u/Favbrunette004

From the moment we were together, I enjoyed our vibe. I loved the sex we had.

I never saw you as a relationship potential, not because you were not enough, but because I never saw you as a secure person to invest my time and effort for. And I have explained this to you. How it is hard for me and how I am logical when it comes to relationships.

I like our vibe, I like what we have. Just few hours, having good time and having sex. No promises, no anxiety. You and me.

But last time for the first time I actually realized that you were alone. When you came and cuddled me, not for sex, but because you needed that. Finally the puzzle got completed. You were not cool as like you portrayed before. All the comments you made about getting into a relationship or having a kid… I think you need someone to want you the way you need.

Then you mentioned how people see you as a meat and how women don’t like for who you are. But I do. Even though I made fun of you and continued saying that I only see u as sex, I hide the fact that I like you. And yes, like you said, I have commitment issues like other women you saw. But who doesn’t?

I am sorry. I wish I could have the courage to fix this. But I have been through so much that I can’t keep being in a relationship &carrying a relationship.

But I like you. I do like you. I like your stupid hair, I like the way we smoke together and I like your awkwardness. I know we are not gonna workout, because we are casual and everything. But I think I will keep liking you and having these feelings inside of me, in peace. I regret for not saying it back. Wish you were by my side on bed.

I am sorry.

Z.

From the moment we were together, I enjoyed our vibe. I loved the sex we had.

I never saw you as a relationship potential, not because you were not enough, but because I never saw you as a secure person to invest my time and effort for. And I have explained this to you. How it is hard for me and how I am logical when it comes to relationships.

I like our vibe, I like what we have. Just few hours, having good time and having sex. No promises, no anxiety. You and me.

But last time for the first time I actually realized that you were alone. When you came and cuddled me, not for sex, but because you needed that. Finally the puzzle got completed. You were not cool as like you portrayed before. All the comments you made about getting into a relationship or having a kid… I think you need someone to want you the way you need.

Then you mentioned how people see you as a meat and how women don’t like for who you are. But I do. Even though I made fun of you and continued saying that I only see u as sex, I hide the fact that I like you. And yes, like you said, I have commitment issues like other women you saw. But who doesn’t?

I am sorry. I wish I could have the courage to fix this. But I have been through so much that I can’t keep being in a relationship &carrying a relationship.

But I like you. I do like you. I like your stupid hair, I like the way we smoke together and I like your awkwardness. I know we are not gonna workout, because we are casual and everything. But I think I will keep liking you and having these feelings inside of me, in peace. I regret for not saying it back. Wish you were by my side on bed.

I am sorry.

Z.

Hello everyone,I (22f) am having a casual relationship with a guy(26M) I matched on Hinge.

We have been hooking up for almost 2 months. At first 2 times, sex was not the best. I even took time between our hookups because I was not sure If It was worth it. After that, we started having more passionate sex for hours.

I also want to say that I am not ready for a relationship. I have been through so much in my past relationships, I am in a point that I am not able to open my heart to someone.

On the other hand, he is fun. I enjoy our time, mostly sex, but also our conversations. But I can’t never be together with him. (he is a womanizer, he has no career goals for his life and a bit attention seeker, has )

However I feel like things were going into another direction (a direction I have no idea about) after our 3rd time hooking up. He has been accusing me of sleeping around before, now he doesn’t and says I am “his”? + he got so jealous when I started speaking to my old flatmate who came to visit the house , kissed me immediately after we left?

I enjoy the playfulness, i enjoy the vibe. And I definitely enjoy the physical closeness we have but I also want him to come over everytime I ask, which is pretty toxic. How do I know if it is only lust/ego or just genuine feelings?

Grieve the love you will never have.

How can a person grieve properly?

Can you grieve something when you also hope for something else?

That was the thing which was confusing me. In beginning of my 20s, I was trying to grieve the fact that I can't love anyone no more. I was looking at couples, feeling incomplete and lonely.

How come that they were able to be stable and not me?

How come J was being stable, but not me?

How come my first love, the man I loved the most was married and stable, and I was just broken?

I was angry, furious even. How come someone could ruin your life, ruin your perception of love, f\* everything up and still get their happy ending?

You get hurt.

You get betrayed.

You think that your wounds are healed by so far, unless they bleed again.

Try to love the good guy, let him leave you telling you that you are amazing.

Try to love the kind guy, let him hold you with no commitment and no feelings.

Try to love the guy who goes crazy over you, let him cheat on you.

Try to love the guy who is absolutely unstable, just for the plot, let him alone on the street.

F\* the guy who is sleeping around, let him give you the best sex and advices on relationships.

F\* the guy who is missing his ex, let him feel crumbs of intimacy.

F\* the guy who is actually insecure, let him run after a pre-ej\*\*lation.

F\* the guy who is older than you, let him think that he made you come.

And go on.

Tell people you can't do relationships.

Get excited over the blonde and thin guy who is sleeping on your chest like a baby.

Forget about him the next day.

Remember how he started making love to you.

Want his dick again.

Remember how he runs.

Cycle continues.

Hear people telling you that you will find the one.

Tell yourself you won't.

Grieve it.

Deep down, hope that you will find your one.

Cry on a bench alone.

Cry until you can't breathe.

Cry until people ask you if you are okay.

Try to deal with your obnoxious friends.

Cry.

Look at people in love.

Grieve the lack of love.

Repeat.

Cycle continues.

\#just a chapter from my book

How can a person grieve properly?

Can you grieve something when you also hope for something else?

That was the thing which was confusing me. In beginning of my 20s, I was trying to grieve the fact that I can't love anyone no more. I was looking at couples, feeling incomplete and lonely.

How come that they were able to be stable and not me?

How come J was being stable, but not me?

How come my first love, the man I loved the most was married and stable, and I was just broken?

I was angry, furious even. How come someone could ruin your life, ruin your perception of love, f* everything up and still get their happy ending?

You get hurt.

You get betrayed.

You think that your wounds are healed by so far, unless they bleed again.

Try to love the good guy, let him leave you telling you that you are amazing.

Try to love the kind guy, let him hold you with no commitment and no feelings.

Try to love the guy who goes crazy over you, let him cheat on you.

Try to love the guy who is absolutely unstable, just for the plot, let him alone on the street.

F* the guy who is sleeping around, let him give you the best sex and advices on relationships.

F* the guy who is missing his ex, let him feel crumbs of intimacy.

F* the guy who is actually insecure, let him run after a pre-ej**lation.

F* the guy who is older than you, let him think that he made you come.

And go on.

Tell people you can't do relationships.

Get excited over the blonde and thin guy who is sleeping on your chest like a baby.

Forget about him the next day.

Remember how he started making love to you.

Want his dick again.

Remember how he runs.

Cycle continues.

Hear people telling you that you will find the one.

Tell yourself you won't.

Grieve it.

Deep down, hope that you will find your one.

Cry on a bench alone.

Cry until you can't breathe.

Cry until people ask you if you are okay.

Try to deal with your obnoxious friends.

Cry.

Look at people in love.

Grieve the lack of love.

Repeat.

Cycle continues.

#just a chapter from my book

I am so alone. Currently I am sitting on a bench, crying.

I moved far away from my family when I was 18, because they were abusive to me psychologically and sometimes physically. I am still in contact with them, i see them on breaks from uni. But we don’t have good relationship.

My friends are obnoxious. They forget about me completely. First I thought it was because I was more quiet and did not reach out that much, but no. I always get ignored or mislooked (idk if it is a word).

Im so terrible with men. I got cheated on, r*ped, been lied to, got abandoned and never was chosen. And I am scared that I will never be. I always tell myself I won’t be chosen, because I am scared to hope but I do hope and it hurts. I just want someone to be there for me in these times and not leave me. But they do. Every. Fucking.Time.

The worst part? I have been abuser so much when someone gives me any crumb of affection I get scared and I want to run.

I look sweet, I look stylish, I look happy and funny. But that is just a mask. A mask I can’t get rid of. How can someone look that good but have a trash in their brain?

How much sex, alcohol, cigarettes and clothes should I consume to close this endless hole in me?

My heart and soul is tired. I feel so useless and worthless.

Today I was going through instagram and saw an account on suggestions. It was an account that was seen very familiar to me.

I started to go through it and I realized it is the new gf (actually wife I think, bc now she has his surname too) of my ex boyfriend. They had so many pictures on her profile, they looked happy, they traveled a lot, I could sense she is so in live with him.

However, their relationship seems to start from at least end of 2024. Last year, in 2025 summer, my ex contacted me. He asked me how I was and I barely answered. Next day he sent me a d**k pic. I was so disgusted I almost threw up in the street, I blocked him.

Now seeing them together, knowing that he was trying to contact me a year ago is very disgusting and makes me want to throw up.

Also I find it pretty unfair that despite the fact that he put me through hell, he is happy and has someone by his side. And again, he has the audacity to do things behind her back.

DISGUSTING.

Hallo zusammen,
ich bin Bachelorstudentin im 6. Semester und studiere Bioengineering. Ich studiere in Deutschland, aber mein Studiengang wird auf Englisch angeboten.
Für meinen Master möchte ich gerne in ein deutschsprachiges Studienprogramm wechseln. Aber Mein GPA liegt bei etwa 2,9, was für viele der Studiengänge, die mich interessieren, leider nicht besonders gut ist. :(
Meint ihr, dass ich mich trotzdem für zulassungsfreie (NC-freie) deutschsprachige Masterstudiengänge bewerben kann? Ich habe noch etwa ein Jahr Zeit, um das C1-Niveau in Deutsch zu kriegen. (Ich habe die Sprache hier bis etwa b2 gelernt)
Hat jemand positive Erfahrungen damit gemacht oder irgendwelche Ratschläge?
Vielen Dank für eure Zeit! 🩷

Hello everyone, I (22f) had vaginismus until last year. I had sex few times in end of 2025, then I was celibate for months. I started getting more sexual active in last 1-1.5 months, and now I need to pee a lot. Is it because sex trained my vaginal muscles too much?

Dear J,
I think it will be my closing chapter.
A closing chapter you will never read.

I remember reading you some stuff I posted here for my ex. Who would know I would write for you here?

On the first day we met, I did not expect to like you. I did not expect anything. I went to our date with minimal effort almost. But we just somehow clicked. I liked our spark. You were really gentleman that day. I felt something that I did not felt with someone for a very long time. Safety. I felt safe.

I thought that feeling was gone, I was done with feeling it and I would never feel it again and I did. I unfortunately did. I never let anyone sleep in my bed, cuddle me or show me affection because I am scared.

Scared of disappointments, scared of being abandoned and so much more.

Most people think I am shallow, crazy, hectic. But I am not, I have to hide myself. I have to hide my scars. I have to have my guard on. All the time. But that day with you, I put it aside. For a very little moment, I thought my spark was coming back. Something in deep, who I thought I lost was coming back. Little did I know it was a fucking mistake.

Next time we were together, after we had sex, I asked you if you liked me or you liked the sex. You disappointed me so hard after saying you “liked me as a friend.”

I thought friends don’t show each other that much of affection. I wanted to cry. Did not know how to mask it. Then I drank, fucked it up. Told you about what happened between me and my ex boyfriend, how he hurt me, abused me and how I stood silent. The worst part is? You consoled me. You did not had sex with me again after I asked you. And it broke something in me. When people are kind to me, or helpful to me something breaks in me. Sometimes it is a hug, sometimes my older co worker being nice to me, sometimes my landlady being nice to me. But it hurts.

I do not know what is wrong with me. I don’t know why everytime I try to love someone and get a little bit soft they hurt me. My heart is burning even when I write these. I am tired. My soul, my heart, my brain, my body is tired.

While you were sleeping in my bed, I locked myself to the bathroom so many times. I cried my heart out. I wanted to stop. I wanted to disappear because I was so embarrassed about all of the crazy things I said and confessed because I felt so EXPOSED.

I gave you my book, the one I promised.

“Conversations on Love.”

I did not want to see anything that reminded of you, I wanted to give you the last crumble of love I ever had. And I did. In the door I did not even let you hug me, which left you shocked. Then I told you I don’t want to see you. And I did all of this on purpose. Because I wanted to confuse you and hurt you too.

Seeing you around in the city and campus hurts me too. I just want to delete everything from my mind and brain. I wish I could go back in time and fix this shitty mistake.

Girls tell me to get over it, that I am overreacting and overthinking. But they don’t know that emotions I felt are more different. That it meant more deep for me. Our psychologist at university also doesn’t understand. No one does. No one will.

I just wish I had never met you.

Hello everyone, I (22f) matched with a guy (26m) on hinge. So, our history kind of goes to last year, we matched on hinge and since us both were going to vacations, we did not had the chance to meet up. We exchanged socials and did not talk much during that time slot.

After I came back, I went on a date with another guy who was keeping the communication constantly and things started to go very serious and fast. Therefore I ignored his message and removed him from my socials, since I thought it would be disrespectful to my ex boyfriend.

Last month I realized he sent me a request again, to my new profile. I accepted and apologized for “ghosting” him by that time. I am not looking for a relationship, I cleared to him that I want something casual and chill. He agreed and we ended up sleeping together in our first date. It was very fun, very casual, I had a great time but did not think too much about it. Second time It was not that pleasureable or fun, I thought we were not going to speak to each other again.

However, last week I decided to hookup with him again because I don’t wanna go to boring dates just to see if I am sexually attracted to someone. This time it felt like he was wanting more affection from me. He slept on my chest, cuddled me much more. Which is something I usually don’t do. Because it is casual.

We went for a smoke and a drink in my garden, then we ended up talking about how less we text to each other. I don’t like texting and since I am casual with him I don’t see the meaning of talking and asking about our days. He is saying like “ oh yea, you are chill, I am happy that we are still on the same page.” I tell him we are casual and Then he adds smth like yea “yea, i dont have to do that with you”.

The crazy part comes after this, because we hookup again, then we cuddle and then he is telling me about how his brother aborted the baby from his ex-girlfriend. I said it happens and it was probably the right choice. Then he says “i would keep it” and points at me. Then he adds “I am warning you, if you ever get pregnant by me, I want you to keep it” i was very confused, then he adds smth like “i bet you would abort it” i tell him in a funny manner that i am not ready to provide for a kid and be a mom, and then say like “oh i don’t have space in my room” as well. Then he is again making comments about it which leaves me very confused.

He is getting up to leave and then almost a minute before going he gets in the mood again after looking at me, and this time when we do it he is telling me stuff like “you are mine”.

Next day he is texting me saying that he slept like a baby and that he has a good start for a long day. At the end of the day he texts me again that he is so lucky because I gave him my chocolate box as a present. After telling that he doesn’t need to text me the day before. Now he is silent again.

I am very confused. I feel like he wants more than casual but also I think I might be overreacting or overthinking. Any ideas or suggestions?

Hello everyone, I (22f) thought that I got my period today. I had some kind of spotting on my underwear. I checked down there with a toilet paper and I saw I am bleeding pink-brownish. I got a pad on but even though i have some kind of weird feeling such as some cramps, I don’t bleed anything anymore. I will try to consider it as spotting.

I got intercourse on 12 may with no protection, got the plan b on 13 may and had intercourse again with no protection (he pulled out). I got my period on 18 th may, which was approximately 3 weeks ago. I took 2 pregnancy tests and they are negative. Can it be side effect of plan b?

Hello everyone, I (22f) thought that I got my period today. I had some kind of spotting on my underwear. I checked down there with a toilet paper and I saw I am bleeding pink-brownish. I got a pad on but even though i have some kind of weird feeling such as some cramps, I don’t bleed anything anymore. I will try to consider it as spotting.

I got intercourse on 12 may with no protection, got the plan b on 13 may and had intercourse again with no protection (he pulled out). I got my period on 18 th may, which was approximately 3 weeks ago. I took 2 pregnancy tests and they are negative. Can it be side effect of plan b?

I just turned 22. 22 years, so many memories, so many people, so many countries.
I got drunk today. I was drinking with people on the street. I went to party from university. I screamed the names of my exes telling them that I hate them.
I’m very unstable. I‘m bad in bed. I am a disaster when it comes to relationships.
First two of my boyfriends cheated on me, even though I love them more than anything. One of them sexually assaulted me. Because I couldn’t have sex with him and that’s what he just wanted. I had vaginismus. I tried to date other guys after they all left me because I couldn’t give them sex. I spoke about my abuse story to someone I thought was trustworthy. He didn’t believe me.
I beat vaginismus eventually. Took me work with dilators, UTIs and some early periods due to estrogen cream.
When I finally “lost” my virginity to someone who I thought was gentleman, I learned that he was sleeping around while he promised that we wont go on apart ways.
The only guy I felt stable with broke up with me since I was too tight and inexperienced for him, I also bled.
And last person, who I absolutely adored, used me to get over his virginity. I cried months after and did not date anyone.
Then I wanted to try again but no, hooking up was better option. And I did hookup. I enjoyed it.
Until I actually went on a date that I enjoyed and I ended up sleeping with him. I feel like a spark is coming back, something that I have lost long time ago. Then next time he is telling me he likes me as a friend, I get upset and drink, cry and tell him about the abuse I went through. Then I see him again when I think that I am over him. And idk what to do. He is on my mind again. He says hi and I get fucked up. I go back to that night.
I hook up in the morning, this guy is telling me that I am boring and inexperienced when it comes to sex. I am so done even sex does not give me a pleasure. But my heart is so shattered that I can’t open up to someone. I am terrified. My friends just think that I am crazy but actually, they don’t even know. They don’t see how broken I am.
On top of that, I wanna go back to my brunette hair. I wanna go back to me.
So yeah, I am bad at intimacy, relationships and I am definitely impulsive. Happy 22 to me!

Hello everyone, I (22f) went on a walk+coffee date (very common in Germany) with a guy from university last week. The date was pretty good, I did not had this type of connection with someone for a while. He walked me home since no public transportation was available. Then I invited him in (not for sex tho, did not let him to my room at first). Anyways, one thing and another we ended up having sex. I got the plan B the next day.

1-2 days later, we hangout again. He was seemed very stressed, he attempted to have sex with me but he was losing his erection. I told him not to stress, I don’t judge him and it is okay if we don’t. He told me he has pressure and anxiety, therefore I opened up to him about my past with vaginismus. (It is a condition which penetration is impossible/painful)

Anyways, after talking a little bit he got comfortable and we had sex. After the sex I asked him if he really likes me or he just likes having sex with me. He says that he likes me, he likes sex too and then adds that he likes me as a FRIEND. I said okay and turned my back to him.

Then I told him that I want to smoke or drink, he said okay and I just started drinking very very fast. Then we had sex again, this time I did not let him kiss me during it. He sees that he upset me, then he tells me he has issues with his family. I open up to him, he opens up to me and we end up talking about our past relationship. Then I confess him something that happened to me few years ago which absolutely broke me. I never said this out loud to anyone. Then I start crying and he starts to console me. I was very embarrassed and exposed. I ask him to have sex with me again but he just puts me to bed and tells me to go to sleep. He even suggested to leave, but I asked him to stay just for this night.

At night I woke up, locked myself to bathroom and cried. ( happened 2 times) then i went to bed again, but I dont touch him or hug him, I was cuddling with my plushie, though he put me under the blanket since I was cold.

In the morning I was a wreck. I think I never felt that bad in my life. I gave him the cola I bought for him and the book he asked. Before he was leaving, he asked me to inform him about my period and he wanted to hug me. I pulled back and he looked a bit of shocked. Then I just told him that I don’t want to see him or talk to him. He said okay and left.

However, he texted me on the weekend asking about my period. I told him I did not get it yet. Then I texted him yesterday that I got it, he texted me something like “im very happy to hear that, I hope you don’t have much period pain.” I texted him back saying I am doing fine and everything is good. I thought he was not going to answer me.

I check my phone in the morning, he texted me something like if my periods are always intense and heavy. I am very very very confused. What does he want from me? Is it mixed signals or am I overreacting? Is he pitying me because of the things that happened to me? Will he say other people what happened to me and what happened between us?

Hello everyone, I (22f) went on a walk+coffee date (very common in Germany) with a guy from university last week. The date was pretty good, I did not had this type of connection with someone for a while. He walked me home since no public transportation was available. Then I invited him in (not for sex tho, did not let him to my room at first). Anyways, one thing and another we ended up having sex. I got the plan B the next day.

1-2 days later, we hangout again. He was seemed very stressed, he attempted to have sex with me but he was losing his erection. I told him not to stress, I don’t judge him and it is okay if we don’t. He told me he has pressure and anxiety, therefore I opened up to him about my past with vaginismus. (It is a condition which penetration is impossible/painful)

Anyways, after talking a little bit he got comfortable and we had sex. After the sex I asked him if he really likes me or he just likes having sex with me. He says that he likes me, he likes sex too and then adds that he likes me as a FRIEND. I said okay and turned my back to him.

Then I told him that I want to smoke or drink, he said okay and I just started drinking very very fast. Then we had sex again, this time I did not let him kiss me during it. He sees that he upset me, then he tells me he has issues with his family. I open up to him, he opens up to me and we end up talking about our past relationship. Then I confess him something that happened to me few years ago which absolutely broke me. I never said this out loud to anyone. Then I start crying and he starts to console me. I was very embarrassed and exposed. I ask him to have sex with me again but he just puts me to bed and tells me to go to sleep. He even suggested to leave, but I asked him to stay just for this night.

At night I woke up, locked myself to bathroom and cried. ( happened 2 times) then i went to bed again, but I dont touch him or hug him, I was cuddling with my plushie, though he put me under the blanket since I was cold.

In the morning I was a wreck. I think I never felt that bad in my life. I gave him the cola I bought for him and the book he asked. Before he was leaving, he asked me to inform him about my period and he wanted to hug me. I pulled back and he looked a bit of shocked. Then I just told him that I don’t want to see him or talk to him. He said okay and left.

However, he texted me on the weekend asking about my period. I told him I did not get it yet. Then I texted him yesterday that I got it, he texted me something like “im very happy to hear that, I hope you don’t have much period pain.” I texted him back saying I am doing fine and everything is good. I thought he was not going to answer me.

I check my phone in the morning, he texted me something like if my periods are always intense and heavy. I am very very very confused. What does he want from me? Is it mixed signals or am I overreacting? Is he pitying me because of the things that happened to me? Will he say other people what happened to me and what happened between us?