u/noctua_8

Typed as SX3 for a bit but realised I misunderstood how I manage my image in terms of instincts and am probably SX blind, so:

ESFJ ESE-Fe 3w4 369 SO/SP FEVL Sanguine–Melancholic SLxAI

I've done this a few times using the basic questionnaire you'd find on the PDB wiki, but I'm doubting my type so I'm trying a different set of questions. Though I deleted half of then because they were kind of ass but anyways...

**1. What are your views on the good things in life? Do they happen naturally, or do you have to create them yourself? **

There's no handouts in life beyond your starting hand. Everything else is earned.. Unless you win the lottery or something, then all the power to you. But for the average person sitting idly while dreaming is a horrid way to waste your life, potential, freedom.

I'm prone to indolence and stasis because numbing is easier than suffering while trying but it's always worth it to pursue what you want, making it reality. Because what could the alternative be.

**2. How do you handle your emotions?**

I'm highly aware of my own feelings on a surface level. Happy, sad, angry. Beyond that I have to intellectualise, and rationalise, because I'm a stranger to my mechanisms. I perform and mask excessively to appear how I desire, to avoid ridicule. So anything deep down is often repressed because while I can understand myself actually embracing myself is a whole other endeavour.

**3. Are you extroverted or introverted? If ambiverted, when do you lean toward each side?**

I'd consider myself extroverted, not in the shallow 'social or hermit' sense but because I actively gain energy from being around people. I get depressed and slouchy easily if I'm not surrounded by people or interacting with them in some kind of way.

Though simultaneously I spend a lot of periods by my lonesome because I get so drained doubting myself and fearing others that I have no energy left to expend.

I doubt my ability to captivate others, like make them actively interested in me. So I agonise over every little comment and question and response because I don't want to 'fail' socialising, because I feel pretty useless if I don't live up to this ideal of somebody who's sociable with friends and is always busy...

Though it is more of an ideal than something that I make happen. If I can't attain something then I idealise a future where I have it and pursue it.

**4. What values do you hold dear?**

I gauge my values based on my relationships. I shape myself internally a lot to match and harmonise with others because I want them to like me. So anything controversial or iffy gets concealed unless I feel safe about expressing myself. If I feel that something has crossed the line ethically I'm more likely to leave quietly than make a scene over it.

If I were to choose a value I actively upkeep though it's not misusing power or leverage. I was bullied a lot throghout my school life due to being neurodivergent, and I felt failed by those that I was meant to be protected by – parents, teachers, counsellors.

I internalised my own worthlessness as if it were fact, and I think that my bullying sparked my strongest motivator in life – proving my worth. Becoming someone who can't be criticised, because I have these friends, or these skills, or these accomplishments. I want to appear flawless but simultaneously I fear becoming confident and mindlessly wielding that against people I may foolishly view as 'lesser.'

**5. What are you as a person? How do you see yourself?**

I see myself as a blank canvas, something to be curated and shaped. I view my experiences and how others perceive me as the brush that smothers anything veracious and innate in my soul, with layers smothering my core in a cyclical haze. I am however you perceive me, a mismatch of hues and textures that'll never be finalized, for there was never a vision to be followed. Only a goal, to adapt through any methods necessary.

There weren't any questions dedicated to the instincts so I'll write freely ig 🥀

SP: I seek simple pleasures and gratification through my body. Food, drink, sleep, sex. I have a bad habit of treating my wallet as monopoly money... I care a lot about my possesions as they reflect myself in an inarguable sense. I'm drawn towards an idea of material financial success – houses, cars... – but it's less because I want the object in of itself and more because I'd look good for possessing them. I can be reckless when stressed, seeking whatever stimulation I can – from numbing myself with food, excessive physical activity, going through dangerous areas at night...

SO: I care a lot about how people perceive me, about having a community and friends and being viewed as successful and likable. I take whatever I can for fulfilments sake from Social, and once I'm satisfied I can ignore it until it becomes a problem again. I am sensitive to hierarchies and power imbalances though, I think that'd be under Social?

SX: I'm engrossed in the idea of being desirable and chasing others I find desirable in the raw sense of "This person makes me feel alive, pursue them." But... I'm frankly clueless in manipulating the Sexual instinct. I perceive it. I understand it. My whole life can revolve around someone I am energetically fascinated and obsessed with. But I have no clue on how to make myself part of the equation. I interact with it, but that's about as far as it goes. Could be a lack of confidence perhaps?

I have a lot of freetime and want to try socialising online because my community is kind of dead 😭 I spend most of my time tending to my hobbies, gaming, writing, music... I've been spending a lot of time lately playing Overwatch 2 and am lowk highk needy for a duo or group that isn't ass because my IRL's are buns.

I'm (not yet but anyways) a Psych major, social sciences in general really interest me since my focus is heavily on others, so it works out ig? I'm also active in communities for pop-psychology like MBTI and Enneagram if that's of any interest.

and i don't trust that anybody will read more than maybe perchance 2 paragraphs so I'll hush 🥀 feel free to look over my profile for more info

It's the subtype I understand the least beyond stereotypes TBH. I'm familiar with Naranjo's descriptions and other authors like Chestnut. Competition, conquering others theu envy and putting them down to feel better about their own insecurities. Making others suffer so they don't have to.

But... Obviously not every SX4 is like that right? This can't help but read as an interpetation of a highly unhealthy 4, rather than the default/average.

I only live for the sake of not hurting those that care about me with any actions I'd take to prematurely end things, but fucking hell what is the point? I chase things that give me a shot of dopamine and then it's onto the next thing, and the next. Weeks become months become years but nothing ever changes.

I have never had a purpose in life that lasted, I can't conceptualise finding value in something that makes me get up in the morning because anything I have tried indulging in just fails or leaves.

I chase simple pleasures to fill the void but it's just filling a glass with droplets of water that spill out on the other end because I can't maintain any long form of whimsy.

Life is purposeless, I'm without joy in any substance that isn't the kind that gets you addicted. I'm mediocre with a simple life and I have no willpower to change things. Why would I?

People come and go, endeavors fall flat, and you're right back where you began contemplating why you ever bothered getting attached to anything. Loss breeds complacency when you realise that wanting is the sin that leaves the wounds, but without wanting there's no point in living.

Sooo fucking boring man

I haven't played any FPS but Apex for a hot minute, trying to come back to Overwatch was a culture shock guven how high sens is rather glorified, the opposite of what I'm used to. So I've been running 10% on both vertical and horizontal, linear ramp, with everything else at 100 and all deadzones at 0.

It has its moments but I'm having the same issue with higher sens where I have blips where I just miss every shot and resort to ability or melee spam. I'd rather not delegate myself to heroes that don't need aim/minimal aim. So going back to my question, are my settings why I'm geberally aiming poorly? Or does it not rly matter?

I'm generally copying the instrument settings, too, but sometimes samples sound completely different than they did in their original song, even when I adjust the key and tempo?

I'm gold but probably high plat/low diamond in skill. Whenever I try ranked it just makes me feel miserable – teammates always hotdrop, which I don't mind, but RP is designed around playing the game like a BR, not deathmatch.

So however many kills you can squeeze out in one game you lose because you couldn't find a gun on drop in fragment for the next 3 games. Watching my rank continously dwindle as I die 9/10 within the first 5 minutes is just disheartening.

Call it a skill issue but I don't get what you're meant to do against half the lobby, especially if your team isn't pulling their weight. Running lobbies with diamonds/masters in pubs manages to be a surprisingly more balanced experience, sometimes your mates have game sense lol

I'm 18 and none of the options work. Face scan, text, ID too for some fucking reason none of it works?? I've contacted PS support and not heard back either.

Been trying Newcastle recently and trying to get used to having 2x the hitbox of skirmishers is proving challenging. I'm used to just swinging fights from cover but obviously that doesn't work when you're so easy to hit. So I started playing from shield with his tactical, but I can't use anything that isn't an smg without going down practically every time, which is frustrating as that isn't at all my weapon pref.

Posting here since main sub loves removing posts for no reason 😒

Was fun for the first few days but now I'm completely sick of it. Sandevistan makes it the perfect game for pussies to avoid ever having to fight, and makes the gamemode such a headache.

Every other life in the new wildcard I'll be unable to use abilities, my ult, and cyberware. Which is basically a complete death sentence given how reliant you are on these things in this mode. Really frustrating as it's a stain on an otherwise enjoyable event.