u/forever_a10ne

I am exactly 48 hours and 30 minutes since my last dose (40mg). I have done the cold turkey withdrawal song and dance probably 4-5 times now, but I keep getting hooked back in.

I live in North Carolina where 7oh is still legal at the time of this post. We are undergoing one of the most wild heatwaves ever, and it is impossible to get comfortable inside or outside.

Inside, too cold. Gotta wear a hoodie or I get chill, but I still sweat through it.

Outside, obviously too hot. Sweating a whole lot more, but still get goosebumps.

There’s something uniquely punishing about having diarrhea multiple times a day under these conditions, but I’m sticking to it. I can’t keep abusing my body. The rest of what I had has been disposed of.

Some time last year, a neighborhood kid came to my door and asked if I needed anyone to mow my lawn. I actually did because I was (and still am) dealing with chronic pain. His rate was $40 for the front and back with weed whacking. My yard isn't huge, but it is annoying to maintain because of the way the fence is placed, so I told him he could cut it.

He always did a great job, so I had him keep doing it for the rest of the summer and into this year as well when the grass started growing. To show my appreciation, I thanked him for his hard work and gave him an extra $5 in early May. Two weeks later, when he cut my lawn again, I paid him the normal $40, but, when I went back inside and he went home, he texted me that I owed him $5 more. I told him I already sent him exactly what I owed him, but, instead of just saying he's changing his rate or whatever, he lied and tried to gaslight me into thinking it was always $45 as if I didn't have to ability to see my transaction history.

After that, I decided to try and overcome my chronic pain and just mow the lawn on my own. I didn't have a super hard time, thankfully. He texted me this week asking if I needed him to mow any time soon, and I told him that I'd be mowing my own lawn for now. I'm also unemployed, so I should probably be saving the money anyway. Take that, kid.

I have pretty intense social anxiety. My friend group is small and close, but it goes back decades at this point.

I had a friend over who I haven’t seen in almost a year when I noticed a solicitor coming to my door on one of those weird self balancing unicycles that was cool like 6 years ago. I have a “go away” door mat, a “beware of dog” sign, a security camera pointed right at the door, and a handwritten post-it note saying “No soliciting. I’m good, thanks” on the door itself.

When he knocked, I rolled the top part of my storm door down and he tried to introduce himself and do a first bump through the mesh. I rolled the door back up, pointed to the post-it note, and walked away back to my friend.

I was actually shaking from the adrenaline, but it felt so good to stand up for myself in an uncomfortable social situation. I say any progress is good progress right now!

I got laid off from a non-film related job and the severance was so good that I honestly have months of free time before I even begin to stress. I want to use that time to get back into my favorite hobby: filmmaking. I'm looking to spend around $7500-12,500ish (more if it's the difference between "OK" and "amazing") for a solid short film set-up. I'm specifically looking to make a horror film. I do have some gear already:

• Sony HXR-NX80 camcorder
  • Opteka OPT-SC62FE fish eye lens
  • Infrared hot shoe light for night vision shots
• Nikon D7500
  • Nikon 35mm f1.8
  • Nikon 55-300mm f4.5-5.6
  • Kit lens
  • An old Nikon 50mm f1.4, possibly from the 1970s
• An old Sony Hi8 Tape camcorder that still works
• A basic tripod
• A 10+ year old Steadicam that doesn't ever seem to want to balance
• A few hot shoe lights (basically LED rectangles that can be brightened and dimmed, one is post-it note size, the other is the size of an envelope)

Things I need help figuring out ($7.5-12.5k):

• A camera that is capable of producing cinematic-looking footage and performs exceptionally well in low light. 4k 60+ fps would be a plus.
  • Any lens or lenses that are must-haves, if applicable
• I have no good audio gear. Any and every recommendation for a competent audio setup.
  • Headphones or audio accessories that are necessary for good audio under different circumstances (dead cat mic cover, etc)
• I have no lighting at all aside from the hot shoe lights mentioned above. It's another area of opportunity here. Taking any recommendations.
• Any other suggestions (possibly an external monitor?)

Thanks for anyone who can help recommend some gear!