u/miscellaneousbean

Hello, I (23f) had a conversation with my best friend (27f) about HRT and how it causes PMS like symptoms and how it’s caused. At one point she said “I can’t wait to have my first period! It’s gonna be so funny we’re gonna be watching a movie and I’ll just randomly get a cramp and die lol”.

I did a lot of research on the subject because I wanted to be as knowledgeable as possible and when it comes to cramps specifically HRT can cause physical stomach cramps but the way it happens is a little different from cisgender women. For cisgender women, estrogen affects the smooth muscle within the uterus when it’s shedding its uterine lining. It’s why we have cramps but it’s deeply tired to our uterus. For trans women it cramps due to the estrogen affecting the smooth muscle within the stomach and intestines. So when there’s a large amount of estrogen it affects the way those muscles contract and often weakens them as well. And of course the more emotional symptoms of PMS also happen because inserting estrogen in your body is going to mess with your hormones a lot and your hormones mess with your emotional. A term I hear some trans women say is “HRT cycle” to describe it but I digress..

It made me feel uncomfortable and slightly offended to hear her say that? Obviously, I don’t feel or want to make her or anyone else to feel less of a woman. I also understand that what trans woman feel physically and emotionally while on HRT (estrogen) is VERY real and the symptoms are also very real and I respect that.

I feel like calling it a “period” (menstrual period) is kind of wrong. Because it isn’t a menstrual period. As a cis woman I feel like my experience as someone who deals with a uterus and the struggles with my cramps and specifically physical blood lost, involuntary biology (just being born this way and not being able to change this, and navigating menstrual stigma, pregnancy fears, birth control side affects, and eventually menopause are my own? I’m not sure how to describe it. I don’t want to offend anyone or sound like I’m transphobic because I’m frankly not. And these feelings are quite conflicting for me. I guess using the term “period” in the way she did as well almost felt like it minimized how it feels for cis woman? Like she’s excited for it and can’t wait for it to happen to her and to me it’s just like. It’s not a good thing for most women. It’s not “fun” and for her to treat it like it kind of is makes me feel weird about it. I’m also aware that this is just something I’m feeling of course but I also feel like quite a few cis women feel the same way?

I guess I’m wondering what I should do about this? Should I just ignore how I feel and keep our friendship as amazing as it already is? Do I even tell her I feel this way? Shes my best friend and I don’t want to come off like I’m minimizing her womanhood either. I want to be very mindful about this and I want to be a good friend as well. Any advice is appreciated.

CLARIFICATION: one thing people mentioned a lot was how much they were excited for their periods. This was entirely a surprise to me just because most of the people in my life hate it so I had also grown to also wish to never get it. So, that also gave me some insight on why she would be excited over this milestone.

UPDATE: Thank you everyone who has responded and commented. Aside from a few really rude people, you have all been very insightful, kind, and helpful. Thank you for giving me some grace and not completely lashing out on me. I’ve gained a lot of understanding from everyone especially from those who are trans, you’ve taught me a lot on what it’s like for you.

I have decided that I’m not going to tell her how I feel and support her as her best friend. especially since talking it through with all of you I’ve changed my mind on the matter. I also found I was probably being too sensitive about it and she’s just trying her best just as well as I am too. I will however probably delicately talk to her about how it could be dangerous to say this in front of people in public though as some of you’ve have stated that people could get aggressive.

I’m happy that most of you were able to understand my intentions are/were not malicious whatsoever. Just like some of you’ve said I am also growing as a person as well which is why I try to be mindful about these things. I will not be responding or replying to posts that are just trying to aggravate or stir the pot. This is not the place for that :) your hate is not appreciated.

I put cat sitter in quotes because it was just my parents’ house. I moved apartments and I wanted to make sure the cats (Mango and Miso) wouldn’t get in the way, so they stayed at my parents for two days. They’ve stayed there before for about a week while I was out of town. The first stay went very well. I set them up in a guest room. They were nervous at first since they’d only ever known my apartment, but my little sister played with them every day (she sent pics of them cuddling in the room) and when I picked them up they were their normal selves.

This time was completely different. They were set up in the same guest room with their litter, food, and toys. I also left a shirt that smells like me for comfort. As soon as they were released from the carrier they began hissing at nothing, and then they started hissing at each other. They then went under the bed and started hissing and fighting. After they separated, they seemed calmer as they explored the room.

The next day I stopped by during my move to check on them. My sister said they’d mostly stayed hidden and separated, Miso under the bed and Mango under the dresser. They did come out to eat and use the litter box.

The day after that (today), I went to pick them up. They were hiding when I got there, but Miso came out when she realized it was me. She rubbed on me and seemed normal and affectionate. Then Mango came out and they were still hissing at each other. They usually share a carrier, but because of how they were acting I got a second one for the car ride. At the new apartment they’re still hissing at each other. They’ve started exploring the new place, but whenever they cross paths they hiss.

I expected some apprehension because it’s a new place, but I don’t understand why they seem to be upset with each other. I know that with cats if one of them smells weird after a vet visit, the other might react negatively to them until they smell right again. But they were together the whole time, so if one of them smells weird they should both smell weird. Is that why they’re upset? And why were they so stressed out at my parents despite the conditions being identical to their last stay?

Will they get past this? How can I help them adjust and love each other again?

>!I know a warren is a rabbit habitat, but the G?!<

My fiancée and I have been together for a year. We're part of the same friend group. I have 2 boys, ages 8 and 10. She has a 19-year-old son.

My fiancée does not live with me but started staying over to get the kids used to having a stepmom.

Last Saturday, I was called into work. Fiancee offered to watch boys. I warned her that they are high energy, but she wasn’t concerned.

I didn’t hear from fiancée other than the kids were fine. I was too busy to constantly check in, but I figured if there was a problem, she'd let me know.

When I got home from work, fiancée and her son were gone. My boys were both home. The 10-year-old was in tears, which is not common for him. He said fiancée took her son out.

My boys’ side of the story is this: they wanted the 19-year-old to let them play with his Nintendo Switch Lite. He didn’t want to lend it out because he thought they were too young and hyper to be given a Switch. I have no problem with this because it's his Switch. They bugged him a few more times but let it go. they asked him to play catch, but there was a heat advisory out and he doesn't like heat. They started asking him about his Switch again. Eventually, fiancée took the phone they share away and put it out of reach. She told them, “If you can’t respect my son enough to leave him alone about his electronics, then you are obviously too young to handle your own electronics. Shortly after that, she took her son to lunch and out to go shopping and left the boys alone.

The 10-year-old was frustrated by the time I got home because there was a heat advisory out, and the house was very hot. He tried to adjust the thermostat, but it required a digital override that he couldn’t figure out. The smoke detector started chirping due to a low battery, which was giving both boys a headache and making the 8-year-old jumpy. Neither boy could reach the detector to change the battery, not even when standing on a chair.

My fiancée comes home and says the boys were driving her nuts so she left. Her excuse was that the 10-year-old could watch his brother. I told her she was wrong, that a 10-year-old is in no way mature enough to babysit, especially without access to a phone. She countered by saying in 3 years he will be a teen, and 13 years old is old enough to babysit. I said to her, “So should 13-year-olds drive because in 3 years they will be 16? Should 18-year-olds get drunk because in 3 years they will be 21?

I broke off engagement. Our friends are saying I’m an asshole and overreacting. I am starting to wonder if they are right. I am just so livid that she would leave 2 little kids alone without calling me. Everyone said she didn’t call because she was stressed out and needed a break.

So, AITA for dumping the woman over a bad afternoon?

 EDIT: Couple of edits to make things clearer: Why were the kids being obnoxious? Probably because they were cooped up inside due to the heat advisory. They are used to running around outside, playing sports. For the folks who think 8 and 10 is too old to need a sitter, I disagree. I'm a medic, and I've seen some tragedies happen when kids this age are left alone. Where is the bio mom? She passed away when they were 4 and 6. To their credit, the kids did make ex-fiancée an apology card for acting up. They haven't given it to her yet.

Another edit: I am not sure why she turned the AC up. I don't think it was to be malicious.

I have no anger at the 19 year-old. Switch Lites are expensive and breakable. I don't blame him for not wanting young kids messing with it. I did tell them when someone says NO, that should be the end of it. We are working on boundaries at home and in therapy.

For the people wanting to know why the smoke detector freaked them out. I was surprised that it had them riled up myself. it sounds like by that point they were both frustrated. They both have ADHD and it comes with some sensory issues.

No, before this incident there were no signs of problems with the kids. They were excited to have a mom for the first time in 4 years.

She doesn't like leaving her son alone because he has anxiety/OCD. That has a lot to do with him and ex taking off. I am not blind. My boys are hyper and extremely active. They are sweet kids, but I can understand how a teenager with anxiety would be overwhelmed by the rowdiness. I usually have them run all the energy off outside but it was crazy hot out and I think the minute they saw that Switch they both went ape shit. they don't have electronics other than the phone and the phone is not something they play with much. Even though I don't agree with the two of them leaving, I still think the boys were somewhat in the wrong for not taking NO for an answer.

I discovered Caleb through Zac Rios videos. The clips he showed were crazy, but pretty tame. I decided to watch some full Financial Audit video. The first one I watched featured a Disney mom and her husband who had threatened to divorce her. Neither were good at spending, but the wife was obsessed with Labubus. They had a two year old son. It was a hard watch, but I enjoyed the format.

I bounced around watching bits and pieces of a few other videos until I landed on one about a couple where the husband was caught subscribing to an AI girlfriend service. It started off normal enough, but when the AI gf was brought up, pretty much all focus turned to that (with a brief detour for Caleb to smirk at the other spouse who uses she/they pronouns). I started to feel unease at this point.

The conversation quickly devolved. The non-binary spouse was slowly breaking out in a rash on her neck. And while I don’t feel much sympathy for the husband since he was lying to his partner, he looked genuinely terrified. The confrontation dials up, with Caleb just hammering (heh) away at the guy as he turns redder and redder. None of it is about finances, just him trying to get the guy to explain the AI service. Eventually he leaves the room and apparently breaks down sobbing with one of the producers. The show takes a break where Caleb and his team just sort of giggle backstage as they try to figure out what’s going on.

At this point I realized this wasn’t about finance. I was essentially watching a Jerry Springer episode except “Springer” is berating his guests until they cry. I can’t speak to how real the Hammer show is, but it didn’t seem like the guests were acting. At least on Springer the guests are told to dial up the drama. I felt gross watching a guy have a breakdown in front of millions. I felt gross watching a relationship fall apart like that. And I didn’t learn anything about finances (other than the obvious — don’t spend all your money on stupid shit).

So yeah, I wasn’t a long-time watcher, but I’m done.

EDIT: Also it’s insane that he gives financial advice while shilling twenty different apps/subscription services/bullshit.

So we are sitting there watching fireworks and this thing comes out of nowhere and hits my wife in the shoulder. She flips out because she thinks it's a bat.. and she has a thing about bats. Neither here nor there I guess. Anyway, it's one of these light up planes that you throw around, like a paper airplane. It's a kids, he comes to get it, wife hands it to hi, So we're sitting there watching fireworks and the same thing happens again, hits my leg and all that maybe 3 min later.

I pick the thing up and kid who is about 4 comes to get it. I say I'm holding on to it until the end of the show, we're trying to watch. Parents are about 25 feet away and can see the whole thing.. did nothing to stop it.. Did tell him the first time to apologize I think but nothing sincere.

Anyway, dad, who we'll call "Pietro" (Not his real name... probably... because how the heck would I even know what his name is, am I right?) comes over and flips out like I'm trying to keep his kids toy. I said, 'I'm trying to watch fireworks, I told him I'd give it to him when the show is over." Mind you, fireworks are still going. Dad is going on about how I have no right. I don't even know if he actually asked for the thing back, but I handed it to him and told him not to give it to his kid before the show was over... which set him off because who am I to boss him and all that.

So... it ended up being more of a distraction than if I'd just given it back to the kid after the second time.... Was I the J for trying to hold on to this thing so we could enjoy the show in peace? I get that no one likes other people parenting their kids or whatever, but I feel like I should have a right to watch the show without worrying about projectiles.

TLDR. AITJ for trying to hold a kids toy til fireworks were over.

I feel like I know how this will go but I’m genuinely still too annoyed.

On holiday with groups of friends - and kids. Three families really.

After a nice day by the pool and we’re catching the lifts to the rooms when one child, 10, not mine, thinks it’s acceptable to knock my beer over me. (The beers are half pints so say a quarter pint spilt on me) The child laughs and I, in annoyance, chuck another 100ml of the beer over him. (Not so funny apparently)

Now I knew the child had done it deliberately, I watched him line it up and he even admitted to it later by justifying that he had “done it because…“ (because I’d made a joke about someone - my partner, who was stood beside me, jokes are our love language) but it all happened so quickly including my kneejerk reaction and I’ve held my hands up that I shouldnt have.

(Particularly annoying as I’d queued for the beer so I could have that amazing balcony beer in my room while others got ready)

I know I *shouldnt* have done it… but a spoilt ten year old child, who has never been told no, who thinks it’s ok to disrespect an adult friend of their parents and then laugh?!?

If I’d done such a thing as a child I wouldn’t have sat down for a week!
If my ten year old child had done it, they’d have been sent straight around to apologise.

So now the whole atmosphere of the holiday has been ruined.

AITAH? I am absolutely certain (due to prior record) that even had I not reacted, there would have been no apology forthcoming from the child or parents.

So now I’m sat fuming that I’m not even worth so much as an apology or a recognition that I shouldn’t be being disrespected by a ten year old on my holidays… I’ve a ten year old of my own for that!

I actually like dogs (though I prefer cats). But I *hate* when people say there’s something wrong with you if you don’t like them. There are plenty of valid reasons to dislike dogs. They can be a lot of work. They can be gross. Poorly trained dogs can be annoying or even dangerous. Even if the reasons are completely illogical or irrational, who cares as long as they aren’t harming animals?

To be clear, I’m not talking about people who are gleeful or vicious when talking about dogs. But I’ve seen people called psychopaths, heartless, evil and worse just for saying they don’t like dogs.

Y0 is my first Yakuza game ever.

[SPOILERS FOR YAKUZA 0 — Chapters 1, 2, and the beginning of 3]

So one of the big reasons his introduction was so great for me actually goes all the way back to the beginning. We spend two whole chapters learning what it looks like to be an ex-yakuza. Through Kiryu we see that the ex-yakuza lose fingers, get murdered, live in destitution, and often kill themselves. Then we learn that Kiryu’s mentor and idol is working against the yakuza because he believes that Dojima is a threat to the city.

Jump to this new character who immediately commands an entire room with his charisma and skill (it’s also a little scary how manipulative he can be). We see Majima stop an attacker without even laying a finger on him, turning the attacker into a hero, and then coming out on top with all the money. Then we see him genuinely be a good manager to his people. At this point we’re fully on his side.

But then the owner shows up and we see Majima literally brought to his knees by the yakuza, an organization that seems in complete to opposition to the kind of person Majima is. He’s *begging* to join this greedy and violent organization. We want to know why.

It also brings into question everything we’ve seen so far. He isn’t an ex-yakuza trying to find success outside a life of crime, or trying to get on the straight and narrow. All of that money he brought tinto the club is going straight to the yakuza. His amazing management skills (which is really just treating his guests and employees like people) are all in service to an organization we just learned is trying to literally take over the city.

Why is Majima so desperate to get back in? Sagawa points out that he literally has everything he could ever want, but he really only cares about getting reinstated. Why was he kicked out of the yakuza in the first place? If he knew what we knew about Dojima, would he still want to rejoin? Is his gentleman badass routine real, or an act?

I’m already so intrigued by this guy (and the story in general) and it’s only been like twenty minutes.

(Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I was not sober while writing this)

I’m only at 45 out of 70 Miis but honestly I can’t ever see myself completely filling the island. At 45 I’ve already noticed I’m neglecting some of them, particularly the ones that don’t seem to have many relationships (no matter how hard I try). I’d rather replace these Miis with new ones I come up with than fill the island with 25 more Miis that only ever have acquaintances.

Does anyone feel the same? Who have you booted and why?