u/TalkTalkTalkListen

Six months ago, seven of us planned a week-long beach trip to celebrate our friend group finishing grad school. Mark took charge of booking the rental cabin on the coast. He sent photos of a massive two-story timber house with panoramic ocean views, private balconies, marble bathrooms, and a heated outdoor hot tub. We all agreed on a total budget, trusting him to divide the space fairly since we were all splitting the five thousand dollar total.

i drove six hours through heavy rain with three coolers of shared groceries in my trunk, thinking we were all getting proper private bedrooms as discussed in the group chat. When I finally arrived, Mark and his girlfriend had already moved their bags into the huge top-floor king suite with the ocean terrace, and the other couples had claimed the remaining two queen rooms with en-suite baths.

Mark pointed me toward a tiny windowless utility alcove behind the kitchen pantry. It had a squeaky metal kids bunk bed crammed directly next to the noisy washer and dryer. His girlfriend laughed and said someone had to draw the short straw for the group.

On the final morning, Mark sent a Venmo split request for seven hundred and fifteen dollars per person. I calculated the actual space, sent him two hundred bucks for my share of utilities and food, and told him the couples occupying the luxury suites should of split the difference themselves.

He called me SELFISH in front of everyone and claimed I ruined the group vibe. Was I actually in the wrong here?

I was walking next to the train station to do an errand, Friday afternoon, and I was not in any hurry. An old woman in a wheelchair was on the sidewalk outside the train station, calling out feebly, “Can somebody help me? Please help me?” I stopped and asked her “What do you need?” She answered, “They’ve cheated me out of my social security payment and I have no food for the weekend. Can you go into the Safeway and get me a few things?” She didn’t ask for money specifically and I said “Well, okay. What things do you need?” She replied, “How much can you spend?” I said “don’t worry about it I can grab a few things for you.” She says “Hold on, let me get my list!”

She whips out the ad with the sales and says, “I need bagged salads so I can have my vegetables but I only like these Fresh Express Caesar kits, the other kind go bad fast. I need Bounty paper towels because that is how I wash myself. It has to be Bounty. Get the ‘2 rolls equals 6’ size. I like these Cuties [a branded bag of tangerines] but maybe I don’t need them. Tillamook cheese - but extra sharp white cheddar only. I would really like these sugar free Dreyer’s ice cream bars because I am diabetic and cannot eat sugar. And some green onions. Can you remember all that?” I was kind of taken aback by the detailed list, but for whatever reason, I said yes I can remember it and I went to go pick up a few of these things for her.

Inside the Safeway I found most of her things but decided against the ice cream bars because it was a warm day and it seemed unlikely they’d make it home. I finally found the extra sharp white cheddar cheese, a big block (32 oz?) in a black wax coating, $17. The paper towels weren’t cheap either. There was a GIANT line for the checkout and while I was waiting I started thinking she’d be gone when I got back and probably this whole thing had been a bad idea…

Fifteen minutes and over $40 later, I go back and yay! she’s still there. I say, “Wow, you have expensive taste in cheese, don’t you?” And she replies, “what?! Why are you insulting me!” and grabs the grocery bag out of my hands and starts repacking into her backpack - and now the commentary starts: “You should have put the green onions in a plastic bag, that conveyor belt is filthy. Where are the ice cream bars? Oh what is this?”(grabbing the big black block of cheese) and now she starts properly yelling at me “Why did you get this? I wanted the presliced kind - I can’t eat all this and it’s a waste of money!” and she’s trying to hand it back to me. I have no use for this cheese and by now I just want to go finish my original errand, so I said (with even more bad judgment on my part) “You’re crazy, you can eat it, wrap it and put it in the fridge, it’ll keep” and this really set her off and she’s yelling, “I can’t cut this or use it, I have no strength in my hands! And you’re insulting me and calling me crazy!” I said “Just keep the cheese, I can’t use it” and she screams “NEITHER CAN I!” and she flings the giant block of cheese in my direction, and it falls to the sidewalk. One of the corners dented a little but it seemed ok. By now I’m long past DONE with this whole interaction so I pick up the cheese and go up to one of the junkies sitting a little farther down the sidewalk and ask him if he can use it, he says ‘Sure! Thank you’ and I say ‘you’re welcome’ and continue on my errand.

I still don’t know why I felt the need to help her, but I hope the junkie enjoyed his slightly dented block of cheese. And I’m glad I didn’t buy the ice cream bars for that old hag.

I just got back from a brunch date with an old friend Beth (40’sF). Her and I have been friends since third grade. Life got the best of us and we lost contact but recently reconnected over the book of faces and decided to go catch up over some sushi and coffee.
My kiddo, River, is 14 and came with us. We homeschool so the intention was they’ll do class work while the adults chitchat. Beth brought her toddler grand kid. I think she said they’re 2, or almost 2 years old. Anyway, we sit down and fell into this easy conversation. Typical life stuff. Waitress comes by and takes our order. She’s a sweet young girl looked like maybe early 20s. She apologized on the extra wait for my spider roll, stating that she was a new mom, tired, and accidentally hit the wrong button when putting in my order. I told her I’m not in a hurry, and I’m clearly not starving (lol) so take your time. I even made a little comment that if she wanted to, just bring the pot of coffee over to the table so I can refill myself so she can go have a sit and breathe. She had a little laugh and said “I wish!”

Eventually the spider roll came and oh my goodness was it delicious. This is my favorite place for sushi because everything is made fresh and they never skimp on the spicy mayo or eel sauce. I’ve also never had a bad experience here.

Meanwhile, Beth’s grandkid is a typical toddler kid. Eating with their hands, getting food all over the table, in their hair, their clothes, their face. You know, normal kid shit. Our bills came and the waitress laid them on the table and said whenever we are ready to cash out she will be our cashier. Now this is where Beth’s personality changed. River closed their laptop and put it away. They grabbed some napkins and started wiping the table down. River took our plates and stacked them neatly in the center of the table. To paint a better picture, we were sitting at a round table and we were sitting me, Beth, toddler, River. So Beth was sitting next to me, not across from me and the two kids were next to each other. River dipped a napkin in their cup of water and wiped up the mess the toddler made. All of this without prompting from me. I also took my empty coffee cup and put our used chopsticks in it and sat that next to the dirty plates. I told River thank you for helping and Beth snapped.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s not your job. River, did you know they get PAID to clean the table?” River is a little socially awkward so they just said “yeah”, then looked at me for rescue. Then River said “I’ll go wait in the car”. Probably to avoid the confrontation that was about to happen. Smart kid.

I told Beth that I’m raising my kid to be kind and respectful to everyone, especially to those in the food service industry. That the employees may “get paid” to bus tables and make sure we have a good experience, but it’s not our job to make them work harder than necessary. I told Beth that our waitress said she’s a new mom and though we aren’t required to clean up after ourselves, it’s kind of effortless to at least make their job less stressful.
I proceeded to grab my wallet and placed a $20 tip on the table. Which ignited another round of me having to justify myself. Beth said “and a $20 tip?!! You literally did half her job for her! If you don’t want that $20 I could use it for gas”
My jaw nearly hit the floor. I can’t believe this is the same Beth that I once knew. I just looked at her and said “I have to go, River is waiting for me” I didn’t trust Beth to leave my $20 on the table so I took it and handed it to the waitress on my way out the door.

I have always cleaned up after myself in public and in the privacy of my own home. River is my baby, the youngest of 3 and ALL my kids were raised to clean up after themselves whether in public or not. My oldest (24F) has worked food service before and while she always hated cleaning up the table as a kid, definitely now appreciates the effort we put in to making our waiter/waitress’ job a little easier.
I don’t think I’ll be making any efforts to reach out to Beth. I can’t be friends with people like that.

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For context, I’m (21F) a pescatarian and have been one since I was 7, the same age my cousin’s kid is.

This past Sunday, I took my cousin’s daughter (7F) to her favorite restaurant, Shake Shack, while babysitting her. She got a regular burger and I got a shroom burger (it’s a vegetarian mushroom patty instead of meat). I’m pretty sure I’ve eaten shroom burgers before, but this is the first time she noticed.

She asked me why my burger was different, so I explained to her that it’s made of mushrooms and cheese instead of meat. She asked why I didn’t get a normal burger and I explained that I don’t eat meat.
I was under the impression that she knew what meat was since I can’t remember a time I didn’t, and I assumed it was something all kids either figure it out or get told by their parents when they’re very little.
Unfortunately, I was wrong. She asked me why I don’t eat meat and I tried to explain to her in the best way possible that I don’t like hurting animals.

And that’s when I found out that she had no idea where meat comes from. She was really confused and asked what hurting animals had to do with meat.
I was absolutely shocked. I thought it was pretty messed up that her parents hadn’t explained it to her, especially since I literally came to the realization that I didn’t want to eat meat at the same age.

I carefully explained to her that beef, like in her burger, comes from cows. She said, “oh, like how milk comes out of cows?” I said not exactly and explained that animals get killed for meat. I also mentioned that chicken, like chicken nuggets, is the same as chicken the animal. She was really upset and didn’t want to finish her burger. I also tried to soften the blow by explaining that animals also eat animals. I specifically mentioned that some animals, like her cat, can only eat meat and can’t live without it. She was very upset but kept asking follow up questions like if she could stop eating “dead animals” like me. And I told her she could but that she should talk to her parents about it. She even tried my mushroom burger and liked it. We also discussed fish and the difference between pescatarians, vegetarians and vegans. She said she wanted to be vegetarian.

She ended up telling her mom (my cousin) that she wasn’t going to eat meat anymore and her mom took it terribly. My cousin screamed at me about how I destroyed her child’s innocence and corrupted her with my “vegetarian agenda.”

Anyway, she ended up causing a whole debate in our family. Her husband agrees with her, and same for her brother and her parents. My dad also agrees with her and my mom and my sister both think I did nothing wrong. I’m genuinely not sure. I personally think every child should know where their food comes from, and that kids should have the right to choose whether to eat meat or not, but I also understand that I did totally upset my cousin’s kid and this might’ve been a subject better suited for her parents.

Edit:

One of the main reasons I’m pescatarian is that when I was 13, I passed out from anemia during my period because my body can’t absorb iron from plants as well as it can from meat. Before that I would eat seafood rarely but ever since, I try to eat seafood at least a few times a week.

Edit 2:

She’s not intellectually disabled at all, she’s actually in the gifted program at school. I guess this is just something she never realized.

I had a 5 hour flight on a super budget airline, so the "basic" seats are even tighter than usual. I paid for the window seat in the emergency aisle. It was a short weekend trip that was going to be packed with activity, so I figured I'd splurge so I can arrive a bit more rested/less sore to make the most of everything.

As it turned out, the middle and aisle seat were also empty, so I had the whole row and the extra leg room. Yay for me. I stick to my window seat with a couple things on the middle seat just because (sweater and headphone case).

About an hour in, an older woman comes and asks if these seats are taken. I say no. She asks if she can sit. Now even though I did pay extra, I didn't really have a problem with it so I said go ahead. I am not too fussed and am pretty comfortable, and assume she will take the aisle seat.

This woman proceeds to brush my things off my middle seat, towards me. I grab them and watch wondering what is going to unfold. She then lays down across both vacant seats, with her head on my armrest. Her head and hair are almost in my lap. After about 30 seconds of disbelief, I tap her and tell her I’m using this armrest. She then starts telling me how tired she is, how sore she is, and how she really needs to lay down. And returns to the position of her head on my armrest. 

I just got up and told the flight attendant hey this person is not in the seat they paid for. The flight attendant brings over the payment terminal and says you’re welcome to sit here but you need to pay. The woman starts with her story, and the flight attendant just says “I understand, so if you have a credit card you can pay for the seat” lmao. 

She got up and went back to her seat. 

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So I have a sister named Emily. She is 16, and I am 18. We live with our grandparents, and I'm also married, but that's not important to the story.

Emily has really long hair. I mean, it goes down to about her knees Actually passed her knees that's how long it is. That's not even an exaggeration. Emily absolutely adores her hair. I love her hair, everyone loves her hair, and we love braiding it, curling it, and straightening it. She embraces it so much.

Emily had to switch schools, and she has only been there for about three weeks. Because of her really long hair, the school originally thought she had extensions, but she was able to prove that it was all her natural hair.

Well, imagine my surprise when my grandparents got a call from the principal wanting a meeting with Emily and my grandmother about her hair. They wanted her to cut it so it would be a more "reasonable" length.

Emily was crying and screaming the moment she got home. She ran into my room, climbed into my bed, and cried while I cuddled her and told her everything would be okay. I told her she wasn't going to have to cut her hair because they had no right to make her do that.

I thought that if we braided her hair, they couldn't claim it was distracting, and it would be less noticeable. So I gave her two French braids.

Then, imagine my surprise when I got a call from my grandmother telling me to pick Emily up from school. The hotel where I work is only about three minutes away from her school, so I went to get her. When I arrived, she was bawling her eyes out.

Apparently, the principal still wanted her to cut her hair. She was trying to frame it as "just a little bit," and she said the braids were not suitable. At that point, I was furious and started going off on her.

Then she showed me the dress code, and it stated, "No hair past the waist."

I told her I was willing to compromise. I was willing to put Emily's hair in a bun. I was willing to keep it in braids. But this woman refused every suggestion.

I finally had enough and told her, "You have no reason to control what other people do with their hair. You already have a uniform policy and plenty of other rules. If this is really an issue, my family will take you to court, and I'm also going to contact the school board about this."

The vice principal immediately started begging me not to contact the school board, saying that would be overkill. Eventually, they agreed to let Emily keep her hair and not punish her for violating the dress code. They also agreed that she wouldn't have to braid it, put it in a bun, or do anything special with it.

Later, my grandparents arrived, and after talking everything over with my grandmother, we agreed that we were still going to contact the school board.

This story may not be as explicit as it seems in the title, but I don't know how else to ask my question (not sure if this needs an NSFW tag or not, sorry)

So over the weekend, I went to a garage sale and an older lady was selling some furniture and in the furniture (like Cabinets, bed side table, etc) there were a bunch of DVDs so I went through all of them to see if there was anything I wanted (found some cool things like full Sapranos seasons she was selling for a quarter each).

When all of a sudden, I came across EXPLICIT porn DVDs. We're talking like, absolutely EVERYTHING shown on the front cover. >!We're talking like, fully spread cheeks on the front cover haha!<. So me being the curious fella I am, after I went through all of the DVDs, I slyly asked her who all the DVDs belonged to find out if the porn was hers or not because it would be a funny story to tell the homies later..

Well, turns out... All the DVDs I went through were all of her son's things who just recently passed away from a drug overdose. She said she needed to move on and to help her with coping to move on from his passing, she decided to get rid of some of his belongings. This was a part of her healing process.

I feel absolutely horrible. I think I should have bought the DVDs (and thrown them away but not that it matters) so she would be saved from seeing something like that eventually from her son who she just lost. She wasn't even looking at the DVDs I bought (she just asked me how many I bought) so I EASILY could have taken them without her even knowing what DVDs I took.

Everybody I've asked this to has said without a doubt I should have taken the DVDs (and paid for them obviously, not just steal haha) and I agree with them.

What say you?

Last week, my wife, our two kids and I flew back from Asia to Europe. It was an 11-hour flight. Both kids are young teenagers who don't need any special attention or care; they're old enough to look after themselves during the flight.

We didn't all travel to Asia together, so I was on a separate booking from my wife and kids. We were all originally booked in premium economy because of the extra legroom. I'm 186 cm (6'1"), so I gladly pay for the extra legroom on long-haul flights.

As an aviation enthusiast, I've also always dreamed of flying business class, but on long intercontinental flights, it's simply ridiculously expensive and something I would never normally pay for myself.

In fact, when checking in for the flight, I was asked if I might be interested in upgrading to business class. The upgrade wasn't free, however. It was more than €1,000 per person, so I obviously declined.

When we were boarding, the gate agent took my boarding pass, crossed out my seat number, and wrote down a different one. She then said, "Upgrade to business."

In hindsight, I suspect the flight was overbooked in premium economy and they needed to move one passenger to business. Since I appeared to be travelling alone as I was on a separate booking from my wife and kids, I suspect I looked like the ideal candidate. And after they had already tried to sell me the upgrade at check-in, I guess they had little choice but to upgrade me for free once they needed to move someone.

Obviously, I accepted the upgrade.

My wife actually seemed excited when she saw me being upgraded. She seemed genuinely happy that I got the opportunity to experience business class. After accepting the upgrade, I immediately asked her if she wanted my upgraded business class seat instead. She said she was fine with her seat and didn't have a problem with me taking the upgrade. If she wanted it, I would have gladly let her change seats with me.

During the flight, I went back several times to check that she and the kids were okay. I also brought them snacks and drinks from the business class cabin, and I offered again during the flight to switch seats with her if she wanted.

As far as I could tell, everything was completely fine. There was no argument, no indication that she was upset, and she never said that she wanted me to sit with her and the kids.

However, now she's angry that I didn't refuse the upgrade in the first place so that I could sit with her and the kids for the entire flight.

I honestly didn't see the problem at the time, and to be honest, I still don't see it right now. I accepted the upgrade, immediately offered it to her, and she declined. I also checked on them throughout the flight and offered to switch seats multiple times.

So, Reddit, AITA for accepting the business class upgrade instead of refusing it so I could sit with my wife and kids for the entire flight?

My mom had a friend over the other night, and she went all out. She spent hours in the kitchen making fresh pizza from scratch, bought all the drinks, and spent ages cleaning up. Afterward, she was completely exhausted and started complaining to me about how tired she was from doing all that work. She told me that her friends coming over wasn’t that enjoyable.

I told her straight up that she should have set some boundaries instead of taking on all that extra effort. I explained how my friends and I do things: whenever I host, everyone brings their own food or orders takeaway, and we split the money down to the exact penny. My job as host basically starts and ends with providing tap water, coffee, and taking out the trash. I told her our way keeps things zero-stress and low-cost so no one ends up burnt out. My friends love it this way and we have made it normal in our group.. I saw online that it’s a Swedish tradition called knytkalas where guests bring their own foods and share them around.

She didn’t take that well at all. She said it’s just not a good thing to make guests bring their own food and drinks, and that a host shouldn't be asking guests to do that.

Now she's annoyed with me for criticising her setup, but I still think she's making her own life difficult by refusing to set limits. AITA for telling her she brought the exhaustion on herself, or is she right that making guests bring their own stuff isn't a good way to host?

I am still super pissed about this and when I was telling a friend about it today at the gym he told me I was trippin’…

So this last weekend I was on a first date with a girl I matched with on Bumble.

We’d been texting for a little bit back and forth for a few weeks now and decided to meet up for drinks and then grab food after. Everything was going fine and honestly, the drinks were awesome and we were vibing hard and she really seemed like a dope person.

We get in my car to head to grab something to eat and I’m playing this playlist I’ve been carefully putting together for like 5 years now. It’s a mix of stuff like SZA, Summer Walker, Frank Ocean, some of The Weeknd’s softer songs, a few other similar artists.

A few minutes into the drive she asks if she can look at my phone to change the music. I hand it over without thinking much of it. Next thing I know I glance over and she’s deleting songs left and right. I then notice that she’s already wiped out a huge chunk of the playlist in a matter of minutes!!!! Like legitimately half of it was gone before I could even say anything.

I asked her what she was doing and she said the playlist was “too soft and feminine” and “not masculine enough for a guy.” She started adding her own songs instead. And that low key pissed me off.

I told her to stop and give me the phone back. I looked at what she’d done and a bunch of tracks I’d spent years collecting and arranging were just gone. I pulled over, restored what I could from recently deleted, and told her I was gonna end the date here and drop her at her car.

She seemed surprised and a little offended. Said I was overreacting and that it was “just music.” I still drove her the rest of the way, but the vibe was completely dead. She got out without really saying much.

I don’t know. I spent a long time building that playlist and she just started erasing it like it was nothing because she decided it wasn’t “guy enough.” I didn’t feel like continuing the date after that. Looking for outside opinions…AITAH?

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This is gonna be a long one, I apologize in advance.

I (25F) live abroad. I grew up in Texas with my parents and one older sister (30F). My sister has
always been sick. When she was 15, she was diagnosed with endometriosis and had to drop
out of school and stayed bedridden at home for a long time. The constant hospital visits and
surgeries put a huge financial strain on my parents. I was also in middle school at the time and
struggled making friends, and it didn’t help to come back home to irritable parents and
everyone’s attention constantly on my sister. It was hard but we got through it.

Surgery after surgery, my sister’s self-esteem withered over time from gaining weight from
different medicines and lack of human interaction outside of the family. At one point she had to
remove her uterus (or so we thought) to help with the endometriosis. She had always wanted kids, so this devastated her. After that, the course of
her life throughout her 20s was a mix of irresponsible and reckless. She made quite the reputation
for herself amongst family members that she was not to be trusted. She would live from place to
place, she would ask around for money, and she would always be with a boyfriend that abused
her.

Towards the end of her 20s, she gave her life a big turn around, met her now husband, and
became more financially stable. They were doing well for a while and a little less than two years
ago, my sister found out she was pregnant with a miracle baby. Unfortunately, she grew a cyst on her ovaries and the doctors wouldn’t induce her despite
carrying the baby to term. This was a violation under Texas abortion laws, so there was nothing
we could do and she lost the baby.

Last summer, she was then diagnosed with colon cancer. My parents initially offered to help, but according to my sister, my mother asked her to send ‘proof’ of her doctor's visits before my mom sent her any money for treatments. My sister and her husband grew frustrated with the lack of trust and eventually decided they would do things on their own without our parents' help.

Starting September of 2025, my sister started asking to borrow money from ME for her chemotherapy treatments. Of course, I empathized with her situation and sent the money through venmo from my American credit card. I did this because I live abroad, and it would be a lot to transfer money through different banks. I also didn’t have any savings or extra money kept in any account, so using my credit card made sense at the time.

The idea was that she would pay me back whenever she got paid, she just needed $100 or so
for immediate treatments. Initially, she would pay me back what she owed, but starting in
January of 2026 she had a seizure. This all happened while my boyfriend and I were on our 1 year anniversary trip and my sister called me to ask for $800 for medical expenses. I sent it to her, and then I started a gofundme for some external help. Slowly over the next few months, she would take more and more until eventually I maxed out my credit card, which had a $4000 limit.

Over the course of these 4 months, I would ask her if she could pay back something every 2-3 weeks, but she would always have an excuse. She would say things like ‘I’m supposed to get my paycheck on Wednesday’ but then that would fall through. Or ‘My job didn’t send me as much as I thought, I can’t even afford groceries right now.’ Or she would ask me to lay off because I was stressing her out. Her husband also wasn’t working then because back in December, around New Year’s, they had a big fight and a neighbor called the police on them. They both went to jail for 2 days. It was a mess and he didn’t get a job until they reluctantly moved back in with my parents in May.

Even after I told my sister my card was maxed out at $4000, she would continue to ask me for financial help. It was getting annoying because she knew I didn’t have anything, and I was very firm on NOT using any money I made working abroad in order to pay my own living expenses. Our parents still weren’t helping with the treatments, and my dad also had his own medical troubles to deal with.

I ended up coming back to the U.S. this past July for my birthday. Despite the financial issues, my sister and I had gotten really close over the last year. So we planned a trip to New York during my visit with one of our cousins. I booked the hotel, organized the flights, made the reservations, and navigated during the entire trip. It ended up being the worst vacation of my
life. I won’t go into too many details, but there are several things that she did throughout my time
in the U.S. that I resent her for.

So now it’s been almost a month since then, and I was already starting to distance myself from her slowly now that I’m back at work abroad. She keeps bugging me about calling her and says that she’s been having panic attacks in the middle of the night, and wants me to answer her sudden calls to make her feel better. Where I live, midnight in Texas is during
my work hours. I told her this was unrealistic and that I honestly just need space to myself right now. I was very mentally unwell from the trip and was spiraling in my own head so much that I had my period twice that month.

Eventually I told her that I wasn’t interested in talking to her unless she could send me something to pay off the $4000 debt. It may seem heartless, but I am worried about my credit score dropping (in case I have to move back) and not having an extra source of funds for emergencies for MYSELF. She then proceeds to tell me that since I left the U.S., she hasn’t been going to work and she is now having a serious surgery at the end of August with a 50/50 chance of survival - she may also have 6 months to a few years left to live, or she could be fine, we don’t know (She is currently at stage 4). Therefore, she was “not even thinking about paying anyone back for anything right now.”

That was the last straw for me. I helped her financially for months, set up a gofundme, and put myself into debt. While also constantly being there for her emotionally, planning a whole trip for us where she treated me like garbage to her now trying to guilt trip me into doing whatever she wants. I excused the money she had saved up for New York because she hadn’t traveled in a while and I wanted us to have a good first time sister trip, but it seems odd to me that she can have money for a vacation but none to pay me back with. I understand that she has had a hard life. I understand that cancer is serious and it has financially distressed her. But I can’t do this anymore. She always has SOMETHING going on at the most inconvenient of times. Whenever I try to talk to her about my frustrations, she can’t take the criticism, victimizes herself, and puts blame on others to get out of any kind of responsibility. I made the hard decision to finally cut contact with her, especially after our final exchange of messages. Am I the asshole for dropping her at a time where it seems she needs support the most?

[supprimé]

My girlfriend's parents speak russian. I also speak russian. Nothing about me would hint at that. My great grandpa picked it up as a POW, gave it on to his children and so did they. I took a russian course ages ago to make the most out of my random rudimentary russian and just kept listening to and watching russian content now and then and kept it at what I would say is a decent conversational level. My english is much better and my french and italian are better aswell. Therefore, never any reason to show that off. Never thought much of it. Met my gf and she has russian roots but doesn't speak russian. It never was a topic. Her parents are native russian speakers but also speak perfect german, which is my language. You couldn't tell they weren't born here.

Those two do however have some short comments, back-and-forths in russian sometimes. Nothing delicate, nothing the rest of us wouldn't be allowed to hear.

We always speak german and it's no issue for anyone. Their upbringing is almost never a topic apart from some funny anecdotes here and there about life as a kid back then. Nothing deep.

The other day a family friend of them, also russian, came by. Nice evening as always.

As older generations sometimes do, they were mocking my generation in a light hearted banter joking kind of way. The friend at one point said something about how much tougher they are compared to us. In an equally joking banter kind of way (100% that was the tone, I am certain I didn't overstep on accident) I said, not literally, what would best be described as "Well, bitch, i hope you're not scared to put your money where your mouth is." In russian.

Shocked silence. Rough language is normal, they wouldn't be offended over a bit of banter, promise.

Later my GF said that they were really disturbed that I was fluent in russian (wouldn't say that I am but that's besides the point) and just left them in the dark about it.

Thing is, they never asked. It was never a topic. They knew my great grandpa was a POW in siberia. I told them that when it was actually the topic. And we joked about it because some of the mother's family were locked up there at about the same time aswell. "Haha, they were cellmates" kinda thing. But the language thing never came up. And I just didn't think much about it?

Nothing of any gravity ever happened in russian in the household. Half their family doesn't speak it. We all speak german to each other. I don't see how this matters? I wasn't eavesdropping either, they never shared a secret in russian while I was there. I would have said something if that was the case but it only ever was some random BS.

So. Now they are crossed because apparently I kept a major secret from them. I am confused because nobody cared about that before, it wouldn't have changed a thing. We understood each other fine and still do. My GF if stressed because she can see both sides but also thinks the drama is annoying and pointless.

Am I guilty?

Edit. My girlfriend always knew that.

Original Post https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Rd4cn17bFX

Update -

Just wanted to give an update for those who requested it. I read all of your comments and I appreciate the wide variety of takes, information and support.

First of all I wanted to assure everyone who was worried that BIL is okay. The night after this all happened, I saw that BIL removed me from social media and I couldn't get ahold of him. Turns out my sister took his phone and blocked me on it and she didn't tell him, so he thought I was the one who blocked him. I still had him on Instagram and reached out there and we figured out what had happened.

Long story short I reached out to his sister...he's being taken care of by his family now who are all stepping in to help. Turns out they never liked my sister and over the years have slowly drifted apart and were even estranged at one point because of her, they didn't like the way she treated him or the rest of the family and he'd always defend her so it caused a rift. At first I wasn't sure how this was going to go but they are all coming together for him after some emotional moments and apologies.

He has two sisters and a brother who are all married and they've all been taking checking on him regularly, between his siblings and their spouses. They've also upped the nurses and PSWs coming over, plus his rehab appointments for physio and BIL has also joined a few support groups that have been coming to his place to pick him up to take him to the community center for their group meetings, the volunteers check on him during the pick ups, he's also going to therapy to help him deal with his new normal. I think he is good for now despite everything else being emotionally taxing.

However my sister did confirm that she is going to divorce him and they're looking into housing and care options for him because they'd have to sell their current home. The plan is for her to move in with my father. I already know that's not going to go well. Their lifestyles definitely clash, they've lived together before and it was nothing but arguments. My sister is lazy, very messy in the kitchen and a bad cook who gets upset over any even perceived criticisms, my Dad is particular about the kitchen and his food, and tells it like he sees it. So I can't see that working out. My sister seems to cause havoc wherever she goes and this will likely not be the exception.

So I thought about what I would do if my daughter came to me to tell me something like this about her sister. If I put myself in the father's position, I'd probably have several emotions at once.

My first reaction would likely be concern. If my daughter is married and another daughter tells me she saw her holding hands with someone else, I'd realize that's a serious claim but I'd want to avoid jumping to conclusions and I wouldn't want to think that way about my daughter, I get that he has some hard emotions here... but also..

I'd also appreciate that my youngest daughter trusted me enough to tell me. She's bringing me something she believes is important and looking for advice. I wouldn't want to dismiss her or make her feel like she'd done something wrong simply by telling me, that's absolutely bad parenting. Especially to react the way he did and to treat me so brutally.

I'd probably feel conflicted about how to deal with it. As a parent, I wouldn't want to get in the middle of my adult children's marriage. I'd have to think carefully about whether this is something I should act on or whether it's primarily between the married couple. Parents sometimes get involved where they shouldn't and I get that but they should also be able to bring up their concerns as well.

So my response would probably be something like: "Thank you for telling me. I know this couldn't have been easy. I don't know exactly what happened, so I'm not going to make assumptions, but I appreciate that you came to me."

Maybe that's hoping for too much but I think you get my point.

Id want my kids to know they can come to me about anything, and they shouldn't be afraid of that or made to feel bad about it, especially when it's a hard or difficult topic.

I would not be angry at the daughter who told me, unless maybe she had a pattern of deliberately spreading false rumors or trying to cause harm. If that were the case it would be annoying for sure but also expected and I would know not to take it too seriously.

But that isn't the case here, and simply telling me what she or her husband witnessed wouldn't, by itself, make me think she had done anything wrong. Especially when it was done the way I brought it up, I didn't make assumptions, I didn't accuse her of anything or label my sister as anything I simply told my Dad that happened I was worried about them not having enough support in a challenging time.

I also thought about how I would react if I were in my sister shoes, like if someone thought I was cheating on my husband and saw something my response would have been to clear up the situation and explain it, or maybe even laugh about it...rather than lash out in anger, I think her reaction actually just confirmed that she is definitely a lying cheater.

As for my Dad he called me yesterday, so about a week and a half of us not talking which isn't like us. He called me, I was in the middle of something but thought if I didn't answer it could get worse. He was very curt with me on the phone, "Whats up" is what he first said when I picked up, short and abrupt not the usual "hey how are you?"

I ignored his what's up and asked him how he was doing, he said he sick and getting over a cold and has felt off and like something was wrong all week. Then he said he just wanted to make sure me and the family was okay, he asked me how my daughter's birthday party went (he was invited before all of this happened and he didn't attend)

Normally I'd send him photos or a video of her blowing out the candles but I didn't bother this time. He said he didn't come because he didn't feel well and didn't want to get her sick on her birthday but he has a gift for her and then he got off the phone.

It was short and quick, I didn't want to get into it but I do want an apology. He shouldn't have talked to me like that and whenever I have the time or chance Im going to tell him that it really hurt me the way he spoke to me.

Regardless, this has changed the view I have on my sister and my Dad. It hurt me so deeply that my Dad could talk to me like that so easily. It also made me think about a ton of other scenarios, stuff that happened with my mom and how my Dad acted in those moments says a lot.

And as for my sister? It also feels like a huge let down, I have always given her the benefit of the doubt and clearly that's been grossly misplaced. I really believed that she was a better person than this, like yeah ive had my doubt but I knew when push comes to shove she'd always do the right thing, but that's not true...the disappointment hurts and it's hard to accept but I am trying to see it for what it is. I know that people are all on a spectrum not all bad or all good but this feels too far gone and I don't want someone like that in my life or around my kids.

Ive always been the one who steps in for them, I'm not going to do that anymore, her and my Dad can rely on each other from now on whatever mess that looks like. Im just going to concentrate on my own family.

At my daughter's birthday party I realized how much support we have around us and my best friends that I've known since I was a baby are both more like sisters to me than my real sister ever has been. I love them so much and we all have kids around the same age, it really does feel like our own family.

Im going to concentrate on that and put more effort into the good relationships and slowly drop the bad ones even if they're family. I could use the same excuse for them in reverse, if they're supposed to be there for family then why weren't they there for me?

So I'm slowly going to just step back and let them have each other, I don't want or need that in my life. Thanks for all of your support.

Original Post

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Rd4cn17bFX

edited: This morning my daughter took the dogs outside to let the dogs go to the bathroom. Once the dogs got back to my daughter before she could go scoop up any poop the dogs did, my next door neighbor walks up to her at a reasonable distance and asks, “does your family have Disney+? there’s a show I was wanting to see but missed it last night because I don’t get the channel and heard it’s available on Disney+. Can you give me your login info please?” My daughter tells her that’s something she can’t give the information. The neighbor then says, ”it’s not like your mom would notice.”

edited: My daughter again refuses to say anything and the neighbor gets really angry then stormed over says she is only asking one more time and my daughter again says no. The neighbor then leaves and steps in the poop my daughter was going to scoop up and the woman screams the loudest swears. All I plan to say to neighbor if she confronts me is, “buy your own subscription to Disney+ and I’m not paying for any new shoes.”

Update with edit: for those asking my daughter is fifteen and she called the police on the neighbor yesterday after I told her to do so because what the neighbor did is dangerous behavior. This morning I saw my neighbors sister who does my morning cycling class at 8:00 am and she told me how the police have charged her sister with second-degree trespass because the police noted the sign at front of my driveway that says Private Property No Trespassing, communicating a threat and computer crime known as computer trespass. The sister said she is not taking her sisters side in this because what her sister did is not excusable behavior.

Update Two: If anyone tries asking what the show was that she wanted to watch it was the three part documentary Pompeii Out of Time with Tom Hiddleston because apparently from a prior talk with her long ago she has the biggest crush on him and she likely just wanted to swoon over him instead of pay attention to what the documentary had to say.

My daughter is 8 and has been staying overnight with my parents about once a month for the last two years. She loves going there, and I was genuinely happy that she had such a close relationship with them.

The problem is that my parents treat every rule we give them like an optional suggestion.

At first, it was mostly small things. They would let her stay up until midnight, give her ridiculous amounts of sweets, or send her home without having brushed her teeth. I didn’t love it, but I accepted that grandparents are going to spoil their grandchildren sometimes.

Then they started ignoring rules that were actually about her health.

My daughter has mild asthma, and we’ve repeatedly asked them not to use their wood-burning fireplace when she stays because the smoke can trigger her symptoms. They agreed every time. But she came home twice smelling strongly of smoke and eventually admitted that Grandpa had lit it because “one evening wouldn’t hurt.”

I spoke to them again, explained that this wasn’t just a preference, and made it very clear that the fireplace needed to stay off while she was there. They acted like they understood.

The last overnight was what finally ended it for me.

My daughter takes a daily medication before bed. It isn’t for a life-threatening condition, but missing doses causes problems. My parents have written instructions, and we even set an alarm on their phone so they wouldn’t have to remember on their own.

When I picked her up on Sunday, my mom casually mentioned that they had forgotten the medication Saturday night because everyone fell asleep while watching a movie.

Then my daughter told me they had also driven her without her booster seat because Grandpa had removed it from the car and didn’t feel like putting it back for a short trip.

When I got upset, my dad said I was acting like they had put her in “mortal danger” and accused me of looking for reasons not to trust them. My mom said they had successfully raised three children and didn’t need to be supervised by me.

I told them there would be no more overnight visits for now.

They can still see her at our house, take her out during the day, or spend time with her while my husband or I are nearby. But she will not stay overnight again until they show that they can follow the health and safety rules we set.

They’re furious and say I’m punishing both them and my daughter over a few harmless mistakes.

My daughter is upset too and keeps asking why she can’t sleep at Grandma’s anymore, which makes me feel terrible. My brother says I’m overreacting because nothing bad actually happened and that I should give them “one final warning.”

The thing is, I feel like they’ve already had several final warnings.

I’m not expecting perfection. I understand that grandparents might allow extra dessert or a later bedtime. But forgetting medication, ignoring a known asthma trigger, and driving her without the proper seat doesn’t feel like normal grandparent spoiling.

Nothing bad happened this time, but I don’t think I should have to wait until something does.

Am I wrong for stopping the overnight visits even though my daughter loves staying with them?