u/bananabunns62

I'm completely embarrassed that I dont know certain common knowledge things because my parents and teachers failed to get me help. I failed grades and was pushed ahead when I was failing. I also tried learning stuff but I forget it and not in a good environment to teach myself things:/ I can't even go to school bc everything deals with socializing:/ does this classify as a learning disability? I'm too burnt out to even find a therapist and many keep saying they dont take my insurance or arent helpful:/

News has been getting crazy and especially learning about the Cornell case and how men are more likely to be abusers like a close one in ur life that u trusts:/ the statistics were high & I cant help knowing do I really know my guy friends? Could they ever do this? They seem sweet but theres always that what if?I don't want people telling me I'm just anxious. I've been molested for nearly a decade of my life and haven't even recovered & ofc was victim blamed. I hear all these crazy stories and I constantly hear how to keep my guard up and how to protect myself BUT IM SO TIRED😭😭ITS EXHAUSTING! I tried going on a walk alone but I have to constantly be alert and checking my shoulder so that's not fun:/ I also hear women are more likely to be re- assaulted. I feel like I'll let my guard down and smth will happen and honestly idk if I'll be able to handle it again I think it will honestly full on break me😔

My family calls me lazy if im sleeping or need a nap bc im exhausted physically. Like no? My body needs a break like the rest of people its a sign it needs a break. Who tf came up w dumbass thought?

Having to scrub my body from dirty is tiring and a whole process not to mention i have a skin disorder to deal w. Just constantly have to scrub dirt off me tires me so much. :/ how do u guys do it.

I'm craving a sweet dessert but realised I cant make brownies bc I dont have enough bananas:/ what can I do

Before I slept I sh and made me feel worse physically and lil ill. When I went to sleep I woke up and just thought about this one true crime case and how I can relate to it on how certain people like w my situation can turn evil and can become evil and...kill. Idk why I think this but I sometimes think about how I can kill my family in my head and get away with it. I dont think I wanna actually kill them even tho they drive me nuts I just ig from a crime pov since I watch a lot of true crime how can i easily get away w murder? Ik I SOUND CRAZY😭😭 I also hear bc I have ocd ppl maladaptive day dream things like this? Idk. But... recently I did feel homicidal bc my brother thats now in college and isnt home used to abuse me a lot and couldnt take it anymore and figured that no one was gonna help me so i felt like nths left anymore so whats the point so killing was my last thought. But since im getting abused at home I do get these thoughts but idk I don't think ill actually do it. On top of that I remember a few yrs ago which has me thinking if I have some mental disorder or these feelings r just a cause of deep tramua and stress. But idk I was struggling mentally deeply and Idk what was going on but Idk if I have a personality disorder or what...but felt like I had split personalities and one kept wanting to take over like my evil side... and i was so scared.

I never seem to get any friends on that app I notice theres only a few people avaliable now to even swipe on. Someone else made a post about this if it's a glitch. I even change my setting distance to far out and still get less than 10 people & Ik theres more than 10 on this app. But also no one ever swipes on me :/ my profile doesn't seem bad. Or if I even do THEY NEVER TALK TO U! It'll be months and forget the app exists. I can never even find a friend & when I get depressed af and lonely I re download it hoping maybe ill find a friend 😞 the group chats r lame af and I get ignored. I dont wanna be in a damn group chat im tryna make some friends.

I saw a comment towards Manon when her friend commented under her bday post by katseye and one commented how she only has "white friends" and how its weird as a black girl to have only white friends😒when I mentioned how her best friend is white bc shes from fucking EUROPE WHAT DO U EXPECT and they still went "still its still weird" BRUH WTF!?💀U cant win w these damn idiots. And then I mentioned she moved to America but also ive seen her w not just white friends shes also getting hated for having a white bf. This shit pisses me tf off!

​

I'm happy its a latin type of song and hope to see more music styles get embarrassed by the girls based on where they're from. Btw ik Dani isnt from Brazil but u know what I mean.

I'm honestly thinking about just leaving my family im dealing w a lot of abuse and the shelters r full and they're arent any helpful resources and I'm not getting any good sleep lately and constantly getting harassed when I try to. I cant take it anymore I dont have any friends or other family either to take me in:/ I'm a 23 yr old woman btw from the u.s.

My nanas extremely abelist and shes gonna corner me asking personal questions especially about my health and ask the same obnoxious repetitive questions like why I cant do certain things🙄😒 how do I shut her down so she stops I'm so tired of her.

My SH has been affecting me physically and sometimes I think theres no point of getting better bc ive probably did irreversible damage to my health.I wonder if others feel the same way?

Currently alone rn and everyones asleep and just feel sad and alone/unwell. Could use some nice words:(

I would like to use my crayons and oil pastels but due to my mobility disability it can be hard and tiring since I gotta press hard to darken and color things. Is there anyway I can still achieve this? I just really like how drawings look w these art tools.