer acquisition, waiting to see more
• Overall: 8.5/10

Spectr'd Isle:

• Dainty and delicate
• So far, quite weak and diminutive compared to the others. Less foliage as well
• Blooms have not really appeared as they are online, but I think it could be a result of still trying to establish itself
• Overall: 7/10

Finally, in the future, I'd love to try: Boscobel, The Poet's Wife, Golden Celebration, and Gentle Hermione. Penelope Lively may also be promising, along with Tranquility. I managed to see all these in bloom in a store recently and loved them.

For a mental note, I also saw but would not get:

• Desdemona - blooms are too small
• Princess Anne - right now, it is too similar to Princess Alexandra of Kent to justify
• Lark Ascending - blooms have too few petals for my personal tastes sadly
• Roald Dahl - is super similar in color to Bring Me Sunshine and Golden Celebration. If the others work, this would be redundant
• Kew Gardens - rambling rose, not wanted
• Tottering by gently - too few petals which is not my personal preference
• Sir David Beckham - extremely similar in appearance to Scepter'd Isle, feels redundant
• Silas Mariner - bloom's petals are a bit edgy, tattered in appearance (could have been old blooms)
• Lady Gardener - cute, but nothing to write home about for me
• Gertrude Jekyll - similar petal pattern to Eustacia Vye, etc.

So I have been gardening roses for... 2 years, maybe going on 3 years now. When I started out, I bought a variety of different David Austin Roses, and here are my honest thoughts on the varieties I purchased:

Eustacia Vye

• This was one of my very first rose purchases, as it was touted as super healthy. I have not found that to be the case.
• Blooms are quite loose and blousy, and I have learned that this is not my preference in terms of petal formation.
• Blooms fall apart rapidly, barely last two days
• Late bloomer
• Overall: 6/10 - I would not repurchase. I think there are much better varieties

Emily Bronte:

• Got this by accident, was meant to be another Eustacia Vye
• Basically identical to Eustacia Vye, but just paler in color. Does have a better scent though
• Blooms fall apart rapidly, barely last two days
• Late bloomer and throws off less blooms compared to Eustacia Vye
• Overall: 6.5/10 - I might repurchase, but it's further down on the list

Olivia Rose Austin:

• One of my favorite roses
• Great smell, beautiful petal formation, very robust and healthy
• Blooms are so big and heavy that some canes are not strong enough to support them, so the blooms tend to nod - however, it throws so many blooms that the majority remain visible
• Early bloomer
• Overall: 9.5/10 - will always have this in our garden

Mary Delany:

• A healthy rose. Our dog has attacked it several times, and it is STILL kicking. Very determined
• The blooms are ok. A little small, very blousy, almost seem to have some jagged edges sometimes.
• Overall: 7.5/10 - will keep, but I do wish we went with something else a bit

Lady of Shalott:

• Stunning, vigorous, smells divine. No complaints as of yet.
• Newer acquisition, waiting to see more.
• Overall: 9/10

Princess Alexandra of Kent:

• Fun, vigorous. Adds a pop of color to our garden.
• Newer acquisition, waiting to see more.
• Overall: 8/10

William & Catherine:

• Pristine white blooms, but they are much smaller than expected. Nice dark foliage
• Newer acquisition, waiting to see more.
• Overall: 7.5/10

Bring me Sunshine:

• Beautiful, incredible petal pattern.
• Blooms were short lived, but they did spark joy
• Newer acquisition, waiting to see more
• Overall: 8.5/10

Spectr'd Isle:

• Dainty and delicate
• So far, quite weak and diminutive compared to the others. Less foliage as well
• Blooms have not really appeared as they are online, but I think it could be a result of still trying to establish itself
• Overall: 7/10

Finally, in the future, I'd love to try: Boscobel, The Poet's Wife, Golden Celebration, and Gentle Hermione. Penelope Lively may also be promising, along with Tranquility. I managed to see all these in bloom in a store recently and loved them.

For a mental note, I also saw but would not get:

• Desdemona - blooms are too small
• Princess Anne - right now, it is too similar to Princess Alexandra of Kent to justify
• Lark Ascending - blooms have too few petals for my personal tastes sadly
• Roald Dahl - is super similar in color to Bring Me Sunshine and Golden Celebration. If the others work, this would be redundant
• Kew Gardens - rambling rose, not wanted
• Tottering by gently - too few petals for my taste preference
• Sir David Beckham - extremely similar in appearance to Scepter'd Isle, feels redundant
• Silas Mariner - bloom's petals are a bit edgy, tattered in appearance (could have been old blooms)
• Lady Gardener - cute, but nothing to write home about for me
• Gertrude Jekyll - similar petal pattern to Eustacia Vye, etc.

I've finally been around the block long enough to understand what genuinely smells good on me, and what does not. Despite enjoying these fragrances on their own, pineapple smells like cat pee on me and ylang-ylang comes across as pure sweat and body odor.

Anyone else?

I'm usually a huge French and UK fragrance fan, as I've lived in both places. Tomorrow I am heading to Bologna and I'm just curious about the perfume scene there. In a perfect world, I'd love to get a local perfume from an Italian fragrance house (think something equivalent to Molinard, Fragonard, Galimard, or Penhaligons).

Does such an equivalent exist there?

I'm usually a huge French and UK fragrance fan, as I've lived in both places. Tomorrow I am heading to Bologna and I'm just curious about the perfume scene there. In a perfect world, I'd love to get a local perfume from an Italian fragrance house (think something equivalent to Molinard, Fragonard, Galimard, or Penhaligons).

Does such an equivalent exist there?