u/marlee_dood

My sister found out today that she will be getting her large intestine and colon removed tomorrow. She wasn’t blindsided, just hoping it wouldn’t have to happen. This is one of many, many medical issues she has had to face. I struggle to be there emotionally for people, but I can only imagine how difficult of a fine she is going to have, and I want to be there for her as much as I can as someone who doesn’t really know a lot about this. I looked on Google and was given advice about helping after surgery with picking things up, moving items so she won’t have to bend down, making sure the things she uses are close by, encouraging and participating in slow exercise introduction (I have a vegetable garden, I was thinking of offering to walk with her around the yard to see them when she can start walking?). I guess I just feel really bad for her, she’s gone through a lot and I want to do the little I can to ease the hardship of this whole thing.

(Context: The recent thing that made me think of this is that I was talking about getting vaccines in 4th grade, and girls got 2 while boys got 1. I said “the girls got 2 and I remember a lot of the Boys were being such babies about 1 shot, and the girls (us) thought they were so dramatic haha” )

I’m 5 years into presenting as a guy and being on T, and thankfully this time has greatly improved my feelings towards myself pre-transition and sort of accepting that part myself as a true and real part of who I am, and my experience in the world.

I was lucky enough to start transitioning at 14, so while I didn’t fully grow up as a girl, it did heavily affect how I viewed myself in the world and how I acted. I knew from a young age that the expectations people had of me were different, that people viewed me differently, and for a long time I didn’t talk about the time before I transitioned or if I did I referred to myself as a guy. It always stung to talk about it.

Now, 5 years into this whole thing, I find myself referring to me pre-transition as a girl, and it stings a lot less. I am 1000% happy as a guy right now and feel like this has always been who I was meant to be, but I would be lying if I said I always knew it. I didn’t. Until I was 13 I thought of myself as a girl, and I guess that hadn’t really changed even during/after transitioning. I know logically it’s not bad, it doesn’t mean that I’m not trans and it doesn’t mean my experience with dysphoria wasn’t/isn’t real, but i guess I just wonder if I’m alone in this? Is it weird to refer to my pre-transition self as a girl?

I am going to buy a used tank to replace the bin I currently have my female guppies in. The bin is wider and longer than it is tall, it holds about 20 gallons, has a sponge filter rated for 15-30 gallons (I can’t remember exactly, could be 20-40 but either way I want to get another one to add), and an airstone. I feel like a 20 tall wouldn’t have enough floor space, but I’m not sure if that matters as much to them. Would a 20 gallon long be better than a 30 tall? Or would vice versa be better? They seem pretty happy with the space to go horizontally, but it’s the only tank I’ve kept them in so maybe it doesn’t matter. Just want to see if any keepers have opinions on it :)

It’s been so f-ing long that she’s been doing this. It started as running away, then she would come slowly, then she ran away again, every cue I use and she listens to she immediately stops listening to once I use it to get her to the harness. I’ve been told to give her time, to make her do it anyways, to grab her so she can’t leave, to desensitize her, nothing has worked. If I use her recall, her recall begins to suffer. If I use “stay” then she stops listening to it. I use “behind” or “middle” and she stops doing it. Maybe she just actually doesn’t like walks despite her being excited every time I mention it.

Since being diagnosed I have made more of an active effort to find things that regulate my mood and make me feel better. I realized that going on walks and bike rides really really helped with my mood, I can tell on the days that I don’t walk that I feel worse and I’m more irritated and I get overwhelmed easier. Recently I’ve been going through a bit more than usual, and I’ve been finding myself sitting outside most of the day. Not doing much, looking at the plants, at the sky, my phone, hanging out with my dog. But I find when I go inside after a bit I feel stuffy, things start bothering me more, people and sounds are more present. When I’m outside I just feel.. calm. The air, the birds, the clouds, something about it just feels so good in my brain that it’s all I want to do, just be outside. Do any of you also do this or find just the act of being outside calming or regulating?

When I was a kid I lived in the pool. I loved it more than almost any activity. From when I woke up to when I went to bed all summer I was in the pool, I lived in my bathing suit. Then I started puberty and everything changed because I hated my body and I hated how people looked at my body, how people talked about my body. I stopped going in the pool completely for two years.

It’s been almost 5 years since I started to medically transition, and I feel like I barely even have reasons to be dysphoric anymore. I’m happier than I have been in my body since this all began. From what I’ve been told, I basically have no reason to be worried anymore compared to other people.
But I feel so uncomfortable every time I go in the pool anyways. I don’t know why. I can be shirtless in the house with tape on, in the backyard, I am fine with my body 99% of the time in this regard, but when I want to go in the pool, it’s like I’m back being 14 again with all these feelings that feel too much. All this discomfort and awareness of my body, all this worry, all of this stuff making the activity I once loved one of the most unpleasant experiences now, even though I’ve “fixed” everything I was told would make this go away.

I don’t know what to do. I so desperately want to be part of this fun, I want to enjoy it again, and instead I’m sitting on the couch alone inside wondering what I’m doing wrong. Why do I still feel this way? How do I make this activity fun again so that I can do things with my family and do the thing I used to love?

My dog is 5 years old. The only time my dog is in the car is for the vet and the groomer, about 15 minutes each time. Each and every time she is in the car she is stressed and doesn’t really calm down. She sits upright, pants, looks stressed, and seems uncomfortable.

My family wants to do a day trip 4 days from now somewhere a 2 hour away car ride away. My dog has done this trip one time in her life and seemed miserable to me. She does not enjoy seeing my cousins dogs either, she tries to avoid them. So to me, what’s the point? She will have some novelty between hours of anxiety and non-stop barking dogs.

I honestly don’t want to bring her, but I don’t know how to explain that to my family. They think it will be fun, but I know I will just be managing the dog all day and stressed during the car ride and day more than I already am. She’s not familiar with where we are going either and has only been there one time. I cannot bring her on walks while there because it will be too hot.

Is it better to bring her or not bring her? Alternative is she is alone for ~10 hours but I can have someone come let her out.