u/_king2003

I (23M) have my first neuro appointment coming up and am trying to figure out what to expect.

So it is suspected that I have focal aware seizures because I get sudden waves of very intense Déjà vu and fear that last a few seconds to a minute.

But I lowkey feel dramatic seeing a neuro bc it’s not like I am full on convulsing but still the random fear and stuff is scary.

Just curious what the first appointment would be like. Is it just me talking a lot explaining everything? Like I said I feel dramatic so I’m worried they’ll judge me for going there

Thanks for the help!

I usually have cavities when I go to the dentist and it’s frustrating but I am trying to work on it

I got better toothpaste and toothbrush.

I am good about brushing in the morning but not good at night 😪 (I’m fat and don’t wanna commit to being done eating for the night)

And I have been flossing about one or twice a week.

I started T at 18 and was hoping to start passing way quicker than I should have but this is ridiculous

I started passing some around three years in and now I pass abt 80% of the time. My issue is I pass when I talk to people for a minute but if I’m around people for a while they end up thinking I’m a girl.

I’ve posted a pic in the ftm passing subreddits and everything says I look like a guy.

My voice is deep but I do talk like a gay man and have some feminine mannerisms. I do think this is part of it but I am literally gay and married to a man.

I am mad that I don’t get read as a gay man in these situations but as a women. I wish I could be feminine like cis boys can and people still think I’m a boy.

It’s just hard. I should be passing all the time since I’ve been on T so long. I have an appointment next week w my dr to see what we can do to fix this.

I don’t hate being trans but I just hate being misgendered.

The final assignment I have been waiting on was graded. I am done with college. I am so excited.

I have worked so hard for this degree. I came out to my parents freshman year and they cut me off financially and made me homeless and forced me to drop out if school. I always knew I would figure things out.

It was hard but I managed to go back and finish. I’m 23 now and just got my bachelors. I start my masters in social work in a few weeks. I’m very proud of myself and grateful for the support of friends and my husband (who was just my very good friend when I came out lol)

I text my family some but haven’t seen anyone since coming out five years ago. They say they’re proud I graduated but I find that frustrating bc they tried so hard to make that not happen.

I’ve done ABA since January. I never rlly desired to work w kids but wanted something in the psych related field since that’s what I was getting my bachelors in.

I ended up really like it and liking kids more than I expected. I care for them a lot and am glad that have become more patient and understanding in general. I also work part time doing another job with kids for a few hours after my full time ABA job multiple days a week. Then I come home and do school for my online degree.

I just finished my psych degree and was expecting to be able to spend this time to recover and feel better. But I don’t. I am so exhausted everyday, even when I sleep good. I’m less patient and just so over it some days even if it isn’t a bad day. I start my masters in a few weeks and in January I will be required to do a part time internship, forcing me to go down to part time on my full time job. If it wasn’t for this I would go try to find a higher paying psych job right now but I just don’t think anywhere would be as flexible as ABA in letting me go down to part time in January.

I’m just frustrated. I was rlly liking ABA but I am getting tired of it and I feel like 8 months is too short for me to already be tired of it. The plan was to continue doing it until I’m done w my masters in two years but if I already feel like this now idk how I’ll handle two more years.

I believe in ABA. I think it changes lives. I want to help these kids for a few years. But I am so tired.

How do yall deal w burn out? How do yall bounce back?

I usually am very good at giving my husband a meaningful gift for birthdays/christmas/etc. but I want to give him a ‘just because’ gift bc we’ve both been rlly busy lately and I just want him to feel appreciated. I don’t want it to be anything expensive but just something small to show I care.

What are some small just because gifts you give your partners?

Edit to add we’re both 23

Okay okay I try to avoid using ai for school but used it for some planning and some writing (but I went back and rewrote it into my own words) bc it was a 15 page paper and I was just too busy, I don’t wanna hear abt how AI is bad I know it is.

But I am so fucking nervous abt this shit. I didn’t copy and paste anything. I wrote 95% all by myself and then a little bit just rewriting into my own words. But my biggest fear is getting accused of using AI.

I’ve been having a hard time getting my testosterone since moving and I think the pharmacist at one place was being transphobic. Bc I went a few days ago and they said I need prior authorization from knsurance but could pay out of pocket. I said no but changed my mind and went back later. They said I couldn’t pick it up bc it was the NP sent it across state lines. Also said I needed to see my doctor in person within the past year (I’ve used telehealth). The company I get my T from said that’s not sure but the pharmacy didn’t care. Switched to a different pharmacy and got it no problem. And I looked up those things and there not true. Probably will call to complain.

So I am an online student getting my bachelors in psychology and graduate in three weeks!!!!

My online gen Ed classes were super easy. My psychology courses were a little more thought provoking and time consuming but nothing crazy.

Well I’m doing my senior seminar right now and it is fucking insane.

So for background. I work Monday-Friday 9-4, then go work my second job for around two hours, come home eat and shower then do schoolwork until around 9.

This fucking senior seminar is anywhere from 8-13 discussion post a week!!! AND he is a strict grader. If we get a bad grade he will ask follow up questions that we can answer to gain more points, at first I was happy abt this chance but I don’t have the fucking time when there’s 13 discussion posts!!! He expects us to read 100+ places of scientific journals a week!

We also have a 10 page paper (not including title or references) due at the end of the semester. So I’ve been trying hard to get ahead on the paper while simultaneously staying on top of the discussion posts.

I rushed through some discussion post the other night and got two zeros!!! They weren’t my best work but damn!!!

I’m just so tired. I spent 8 hours today working on schoolwork and still have more to do. I’m so tired and worn out. I was so excited to graduate, but now idc I just want to be done w this fucking class. I have a B but idc I just want to pass it at this point.

I’m just stressed out bc he is such a strict grader and idk how I’ll do on this paper. I need a break. I’ve never had a class with this much work.

I(M23) have gotten a referral to see a neuro, just kinda wanting to talk abt what’s been happening.

At first I thought I started having mild panic attacks abt a month ago but a few things didn’t add up.

I’ll be doing something or talking to someone and then all the sudden everything “clicks” and I get insane deju vu where the last few sentences someone says I suddenly realize I saw in a dream or something and I get a huge wave of fear where I think I’m abt to loose control. Sometimes I feel like I ‘see the future’ (bc I ‘saw what just happened’ , the future is the rest of it) and I am full blown freaking out, everyone watching etc.

It only lasts maybe a minute and then I’m relatively fine, just spooked.

I’ve had deju vu for as long as I can remember, but it’s never been like this. Never been accompanied with such fear.

I also now have had episodes of just sudden fear where I genuinely don’t know if I am giving myself a panic attack from the anxiety or if it is neurological.

Also about a month ago there were multiple times where I suddenly smelled something w no obvious reason of the source. I kinda joked to myself that I was glad it wasn’t a burnt toast smell or else I’d be scared (bc I thought that was the only phantom smell).

Anyways I googled my symptoms the other day bc I was getting concerned and saw focal seizures and that’s what it seems to be. Spoke to a dr this morning and got a referal.

Idk why I would be having seizures. Nothing has happened to me. I’m just glad they don’t seem bad but still scary.

I (23M) have had a few full blown panic attacks in my life but that was years ago.

I’ve always had bad deju vu. Since I was a kid I remember feeling like I had a glimpse of a moment previously at least once a month.

So these panic like episodes I’ve been having started a little less than a month ago.

I will be somewhere with someone and will just get a wave of anxiety. It’s like I’m fine one second and then the next I’m looking around bc there’s been some sort of shift. My chest tightens and I feel like I’m going to panic. I typically get deju vu. This moment has happened, yet now I can see the next moment and it is me having a full blown panic attack and everyone knows. And it’s very embarrassing. So take some deep breaths and try to focus on the conversation and it passes, I haven’t gotten to that full blown panic attack that I “see in the future”. The feeling subsides after like a minute but I’m always left feeling spooked. Like wtf was that. This has happened 1-3 times a week for the past month.

Background on my mental health. I’ve struggled with a variety of mental illnesses for as long as I can remember. I was on meds from 18-20 for anxiety but stopped bc I felt like my anxiety got better, which it has. I’ve considered my mental heslth very good for over a year.

I do have a lot of stressors going on in my life but that’s not new. I work a full time job and part time job and go to school online full time. I finish school next month and then start my masters. My financial situation is good, just working a lot to pay for school out of pocket which is a privilege. I’m married and have a very supportive partner and enjoy my jobs. Overall things are very busy right now but it’s all things I want to be doing and wouldn’t change anything.

What tf are these episodes of anxiety. Are they considered mild panic attacks?

I (23M) have had a few full blown panic attacks in my life but that was years ago.

I’ve always had bad deju vu. Since I was a kid I remember feeling like I had a glimpse of a moment previously at least once a month.

So these panic like episodes I’ve been having started a little less than a month ago.

I will be somewhere with someone and will just get a wave of anxiety. It’s like I’m fine one second and then the next I’m looking around bc there’s been some sort of shift. My chest tightens and I feel like I’m going to panic. I typically get deju vu. This moment has happened, yet now I can see the next moment and it is me having a full blown panic attack and everyone knows. And it’s very embarrassing. So take some deep breaths and try to focus on the conversation and it passes, I haven’t gotten to that full blown panic attack that I “see in the future”. The feeling subsides after like a minute but I’m always left feeling spooked. Like wtf was that. This has happened 1-3 times a week for the past month.

Background on my mental health. I’ve struggled with a variety of mental illnesses for as long as I can remember. I was on meds from 18-20 for anxiety but stopped bc I felt like my anxiety got better, which it has. I’ve considered my mental heslth very good for over a year.

I do have a lot of stressors going on in my life but that’s not new. I work a full time job and part time job and go to school online full time. I finish school next month and then start my masters. My financial situation is good, just working a lot to pay for school out of pocket which is a privilege. I’m married and have a very supportive partner and enjoy my jobs. Overall things are very busy right now but it’s all things I want to be doing and wouldn’t change anything.

What tf are these episodes of anxiety. Are they considered mild panic attacks?

Okay this is a very odd post and I (23M) am embarrassed , please bear with me.

So I am a clean person. I shower at least once a day and I like to be clean.

I was never rlly taught to clean ur belly button. It never occurred to me until I was a teenager that maybe this is something I should be doing but just kinda forgot abt it. When I was 18 and first got a “happy trail” I noticed an increase in belly button lint but nothing crazy.

Then one day when I was probably 21 I noticed a smell at work one day and my belly button was itchy. I went to the bathroom and put my finger in the belly button hole to see what was going on (lol) and it was kinda moist and definitely smelly. I put some soap on a paper towel and cleaned it the best I could. It fixed the itchyness. But no matter how many times I tried to clean the paper towel would still smell (but no odor just existing anymore).

So after this incident I’ve tried to pick up on the hygiene but it’s been two years and it’ll still smell rlly bad. It hasn’t smelled strongly or gotten super itchy again. And I truly believe others can’t smell it bc my partner has never mentioned it.

But if I try to clean it with a q tip it ALWAYS smells. Even if I literally just cleaned it it always have a smell. It is a little moist sometimes and there’s been a few times when there’s a tiny amount of blood when I put the q tip in.

I have always had a deep belly button hole, but right now I am chubby so it is extremely deep and I can’t see the bottom.

I know this is so odd and I feel like I’ve never seen anyone else talk abt this.

So some background info on me. When I was 12/13 I developed an eating disorder then relapsed bad when I was 16-18. Got down to >!104lbs!< (I’m 5’6) and felt awful and was having heart palpitations. I was able to force myself to recover since I would be moving out of abusive situation and knew I needed to get healthy to work and shit.

I’ve been recovered for around 5 years. I ended up gaining a lot of weight a few years ago and got up to >!230lbs!<. I went on ozempic and am now >!200lbs!< (off ozempic now). My goal wasn’t to be skinny but just feel healthier.

ive been fighting the urge to relapse. Not even because i want to be skinny, but I want some control. I’d like to potentially loose >!20-30lbs!< but id still be chubby at that weight and im okay with that. It’s the control I want.

I’m abt to graduate w my bachelors degree online and I will start my masters a few weeks later. I work a full time job and then part time job to help save for my masters. I’m trying rlly hard to pay it out of pocket.

I’m just overwhelmed. I work around 50 hours a week and then do school online. I am tired and stressed abt paying for school. I miss the control and power I felt when I would restrict. I wanna feel that control again

I work full time and signed up for five classes so I can graduate in two years (non advance standing).

I’ve been doing 15+ credit hours for undergrad and am doing ok so just curious what the work load is actually like.

How many hours a week do you actually spend on schoolwork? Does a full 5 classes seem like too much? Any advice ?

Just to clarify I’m talking abt their online program

So I’m in a very happy supportive relationship with a man for five years. When we met he said he was straight.

So hear me out lol

He always knew I was trans but I didn’t start transitioning for a few months. We started dating when I was two months on T. He always said he was straight but that he also didn’t rlly care much abt gender. Like he’d be willing to date a guy. When we started dating I made it very clear that I will continue transitioning, eventually get top surgery etc and needed to be one it and he has been very supportive.

He’s very affirming to me, all his coworkers know he’s with a guy, very supportive of top surgery , all the things lol. I’ve never felt like he’s had a problem w my transition.

He now just doesn’t label his sexuality. Says he doesn’t care abt gender. I’m the only person he’s ever been w.

I’ve been on T for about 5 years and pass 95% of the time, definitely look like a guy lol.

Just curious abt others experiences. I have heard so many terrible stories abt people who start dating “straight men” but I rlly don’t see any of that in my situation

So this is very new and has just began suddenly in the last two weeks. Just wondering wtf this is

I (22M) will be somewhere in public and randomly get concerned I’m going to have a panic attack. I was out to dinner w my husband and just all of the sudden got anxious and felt like I could see the future of me having a panic attack in front of everyone and not being able to calm down. I tried to calm myself down and it worked. I told myself everything was fine, literally nothing was happening and I’d be ok and the feeling did pass. This is happened a few times over the last few weeks. I just suddenly get so anxious that I’ll have a panic attack and I hate it. It happened at home for the first time tonight. I just don’t understand.

I’ve had maybe three panic attacks in my life, never in public, and I haven’t had one in years. So this fear is so sudden and there’s no reason for me to have it.

I’m not sure what’s changed. My mental health was awful from like 12-21 but it’s been rlly good recently. I moved to a new state in January and have been thriving. I don’t understand what’s happening.

Last night I didn’t wanna go to a party for my husbands coworker bc I was worried it would happen. I did it anyways. I had the feeling and the fear suddenly but worked through it. I’m scared to go to work tomorrow. I work w disabled kids so I literally cannot have a panic attack, I have to be present and work w them. I’m going to make myself go bc I obviously need the money but I’m scared.

Is this agoraphobia starting, anxiety, what ?

So this is very new and has just began suddenly in the last two weeks. Just wondering wtf this is

I (22M) will be somewhere in public and randomly get concerned I’m going to have a panic attack. I was out to dinner w my husband and just all of the sudden got anxious and felt like I could see the future of me having a panic attack in front of everyone and not being able to calm down. I tried to calm myself down and it worked. I told myself everything was fine, literally nothing was happening and I’d be ok and the feeling did pass. This is happened a few times over the last few weeks. I just suddenly get so anxious that I’ll have a panic attack and I hate it. It happened at home for the first time tonight. I just don’t understand.

I’ve had maybe three panic attacks in my life, never in public, and I haven’t had one in years. So this fear is so sudden and there’s no reason for me to have it.

I’m not sure what’s changed. My mental health was awful from like 12-21 but it’s been rlly good recently. I moved to a new state in January and have been thriving. I don’t understand what’s happening.

Last night I didn’t wanna go to a party for my husbands coworker bc I was worried it would happen. I did it anyways. I had the feeling and the fear suddenly but worked through it. I’m scared to go to work tomorrow. I work w disabled kids so I literally cannot have a panic attack, I have to be present and work w them. I’m going to make myself go bc I obviously need the money but I’m scared.

Is this agoraphobia starting, anxiety, what ?