u/mental_dissonance

Got laid off May 18th. Got on Texas unemployment in the middle of July. I'm required to do a minimum of 5 work search activities each week. My last money request date was the 12th. That's when the computer had said that my requirement was changing to 3 activities a week. I had already done one job application, so my thought process was "I can easily do the next two by Saturday". Well come Saturday, I'm fucking pissed all day and trying with every fiber of my being to not snap at my 74 year old grandmother who cannot remember her passwords and kept pestering me with questions on how to get YouTube premium and would freak out at simple functions like pulling down the notification menu and turning on the flashlight. I spent a lot of my Saturday stewing and trying to distract myself to not shriek my lungs out. Then I realized "OH SHIT I DIDN'T DO THE APPLICATIONS".... at 11:59 pm.

So many of the jobs I've saved want me to do cover letters and I literally cannot do any autistic masking like employers expect in them -- so I procrastinate on a lot of the saved positions on LinkedIn. By the time I realized that I fully forgot, it was too late to scurry through the Easy Apply positions.

This would be the second time they withhold my money when I have to make the request next Wednesday. I had my money withheld before because the pharmacy gave me the wrong type of Wellbutrin and it made me feel extremely stoned the whole week. They did what was called an ability review. I'm now scared that if I say anything about executive dysfunction, they're going to cut me off of my last unemployment check completely. My parents are depending on that check because neither of them can work. I'm too scared to tell my mom that the last $300 might either be delayed or not come at all. And Texas absolutely despises giving any kind of extra aid, so applying for disability is out of the question. The last thing I need is potential employers seeing ADHD on my background and making up an excuse to refuse to hire me. Or worse, being probed on why I'm requesting disability accommodations for neurodiversity when I've worked a professional job before and have a Master's degree.

What the hell do I do when I'm inevitably questioned over the phone by Workforce next week???? Who else here has fought through ADHD while fulfilling the quota for unemployment?

I miss the feeling I got when visiting this awesome smoke shop in 2017. I haven't been able to recreate that feeling in forever. The feeling of pure liberation with my soul inching so close to self-accepatanxe and self-love. I wish I could shake 22 year old me violently and tell them "YOU NEED TO FUCKING FIGHT!!!" Why is it too much to ask to want things without being forced to sell my soul to corporatism??? I already worked in AI for almost a year. I'm not about to fucking repeat that experience.

I always have bad luck in this department. I've lost my job, so I can't attend those kink group munches as much as I'd like. I also constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY get propositioned by men who are 20+ years my senior, gross wannabe doms, or just plain unattractive. I hate it hate it hate it!!! I'm wondering if there's a spell that's equivalent to a money bowl, but for getting good sex?

I took the EKG without caffeine. I can't pick up the results yet, but apparently my heart is doing something that the doctor doesn't like. I'm already stressed with a psycho roommate and moving next week and feeling lost after a layoff I feel like I'm going to have a second syncope episode in the near future. Doctor was talking about irritable foci and heart monitors and metoprolol that idk how to process any of it!

I live in CCTX. Yes, we're literally called Body of Christ and we're under an embarrassing water crisis, but I swear to God we do have a pro-choice/queer/generally leftist pocket here. We even had a Planned Parenthood years ago until the doctor retired.

I was on a bus so I couldn't get a picture. Three guys with identical buzz cuts all wearing the same beige suits. One holding up a red banner on a stick like those medieval knight signs. The other two just holding signs that read "Honk to end abortion". They seriously remind me of those guys from the Charlottesville rally in 2017. Bad vibes all around. I wonder if they're part of a bigger anti-choice org given their creepy identical getup. But I also feel like it's worse when the anti-choice people are women.

My psych had affirmed that Wellbutrin was the go-to if I wanted to get my libido back and concentrate better and not have my MDD symptoms feel worse. People keep saying that Wellbutrin and Lexapro is like, the magic combination. Don't get me wrong, Lexapro gave me back my ability to feel like a human. However, my ADHD is pretty bad and my sex drive is nearly eliminated.

I'm barely feeling awake at almost 8pm after spending all day feeling extremely sluggish like if I were stoned AF. Almost zero sex drive. Little desire to be productive. I tried cutting the 150mg pill in half to try 75. Still gives me hours of severe tiredness. When I called the clinic about it, the receptionist said the psych will only meet in person to talk about it. I can tell that this man is likely going to gaslight me and tell me to put up with it. I won't be able to go back to him anyway since I lost my job and can no longer afford the copays.

I really needed somewhere to vent about this. None of my AFAB friends have PMDD, so I can't really find IRL people who understand. My luteals suck so much they even bring out more of my OCD symptoms. Hell, these fucking face tics I have get worse during luteal! And of course the psych insists that it can't be tardive dyskinesia or atypical tourettes. So now I'm wondering what else is possible to try. HRT? A regular ADHD pill? L-theanine? I also have PMOS if that means anything.

Next month will mark a year since going inpatient for the first time. I'm in the middle of luteal. I really wanted to cry while shopping at the mall, which I'm normally really happy about. I was getting this awful sinking feeling similar to what I was having before I called a friend and they went with me to the ER.

I've been speculating that PMDD might have been a factor contributing to me voluntarily checking in. I had had four days of panic attacks and was close to becoming a hermit. Was afraid to go outside even for grocery shopping. The depressed feelings were getting so bad that I was literally wanting to die in my sleep. Then I got my period in the middle of the psych stay, and I recall my mood seemed to lift significantly after. I think the trial of Zoloft had made it worse. I've also been theorizing that it might have been PMDD symptoms that made me think my Lexapro was no longer working, thus leading to me trying different meds that made me worse.

I recently posted about being so sad and flat that I didn't even want to shower. Some replies were suggesting that I should give myself permission to let it happen. Well.... The hospital is why I fight it. I don't want to let the luteal depression win and then I end up in bed staring at the ceiling for several days. It's one of my biggest fears. I'm now debating if I should add L-theanine supplements to my magnesium and vitamin D.

He's struggled with addiction since before I was born. Knowing the stories of his childhood, I've come to understand why he's always had issues. I was very shocked to learn that he went back to a church and started attending these spiritual classes. He got his second baptism in April. It takes me back to being a little girl thinking I had the coolest daddy ever. He might not have many years ahead due to the cocaine addiction and hernia causing a bad infection in his intestines, so I've 95% forgiven him. He's attending something called brotherhood classes and I'm happy about that. Even though I wish he'd consider joining any group for former addicts. He's openly acknowledged that he wants to change for the better -- especially for my mom, because he knows how much he put her through through their years together. They got married when I was in the tummy!

Fuck cocaine and fuck meth!

All of you deserve hot fresh cookies. And animal cuddled

I'm a lovey Dovey drunk but I also can't help feeling lots of love in general. Makes the world 10% less scary.

I've done the bare minimum of changing my underwear, eating, drinking water, brushing teeth, taking meds, etc. I felt motivated for laundry after my coffee.... And then it all just disappeared. I hate that feeling like I'm so flat that I can't even laugh at my usual Instagram reels. The level of boredom and sadness gets me worried that I'm having the same horrible feelings that led me to my first inpatient stint. Which next month is gonna be a year since it happened. I'm wondering if anyone has a way to fight through the painful flatness instead of sinking into it and staying in bed all day?

I can't kneel at all. I'm obese and kneeling is very painful for me. Even if I do it on the cushions in a church.

I lost my job May 18th. I was approved for unemployment. I waited over a week to get the card. I decided to call the bank to ask if they could track where my card was. That's when I found out that it had arrived on the 21st, but I never even got to open the letter because it was stolen! They withdrew $300 and did two other transactions -- which correlates with the psychotic roommate (I live with two people and the other roommate is a wonderful older lady) going to work into the late nights. Plus at our apartment complex, it's a shared mailbox only accessible by the unit residents. This is far too suspicious to be coincidental when the second roommate has harassed me in the past which caused me to have a panic attack and call the cops. The cops and the apartment management refuse to do anything until she actually turns physical. I've also found my room door slightly open twice. The door refuses to lock with the regular room key.

I made the police report this past Friday. It takes 3-5 days to start the investigation process. My bank is supposed to send me the new card in 7-10 business days. However, I'm fearing that Psycho Roommate will steal that one too.

I've actually done a handful of rituals to try to make things better. I burned a small candle with luck oil in my crystal bowl. There's a thick row of salt in front of my door. I've made crosses a couple of times on my door with holy water. I recently tried a freezer spell: the roommate's name on a piece of paper placed in a bag filled with water, hot sauce, and my spit. In the back of the freezer. I can't really tell if it's done anything.

I'm asking for all the positive vibes sent my way. I'm already having terrible astrological transits that reflect what a shitty month I've had. I'm also dealing with a UTI that put me in the ER last week. I need to make rent and other bills. I really want to have my money back with my new card delivered safely. And for the psychotic harassing bitch to be out of our lives for good.

I took one around 5 pm. This is the one in the blue box that doesn't have caffeine. I read about interactions.

I'm not sure what to flair this. I don't think I've posted here before. I've lived in this city since 2016 when I came here for college. Graduated last year with my master's. Now I've been laid off last month from the only non-school job I've had. To be truthful, it was working in the AI industry and I really hated doing that. So I'm mostly relieved.

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But now I don't know what to do. I have a lot of connections in my current city, so I hope to be able to still make trips to visit if I get unemployment money. I don't know what path to take after. I'm autistic with ADHD. I learned brutally that neurodivergent people are ABSOLUTELY NOT MADE FOR 40 HOUR WORK. It's ironic since I dreamed of doing a job like teaching or academic research. I love critical theory and creative writing. I've been published three times and presented at writing conferences. Now I'm uncertain about trying to go back to my passions.

So far, these are the options I've thought of:

1. Go live with parents for a while. Do freelance or remote work while living there if I manage to get such a job.

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2. Apply to work at my alma mater or the community college. Preferably in administration or faculty.

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3. Live with parents and save up until I can move out again.

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4. A writer-in-residence program or fellowship

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5. AmeriCorps. However, I can't drive and am prone to panic attacks. I look at this option because I would love to have an occupation where I can finally travel like I've dreamed of. I hope to do traveling before my body starts collapsing on itself at 40.

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6. I never thought about the Peace Corps until now. I would look at it further if Ebola wasn't happening. Do they accept an AuDHD obese person who can't drive or do math?

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I've also been craving the comfort and safety of home due to burnout from just having to exist as an adult. I long for my mom's food. I love being surrounded by the several chiweenies my parents own. I miss having a dog trying to wedge himself between my legs to sleep. My grandma just turned 75. She's a second mother to me and my siblings. My parents are 54 and 53 respectively. I've had some feelings of anticipatory grief as I go through my 30s. My dad recently got baptized for a second time while battling a 30-year addiction and is gradually trying to redeem himself to his family. So now I actually feel okay being around him in the house. Plus he might not have long left after nearly dying in 2021.

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I'm hoping that people here will see this and offer advice that can help me choose what path to try next. I don't always articulate very well.

She has been harassing me and my other roommate for over a month. Tonight she actually pushed me to a breakdown where we had a verbal altercation and cops were called. She actually smirked at me when she saw me crying. Called me inhuman. All I did was sit on the couch watching TV and she decided to start bullying me. The leasing office refuses to do anything until we have physical proof of her harassment. I was so shaken up by everything I only got a handful of video footage outside of the main altercation. I tried praying Psalm 53 while sprinkling holy water. Why hasn't she finally been kicked out for everything??? I don't even feel safe coming out of my room anymore. I can't move out yet and I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid that the office will still refuse to do anything.... Or worse, decide to take her side.