u/Big_Cryptographer44

I looked at his page last night regretfully. I am so tired of this. My biggest dream and aspiration in life is for this to be gone. But it stays constantly and strong. This morning I woke up and I planned to kill myself after I graduated college. Then I realized I had to seriously get help because I don’t want to attempt again. So I decided I am going to try a part time out patient treatment. Since I love my school and have invested a lot in it, I don’t want to stop school, but I still need SERIOUS help. We talked on and off for 5 years but only over text because he didn’t want to call. He only would engage with me and wanted to talk when I would engage sexually with him but after he was pleased he wouldn’t talk to me and said he wanted nothing to do with me. I wish he were clearer because for the first 4 years he wasn’t clear at all. Last time we talked I asked a few things for closure. I asked why they didn’t like me they said it was the distance and because I wasn’t smart enough. Also, I asked if he ever loved anyone like that in his life and he didn’t even mention me and just mentioned a crush he had in middle school. God that was bad. Then he simply told me So you lose hope and that he’s going to date other women now. After that, it was so hard not to attempt suicide again and now. I have never been able to like another guy in like 6 years at all since knowing them. It’s agony really. But I want to ask what I should do in the outpatient treatment to recover. What should I ask what should I do? I am so lost and hopeless and I feel my only solution is ending my life.

Help what should I do at my outpatient program to stride to healing?

My biggest dream in life is to be a well-known artist. Someone who makes cool art videos and goes to conventions and makes good artwork etc. I would love to be a YouTuber and creator who inspires people. I don’t need to be famous by any means but I really want to make an impact. I’ve been trying to achieve my dream since I was a small child. It’s been a rough challenge for 15 years. I was finally starting to have some success after 12 years in 2023 but I ruined it. I deleted my own account that was finally starting to gain traction because someone I was obsessed with wouldn’t talk to me. I still don’t really know why I did that but I think it was a form of self-harm because I was so ashamed that the person left me. The account had 16,000 followers 2 good videos and had lots of good posts and information about me on it. With that, I lost my platform and audience. This is hard to explain but someone I loved and was limerent over (limerence is basically an addiction for someone you don’t even know really it’s terrible) this fucking limerence addiction from my terrible mind ruined all the work I put in. I have made new accounts but they are failing significantly. When it comes to my art itself I feel like I have regressed as well. My art is just not as interesting or engaging as it used to be. Maybe that’s because I go to school full time but that doesn’t make sense because I go to school for art and enjoy it. My videos used to get thousands of likes but now they barely break 10 likes. I was going to conventions and met a lot of cool people but I feel like I've lost contact with those people, my art was starting to get cool but it’s just so bad now. So yeah I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to give up because this is the only thing I have that makes me happy (especially since that person that left me won’t talk to me anymore) but I feel like I can’t achieve it or I've lost my chance. What do you think is my dream too far-fetched and too difficult to achieve? I don’t know what to do but it’s all I have left and my only reason to be alive. Because making artist pretty much the only thing that makes me happy and gives me purpose.

This is definitely more of an unusual addiction, but it’s completely painful and life-debilitating. I am addicted to the feeling I have when talking to, seeing, and watching content made by the person. In limerant terms, they are known as a limerant object LO. It's hard to even express how much this addiction has hurt me. I've never had a relationship with anyone ever, and I am 21. My biggest dream aspiration and hope in life is not to travel and not to have a baby. It is to forget my LO and find peace from this addiction. I would do absolutely anything for this pain, withdrawal, and emptiness to go away. I am begging and praying that it stops hurting my entire body and ends. I don’t remember a life without this addiction. Does anyone relate? Also, does anyone with other types of serious addictions know what helped them? It hurts all day everyday and I am in so much agony I just want to be free. Please help

Also, please don’t just say “seek therapy.” I went to therapy for 6 years, and I never felt anything better than that. Also, I already take medicines for mental illness and exercise regularly. I am doing everything to help myself, but I am getting no results from these things, really.