u/bard_of_space

i dont really fit in anywhere outside my system

i dont fit in with the tf2 introjects because my personality is so canon divergent

i dont fit in with the trans women because my body is transmasc

i even get the feeling the hosts freinds dont like me as much as our star trek introjects because theyre into star trek not tf2

im so lonely but i have nowhere to go outside the body

-sniper (she/her)

im trying to explain to someone how i count as a trans woman despite our body being afab

-sniper

im an alter of an osdd system (similar to did but without amnesia between alters) who is transfem

the problem is my body is transmasc

am i allowed here

i just want to talk to other trans women im really lonely

-sniper (from tf2 yeah)

i was considering trying to find some other tf2 fictives to talk to but at this point ive changed so much i dont know if they would even like me

even the wondering if they would like me is a deviation from canon im not supposed to worry about social stuff

i have my freinds/the other mercs in headspace but theyve all been through the same things i have

they all have the disorders and brain damage and the overall experience of being too disabled to really do much outside the internet

theyve all grown soft and changed as much as i have our solly has even grown disillusioned with america

i cant help but wonder what more canon accurate tf2 fictives would think of me

plus im a she/it girlthing and some of the canon accurate mercs might not be so happy about that

-sniper

i don't have sex, but the last couple times i've mastrubated the orgasm just... didn't feel good. i'm afab and mastrubate by rubbing my clit. does anyone know what might be going on? nothing has changed physically about the way i mastrubate

it might be a mental health issue - i'm part of an OSDD system and at least one of my alters has been sneaking into front disguised as our one child alter in an attempt to trick me into thinking i'm raping a child, which is distressing and disruptive. plus i'm not the host, just a persecutor who has taken over mastrubation so that the host gets no "me time".

our persecutor discovered they can physically slap our body and i won't do anything about it because i go into a freeze response due to our previous persecutor also doing that

and we have a mild headache from being slapped around

-scoutbot

Why do I have to be like this?? I'm Captain Kirk, I should be able to handle something like having an anxiety disorder! Instead it's left me an insecure wreck who can't even handle being forced to read an AI nitpicking his writing!

-James

I am a starship engineer, i should be able tae handle a little noise! But when i went tae the local museum with host's dad (it was a prior engagement) i was out in 45 minutes because of the summer camps there and the noise the children were making.

I know it's because we went to a sped school where someone was always screaming for five years, but i cannae help but be upset about the fact i just cannae tolerate noise anymore.

At least i did a good job pretending tae be host, i dinnae think its dad noticed. He knows about us, but he gets upset when we talk about it.

-Scotty

ever since middle school, i've had these occasional paranoid episodes. nowadays it takes the form of "the government is after me", but the original paranoid episodes were thinking that my (abusive) sped teachers were part of a game every sped teacher was playing a game where they tried to get disabled children to kill themselves.

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these paranoid episodes can be triggered by the smallest thing, once i had one because my family's financial advisor sent us a coffee cake

We've been under a lot of stress lately, so people other than the host have been fronting a lot. Problem is, the host is scared it's depending too much on/abusing us by letting us front so long we get tired. But that's just how systems work, aye? Alters front when the host cannae handle the situation.

I'm starting to doubt myself a little, so i thought i'd double check with you folks.

-Scotty

i know some things don't come in suppliment form, (eg there's no such thing as a carb suplament) so you can't replace your whole diet with them

if it does, how do i make it so it feels more like their cultures merged organically?