I met a guy on hinge and we hit it off after speaking for a few days. We exchanged numbers and idk how the conversation even got here. I felt weird about it, so I just decided to end it.
I tried to post this in the relationship advice community but got an error message that it should be here...
I'm Japanese (40F) and in my culture, sticking chopsticks upright into a bowl of rice is considered disrespectful because it's traditionally done at funerals or as an offering to the deceased.
Today at home, my boyfriend (36M) who is non-Japanese, stuck his chopsticks vertically into his rice. I politely told him that it's considered disrespectful in my culture and asked if he could lay them across the bowl instead. He immediately said it was silly and refused, saying they'd fall off. I told him they wouldn't, but then he said he wasn't eating Japanese food so it didn't matter. I explained that it isn't about the food, it's about how the chopsticks are placed. He responded that we're not in Japan and that he wasn't changing what he was doing because he thought it was silly.
I calmly said I was only asking for a small favor out of respect for my culture. He then sharply replied, "Fine, I'll just use forks from now on!" So I took the chopsticks away and handed him a fork.
What upset me was how he immediately dismissed my request as "silly" instead of making such a small accommodation. I got quite angry and said, "You're just like all the other white people who love anime and collect figures but don't actually care about Japanese culture." He was shocked by that and later told me I was petty, cynical, and intentionally trying to hurt his feelings.
I gave an example of how whenever I have dinner with him and his family, they say grace before eating. I'm not religious and I didn't grow up doing that, but I do it anyway because I know it's meaningful to them. He responded that religion and culture aren't the same thing.
He also told me that during couples counseling, our counselor said we shouldn't have expectations of each other. I told him that's not why I was upset. I'm not angry because he didn't meet an expectation I had. I'm upset at how he immediately dismissed my request as "silly" and refused to make such a small gesture out of respect for my culture.
So Redditors, AITAH for asking him to not put chopsticks upright on rice since we are not living in Japan?
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Update: Wow I did not expect this post to get so much attention! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my post and leave a comment. A lot of the points you raised were valid, and reading your perspectives has helped me see the situation from a different angle.
Here are some of the most common questions I've received:
No, I'm not a bot lol. This really happened, why would I make stuff up!!
We've been dating for 3 years and 9 months.
He is Canadian and we live together.
This wasn't the first time I'd brought up chopstick etiquette. The first time, I was just talking about some general chopstick taboos, and he wasn't actually using chopsticks. The second time was yesterday, when I brought it up again after he did it. He said he didn't remember me mentioning it the first time.
Regarding the counsellor's comment: I was trying to keep my original post as short as possible so I apologize for lacking context but my bf clarified what he meant. The counsellor said that we shouldn't expect each other to react or respond in a specific way. When we expect a certain response from our partner and they react differently, it can create issues in the relationship.
A lot of people said my comment to my bf was racist. That was not my intention, but I understand why it came across that way. I take responsibility for making such a generalized and hurtful comment, and I've apologized to my bf for it.
To clarify what I meant, what confused me was that he says he LOVES Japan, the anime and the food, but doesn't seem interested in learning about its culture and customs. It just felt strange to me that someone who claims to love Japan wouldn't also want to understand or respect the cultural practices that are an important part of it.
I'll continue reading your comments, and again, thank you to everyone who shared their thoughts. This has been a learning experience for me as well. I realize there are things I need to work on, especially with how I communicate, and I appreciate those of you who pointed that out. My priority now is to have a conversation with my bf and try to resolve things together.
Around 2 months ago, I saw this girl at a fair and thought she was really cute. I ended up asking for her Instagram, which is something I normally would've never done.
At first, I genuinely wanted to get to know her. We talked once and she was really enthusiastic, but it only lasted one night. After that, our communication became pretty one-sided. She used to like some of my posts and stories, but eventually stopped. She also stopped responding to my messages. To be fair, I rarely messaged her because I didn't want to come off as desperate or creepy.
The confusing part is that she still sees most of the things I post, but beyond that, there isn't really much interaction between us.
Here's the weird part.
Before I met her, I spent most of my free time grinding mobile games. I didn't really care about how I dressed. I usually just wore whatever was convenient, even when going out. I wasn't doing much with my hobbies either.
But because I liked her, I started trying to improve myself.
I got more interested in fashion and started paying attention to what I wear. Even when I'm just going out casually, I care a lot more about my appearance now.
I got back into art and started posting my work online. Recently, I made my first animation and people actually liked it. Some reposted it, commented on it, and it made me realize how much I enjoy creating things.
I also got back into singing and playing guitar, hobbies I had neglected for a long time.
At first, I was doing these things partly because I hoped she'd notice me or become interested. But now I'm realizing I genuinely enjoy them for myself.
The problem is that I still like her.
Part of me wants to give it one last shot if a natural opportunity comes up. Another part of me feels like the lack of responses is already my answer and I should just move on.
Has anyone else experienced this? A crush that never really became anything, but ended up changing your life for the better?
And based on what I've described, what would you do in my situation?
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