u/Throwaway927338

My (33F) husband (34M) and I share a fun and precious little girl. She is all toddler right now and is in a very exhausting but very fun age. She is primarily with me basically all day. Some days she goes to “school” (2 days a week) but otherwise it is me and her until my husband is off work.

Last night we did a very fun family evening of throwing a baseball in the backyard and just hanging out together. Tonight my husband got off work and said “family time!” And I said “go one babe, go play with daddy” and he said “come on you’re coming too” and I said “no you’re fine yall need one on one time and mama wants to lay here for a bit” and he said “I know I’m capable of watching her by myself” (like I was insulting him or something?) and I said “…yea I know you are, that’s the point, I trust you.”

And anyhow, now they’re outside playing together and I’m lounging. But, I don’t think it’s a crazy request to want to be alone for a minute while they play right? That wasn’t a selfish request? Plus it’s actually healthy for them to have this time to themselves and for me to have time to myself.

My introversion needs didn’t disappear when I became a mom and I need to figure out how better to like put my foot down when I need a beat alone and not feel guilty about it. And I need a better way to communicate this need in the moment too.

I breastfed my daughter until about April of this year so it has been a minute since we weaned. But, I don’t know where else to post this. I never had a clogged duct or mastitis or anything during our breastfeeding journey.

Two days ago my left breast started to feel very tender on the inner side, almost felt like it was bruised or something. It felt/feels kind of heavy like when I was nursing. Today I avoided carrying my daughter on my left hip because even that added pressure and was a bit painful. And now I just checked and I see these red kind of streaks right where it is sore, it’s two lines of red that join in like a circle, maybe like a > almost.

Is this possibly some sort of mastitis beginning or am I just freaking myself out? I’ve never experienced this so I’m not sure if I should call my OBGYN in the morning or wait until something? I don’t feel any lumps.

That’s it, that’s the post. And I don’t know what sub is more suited for a post like this. But, I know this sub has other parents with children my daughters age and maybe someone understands.

Before I had her, before we even started trying, I was in the mentality of “we want to be parents, we’re equipped to be parents, let’s be parents!” And we Adore her. But, this decision to have a second is I guess involving a lot more consideration and anxiety for me specifically.

I had PPA and that has basically just turned into general anxiety. And it could very well just be that. But, I don’t know I just keep spiraling over the pros and cons and just feel stuck.

I can’t believe I never made a post about this, but I have to share. For any new breastfeeding moms or those that are pregnant and thinking about breastfeeding-nipple shields Saved my breastfeeding journey.

I had never even heard of them until my mom mentioned that she used them for us when I was still in the hospital after having my baby girl (who is now 1.5yo.) The hospital LC was not supportive of them for whatever reason, but I trusted my mom and was seeing that breastfeeding was a much more steep learning curve than I anticipated-so my husband went out and got them and I gave them a try. And let me tell you, I sing their praises now to any new breastfeeding mom because they seriously are the only reason my breastfeeding journey survived past those initial weeks.

Just wanted to share if it helps anyone!

And I used the lansinoh brand.

I am a 33yo mom to a precious 19mo. I had maybe some anxiety before her, but when she was born I struggled with anxiety to a level I’d never experienced before; a lot of overthinking and panic attacks thinking I’d accidentally harmed her in my sleep.

We made some changes in those early months and within the first year that I think really had a positive impact on my anxiety surrounding her and motherhood. But now I feel like I’ve just transferred it into general anxiety. Just constantly overthinking everything and it just feels like my thoughts will not shut up.

Even right now, I am overthinking a dentist appointment that I had to make myself thinking the dentist is going to feel like he wasted his time because my issue isn’t an actual emergency to me even though the lady at the front desk said that it was an emergency and she was going to fit me in. Just one little example of the constant overthinking and guilt feelings and feeling like I can’t get enough off my chest to clear my mind.

I think I just need to feel like I’m not alone or that this maybe is in the realm of normal as a mother. I don’t know. It’s just all new to me and it’s becoming a lot to handle for myself.

Our daughter is 19 months old. And over the course of her life, my husband and I have had two semi date nights. One was a really good date night because it lasted longer than five minutes, but the other was a quick dinner and then back to the house where my in-laws were watching her.

And I asked my husband over the weekend at what age would he feel comfortable having a responsible teenager that we know watch our daughter while we have a date night and he said not until she’s potty trained. Which I think is valid reasoning. But kind of also all I heard was it won’t be another year until we can have another date night.

So date night aside at what age do you think you will feel comfortable with a responsible party watching and babysitting your child? Not a parent or in law. But on a Saturday from 2 to 4 a responsible teenager watching your child at your house?

(My husband and I do not have a village. His parents live a few hours away and do visit semi regularly and my parents live 10 hours away and unfortunately aren’t able to visit as regularly.)

I quite genuinely Hate going to the dentist. I hate the smells, I hate the chit chat, I hate people being in my mouth, I hate feeling super insecure about my dental health, I hate it from start to finish. I push off appointments until I just absolutely have to go. And my husband goes regularly and has no issues with it. One of the last times I went I was on the verge of an actual panic attack, it was bad.

But, we have a daughter now and I just don’t want her to have the same fears and insecurities and I want her to see mama go and know “this is good for my health and it’s not scary.”

I have an appointment next week, first one since before she was born, and I’m already dreading it. What are some actual, real tips of how I can work on overcoming this fear? I already plan on asking my hygienist kindly if I can put in my headphones and just like not speak during the appointment.

Basically just the post.

How much time during the week does your spouse/partner spend one on one with the children?

And how long consecutively do they often spend one on one? (Like, does your husband ever take let’s say 3hr fully one on one with the kids?)

Edit: Ok yea after seeing all of the comments, my husband and I will be having a chat. Thank you all for sharing!

My girl, 19mo, has very recently figured out that she can offer me food like I offer her food. And it’s absolutely precious. But, sometimes a snot covered goldfish is just not appealing but I feel bad declining her offer because it’s so sweet. So, how much of the toddler snack offers are you actually eating vs declining? 😂

It seems people are rarely using the terms boyfriend or girlfriend anymore (at least online) and are exclusively using the term partner. Now, generally, I don’t care-use whatever term you want. But, I do have two small grievances with this change.

1. Partner, to me, insinuates “long term, but unmarried”. And I’ve read so many posts that read “my partner of 3 months.” And I just find that…silly and I’m sorry if that comes off as judgy. But, that’s your boyfriend/girlfriend and calling them your “partner” just feels like you’re trying to put on an image of your relationship that isn’t accurate. Like, it’s inflating the seriousness of the relationship in a way.

2. Partner, at least from my perspective and understanding, (I’m straight) is a term primarily associated with the queer community specifically before the time of legal gay marriage. And it feels a little like young straight people are taking over a term that the older queer community was forced to use because they weren’t legally able to use “husband/wife”.

Anyhow that’s my little soapbox moment. Anyone else have thoughts on this?

Fiction or non fiction!

What is the last book you just could not put down?

Fiction or non fiction! What is the last book you just could not put down?

My precious daughter is 18mo and is with me during the day while my husband works from his home office. I own a small business but my job is quite flexible so I’ll either work from home or take her into the office. But, on a day like today I will be working from home all day (from the dining room table) but have some staff out so I’ll have to be much more hands on. But, I still have her to feed, clean, entertain etc. And my husband just came out of his office to say after work let’s all go to the park together and it was so hard for me to put a smile on my face. What I’d Greatly prefer is for him and her to go to the playground together while I do literally anything else. And I feel horrible that I’m burning out on my own family who are by far the most precious things to me. But, I know I can’t be alone. But, I don’t know how to explain this to my husband without sounding like or feeling like the worst wife and mom ever. And when I’ve tried to talk to him he’ll be like funny and say something like “come on \_\_\_, mama doesn’t want to hang out with us.”

My precious daughter is 18mo and is with me during the day while my husband works from his home office. I own a small business but my job is quite flexible so I’ll either work from home or take her into the office. But, on a day like today I will be working from home all day (from the dining room table) but have some staff out so I’ll have to be much more hands on. But, I still have her to feed, clean, entertain etc. And my husband just came out of his office to say after work let’s all go to the park together and it was so hard for me to put a smile on my face. What I’d Greatly prefer is for him and her to go to the playground together while I do literally anything else. And I feel horrible that I’m burning out on my own family who are by far the most precious things to me. But, I know I can’t be alone. But, I don’t know how to explain this to my husband without sounding like or feeling like the worst wife and mom ever. And when I’ve tried to talk to him he’ll be like funny and say something like “come on ___, mama doesn’t want to hang out with us.”

Mostly just the title, but I’ll expand more here. I think I may have grown up a little bit of a prude. I didn’t have alcohol until college. I didn’t smoke weed or cigarettes ever and have never even seen other drugs outside of weed. My husband, on the other hand who I love very dearly did not have the same experience growing up. He was a big old stoner when we met and has dabbled in other casual drugs.

When we first met in our early 20s, it was honestly really hard for me to understand and I guess be around even weed. Again, I know that makes me sound like a prude. I’m not trying to be. I’m just telling you my experiences. Over the course of our relationship, though he has matured a lot I have Grown and changed my perspective a lot. He rarely
ever smokes anymore and has never done any other drugs since we’ve been together. Which I am happy with.

But he has some close friends from high school & college that I feel like have never really grown up and I at least in my mind, relate the increased drug exposure and experiences to their more stalled adult lives. They all are still stoners in their 30s, some of them live in their parents basements which is fine but when we are with them, it feels like past or current drug use is the primary topic of conversation. And it kind of annoys me in a way?

Like when I’m with my college friends, I completely understand that we might talk about some drunken nights for fun memories or past situations or something like that. And I guess it’s the same for them. But hearing them talk about, hearing my husband talk about, casual cocaine use from college or popping Adderall constantly each weekend or psychedelics and mushrooms. I don’t know. I just feel myself revolt or my shackles go up weirdly.

And I know again it’s just my upbringing and my lack of personal experiences with drugs that it just makes me uncomfortable. But does anyone else feel like this or have other perspective that might help me feel more understood or less uncomfortable around people who have lived different lives than myself I guess?