u/whiskyB0y

I'm in my gap year before university. I want to start good habits like exercise and learning a skill(I already started but I'm not consistent).

My problem is I feel overwhelmed and overstimulated. All I do is stay at home, eat, sleep and scroll reddit. My screen time on reddit is always 2-4hrs in a day.

It's reached a point where I don't even feel like engaging in other sorts of entertainment like movies, tv shows or videogames. Its like I can't enjoy them anymore because I already feel overwhelmed and I'll feel guilty.

I have important stuff I want to do but I can't seem to take action. I just feel lazy and everything feels hard.

Sometimes it's so bad that I genuinely just feel disgusted looking at my phone. I don't talk to people on socials because I don't feel like it and I have very few friends. Anyway it's not like talking to many people would make a difference, especially since most people aren't close to me. I have at least deleted Instagram because I was tired of being distracted by reels and constantly seeing posts from my former high school mates.

How do I become level headed again so that I can actually do important things every day?

I know this isn't a proper discussion but I need opinions.

I'm currently going through a rough patch. I just keep thinking to myself how peaceful it would have been if my meaningless self died at birth.

Main thing that freaks me out about the death is the idea of seeing my corpse from a third person perspective. It just makes me feel eerie.

But in the end, it doesn't matter. Eventually I'll wither away and it will be like I'm never existed.

My current struggles, the people that treat me like shit or just don't give a fuck, my feelings, my anger, my family, it doesn't matter. It's peaceful to know in the long term we all die, but in the short term, it feels weird knowing I'm dealing with shit that won't matter when the day comes.

And in case you're wondering, ya, I'm 14 and this is deep.

I'm quite fucked up right now. Things will never get better.

I'm tired of this shit. I'm the youngest out of a small family.

I hate my family. Home isn't what it used to be as compared to childhood. I hate my older sibling for how he treats me. I hate my parents for having sex and conceiving me just for me to grow up in a home where I always feel limited and I have a sibling like him.

Why the hell did my parents think it was a good idea to have a second child?

When I make a mistake everyone always makes it a big deal but when they make a mistake, most of the time I'm literally the one helping them fix their mistake and doing them favors.

I completely hate how home is but I'm stuck until my 1st year of university starts at the end of the year . Everyday is just the fucking same.

My family genuinely makes me wish I died at birth. I have completely dropped the idea of me getting married and starting my own family(if I'll even be alive). I can't risk starting a family that will have similar dynamics as mine and I wouldn't want my family to interact with my new family. And the thing that's fucked up is that if I do live long enough, my family would resent me for not wanting to get married.

They are literally part of the reason why I just want to be alone for the rest of my life and die alone. I know this sounds edgy and cringe but I just can't take it anymore.

Just thinking about how I'm in this circumstances makes me want to cry and punch something at the same time.

I literally took my anger on my sweet dog. But after two hits I realized I was being unfair, especially when it looked at me and just run away as if I'm a stranger.

I'm tired. I didn't ask to be here. I didn't ask them to be my family. And I think we'd all be better off if I had died at birth.

My life is meaningless and it doesn't matter

No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, no matter how motivated and disciplined I think I am, I never make progress. I've been in a cycle for the past 4 years now.

The cycle goes like this:

1. I have insecurities about my body, personality and my life in general as I just feel like a useless human being who should have never been born. Some insecurities are in my control, others are not in my control.

2. Something or someone in real life exposes one or more of my insecurities and I begin to feel depressed because I wonder why I am the way I am.

3. I look at which insecurities that were exposed are in my control. If I feel like it's in my control, I decide to change.

4. I start the process of change. If someone or something made my physique feel inferior, I make a small workout routine and I follow it for some days or weeks. If I'm feeling insecure about not having a certain skill, I make a plan to learn the skill

5. Eventually I start making excuses to skip times when I'm supposed to do the hard work. I begin feeling comfortable, lazy and unmotivated.

6. I realize I'm procrastinating and start to feel stressed out and depressed. I then indulge in very bad habits that make me more lazy and feel worse in the long term but they feel good in the short term.

7. We go back to number 1.

It's always the same. Day in, day out. I'm tired.

This is officially the second splinter cell game I'm playing.

I honestly can't remember the name of the first SC game I played as I was quite young. I didn't even finish the main story.

I just remember I played it on a PC and Fisher had hair(as in, he wasn't wearing any headgear).

I also remember a lot of rooms in like a mansion or nice looking office with a bunch of red security lasers.

Anyway, I decided to try Splinter Cell Chaos Theory since I hear it's the best. Also because my potato PC can at least run the game at a stable 25fps 😭. I know it sounds bad, but it's playable trust me.

I haven't finished the first level, but I will say so far I'm impressed with the variety in the stealth mechanics and gadgets. The training videos are a good and cool of way of teaching you as a player while also being engaging.

Come on, say with me.

An idea....

I have an Acer Chromebook 315 with an Intel Celeron N4500 and 8gb ram.

I'm trying to play Windows games using Lutris. I've only tested one game, Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory. I'm using Wined3d. The fps is okay but not stable. It fluctuates between 18 and 39 fps. I've already reduced textures and resolution to the lowest but it didn't change much.

Since generally Vulkan gives better performance, I researched on how to use Vulkan. I installed the Mesa Vulkan drivers for 32 bit games. I changed the dxvk version to 1.10.3 but no matter what, it's either the game won't launch or it won't accept dxvk so it defaults to Wined3d.

Any advice on how to games use Vulkan? I'm using the default latest GE proton Wine. Is Vulkan on Chromebook even possible?

I have an Acer Chromebook 315 with an Intel Celeron N4500 and 8gb ram.

I'm trying to play Windows games using Lutris. I've only tested one game, Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory. I'm using Wined3d. The fps is okay but not stable. It fluctuates between 18 and 39 fps. I've already reduced textures and resolution to the lowest but it didn't change much.

Since generally Vulkan gives better performance, I researched on how to use Vulkan. I installed the Mesa Vulkan drivers for 32 bit games. I changed the dxvk version to 1.10.3 but no matter what, it's either the game won't launch or it won't accept dxvk so it defaults to Wined3d.

When I enable dxvk, some games wont boot at all. If a game still boots, it will have a black screen and log files will show this message:

> The exact line from your log file is: err: Presenter: Failed to create Vulkan swapchain: VK_ERROR_INITIALIZATION_FAILED

Any advice on how to games use Vulkan? I'm using the default latest GE proton Wine. Is Vulkan on Chromebook even possible?

Meaning this, meaningless that. What the hell do we even do in this sub? What do we even do with our lives damn it?

Everyday is the fucking same. Ever feel so overwhelmed for thinking you're not living life to your potential that you just laugh to yourself and try to numb the feelings?

We are stuck here on this earthh ahh til death ahh

I'm crazy I'm crazy I'm going crazy ahhh ahhh ahhh ahh

Me can't take it anymore ahh me wish I didn't exist ahh

The monster inside me is growing lol wtf ahh Deez nuts I'm mad I'm mad ahh nooo damn it damn it fahh

Why o why ow jysmsmmaujsjdyd dmdayhKaiusjyxbwftsf blinking smshxbxj xmxdia saw majdjxyx

Depression lol

Optimistic nihilism lol

Ahhhhhhhhhh self delete lol hahahahshahshshahshshshshdbdhxnsnndnsjsjsbsnsnsndjhshshzhzbzhzhzbzbzbzhzhzhzgzhzhxhxuxukdjdisos

Sorry if this is not related, but if I have a project based on Flask, SQLALCHEMY and salute, what are some of the best options for deployment and server hosting?

For context I'm willing to pay monthly fees. What are the industry standard that are suitable for beginners in Flask?

Any luck with forks like Winlator Mali?

I'm on Android. Only good competitive fighting game I know is Brawlhalla. But I want something like maybe Guilty Gear or Marvel vs Capcom on Android.

It's okay if it's only online but I would also appreciate if it has offline modes.

Any suggestions or is quality like this too much to ask for mobile?