u/finaldestinationfan_

So basically I’m transfem but I’m only out to my mum and people online, but I’m going to a wedding tomorrow for my uncle and aunt. My uncle says “wear what you want” because he knows about my sensory issues with suits.. but he doesn’t know I’m transfem. My mum did buy me a dress in case I want to wear it tomorrow, and I do think it’s really pretty. I wanna wear it, but I’m not sure how the people around me will take it. I still have short hair and don’t really pass so I’m not sure what they’d think. Plus, I’m only 15. Do you think I’m overthinking this and should just wear the dress even though I don’t wanna come out to all of them yet?

I’m going to a new school but there’s gonna be a kid I know also moving there (he bullies me) so that’s not fun. My initial plan was just to start new as a girl and nobody knowing but that kid is gonna make this a bit hard. He’s probably gonna out me to everyone :( what do I even do now guys?? Pretend I don’t know him??

Basically I’m going to a wedding next week where everyone who knows me there thinks I’m still a guy… and I’m gonna wear a dress 🙃 oh well at least I’m cute and my mum supports me 😛

I think I have a crush on one of my alters she’s just so cute bro 😭😭 I think I’ll talk to her in sys tonight.. 🫢

Basically I’m bigender because sometimes I feel like a boy sometimes I feel like a girl but I transition for both because I am intersex if that makes sense

So hey I’m Erin, the host of my system, but I haven’t always been the host. In fact I’ve only been the host for about 7 months. I used to only be present while the host of likee 6 years (the host before then I have no idea who it was.. could’ve been Charlotte maybe) was doing things. You see the thing is, he was a man and the body is afab so obviously he thought he was a trans man. He socially transitioned and everything. So everyone called him by his chosen name and saw him as a boy. Here’s where relationship things start. He had a boyfriend at some point (he’s bi) and he really loved him.. but the relationship got really bad when I sort of revealed myself accidentally and for some reason fronted a lot. So, being a girl AND a lesbian, I didn’t love his boyfriend who is gay. The relationship obviously failed from there.. and I feel all to blame. Chester (the past host) dreams of his ex so much and it’s really sad. He forgave me though.. I think. I hope. Now Chester is the co-host but still, I front most of the time. Not to mention the fact that now everyone sees me as a boy.. and I’m actually a trans woman in the headspace so y’know that’s not fun. Being plural is so lonely because nobody would ever understand that he was loved by someone in my body but not by me…

I have PTSD and get terrible nightmares every night and I’m so scared of falling asleep. Not only that but I’m terrified of waking up as someone else, I hate not being the one in control even though I’m not in control most of the time. I took melatonin recently (big mistake) and it’s made disassociation much much worse and the nightmares more vivid. What should I do?

First there’s me! I’m Shania and I’m fronting right now and I do quite often. I’m a serval in the headspace but I probably have a human form too?

The host is Erin who is the one who runs this account and is the most lost of what is going on tbh. She’s nice even if she’s a little mean on accident sometimes!

Django is the next and he is pretty newly introduced to the outside world like only today I think? He’s a clouded leopard and he’s pretty anxious and honestly my best friend in the system.

Sasha is one of our protectors/caretakers and she is a snow leopard. She doesn’t talk much and keeps to herself looking after her cubs most of the time.

Chester is also a frequent fronter like me and he has two confirmed forms (human and domestic black cat). He is pretty sarcastic which is annoying but he is nice too in my opinion.

Jack is Chester’s twin (and also related to Erin) and he is the persecutor. I feel really bad for him because he holds most of the trauma and anger. He also has a cat form and a human form.

Erin, Chester and Jack’s system aunt/mother (not sure which but she takes care of them) is Christine. She is nice but also pretty bossy, but in a calm way so I like her!

There’s one more but she is a little so I won’t share information about her just to be careful.

(Also the reason there are so many cats in the system is because when we were a kid we were really obsessed with animals, especially cats, which we still are today to be honest! We also loved dinosaurs so I’m surprised there aren’t any reptilian alters.)

Like… who the hell am even I? It’s so scary and confusing seeing everyone else with perfectly set out systems while I’m just over here trying to figure out who is who and why I can’t tell :( Am I meant to know my name and all that? Like I don’t even know if I’m the host or not