u/ilikecoffeeanddeath

https://preview.redd.it/ftw1mqhtdrih1.png?width=785&format=png&auto=webp&s=d315f88a4e45d3d259f0def26288f5791951477e

LMAOOOOOOOOOO. So embarassing. I'm so dumb. 😭🤣💔

Help please

What does this imply?

Anything major/in general?

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I'm 19 and my brother is severely disabled with extreme case of cerebral palsy. There is no cure.

He is adorable. He is my little baby. I want to take care of him and protect him. But I'm so scared. I cannot even take care of myself, how will I take care of him?

He cannot talk, walk or do anything by himself. He's my little baby tho. Writing this with tears in my eyes at 3 am.

People don't get it. I shared all of this to my boyfriend and he just went silent. I cannot talk about this to anybody.

I cried and hugged my dad telling him how lonely I felt and he said "I've always been alone as well, and you are my eldest girl- there's a lot you have to do, the responsibility is on you".

I love my dad and i love my mom and I love my brother and I'm terribly lonely and i feel like crap. My life changed the way he was born. I didn't realise it back then but I've only known true love and that is what I feel for my brother. But I'm so scared of dying one day with then nobody will look after him after my parents get old.

What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? Who am I supposed to trust?

What's gonna happen?

I hate looking weak. But nobody gets it. People judge me for my bad social skills, my behaviours, my anxiety....but i am not normal and it's true.

I hope i live long enough to take care of my brother but I'm deeply scared of living in a world that's without him. Both of the outcomes are the worst.

I'm scared of the world. I'm just scared. Please somebody hug me. I cannot deal with this. I'm too weak.

​

I'm 19 and my brother is severely disabled with extreme case of cerebral palsy. There is no cure.

He is adorable. He is my little baby. I want to take care of him and protect him. But I'm so scared. I cannot even take care of myself, how will I take care of him?

He cannot talk, walk or do anything by himself. He's my little baby tho. Writing this with tears in my eyes at 3 am.

People don't get it. I shared all of this to my boyfriend and he just went silent. I cannot talk about this to anybody.

I cried and hugged my dad telling him how lonely I felt and he said "I've always been alone as well, and you are my eldest girl- there's a lot you have to do, the responsibility is on you".

I love my dad and i love my mom and I love my brother and I'm terribly lonely and i feel like crap. My life changed the way he was born. I didn't realise it back then but I've only known true love and that is what I feel for my brother. But I'm so scared of dying one day with then nobody will look after him after my parents get old.

What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? Who am I supposed to trust?

What's gonna happen?

I hate looking weak. But nobody gets it. People judge me for my bad social skills, my behaviours, my anxiety....but i am not normal and it's true.

I hope i live long enough to take care of my brother but I'm deeply scared of living in a world that's without him. Both of the outcomes are the worst.

I'm scared of the world. I'm just scared. Please somebody hug me. I cannot deal with this. I'm too weak.

​

For context, I am 19f. I'm in 2nd year of college and have a severely disabled brother who has extreme form of cerebral palsy. I don't have any other siblings and I'm the only one left to take care of him with my parents.

I don't come from wealth and my parents aren't particularly awesome when it comes to making money or taking care of finances, now it doesn't bothers me since I know I'll have to get independent and earn anyway.

What bothers me slightly is, when in college I look around at girls enjoying friendships, relationships so effortlessly. They seem to always have money/space/energy to hang out, mingle themselves in groups while i just cannot do that.

I have severe anxiety/parentification issues and even my career paths are very limited because I cannot fuck around and find out. I have to take care of my sibling in few years and support my parents. However I cannot stop feeling bad or grieving what my life could've been without all of this.

I'm mostly alone, i have few school friends because i was much lighter back then/didn't worry about responsibilities but in college it seems impossible to mingle with girl groups or have friends.

My boyfriend asks me to socialize, have more girl friends, hangout with them etc etc but a part of me believes until and unless i figure my life out and get financially independent or move away from home for a while..my mind just cannot relax or have friendships for example.

When I'm with people, I'm always worried and occupied about my issues. Is it fair to think that I will need to achieve a bit of stability before i can think about nurturing relationship/friendships with others? 😭😭💔

​

Or even romantic feelings for that matter. I'm 19 and my therapist told me I've been parentified ever since I was young because of a younger disabled sibling and immature angry mother.

I have had my first relationship- we just completed our first year. There were lots of ups and downs- i have fearful avoidant attachment style which caused me to break up and come back again. All of these toxic behaviours but they subsided after a while with reflection and work.

Now the thing is, my boyfriend is kind and he's nice. And i often feel very attracted to him. However when I question what i really feel deep inside- there's nothingness. A bit of emptiness. Neutrality.

Now if he disappears from my life, obv i will be very sad and heartbroken. But i just don't feel like I'm in love. He feels like a really good friend to me (something I've wanted in a partner) I love it when he kisses me, when i get to kiss him, when i get to cuddle and be close to him. I appreciate all of it. But again, deep down, i just feel emptiness or a void.

I was wondering if it's lack of passion or chemistry- we both struggled with immature behaviours and lack of communication and that's something that is really important to me in a relationship, emotional maturity, and the lack of it thereof is causing me to feel this way?

Even tho we both are progressing towards being more stable as both me and him are still figuring out our careers, personality etc.

How do I know what do I actually feel 😭😭😭

Or even romantic feelings for that matter. I'm 19 and my therapist told me I've been parentified ever since I was young because of a younger disabled sibling and immature angry mother.

I have had my first relationship- we just completed our first year. There were lots of ups and downs- i have fearful avoidant attachment style which caused me to break up and come back again. All of these toxic behaviours but they subsided after a while with reflection and work.

Now the thing is, my boyfriend is kind and he's nice. And i often feel very attracted to him. However when I question what i really feel deep inside- there's nothingness. A bit of emptiness. Neutrality.

Now if he disappears from my life, obv i will be very sad and heartbroken. But i just don't feel like I'm in love. He feels like a really good friend to me (something I've wanted in a partner) I love it when he kisses me, when i get to kiss him, when i get to cuddle and be close to him. I appreciate all of it. But again, deep down, i just feel emptiness or a void.

I was wondering if it's lack of passion or chemistry- we both struggled with immature behaviours and lack of communication and that's something that is really important to me in a relationship, emotional maturity, and the lack of it thereof is causing me to feel this way?

Even tho we both are progressing towards being more stable as both me and him are still figuring out our careers, personality etc.

How do I know what do I actually feel 😭😭😭

I must be 11-13 years old. I lived with my parents and my uncle's family in real life back then.

In the dream, my aunt came and criticised me for being "dumb" saying I have "no self esteem/worth" and that I'm very "stupid". She told me to stay away from my cousin brother (who's 5-6 years younger) while I used to play with him a lot and he did the same growing up.

I was terrified. My mum and she began fighting. Then my uncle (who was kinder to me in real life as well) sent my brother to come talk to me and he hugged me and he was crying.

My aunt in real life wasn't very nice to me back then, my family was much poorer than hers (my dad is the youngest sibling of my uncle) and i think in general she just didn't like me very much. My parents didn't care mostly about what anybody says to me or what happens.

I remember she irl told me to not come play anymore (I wasn't the best kid either, used to fight with my brother sometimes) and my uncle told her to not say such things to me. My uncle used to bring me icecreams earlier but then my aunt told him not to do so.

All of this happened when I was very young. I woke up crying from the dream and wiping my tears off.

I've recently started doing internal family system with myself, i tried to calm myself but I feel so worthless and stupid. :(

Please help!