u/Favbrunette004

Hello everyone, I (22f) went on a walk+coffee date (very common in Germany) with a guy from university last week. The date was pretty good, I did not had this type of connection with someone for a while. He walked me home since no public transportation was available. Then I invited him in (not for sex tho, did not let him to my room at first). Anyways, one thing and another we ended up having sex. I got the plan B the next day.

1-2 days later, we hangout again. He was seemed very stressed, he attempted to have sex with me but he was losing his erection. I told him not to stress, I don’t judge him and it is okay if we don’t. He told me he has pressure and anxiety, therefore I opened up to him about my past with vaginismus. (It is a condition which penetration is impossible/painful)

Anyways, after talking a little bit he got comfortable and we had sex. After the sex I asked him if he really likes me or he just likes having sex with me. He says that he likes me, he likes sex too and then adds that he likes me as a FRIEND. I said okay and turned my back to him.

Then I told him that I want to smoke or drink, he said okay and I just started drinking very very fast. Then we had sex again, this time I did not let him kiss me during it. He sees that he upset me, then he tells me he has issues with his family. I open up to him, he opens up to me and we end up talking about our past relationship. Then I confess him something that happened to me few years ago which absolutely broke me. I never said this out loud to anyone. Then I start crying and he starts to console me. I was very embarrassed and exposed. I ask him to have sex with me again but he just puts me to bed and tells me to go to sleep. He even suggested to leave, but I asked him to stay just for this night.

At night I woke up, locked myself to bathroom and cried. ( happened 2 times) then i went to bed again, but I dont touch him or hug him, I was cuddling with my plushie, though he put me under the blanket since I was cold.

In the morning I was a wreck. I think I never felt that bad in my life. I gave him the cola I bought for him and the book he asked. Before he was leaving, he asked me to inform him about my period and he wanted to hug me. I pulled back and he looked a bit of shocked. Then I just told him that I don’t want to see him or talk to him. He said okay and left.

However, he texted me on the weekend asking about my period. I told him I did not get it yet. Then I texted him yesterday that I got it, he texted me something like “im very happy to hear that, I hope you don’t have much period pain.” I texted him back saying I am doing fine and everything is good. I thought he was not going to answer me.

I check my phone in the morning, he texted me something like if my periods are always intense and heavy. I am very very very confused. What does he want from me? Is it mixed signals or am I overreacting? Is he pitying me because of the things that happened to me? Will he say other people what happened to me and what happened between us?

Hello everyone, I (22f) went on a walk+coffee date (very common in Germany) with a guy from university last week. The date was pretty good, I did not had this type of connection with someone for a while. He walked me home since no public transportation was available. Then I invited him in (not for sex tho, did not let him to my room at first). Anyways, one thing and another we ended up having sex. I got the plan B the next day.

1-2 days later, we hangout again. He was seemed very stressed, he attempted to have sex with me but he was losing his erection. I told him not to stress, I don’t judge him and it is okay if we don’t. He told me he has pressure and anxiety, therefore I opened up to him about my past with vaginismus. (It is a condition which penetration is impossible/painful)

Anyways, after talking a little bit he got comfortable and we had sex. After the sex I asked him if he really likes me or he just likes having sex with me. He says that he likes me, he likes sex too and then adds that he likes me as a FRIEND. I said okay and turned my back to him.

Then I told him that I want to smoke or drink, he said okay and I just started drinking very very fast. Then we had sex again, this time I did not let him kiss me during it. He sees that he upset me, then he tells me he has issues with his family. I open up to him, he opens up to me and we end up talking about our past relationship. Then I confess him something that happened to me few years ago which absolutely broke me. I never said this out loud to anyone. Then I start crying and he starts to console me. I was very embarrassed and exposed. I ask him to have sex with me again but he just puts me to bed and tells me to go to sleep. He even suggested to leave, but I asked him to stay just for this night.

At night I woke up, locked myself to bathroom and cried. ( happened 2 times) then i went to bed again, but I dont touch him or hug him, I was cuddling with my plushie, though he put me under the blanket since I was cold.

In the morning I was a wreck. I think I never felt that bad in my life. I gave him the cola I bought for him and the book he asked. Before he was leaving, he asked me to inform him about my period and he wanted to hug me. I pulled back and he looked a bit of shocked. Then I just told him that I don’t want to see him or talk to him. He said okay and left.

However, he texted me on the weekend asking about my period. I told him I did not get it yet. Then I texted him yesterday that I got it, he texted me something like “im very happy to hear that, I hope you don’t have much period pain.” I texted him back saying I am doing fine and everything is good. I thought he was not going to answer me.

I check my phone in the morning, he texted me something like if my periods are always intense and heavy. I am very very very confused. What does he want from me? Is it mixed signals or am I overreacting? Is he pitying me because of the things that happened to me? Will he say other people what happened to me and what happened between us?

It is like a cancer, it poisons you everyday. You try to ignore it, but the outbursts and leaking comes so strong.
You do things to get ur mind off, you go to gym, you try to read, you try to connect.
People judge you for the things you do. Tell you that everything is gonna be fine. But it never does. Because days, weeks, months and years pass. It is just a bit better sometimes.
You try to be your own home, sometimes you even do. You try to love yourself. You try to open up, you try to be yourself and you try to be kind. You try to forgive your parents. You try to forgive everyone who hurt you. But you fail. Over and over again. You hate the way that you need someone else by your side, it makes you feel weak. You hate to open up, because your wounds are too deep, and people make it deeper. You don’t feel belong to this world, but try to find something to hold on. People find you weird, people find you grounded, people find you too much and unstable. And you can’t tell them why. Because your words and tears have been used up already.

How someone can be this dumb? I do not know honestly.

I went on a date with a guy from university, but we matched online. I thought we would have some coffee and go to our ways, never talk to each other again after 1-2 hours.

Then we just liked each other, at least I thought. We ended up in my student room, we were reading some parts from my favorite books. We end up kissing, cuddling. He tells me that he loves my smile. Dumb me, I believe in it. I did not feel connection like that in a while. I felt secure. I did not feel bad. Felt right. Then he slept at my place. I even gave him a toothbrush. And I don’t like people sleeping with me in my bed.

Yesterday he came over, we were hanging, we had sex. I asked him if he really likes me or if he likes sex. He said he likes me, he likes sex too but he likes me as a friend. I crashed down. Something broke down in me. I am so mad at myself. I am so so so mad at myself. I am hearing stupid words which tries to console me. I am just dumb and idk what to do with it. Idk how to fix my scars. I am tired.

The worse, I drank and had sex with him again. Then tried to have sex with him for 3rd time, he did not fuck me. I told him about how my ex boyfriend raped me, I started crying. He consoled me. I did not want that. I did not want to say that. Then he told me to open up more. He told me he can be my friend and still care about myself. I said it doesn’t work like that for me. I do not know what is wrong with me. I am just mad. Mad at myself.

He slept with me in my bed. In the morning, I went to bathroom few times. When I was back to my bed, I hold my plushie so I would not need him hold me.

I am mad at myself. Because I am weak. I need other people. But I never learn that other people cause deeper scars in my heart. I just want to forget.

Hello everyone, I (22f) want to become a Christian (Catholic). I grew up as a muslim, but I never liked Islam or felt belong to it.

A year ago, I went into a church, there was no one. Just me. I never felt more safe, calm and protected. I think it was a sign from Jesus.

I can’t deal with the things I am going through anymore, I think I need Jesus.

I want to become christian and go to church regularly. How can I do this? Should I just go to a church on Sunday and ask the people from there? How this works? My german is not bad, but it is not the best either. Will people judge me because I am an immigrant or grew up as a muslim?

Thank you.

Edit: here is no place for discussions. Do not tell me to stay muslim, because I do not identify myself as one anymore since the last decade. I am going through a hard phase with my life, I am reading some parts of bible, I feel relieved, peaceful. Religion is my last stop before everything gets worse. Please be respectful and do not forget that everyone is going through a battle we have no idea about.

Hello everyone, I (22f) want to become a Christian (Catholic). I grew up as a muslim, but I never liked Islam or felt belong to it.

A year ago, I went into a church, there was no one. Just me. I never felt more safe, calm and protected. I think it was a sign from Jesus.

I want to become christian and go to church regularly. How can I do this? Should I just go to a church on Sunday and ask the people from there? How this works?

P.s: I grew up in an islamic country, but now I live in Germany.

Few days ago I shared my story about sleeping with a guy on a first date.

I regretted it after, but I couldn’t get my mind off from the connection we had. I just liked him.

Yesterday he came over, we were watching a movie. Then when had s\*x. After it I asked him if he liked me. He said he likes me and he likes s\*x as well. Then added he liked me as a FRIEND. I felt something switching in my brain. I just turned my back so he doesn’t see my crying.

Always the backup girl, always the good girl, always the nice girl.

I had a bottle of wine, I asked him if he wants to drink. He said yes. I got two full glasses and I drank mine immediately as if it was a shot. We had s\*x again, this time I did not let him kiss me during it. Then I mentioned that I want to smoke, and that I smoke my feelings away. He asked me what feelings, I said everything. Then he started talking about his mom and his issues with it, I told him to forgive her, that we all have issues with our families.

Then I guess with the effect of alcohol, I just opened up to him. I told him about my experiences and my pain with my past relationships, my sexual dysfunction that I had, my mom. I broke down. He hugged me and told me it was going to be fine. Then he told me he was not ready to be in a relationship (which is fair), then I told him everything we har was too intimate. He told me that he can still have sex with me, talk to me and care about my story. I don’t want all of that. After few more glasses I was just gone. I cried , apologized 500 times. He even said that he can go. I cried and told him he can go after tonight, I just felt so vulnerable, I think I needed someone for this night. Just to be there for me and hold me. I asked him to hug me, because I am scared of the dark.

Now he is in my bed, I locked myself to the bathroom. I feel so exposed for opening up. Honestly, giving my body to someone else is much more easier than opening up to someone. I will ask him not to contact me, not to talk to me ever again, I will change the sheets, I will take a shower, I will not let him touch me, hug me or kiss me again. I will change my road if I ever see him, I will avoid what happened, I will avoid things happened between us. Like it never happened.

It is 5.05 a.m, somewhere in Germany.

Few days ago I shared my story about sleeping with a guy on a first date.

I regretted it after, but I couldn’t get my mind off from the connection we had. I just liked him.

Yesterday he came over, we were watching a movie. Then when had s*x. After it I asked him if he liked me. He said he likes me and he likes s*x as well. Then added he liked me as a FRIEND. I felt something switching in my brain. I just turned my back so he doesn’t see my crying.

Always the backup girl, always the good girl, always the nice girl.

I had a bottle of wine, I asked him if he wants to drink. He said yes. I got two full glasses and I drank mine immediately as if it was a shot. We had s*x again, this time I did not let him kiss me during it. Then I mentioned that I want to smoke, and that I smoke my feelings away. He asked me what feelings, I said everything. Then he started talking about his mom and his issues with it, I told him to forgive her, that we all have issues with our families.

Then I guess with the effect of alcohol, I just opened up to him. I told him about my experiences and my pain with my past relationships, my sexual dysfunction that I had, my mom. I broke down. He hugged me and told me it was going to be fine. Then he told me he was not ready to be in a relationship (which is fair), then I told him everything we har was too intimate. He told me that he can still have sex with me, talk to me and care about my story. I don’t want all of that. After few more glasses I was just gone. I cried , apologized 500 times. He even said that he can go. I cried and told him he can go after tonight, I just felt so vulnerable, I think I needed someone for this night. Just to be there for me and hold me. I asked him to hug me, because I am scared of the dark.

Now he is in my bed, I locked myself to the bathroom. I feel so exposed for opening up. Honestly, giving my body to someone else is much more easier than opening up to someone. I will ask him not to contact me, not to talk to me ever again, I will change the sheets, I will take a shower, I will not let him touch me, hug me or kiss me again. I will change my road if I ever see him, I will avoid what happened, I will avoid things happened between us. Like it never happened.

Title says everything.

I went on a walk+coffee with a guy who was from my university. We matched on an app.

At first, I thought, he is not my type. However he was so sweet during the whole time. We just clicked. We sat somewhere random in a field and chatted. I felt like being myself after a very long time. I knew he wanted to kiss me, but I just… did not want that fast. How ironic.

Then he invited me to eat Asian food. We headed there after. It was like time has stopped by then. I was just feeling secure. He even paid his last penny to buy me the meal. He did not even accept the cash I gave him.

Then he walked me home, 5 kms, because there was no bus and it was getting dark. I invited him to my student place for tea. I did not want to leave him outside while he walked all the way back, it was raining and the next bus was going to be late anyways. I did it many times before, but I never slept with any of the guys.

Then we started to chat about books and this time I let him into my room. I regret it.

We ended up cuddling. I never felt that secure and safe for a long time. And that scared the shit out of me.

We kissed after, I tried to resist what was going on few times, but being in his arms made me feel peaceful. Idk how. Idk why.

We stayed in bed in each other’s arms for 2 hours. I told him he can sleep in my place if he wants, because there was no bus back and he had to walk 4-5 kms otherwise. And yea, just… we ended up having s*x. I hate myself for it. In the morning he asked me if I could inform him about my period, I said yes. He also asked me to hangout tomorrow, then kissed me when he left.

I ended up getting pill. I never felt so embarrassed of myself in my life. I take the accountability of what happened and I just… I am just mad at myself for being so weak and insecure.

I posted about it on another subreddit and the comments were so… hurtful. But also right. I guess I was so easy. I am so easy that I lost my control just because I felt in peace with someone. How can someone be so desperate for affection? Why do I never learn?

I hate myself for it. I even broke down in bus stop because I am so embarrassing. I can’t even stand myself and no wonder why other people can’t stand me and leave me all the time as well.

Edit: I went to sleep crying after this post. Thank you for your kind comments🩷

So, this happened to me when I was a teenager.

It was 2020, the year of the covid. I was supposed to turn 16 that year.

Idk if it was just the stress of the year, but I was seeing very weird dreams and I was thinking that world was supposed to get destroyed.

I was watching netflix shows by that time since I had so much free time. Does anyone know Chilling Adventures of Sabrina? I was obsessed with it.

Just for some background info, in this show, the majn character should give her soul to the devil when she turns 16. I guess I was so influenced by it that I was scared that devil was going to get me.

One day my best friend texts me, saying that she saw me in her dream, I asked her what did she see. She told me a white man with ginger hair and blue eyes told her that she has to speak to me and that I already know. It was 3 weeks before my 16. birthday.

I got scared more. The night I turned 16, I was so scared to see the devil. But nothing happened.

A few months later, I had a nap during the day (normally I would not because I had an online class later) and I saw myself dancing with the devil. I got scared, but i did not mind and continued my day. Therefore, that day at night I go to my instagram. I see a request from a satanic community, and they sent me their discord group chat. Mind you, I never interacted with any satanic posts and I only had 1 follower who was my mom. I tried to brush it off but for years it was on my mind.

2-3 years later, I found that discord group chat and I joined it. I met a guy online, we talked about what we experienced. The day we talked about all of this, all lights went off in his town.

Now I am not scared of the devil anymore, but sometimes I think he got my soul, because one time when I saw him on my dream again, I told him I will give him my soul if he helps me to move abroad. And I did move abroad.

So, this happened to me when I was a teenager.

It was 2020, the year of the covid. I was supposed to turn 16 that year.

Idk if it was just the stress of the year, but I was seeing very weird dreams and I was thinking that world was supposed to get destroyed.

I was watching netflix shows by that time since I had so much free time. Does anyone know Chilling Adventures of Sabrina? I was obsessed with it.

Just for some background info, in this show, the majn character should give her soul to the devil when she turns 16. I guess I was so influenced by it that I was scared that devil was going to get me.

One day my best friend texts me, saying that she saw me in her dream, I asked her what did she see. She told me a white man with ginger hair and blue eyes told her that she has to speak to me and that I already know. It was 3 weeks before my 16. birthday.

I got scared more. The night I turned 16, I was so scared to see the devil. But nothing happened.

A few months later, I had a nap during the day (normally I would not because I had an online class later) and I saw myself dancing with the devil. I got scared, but i did not mind and continued my day. Therefore, that day at night I go to my instagram. I see a request from a satanic community, and they sent me their discord group chat. Mind you, I never interacted with any satanic posts and I only had 1 follower who was my mom. I tried to brush it off but for years it was on my mind.

2-3 years later, I found that discord group chat and I joined it. I met a guy online, we talked about what we experienced. The day we talked about all of this, all lights went off in his town.

Now I am not scared of the devil anymore, but sometimes I think he got my soul, because one time when I saw him on my dream again, I told him I will give him my soul if he helps me to move abroad. And I did move abroad.

It has been months since we broke up. We had few weeks together. But never in my life I never felt so connected and in peace with someone. I know that I am not what you look for. I know that I don’t speak the same language as you, I am not from your country, I am too soft and vulnerable, I am not pretty enough and just not enough for you.

I cried first 4 months. I remember that the first day I did not cry, next day and almost everyday for 4 months I cried like a baby. I thought I was over it after. I joined gym, tried to be more productive. Take a break from dating, then started again, started seeing other people, but the spark was just never there. Am I self-sabotaging? I do not know.

But I don’t want anyone anymore. I don’t see myself in a relationship anymore. Maybe because I am so insecure after our breakup. I think I am gonna die alone.

I also hooked up with 2 guys, like I said, I don’t want anyone anymore. I don’t let them stay in my place after sex, I don’t let them hug me, cuddle me, or give me promises. Because if it always ends up with sex, why would I invest my feelings? But when I close my eyes, I remember you laying on my chest and saying “I can hear your heartbeat.” Sometimes I wish I could freeze time and just stay there.

Just you, me and my heartbeat.

It has been months since we broke up. We had few weeks together. But never in my life I never felt so connected and in peace with someone. I know that I am not what you look for. I know that I don’t speak the same language as you, I am not from your country, I am too soft and vulnerable, I am not pretty enough and just not enough for you.

I cried first 4 months. I remember that the first day I did not cry, next day and almost everyday for 4 months I cried like a baby. I thought I was over it after. I joined gym, tried to be more productive. Take a break from dating, then started again, started seeing other people, but the spark was just never there. Am I self-sabotaging? I do not know.

But I don’t want anyone anymore. I don’t see myself in a relationship anymore. Maybe because I am so insecure after our breakup. I think I am gonna die alone.

I also hooked up with 2 guys, like I said, I don’t want anyone anymore. I don’t let them stay in my place after sex, I don’t let them hug me, cuddle me, or give me promises. Because if it always ends up with sex, why would I invest my feelings? But when I close my eyes, I remember you laying on my chest and saying “I can hear your heartbeat.” Sometimes I wish I could freeze time and just stay there.

Just you, me and my heartbeat.

Hello everyone, I (22f) hooked up with a guy today (23M).

Over the texts, he told me how amazing is gonna be our sex and that he has 3 condoms and he hopes that it is gonna be enough. He was even telling me that my flatmates can hear the voices as well.

He came over, we had a bit of small talk. We kissed, I went down on him, everything was going great. He put the condom on and started the thing. Then he stopped, and he basically cummed less than a minute.

Then he was SO embarrassed, I said it is okay, I don’t judge and we still have time, I tried to make more small talk to get rid of the stress. Then he said he feels uncomfortable and I told him he can leave and said Im sorry.I also explained that if it is uncomfy for him, we can just not see each other again. And in 10 mins after he left, he blocked me.

Did I do anything wrong?🥲

Hello everyone, I (22f) hooked up with a guy today (23M).

Over the texts, he told me how amazing is gonna be our sex and that he has 3 condoms and he hopes that it is gonna be enough. He was even telling me that my flatmates can hear the voices as well.

He came over, we had a bit of small talk. We kissed, I went down on him, everything was going great. He put the condom on and started the thing. Then he stopped, and he basically cummed less than a minute.

Then he was SO embarrassed, I said it is okay, I don’t judge and we still have time, I tried to make more small talk to get rid of the stress. Then he said he feels uncomfortable and I told him he can leave and said Im sorry.I also explained that if it is uncomfy for him, we can just not see each other again. And in 10 mins after he left, he blocked me.

Did I do anything wrong?🥲

Yesterday a guy from my socials called me randomly. We had facetime. It was so late and I was tired, no makeup and I had shift that day. I was looking the worst but I thought it would be okay so I accepted his call.

We talked a bit and after we hang up because he was getting annoying.

Today I posted a video of me before going to the gym.
He called me catfish and I told him I just have makeup on. He said “still”. I don’t use filters or anything on my videos or pictures.

It just ruined my day. I feel so BAD over it. I am currently crying. Does anyone have any advices for these type of comments?

Hello everyone, my question today is for the ladies.

I realized that I would be better off in a fwb, rather than something else. I just wanna have sex and chill. No attachment, no overthinking, nothing. I downloaded tinder, matched with someone and we are talking. However he is saying that I can’t sleep with anyone else if we start doing it and asking me 500 million questions.

He just asked me if I will wear lingerie and honestly I am starting to get pissed off. Not like I will show up with no effort, but I want to chill and not try to prove anything to him.

And he is being like, oh you will get obsessed because I am this and that.

How do you manage fwb situations?

Gimme some tips