u/Slow-Plenty-6974

I’m in my early 20s and I’ve been struggling with my relationship with my mom for a while. I feel like ever since I started doing more adult things and making actual steps toward independence, she hasn’t handled it well emotionally.

I work a lot, I’m in training for a second job, and I’m also in a long-term relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and we spend a lot of time together. My dad actually gets along with him really well, which makes things easier, but my mom seems to view my relationship almost like it’s competition for my time.

Recently, my boyfriend and I wanted to take a small trip together for our 6-year anniversary. When my dad first brought it up to my mom, it was completely out of the question for her. That’s usually how these things go. She has a strong emotional reaction, says no, and it feels like there’s no room for discussion.

But my dad brought it up again and actually laid out the facts. He reminded her that I’m on birth control, that my boyfriend’s parents have been more relaxed about similar situations, that we’ve been together for six years, and that I’m an adult. He also brought up that during a Disney trip years ago, my boyfriend and I shared a bed and nothing bad happened.

After that, she changed her mind and is reluctantly letting us go. She basically said something like, “Fine, whatever, but just this one time.” So technically she backed down, which honestly shocked me because she almost never does. But it doesn’t feel like she’s actually okay with it emotionally, because since then she’s been making comments about me not spending enough time with the family and acting like my boyfriend is competition for my time.

She texted me recently saying she wanted me to spend time with my family without my boyfriend there. I told her I’m not opposed to that, but I have a lot going on and it would help to plan ahead. Instead of accepting that, she said something like it would be nice if I just did it on my own.

Then the next day, I brought my dad gummy bears as a thank you for helping me with the trip situation, and my dad reminded me that my mom’s birthday was the next day. I honestly forgot because I’ve been overwhelmed with work, training, and stress. I didn’t deliberately forget. But my mom reacted really passive-aggressively and said, “You forgot my birthday? You wouldn’t forget your boyfriend’s birthday.”

That turned into a long rant about how I never spend time with them. She brought up a random example from when we were in the car and I saw there was a car show, so I called my boyfriend to invite him. She said that could’ve been an opportunity to spend time with her instead. Then she started saying I’m codependent because I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend.

I kept trying to tell her that if she’s upset about something, she needs to tell me in the moment instead of letting resentment build and then unloading it on me later. I also explained that I’m working a lot and trying to balance my life, but it felt like she was already set on making me feel guilty.

The hard part is that I do understand wanting to spend time with your adult child. I don’t think she’s wrong for missing me. But the way she goes about it makes me want to pull away instead of spend time with her. It feels like guilt, comparison, passive aggression, and criticism instead of just saying, “I miss you, can we plan something?”

I feel bad because my dad has made serious mistakes in his life too, but emotionally I enjoy being around him more because he doesn’t put as many obstacles in the way of my happiness. With my mom, I feel like I’m constantly having to defend my choices, my relationship, and my independence.

I also think part of why my relationship with my dad feels better is because he actually likes my boyfriend and has a good relationship with him. That makes things easier for me. It feels like my dad doesn’t view my relationship as a threat, while my mom kind of does.

I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has dealt with a parent who reacts badly when you start becoming more independent. How do you maintain a relationship with them when their emotional reactions make you feel guilty, resentful, and distant?

Hi everyone. I’m looking for support/advice from people who have experience with hormonal birth control, especially Nexplanon.

I’ve been struggling badly with pregnancy anxiety, and I think I may have tokophobia. I’ve had some level of fear around pregnancy since I was young, even before I was sexually active. Before birth control, getting my period was the main thing that reassured me I wasn’t pregnant.

When I first got Nexplanon, I felt really relieved because I knew it was supposed to be extremely effective. At first I wasn’t worried about pregnancy much at all. But over time, because Nexplanon can make bleeding irregular or unpredictable, I feel like it took away the main reassurance I used to rely on. Now I get stuck in loops of worrying “what if I’m pregnant?” even when logically I know the implant is very effective.

I took a pregnancy test about a month ago and it was negative. It helped at first, but then I started questioning it and worrying again. The weird part is that I know taking another test would probably give me relief if it was negative, but it takes a lot for me to work up the courage to take one because the idea of it somehow being positive feels unbearable.

I also live in a state where abortion access is extremely restricted, so in my head it feels like if I were pregnant, I’d be stuck having a baby I don’t want. That makes the fear feel even heavier.

My boyfriend and I have since gone back to using condoms along with Nexplanon, so I feel like if I knew for a fact that I wasn’t pregnant right now, I probably wouldn’t worry as much going forward.

Has anyone else dealt with pregnancy anxiety or OCD-like spiraling while on hormonal birth control because your period became irregular/unreliable? How do you cope with not having a predictable period as reassurance? Did anything help, whether that was testing routines, switching methods, therapy, or anything else?

I know this may be more of an anxiety/OCD issue than a birth control issue, but I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who understands.

Hi everyone. I've been struggling pretty badly with anxiety around pregnancy lately, and I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with this on Nexplanon.

I'm pretty sure I have tokophobia, and honestly I feel like I've had some level of a fear of pregnancy since I was young, even before I was sexually active. Before birth control, my period was always the thing that reassured me I wasn't pregnant.

When I first got Nexplanon, I felt really relieved and wasn’t worried about pregnancy at all. But over time, because it can mess with your cycle and bleeding patterns, I feel like it took away the main thing I used to rely on for reassurance. Now I get stuck in this loop of worrying “what if I’m pregnant?” even though I know Nexplanon is supposed to be extremely effective. The whole reason I got on Nexplanon in the first place because I wanted to stop the debilitating anxiety of the risk of being pregnant all the time.

I took a pregnancy test about a month ago and it was negative, and it helped at first, but then I started questioning it and worrying again. I actually got my period the next day and I think that prolonged my sense of relief for a while, but now I'm back to the what if's. It feels like I constantly have this cloud over me, and I hate it.

The weird part is that I know taking another test would probably give me relief if it was negative, but it takes a lot for me to muster up the courage to actually take one. The idea of it somehow being positive feels unbearable. I live in a state where abortion access is extremely restricted, so in my head it feels like if I were pregnant, I’d be stuck having a baby I don’t want. That makes the fear feel even heavier.

My boyfriend and I have since gone back to using condoms along with Nexplanon, so I feel like if I knew for a fact that I wasn’t pregnant right now, I probably wouldn’t worry as much going forward.

Has anyone else experienced pregnancy anxiety/OCD-like spiraling while on Nexplanon because your period became irregular or unreliable? How do you cope with not having a predictable period as reassurance? Did anything help you feel more grounded?

I know this may be more of an anxiety/OCD issue than a Nexplanon issue, but I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who understands.

Hi everyone. I'm a 21 year old woman, coming on 22 and I still live at home. I've been feeling really overwhelmed lately because the dynamic with my mom has started to feel tense in a way that's hard to navigate day to day interactions.

I'm at the point of my life where I'm trying really hard to grow up and become independent. I've been working a lot, saving money, trying to get a more reliable car, and thinking seriously about eventually moving out. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, and we've talked about possibly renting out a house with his sister.

I know moving out is a huge step. I know it takes money, planning, responsibility, and maturity. I have always been a very driven person. When I put my mind to something, it doesn't take much for me to accomplish. I'm not trying to rush blindly into adulthood or act like I know everything. But I also feel like everytime I make actual steps towards independence, my mom seems hurt, defensive, or critical instead of being supportive.

Recently she's made comments towards me like I don't appreciate her and she hopes one day I will. That really hurt me, because I do appreciate her. But it feels like unless I stay emotionally close in the exact way she wants, she interpret me becoming independent as me rejecting her.

I've been working a lot lately because I'm trying to save money, but she seems to take that as me purposefully avoiding family. That makes me feel guilty even though I'm genuinely just tired and trying to work towards my goals. I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions. I'm supposed to be responsible and save money, but when I do that, I'm made to feel I'm being distant or selfish.

There have also been more arguments over small things. Sometimes it feels like she assumes negative intent behind what I say, or like she misunderstands me in a way that turns into a much bigger issue. I end up explaining myself over and over, and it’s exhausting. I feel like I’m constantly trying to prove that I’m not being disrespectful, ungrateful, or trying to hurt anyone.

When I mentioned possibly moving out with my boyfriend, she mostly focused on how difficult it would be. She also said she wished we were engaged before living together, but when I asked if she would be happy if he proposed right now, she said no. That confused me and made me feel like maybe the real issue isn’t engagement or logistics, but the fact that she isn’t ready for me to take that kind of step at all.

I don’t want to make my mom sound like a monster. I think she may be scared, insecure, or worried about losing me. But I’m struggling because it feels like her fear comes out as guilt, criticism, or arguments, and then I’m left feeling responsible for her emotions.

It’s starting to affect me emotionally. I feel anxious bringing up my plans. I feel guilty for wanting more independence. I feel sad because I want my mom to be proud of me, but instead it feels like my growth is creating more tension between us. I don’t want to damage my relationship with her, but I also don’t want to stay stuck just to keep her comfortable.

How do I handle this while I’m still living at home? How do I reassure my mom that I love and appreciate her without giving up my boundaries? Is it better to share less about my plans until they’re more solid? And how do I stop feeling guilty for wanting to grow up?

I’m 21F and I currently live with my parents. Lately, the family dynamic in my house has felt really tense and weird, especially with my mom. I feel like we keep getting into arguments over small things, but the arguments never stay small because she seems to interpret everything I say in the worst possible way.

It feels like a lot of the conflict comes from her purposefully misunderstanding me or assigning negative intent to things I say. I’ll try to explain myself, but then the conversation turns into a loop where I’m defending myself over something I didn’t mean or didn’t even say. It makes me feel like I’m constantly on trial in my own house.

A big part of this seems connected to me gaining more independence. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 6 years, and we’ve talked about possibly moving out together with his sister. When I brought this up, my mom didn’t seem happy or supportive. She mostly acted like it would be extremely difficult and made comments about how she wished we were engaged before living together. But when I asked her if she would be happy if my boyfriend proposed to me right now, she said no. So it feels like the issue isn’t actually about being engaged. It feels more like she’s uncomfortable with me moving forward in general.

She has also said things like she feels like I don’t appreciate her and that she hopes one day I will. That hurt because I do appreciate what my parents have done for me, but I also feel like any step I take toward adulthood gets treated like rejection or disrespect.

Another issue is that she keeps acting like I’m purposely avoiding spending time with the family. But I’m not trying to avoid anyone. I’ve been working a lot because I’m trying to save money for a car and eventually move out. I’m genuinely exhausted and trying to build my future, but it feels like she takes that personally and acts like I’m choosing not to be around them.

It’s frustrating because I feel like I can’t win. If I work a lot, I’m “avoiding family.” If I talk about moving out, I’m being unrealistic or unappreciative. If I explain myself, I’m arguing. If I don’t explain myself, I’m probably being rude or distant.

I don’t think my mom is evil or anything. I honestly think she may be insecure about me becoming more independent or afraid that I won’t need her the same way anymore. But instead of saying that directly, it comes out as criticism, guilt, or arguments over small things.

I’m trying to figure out the best way to handle this while I still live at home. What's the best way to navigate this situation without bending over backwards trying to appease my mom and her insecurities?

Hi! I’m looking for recommendations for a sporty-looking daily driver under $12k. I’m open to sedans, coupes, or hatchbacks, but I really like cars with a coupe-ish / sporty look.

Some examples of the style I’m drawn to are the Subaru WRX, Scion tC, Mazda3/Mazda6, Nissan Z, Kia K5, etc. I don’t necessarily need something super fast, but I do want something that feels fun and like an upgrade from a basic economy car.

I’m hoping for something 2015 or newer if possible, and I’m fine with mileage up to around 130k max as long as it’s reliable enough to daily drive. Bluetooth and a backup camera would be a big plus too.

What models should I be searching for in this budget? And are there any sporty-looking cars under $12k that I should avoid because they’re secretly money pits?

I got into a big argument with my mom over money, and I want honest opinions because I know I may have come off too critical.

For context, my parents have made a lot of poor financial decisions throughout my life. I don’t say that to be cruel, but it has affected me and my siblings in real ways. There has rarely been much savings or financial stability, and now that I’m trying to handle adult things like getting a reliable car, I feel like I’m picking up the pieces of years of bad money habits.

I recently got denied for an auto loan even with a cosigner, so I’ve been really stressed about saving for a down payment, working more, and figuring out what I can realistically afford. I’m planning to work two jobs and save as much as possible, but the whole situation has been weighing on me. I also know I can’t really rely on my parents for financial help, even though they had mentioned possibly giving me $500 toward a car.

The argument started because my mom showed me my sister’s graduation announcements. I saw that they cost over $100, and I commented that it seemed like a lot to spend on paper/announcements. I said I could have made something similar for free or much cheaper, and that she should shop around. Looking back, I can admit I probably sounded judgmental and frustrated instead of helpful.

My mom got extremely upset. She screamed at me to shut up, told me not to talk to her for the rest of the day, and said she couldn’t even look at me. That really hurt because I felt like her reaction was way bigger than what I said.

My dad then got involved and told me I was “on the verge” of not getting the $500 they had possibly offered me for my car, and that I needed to respect my mom. I told him I wasn’t even expecting the money anymore and that I’m trying to save on my own.

I apologized to my mom for how I came across and told her I wasn’t trying to control her money. I explained that money is a sore subject for me right now because I’m stressed about the car situation and feel like I’m figuring everything out alone. She later apologized for yelling and said she felt hurt and unappreciated.

I understand that it’s technically their money and I probably should not have commented so sharply. I also understand that my mom may have felt judged. But at the same time, it’s hard for me to watch money get spent on things that feel unnecessary when I’ve spent my life being affected by my parents’ lack of financial planning, and now I’m struggling to build stability for myself.

AITA for commenting on my mom’s spending, even though I know I came off too critical, because I’m frustrated by how their financial choices have affected me?

I’m an Instacart shopper, but I don’t even have the customer app. I randomly got texts from the Instacart short code saying an ALDI order was confirmed, and then another message saying the shopper started shopping. I didn’t place any order, and I don’t see any charge or pending charge on my bank/card.

Is it possible that a customer accidentally has my phone number on their account or order? Has this happened to anyone else? I dont think this is a hacking issue, since I see nothing coming out of my bank account.

Hi everyone, l'm just trying to figure out all of my options here. I went to a dealership to see my options on a roughly $12k car, and they said even with my mom as cosigner, I would not be approved unless I put about $3,400 down.

They told her that although she on paper was considered a good co-signer, that because she has two auto loans in her name, it really hurt our chances of being approved.

My dad's regular credit score is lower, around 600, but he has less debt and is only cosigned on one vehicle currently. I also suspect his auto enhanced score may be better than his regular credit score because his auto history is cleaner than his general credit profile. He's also trying to raise his score before I actually buy.

Would it be worth trying him as a cosigner instead, or is the lower credit score likely to hurt more than the lower DTI helps? He makes around $80k a year, so l do think he has the income they'd be looking for. I'm trying to understand whether a lower score/lower DTI cosigner could potentially reduce the required down payment compared to a higher-score cosigner with multiple auto loans. Just trying to make sure we have explored all options before I go all crazy trying to save 3k.