u/TalkTalkTalkListen

[supprimé]

My girlfriend's parents speak russian. I also speak russian. Nothing about me would hint at that. My great grandpa picked it up as a POW, gave it on to his children and so did they. I took a russian course ages ago to make the most out of my random rudimentary russian and just kept listening to and watching russian content now and then and kept it at what I would say is a decent conversational level. My english is much better and my french and italian are better aswell. Therefore, never any reason to show that off. Never thought much of it. Met my gf and she has russian roots but doesn't speak russian. It never was a topic. Her parents are native russian speakers but also speak perfect german, which is my language. You couldn't tell they weren't born here.

Those two do however have some short comments, back-and-forths in russian sometimes. Nothing delicate, nothing the rest of us wouldn't be allowed to hear.

We always speak german and it's no issue for anyone. Their upbringing is almost never a topic apart from some funny anecdotes here and there about life as a kid back then. Nothing deep.

The other day a family friend of them, also russian, came by. Nice evening as always.

As older generations sometimes do, they were mocking my generation in a light hearted banter joking kind of way. The friend at one point said something about how much tougher they are compared to us. In an equally joking banter kind of way (100% that was the tone, I am certain I didn't overstep on accident) I said, not literally, what would best be described as "Well, bitch, i hope you're not scared to put your money where your mouth is." In russian.

Shocked silence. Rough language is normal, they wouldn't be offended over a bit of banter, promise.

Later my GF said that they were really disturbed that I was fluent in russian (wouldn't say that I am but that's besides the point) and just left them in the dark about it.

Thing is, they never asked. It was never a topic. They knew my great grandpa was a POW in siberia. I told them that when it was actually the topic. And we joked about it because some of the mother's family were locked up there at about the same time aswell. "Haha, they were cellmates" kinda thing. But the language thing never came up. And I just didn't think much about it?

Nothing of any gravity ever happened in russian in the household. Half their family doesn't speak it. We all speak german to each other. I don't see how this matters? I wasn't eavesdropping either, they never shared a secret in russian while I was there. I would have said something if that was the case but it only ever was some random BS.

So. Now they are crossed because apparently I kept a major secret from them. I am confused because nobody cared about that before, it wouldn't have changed a thing. We understood each other fine and still do. My GF if stressed because she can see both sides but also thinks the drama is annoying and pointless.

Am I guilty?

Edit. My girlfriend always knew that.

Original Post https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Rd4cn17bFX

Update -

Just wanted to give an update for those who requested it. I read all of your comments and I appreciate the wide variety of takes, information and support.

First of all I wanted to assure everyone who was worried that BIL is okay. The night after this all happened, I saw that BIL removed me from social media and I couldn't get ahold of him. Turns out my sister took his phone and blocked me on it and she didn't tell him, so he thought I was the one who blocked him. I still had him on Instagram and reached out there and we figured out what had happened.

Long story short I reached out to his sister...he's being taken care of by his family now who are all stepping in to help. Turns out they never liked my sister and over the years have slowly drifted apart and were even estranged at one point because of her, they didn't like the way she treated him or the rest of the family and he'd always defend her so it caused a rift. At first I wasn't sure how this was going to go but they are all coming together for him after some emotional moments and apologies.

He has two sisters and a brother who are all married and they've all been taking checking on him regularly, between his siblings and their spouses. They've also upped the nurses and PSWs coming over, plus his rehab appointments for physio and BIL has also joined a few support groups that have been coming to his place to pick him up to take him to the community center for their group meetings, the volunteers check on him during the pick ups, he's also going to therapy to help him deal with his new normal. I think he is good for now despite everything else being emotionally taxing.

However my sister did confirm that she is going to divorce him and they're looking into housing and care options for him because they'd have to sell their current home. The plan is for her to move in with my father. I already know that's not going to go well. Their lifestyles definitely clash, they've lived together before and it was nothing but arguments. My sister is lazy, very messy in the kitchen and a bad cook who gets upset over any even perceived criticisms, my Dad is particular about the kitchen and his food, and tells it like he sees it. So I can't see that working out. My sister seems to cause havoc wherever she goes and this will likely not be the exception.

So I thought about what I would do if my daughter came to me to tell me something like this about her sister. If I put myself in the father's position, I'd probably have several emotions at once.

My first reaction would likely be concern. If my daughter is married and another daughter tells me she saw her holding hands with someone else, I'd realize that's a serious claim but I'd want to avoid jumping to conclusions and I wouldn't want to think that way about my daughter, I get that he has some hard emotions here... but also..

I'd also appreciate that my youngest daughter trusted me enough to tell me. She's bringing me something she believes is important and looking for advice. I wouldn't want to dismiss her or make her feel like she'd done something wrong simply by telling me, that's absolutely bad parenting. Especially to react the way he did and to treat me so brutally.

I'd probably feel conflicted about how to deal with it. As a parent, I wouldn't want to get in the middle of my adult children's marriage. I'd have to think carefully about whether this is something I should act on or whether it's primarily between the married couple. Parents sometimes get involved where they shouldn't and I get that but they should also be able to bring up their concerns as well.

So my response would probably be something like: "Thank you for telling me. I know this couldn't have been easy. I don't know exactly what happened, so I'm not going to make assumptions, but I appreciate that you came to me."

Maybe that's hoping for too much but I think you get my point.

Id want my kids to know they can come to me about anything, and they shouldn't be afraid of that or made to feel bad about it, especially when it's a hard or difficult topic.

I would not be angry at the daughter who told me, unless maybe she had a pattern of deliberately spreading false rumors or trying to cause harm. If that were the case it would be annoying for sure but also expected and I would know not to take it too seriously.

But that isn't the case here, and simply telling me what she or her husband witnessed wouldn't, by itself, make me think she had done anything wrong. Especially when it was done the way I brought it up, I didn't make assumptions, I didn't accuse her of anything or label my sister as anything I simply told my Dad that happened I was worried about them not having enough support in a challenging time.

I also thought about how I would react if I were in my sister shoes, like if someone thought I was cheating on my husband and saw something my response would have been to clear up the situation and explain it, or maybe even laugh about it...rather than lash out in anger, I think her reaction actually just confirmed that she is definitely a lying cheater.

As for my Dad he called me yesterday, so about a week and a half of us not talking which isn't like us. He called me, I was in the middle of something but thought if I didn't answer it could get worse. He was very curt with me on the phone, "Whats up" is what he first said when I picked up, short and abrupt not the usual "hey how are you?"

I ignored his what's up and asked him how he was doing, he said he sick and getting over a cold and has felt off and like something was wrong all week. Then he said he just wanted to make sure me and the family was okay, he asked me how my daughter's birthday party went (he was invited before all of this happened and he didn't attend)

Normally I'd send him photos or a video of her blowing out the candles but I didn't bother this time. He said he didn't come because he didn't feel well and didn't want to get her sick on her birthday but he has a gift for her and then he got off the phone.

It was short and quick, I didn't want to get into it but I do want an apology. He shouldn't have talked to me like that and whenever I have the time or chance Im going to tell him that it really hurt me the way he spoke to me.

Regardless, this has changed the view I have on my sister and my Dad. It hurt me so deeply that my Dad could talk to me like that so easily. It also made me think about a ton of other scenarios, stuff that happened with my mom and how my Dad acted in those moments says a lot.

And as for my sister? It also feels like a huge let down, I have always given her the benefit of the doubt and clearly that's been grossly misplaced. I really believed that she was a better person than this, like yeah ive had my doubt but I knew when push comes to shove she'd always do the right thing, but that's not true...the disappointment hurts and it's hard to accept but I am trying to see it for what it is. I know that people are all on a spectrum not all bad or all good but this feels too far gone and I don't want someone like that in my life or around my kids.

Ive always been the one who steps in for them, I'm not going to do that anymore, her and my Dad can rely on each other from now on whatever mess that looks like. Im just going to concentrate on my own family.

At my daughter's birthday party I realized how much support we have around us and my best friends that I've known since I was a baby are both more like sisters to me than my real sister ever has been. I love them so much and we all have kids around the same age, it really does feel like our own family.

Im going to concentrate on that and put more effort into the good relationships and slowly drop the bad ones even if they're family. I could use the same excuse for them in reverse, if they're supposed to be there for family then why weren't they there for me?

So I'm slowly going to just step back and let them have each other, I don't want or need that in my life. Thanks for all of your support.

Original Post

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Rd4cn17bFX

edited: This morning my daughter took the dogs outside to let the dogs go to the bathroom. Once the dogs got back to my daughter before she could go scoop up any poop the dogs did, my next door neighbor walks up to her at a reasonable distance and asks, “does your family have Disney+? there’s a show I was wanting to see but missed it last night because I don’t get the channel and heard it’s available on Disney+. Can you give me your login info please?” My daughter tells her that’s something she can’t give the information. The neighbor then says, ”it’s not like your mom would notice.”

edited: My daughter again refuses to say anything and the neighbor gets really angry then stormed over says she is only asking one more time and my daughter again says no. The neighbor then leaves and steps in the poop my daughter was going to scoop up and the woman screams the loudest swears. All I plan to say to neighbor if she confronts me is, “buy your own subscription to Disney+ and I’m not paying for any new shoes.”

Update with edit: for those asking my daughter is fifteen and she called the police on the neighbor yesterday after I told her to do so because what the neighbor did is dangerous behavior. This morning I saw my neighbors sister who does my morning cycling class at 8:00 am and she told me how the police have charged her sister with second-degree trespass because the police noted the sign at front of my driveway that says Private Property No Trespassing, communicating a threat and computer crime known as computer trespass. The sister said she is not taking her sisters side in this because what her sister did is not excusable behavior.

Update Two: If anyone tries asking what the show was that she wanted to watch it was the three part documentary Pompeii Out of Time with Tom Hiddleston because apparently from a prior talk with her long ago she has the biggest crush on him and she likely just wanted to swoon over him instead of pay attention to what the documentary had to say.

My daughter is 8 and has been staying overnight with my parents about once a month for the last two years. She loves going there, and I was genuinely happy that she had such a close relationship with them.

The problem is that my parents treat every rule we give them like an optional suggestion.

At first, it was mostly small things. They would let her stay up until midnight, give her ridiculous amounts of sweets, or send her home without having brushed her teeth. I didn’t love it, but I accepted that grandparents are going to spoil their grandchildren sometimes.

Then they started ignoring rules that were actually about her health.

My daughter has mild asthma, and we’ve repeatedly asked them not to use their wood-burning fireplace when she stays because the smoke can trigger her symptoms. They agreed every time. But she came home twice smelling strongly of smoke and eventually admitted that Grandpa had lit it because “one evening wouldn’t hurt.”

I spoke to them again, explained that this wasn’t just a preference, and made it very clear that the fireplace needed to stay off while she was there. They acted like they understood.

The last overnight was what finally ended it for me.

My daughter takes a daily medication before bed. It isn’t for a life-threatening condition, but missing doses causes problems. My parents have written instructions, and we even set an alarm on their phone so they wouldn’t have to remember on their own.

When I picked her up on Sunday, my mom casually mentioned that they had forgotten the medication Saturday night because everyone fell asleep while watching a movie.

Then my daughter told me they had also driven her without her booster seat because Grandpa had removed it from the car and didn’t feel like putting it back for a short trip.

When I got upset, my dad said I was acting like they had put her in “mortal danger” and accused me of looking for reasons not to trust them. My mom said they had successfully raised three children and didn’t need to be supervised by me.

I told them there would be no more overnight visits for now.

They can still see her at our house, take her out during the day, or spend time with her while my husband or I are nearby. But she will not stay overnight again until they show that they can follow the health and safety rules we set.

They’re furious and say I’m punishing both them and my daughter over a few harmless mistakes.

My daughter is upset too and keeps asking why she can’t sleep at Grandma’s anymore, which makes me feel terrible. My brother says I’m overreacting because nothing bad actually happened and that I should give them “one final warning.”

The thing is, I feel like they’ve already had several final warnings.

I’m not expecting perfection. I understand that grandparents might allow extra dessert or a later bedtime. But forgetting medication, ignoring a known asthma trigger, and driving her without the proper seat doesn’t feel like normal grandparent spoiling.

Nothing bad happened this time, but I don’t think I should have to wait until something does.

Am I wrong for stopping the overnight visits even though my daughter loves staying with them?

When my daughter was around 10 I remarried to her stepmom who had her own daughter who was 9. 

They got along for the most part until recently. In short my daughter is jealous.  I’ll call any daughter Ash. My stepdaughter ( Emma fake name ) has recently reconnected with her grandparents on her father’s side. The grandparents have money to burn and are retired. 

I want to point out that before they came into the picture my daughter was the one to receive nicer gifts from my her mom side of the family. Example: they’re have been a few time Ash  went on vacations that my step daughter wasn’t allowed to go on or got more expensive stuff. I can’t stop my ex wife on spoiling her or her family. 

So the issue has been Ash  has been jealous of Emma recently because Emma’s grandparents are giving her stuff. That stuff will sometimes be in our home. I’m not going to ban her bringing her gift to her place she lives at 50% of the time.

One example is Emma got the newest phone and my daughter wanted her iPhone upgraded. I told her we don’t have the money at the moment and she said it was unfair his step sister got the newest phone.  She wasn’t very happy. We had a conversation and brought up the stuff she has gotten but Emma hasn’t over the years. 

Ash is 16 and Emma is 15. Emma’s grandparents got her a 6000 dollar purse for back to school. I don’t get it but Emma seemed to really like and that she is using it. It’s her first real purse. 

My daughter was jealous when she saw it becuase she knew the brand. Ash asked if she could borrow it and Emma told her no. They got into an argument and I stopped it and reiterated that is was Emma’s.

Well Ash decided to destroy the purse. She cut some of the leather and popped some of the seams. My wife’s ex husband was pissed and my wife replaced the purse with her own money ( we really didn’t have that to blow) 

I discussed it with my wife and we are making Ash pay back the purse. We already took 4000 that she earned this summer form her job and made it clear that for her next paychecks she is to give us 50 % until it is paid.

Ash has been upset some and she  ran to her mom. Who has had a lot of things to say about this 

She claims we are being too harsh. 

I (27F) am close friends with a woman (27F) who has a 1-year-old child. I’m struggling with whether I should get involved in something that feels bigger than me.

My friend works a 9-5 job, and her boyfriend (28M) is a DJ. They are not married, but they have been together and he has always believed this child is his.

Before she got pregnant, my friend had dated and hooked up with other people. I don’t judge her for her past, but she has never been completely open about that period of her life, even with me.

The reason I’m worried is because as the baby has gotten older, her boyfriend has started noticing things that make him question paternity. The baby looks a lot like my friend, but not much like him. He has a very fair complexion, while my friend has a brown complexion, and the child’s skin tone is much darker than either of them. People around them have also noticed that the child doesn’t resemble him.

During arguments, I have heard him say things like, “This isn’t my baby” and “He doesn’t look anything like me.” At the same time, I can tell he loves the child and has been a good father. I think he is struggling because he loves this baby but also has doubts that he cannot ignore.

I feel stuck because I care about my friend, but I also feel like he deserves to know the truth. A DNA test would give everyone clarity, whether it confirms he is the father or not.

My friend is already under a lot of pressure. She is struggling with work, money, and raising a child. She also has not told her own mother about the baby because she is afraid of disappointing her. Her mother raised her as a single parent and always warned her not to repeat the same struggles.

I understand why my friend is scared. I know she loves her boyfriend, and from what I’ve seen, he has treated her well. But I feel like avoiding the issue is only making things harder for everyone, especially him.

I haven’t confronted her because I’m afraid she will feel judged or betrayed. I don’t know if it’s my place to say anything.

AITAH if I encourage my friend to be honest with her boyfriend and consider getting a DNA test, or should I stay out of it?

This is going to be long but I feel context is necessary. For background, a few years ago I (27ftm) offered to potentially be a surrogate for my sister (38f). She’s been having fertility issues for years and really wants to have kids. I told her that I would be open to being a surrogate IF she tried/looked into other options first and IF she couldn’t find a surrogate that worked out for her.

This was before I came out as trans and was in the midst of hardcore suppression, at the time, I didn’t really want to be pregnant but I love my sister dearly and would do it for her as a last resort even if it made me uncomfortable. After accepting that part of myself and beginning my transition, the idea of pregnancy became more and more unbearable.

Last year when I was just about to start taking testosterone I told her because it was a big deal for me, I was so excited to share it with her. She asked me how it would work, and when I went to explain the differences between gel and injections she cut me off and said ‘no, I mean don’t you have to be off of it for a few months to harvest your eggs?’

We never talked about that, not one time was it ever mentioned that I’d offer up my eggs to her for IVF. I was kind of gobsmacked and frankly didn’t know how to respond so I just said I didn’t know. Retrospectively that was stupid of me.

Now here’s where it’s biting me in the ass. I’ve been having increasingly worsening health problems over the years (I initially offered surrogacy when I was healthy.) and I can no longer be a surrogate for her as the fetus would likely not survive if it even took (that resulted in her lashing out at me, lots of emotions that I don’t hold against her.).

I have to get a hysterectomy as I’m an extreme cancer risk and have growing polyps. I also told her about this because it’s my first surgery and I’m scared. Again she immediately brings up harvesting my eggs before my surgery. I’m not just a high cancer risk, I’m chronically ill with something I’m still being tested for, I’m in constant increasing pain, and likely got that from my mother as she is experiencing the same thing. (I’m not going to share what it is but it can be hereditary).

Because of that I don’t want to pass on my genetics because living like this SUCKS BAD, and I’ve never wanted to have my dna out there, it’s just not an idea I’m cool with personally. She doesn’t care if her child is potentially born with the same thing, and while I agree there’s nothing wrong with being disabled, I can’t imagine knowingly potentially passing this on. She means the world to me and I want her to succeed in having a family but I just honestly don’t want to.

I need an outside perspective on this that’s not from my family because I feel like horrible about it and like I’m going back on my word and I don’t know how to say no or if I should just do it.

TLDR: My sister is pressuring me to donate my eggs to her because I can no longer surrogate but I don’t want to because I am physically unwell and just kinda don’t want to. WIBTAH if I said no?

This was years ago. I worked at a small marketing company in IT. They had a couple of us IT people sharing a decent-sized office. It had a nice southern view. The company, in it's infinite wisdom, hired this pompous PhD whose only qualification was that wrote a book about marketing. In his first week he decided everyone was doing everything wrong despite having no actual experience in the field. Anyhow, he was an ass with no humility and he rubbed all the staff the wrong way, the management loved him because he was a BS artist who told them he would make them all the money with his revolutionary ideas about market research. He earned a PhD (in marketing let's remind ourselves - he wasn't curing cancer) so he thought he was smarter and more valuable than everyone else even though most of out revenue was based on the computer system IT wholly supported and customized. He decided that he wanted the office IT had. The company agreed that they would move the two of us to a smaller office that was really only big enough for one person, but we would both have to share it. We were literally told we had to move out the same day they informed us because Dr. VonDouchebag wanted to settle into the new office. So, while we were scrambling to get our stuff out, I got on a chair and pushed the AC vent up into the ceiling and slid a spare tile in it's place. I did the same thing with the air return, so the office was sealed. We moved out and Dr. Dementia moved in. The first day I knew we were going to love the show because he immediately closed his door so nobody could see him probably not working (I found out later he spent a lot of his time playing Solitaire - and that is another revenge story). It was May, in North Carolina, so it was already warm outside. By June, he would show up to afternoon meetings visibly sweating. He never thought to call maintenance about the temperature, so much for PhD-level smarts.

Need an unbiased take on whether ITA for correcting my spouse at times when she’s telling a story. I’ll elaborate. When telling stories (say at the dinner table with friends, or whatever), my wife frequently messes up key words that dramatically change the story and could confuse people (who would generally be too polite to say anything and would just remain confused). So I’ll sometimes jump in and correct that key point for clarity and turn it back to her to continue the story.

Examples: she tells a story about growing up in the Catholic Church and pushing back on the patriarchy. She refers to the Monsignor as the “Monsieur” (French for Mister). Or, recently there was a news story involving some people who did something in the US that came from Tijuana. She referred to them as coming from Taiwan. In both of those instances, I jumped in and corrected her to help the people listening follow the story better. So, AITA for doing this or should I just let if flow and hope people can figure it out themselves?

I(M) have a large backpack that I used pretty much any time I went somewhere with a lot of stuff. My mother bought me the bag for i think 80$ and ive used it since 2018. I've used it for school, travel, gaming, even hiding things i dont want my younger family members to find. This issue usually happens whenever someone in my family wants to travel far.

One time, I was sleeping over at my cousins house and I brought that bag with me to carry my laptop. When I woke up, I didn't see my bag anywhere or my laptop. I called my mom to tell her I lost the bag but it turns out, my dad came to my cousins house, emptied out my bag and put all the stuff into another bag and took my backpack without asking me.

Another time, my cousin wanted to take my bag so my parents ask if he could use it. Feeling like I had no choice, I said yes. Fast forward, my cousin returned however he forgot the bag in the country he was visiting. So, I had to wait for another one of my cousins to bring it back with him whenever he would return.

I got tired of having my bag taken from me so I decided to buy my own bag. I decided that no one other than me would use this new bag and the old one can go to whoever's traveling.

After I bought the new backpack, my father demanded that I return it and he said that he had this exact same backpack and that he will give it to me. My 1st thought was "if you have one that's this big, why do you need the old bag"? I asked him to repeat himself but then he changed it to him having one that's smaller. For the sake of not wanting to argue, I stayed silent and just listened to him berate me about not understanding how important money is. So, am I wrong?

O.K. This is a situation when I can really see both sides, but I want to see how off base I might be. This kind of think happens fairly frequently so I'm guessing there will be strong feelings. Anyway, my friend and her daughter took a few days and visited a hot springs near where I live. When the daughter got out of the hot springs at one point, she felt nauseous and threw up on the deck. The worker there told her "Oh, it'll just wash off" meaning he wanted my friend to clean it. She IMMEDIATELY got pissed off and was like "Sir, I don't work here, don't know where the hose is, and have an ill child," and kind of just peaced out. If it were me, I think I would have taken care of my daughter and then helped because I've been on the employee side of that equation before.

That situation was obviously no one's fault and if the daughter had purposefully made a mess, I would have very strong opinions.

That being said, I also know that working retail, I have cleaned bathrooms that were gross and have hosed and wiped things down after sick people and kids. What do you think? Am I wrong in my thinking?

I (24F) live with my grandparents and my brother (19M). A month ago, my grandparents let one of my brother’s friends (19F) move in for 3 months( it’s been one and a half) rent-free, chore-free, and apparently we’re paying for her food too. I’m calling her “stranger” because I don’t know her. She never introduced herself, and my brother had never even mentioned her despite talking about his other friends all the time.

My grandma made this decision with very little input from my grandpa and none from me.
I’m currently 8 months pregnant, so I don’t have periods. No one else in the house besides stranger does. The first time I found period blood on the toilet seat, I was disgusted but cleaned it myself and said nothing. The next day it happened again. I asked my brother to either clean it or ask stranger to, and to tell her to check the seat. He ended up making me tell her because she was in the room with him. I did not know she was in there or I would have adressed her. I politely asked her to please check the seat after using the bathroom because leaving blood there was unsanitary. My brother ended up cleaning it.

Today at 4 a.m., I got up to use the bathroom, which happens a lot now that I’m 8 months pregnant, and there was period blood on the seat for the third time. I was furious. Instead of cleaning it myself again, I went to my brother’s door. His room is next to stranger’s, and I knew they were awake because I could see the lights.
I knocked and raised my voice, saying this was the third time and that a grown woman shouldn’t have to be reminded to clean up her own blood. I told stranger to come clean it because I already had a Clorox wipe in my hand. They both came out, and I was still upset. She balled up the wipe and just dabbed at the blood before throwing it away. I told her dabbing wasn’t cleaning it and that she needed to wipe the entire seat. She did and didn’t say anything.

Then my brother tried to claim it wasn’t period blood, just like he did the last time. It clearly was. I’ve had periods for over 10 years, and I know what period blood looks like. That just made me angrier. I continued saying how gross it was that this kept happening before they went back to their rooms.

I feel a little bad for yelling, but this was the third time. I can barely walk at 8 months pregnant, and I don’t think I should be cleaning another adult’s period blood or repeatedly reminding them to clean up after themselves. AITA?

EDIT: I did not leave the blood I don’t have hemmroids or bleed I also check the toilet before and after since 3 ppl use it . Not my grandparents either it’s downstairs bathroom they can’t walk downstairs . I also know it’s period blood because the pad wrappers left at the top of the trashcan that’s right next to the toilet.

EDIT2: my brother and I are the caretakers for my grandparents . My brother helps tremendously with the heavy lifting and stuff and I help with my grandmas medical issues and cooking and cleaning . My brother and I do NOT mooch off from them . It’s not as easy as just move out . If I did they would have to go to a nursing home and nobody wants that for them when my brother and I are capeable of taking care of them!!!! Also by me mentioning there was no input of telling me about stranger moving in I meant I was not even told at all until all of their stuff was piled in the garage . I think I should have been told this person was going to be moving in.

EDIT 3: I am seeing the comments and I agree with some that yes I could have introduced myself and went about approaching the situation other than yelling . I felt justified in yelling due to me already having spoken politely to her about it . Although I don’t think this situation makes me a horrible person or mom to be based off from this situation so I really don’t appreciate those comments.

I just got done with a long convo with my brother about the situation and he doesn’t like how I yelled or approached it but he also doesn’t think leaving blood on the seat is a big deal in his perspective but he said he sees how it could be in mine .

my god you people are hung up on the fact that I named her stranger for the sake of this post , you act like I call her stranger in person. ALSO this post is not about my child’s father OR my grandparents it is about the person continuously leaving blood on the toilet seat after being TOLD . Again to the people who have REAL feedback thank you ,

So, last summer i was staying at my grandpa's house for a bit and when it came time to go home he asked my aunt to drive me and my friend who had come with me to another town where we would meet my mom and then me and my friend would go home with her.

At this time I was 14 and my aunt was maybe in her mid thirties, not sure. Id also like to note that i am on the autism spectrum, as my actions may make more sense with that info in mind.

It became apparent very quickly that this drive was going to be horrible. We have very conflicting beliefs and views on many many things that I am extremely passionate about. We argued a lot. Any time I would try to ask her to stop talking so I could calm down she would just keep going. Honestly, I had never really been put in a situation like this before so I wasn't sure how to handle it, how to stay calm and regulate my emotions, etc. So, theres that.

At one point, she stopped to get gas and I saw a cool looking bug next to the car so I got out to pick it up because I quite like bugs and wanted to see what kind it was. She turned around and started SCREAMING at me that I was hurting it and I needed to put it down and I was being cruel. All I was doing was holding it in my hand and looking at it, but okay.

Then, while driving she realized her speaker was dead and instead of just plugging it in and waiting for it to charge she decided to go to Walmart and get a whole new speaker. She left me, my friend, and her French bulldog who already can barely breathe in the hot car for at least 5 minutes for this.

The entire car ride, I was very on edge due to her reckless driving. She was swerving a lot, wasn't keeping her hands on the wheel or eyes on the road as much as one should while on the highway, refused to wear her seat belt, and is arguing with and yelling at me all the while. Needless to say, I was very very anxious and unable to regulate my emotions.

After 3 hours in this car, we finally got to the town we were gonna meet my mom in. My aunt refused to go to where we had agreed to meet and it really stressed me out because i thought that was the plan ​and I also don't really know this town so it was nearly impossible to give my mom any directions. After stopping at a drive thru to get a burger while i was panicking over how long we were taking, my aunt pulls over on some random road I cant see a sign for so I have no clue where we even are. Im sobbing at this point. She gets out of the car and walks away so I can't even try to ask her for info to tell my mom. Eventually, my mom is able to get sort of close to where the car is and my aunt comes back to the car. My friend leaves to go try and find my mom. My aunt starts talking again, I dont even remember what she was saying but I know it was something dumb and that she was probably yelling again. I was crying and screaming telling her to stop talking and she just wouldnt, i didnt know what to do and eventually i leaned forward and hit her twice on the back. Im not proud of that and i know i shouldnt have done that, but i was in such a panicked and emotional state i didnt really think. I just wanted her to stop. I leaned back in my seat, still sobbing. She leaned back and wrapped her ​hands around my neck. I couldn't breathe at all, I was trying to get her hands off of me but I couldn't. She was yelling but I don't really remember what. I just know she was swearing at me. I dont really know how long it was until she let go, but my vision had almost gone completely black before she did. I was very very shocked and needed a second to process what just happened and to catch my breath. At this point, my friend had found my mom and was leading her back to the car. I got out and I ran to them and told them what happened.

I ended up pressing charges against my aunt and I had to get some stuff done at the hospital to make sure she hadn't caused any serious damage to my throat. The bruising was ​​​bad, it didnt go away for maybe 2 weeks. We had to take photos of the bruising every day to keep as evidence. we also ended up having to take pictures of my hands to show the LACK of bruising because once my aunt became aware of me pressing charges she started lying and saying that I had punched her really hard in the head. Mind you, my position in the car wouldnt have even allowed that.

Fast forward to now, my grandpa wants me to forgive her. She still lives on his property and i was planning on going to visit him because i was told she would be out of town but i guess that was a lie? My grandpa is saying that shes sorry and that not forgiving her doesnt do anything good for me. He says i should go visit him anyways and that its fine. Is he right? ​I really do not know at this point. I guess it would be better for the family if I let go of this grudge and if I didn't have to avoid family things just because she's there but I don't know if I feel safe around her. This might be messed up to say but I feel like if I had to see her again I'd probably attack her. Should I just forgive and forget? Am I in the wrong here?

EDIT: There's so many people saying it's obvious I'm not in the wrong and so many more saying that what happened was deserved and its my fault. so I am still questioning myself here. someone even said I'm so in the wrong here THEY want to strangle me😭😭

anyway, just wanted to clarify too that I only mentioned me being autistic because it's why I have a harder time regulating my emotions and such. im not trying to use it as an excuse for my actions. and, most of the time when there was argument it was her talking at me and me asking her to be quiet lol

Okay so I'm a Black girl (19f) and I do musical theatre at my college. This happened over the  the past few days and I still can't believe I have to even ask this but here we are.

So there's this white girl in the program. I'm gonna call her Brenda because I hate that name and fits how she acts. Me and Brenda aren't close but we're friendly enough, we chat before rehearsals and stuff. She's one of those people who thinks she's like super woke and makes it her whole personality. You know the type.

So after rehearsal one day Brenda pulls me aside looking all serious like she's about to tell me someone just died. She says she needs to talk to me about something important and that she's worried about my character. I'm standing there in my sweaty rehearsal clothes just wanting to go home and she's looking at me like I'm supposed to be scared or something. I ask her what she's talking about because I haven't done anything wrong. Then she drops this bomb that I should be ashamed that I'm friends with someone who's white supremacist leaning.

I literally laughed at her I said girl what the hell are you talking about. I don't hang out with anyone like that. I'm Black. Why the fuck would I be friends with a white supremacist? That makes zero sense.

She goes "your friend Connor." And I just stare at her.

Connor is this white guy I've known since middle school. We grew up in the same town, did community theatre together, went to the same high school, and now we're at the same college. He's genuinely one of the kindest people I know. He's a total theatre nerd like me and he's always been super supportive of me. He's been dating this girl Madison for like 8 months now and he's honestly the happiest I've ever seen him.

I tell Brenda she's lost her damn mind, Connor is not a white supremacist. And she explain why she thinks this and I swear to God I'm not making this up.

She says the reason Connor is white supremacist leaning is because he's white with dark hair and blue eyes and Madison is white with supposedly blue eyes. I say supposedly because I've seen Madison's Instagram and her eyes in pictures look anything from gray to light blueish green depending on the lighting. Sometimes they look straight up dark brown or hazel. But Brenda insists Madison has blue eyes and that's the important part apparently.

Brenda then tells me that if Connor and Madison stay together and have kids, they could have blonde haired blue eyed babies. And that's white supremacist leaning because they're basically trying to create the "ideal" white race or whatever eugenics nazi bullshit. She said I need to talk to Connor and make him stop the relationship because its my responsibility as his friend to not let him participate in eugenics.

I just stood there and I think my mouth was hanging wide open. I asked her if she heard herself talking. Like did those words really just come out of her mouth. She got all huffy and crossed her arms and said she thought I would understand because I'm Black and should be sensitive to these issues. Like she was doing me a favor by telling me this.

I said Brenda you are actually insane. You want me to tell my friend he can't date a girl because she might have blue eyes and they might have kids with blue eyes? Do you hear how that crazy sounds? She said I was being willfully ignorant and walked off in a huff.

Here's the thing about Connor though. I've known him since we were like 12. I've seen this man have crushes on all kinds of girls. He had a huge crush on this Indian girl in 8th grade and he was too shy to even talk to her. He dated a mixed girl for a few months junior year and he was so nervous about meeting her parents he made me practice what he was gonna say with him. His first girlfriend in high school was a white girl with brown hair and brown eyes who broke his heart and he listened to sad music for like two months straight. Like he has never had a type. He just likes who he likes. Madison just happens to be white with light eyes. Its not like he's out there with a checklist trying to find some blonde haired blue eyed girl to start a master race with. He likes Madison because she's funny and she's also into theatre and they have the same dumb sense of humor.

I told Brenda all of this. I said you don't know him like I do, he's not like that, he's literally dated every race under the sun at this point. She said that doesn't matter because the current relationship is the problem. I told her she was being ridiculous and walked away.

Now she's been texting me all summer. Like every few days I get a new message. She said I'm enabling white supremacy by not saying anything to Connor. She said I'm part of the problem. She said if I really cared about my community I would step up. A couple other people in the program have heard about it and some of them actually think Brenda has a point even if she went about it wrong. Which is crazy as fuck to me.

I'm not gonna tell my friend to break up with his girlfriend because they both got light eyes and might have light eyed kids. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. And I definitely don't think I need to explain his whole dating history like I'm his defense attorney just to prove he's not a white supremacist. But Brenda keeps saying I'm turning a blind eye to eugenics and I should care more because of my own background and honestly I'm tired of trying to explain how the world works to her.

I really don't think this is a real problem, man.

I (28F) single and child-free have been friends with my best friend (mid-30sF) for almost 10 years. She has two young kids.

We’ve always been very close. I love her kids like my own — I visit them, talk to them on video calls, and I show up for birthdays, graduations, and special occasions even when I’m not financially comfortable. I genuinely care about them and our friendship.

Recently, I started a new job that pays better, and I’ve been trying to be more intentional with my money and save for some big life goals.

The issue is that when we hang out, the financial setup has always been very “split everything equally” — transport, food, outings, etc.

For example, if we book a ride that costs $100, she’ll suggest we split it 50/50, even though she is traveling with her two kids and sometimes a sitter. So effectively it’s 4 people on her side and just me on mine.

The same thing happens when we eat out — we split the bill evenly even though most of the food is for her kids, and I don’t really consume much of what’s ordered for them.

Lately, I’ve started feeling uncomfortable with this setup. Not because I don’t love spending time with them, but because financially it doesn’t make sense for me anymore, especially as I’m trying to save and plan for my future.

Because of that, I’ve been declining some of her invitations to go out (swimming, lunch, dinners, etc.), since I already know it will likely mean splitting all costs equally despite the imbalance in number of people.

I haven’t confronted her about it yet because I don’t want to hurt her feelings or damage our friendship, but I also don’t want to keep putting myself in a situation where I feel financially drained or taken for granted.

So I guess my question is:

AITA for not wanting to hang out anymore because I don’t want to keep splitting costs equally when she’s bringing her kids and sitter along?

It’s Saturday y’all here’s the update you guys have been waiting for.
After I made the original post. I talked to my aunt who is also going to the wedding. She has a dairy allergy. I asked her if she had talked to them about food at the wedding and she said she had and they were fairly understanding and explained to her that the only part of the food she might have to substitute would be the hollandaise sauce and she would just not eat cream cheese from the hors d’oeuvres. And butter for any seafood is on the side. They were fully supportive in giving her the substitution she needs. So confused me gave my aunt the rundown on what I had experienced and she was just as puzzled as I was.

Today, I had a sit down conversation with him asked about the food situation. I asked why he said no about my substitutions. He wouldn’t give me a straight answer. I asked why everyone else who wanted substitutions got them. Again he wouldn’t give me a straight answer. But when I brought up paying for my own substitutions. Oh, did he talk! he said that the whole not wanting to let me pay for my own substitutions was just a misunderstanding. He thought that I meant I wanted to pay for everyone’s substitutions (I would be fine with if that was something I had to do btw), but he didn’t want me doing that, ofc I understand.
The last question I asked was, if accommodations were available, why was I the only person being told no?
I told him that I talked to our aunt and I know that her food substitution was granted. He then danced around that topic as well. Saying stuff like “well you know aunty, she can get anything she wants. You know how she is!” basically making a joke about our aunt being a Karen (not my fav thing to hear). Finally I just said I would be more than happy to talk to the caterer myself if that was necessary. That’s when he got quiet.
Then he asked me not to contact the caterer. I was so confused and still am! the more I pushed for answers, the more uncomfortable he became. Finally, after about five minutes of going in circles, he admitted that he knew substitutions were possible (obviously, me and him both knew this already).
Apparently the caterer had offered allergy accommodations, which is what my aunt told me as well. Not only that but several guests had already requested modifications to their meals (my aunt being one of them).
Thats when things got even weirder.
He told me that his fiancée had specifically mentioned me when they were discussing dietary restrictions. Apparently she thought my dietary restrictions were "annoying". He said he tried to convince her that it wasn’t a big deal but she shut down any further discussion about it. I told him that I had medical needs and I can’t be in the heat without food. Therefore, I do not feel comfortable attending. He got really frantic and said he’ll talk to her. I told him I was going to talk to her anyways. He got weird about that too. I also made sure that he knew even if I wasn’t going I would still continue to help with the planning, which didn’t really calm him down, I just left after that. This entire situation is getting weirder and weirder..

I’m going to talk to his fiancée next, probably tomorrow. But for now the saga continues ig lol.

Thanks for the support and suggestions! lol

OG post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITH/s/dzdERM4BXF

My husband and I are having our first kid. We have tried for the past few years but we were unsuccessful, until now. My mother in law has been helpful ever since we told her. Before me and my husband got married I didn’t really think she liked me. She was always cold and short with me where it came to any conversation. Whoever we told her she actually spoke to me having a normal, not awkward conversation. She even started going to our ultrasound appointments with me and my husband, and would help around the house after each appointment.
I thought she was an absolute angel. But little did I know she was trying to make this baby about her.
I have been planning the gender reveal party for months now. I had the idea for the venue and the cake. I told my friends/husband about my ideas and they loved it. Whenever I told my mother in law she didn’t like it. She started showing me these other overpriced venues and recommended we use poppers instead. I didn’t want to argue with her but I told her that the venue she mentioned isn’t in our price range. She said she’ll pay for everything. I didn’t really feel comfortable with that and I told her about how I felt but she just waved me off.
I told my husband my concerns and asked if he could speak with his mother, he said he would talk to her.
Apparently, when my husband spoke to her she argued with him and insisted on the venue and the poppers. I eventually said okay but I was quite upset.
My mother in law asked if she could be the one to know the gender and go and buy us the poppers. I was hesitant at first but agreed.
The party was good for the most part, I got to decorate how I wanted to and it was nice to see my family and friends.
Eventually it was time for the revival. Me and my husband both got a popper and held them up in the air. We had a countdown and whenever we twisted the poppers, they were gold.
Of course me and my husband were confused..
But then my mother in law pulled out another popper and popped it. Pink confetti went everywhere and my mother in law started jumping up and down, screaming. The whole party went dead silent, but all I could hear was my own heart beat. I immediately lost it. “what the actual fuck is wrong with you“
She immediately went defensive. “Well I thought since I payed for the venue and helped with you with the gender reveal, I could be the one to surprise you both. It not a big deal, you need to realize what I’ve done for you.”
I said “ I didn’t even want you to help me pay for anything. I had a whole plan. I had the venue planned and I didn’t even want to do poppers. You did! You wanted to take the spotlight for yourself! You’re a pathetic excuse of a person. You have ruined everything!” I stormed out with my husband following me and we drove home.
He said I went to far and that his mother was just exited and trying to be nice.
I’m starting to think I may have gone too far but idk.
AITA?

Update

Thank you everyone who commented. I honestly thought I was a bit harsh, but I see now I just stood up for myself. Also I’m not a frequent Reddit user, so I’m not sure if this how I update..I had to look it up lol.

Whenever me and my husband got home from the party we didn’t speak to each other. I got a call from one of my friends the next day from the party and she told me that my mother in law made an announcement whenever I left. She said that she apologized for my yelling and said that I was trying take her granddaughter/and son away from her.
I tried to tell my husband what she said but he said that he won’t speak to me until I call his mother and apologize for embarrassing her and himself infront of everyone. He said I was too far out of line and I needed to treat his mom better because she didn’t have to go out of her way to make sure the party was perfect.
I confronted him, I told him he should have had my back because that was supposed to be our moment, our memory, our daughter. But she ruined that for us. Now she was making herself the victim. I said if he couldn’t see the issue then we have bigger issues than just his mother.
I said I will never apologize for how I acted or for what I said.
After I told him this, he slowly turned to our bed room, packed a suitcase, and left.
I was able to figure out he went to his mother’s house.
I’ve been trying to text/call him but I don’t think anything is going through at the moment..
I haven’t been alone, my sister is currently staying
with me just in case something happens to me or the baby. I’m so scared, I don’t know what I should do.

Last week, I went on a mountain trek with four friends. The trek had been planned in advance in our group chat, but when we arrived, another woman (friend's friend) showed up unexpectedly and wanted to join. We warned her about the severity considering her weight and fitness levels.

This was a difficult trek with steep, uneven terrain, rocks, exposed roots, narrow mountain trails, and cliffs along some sections. It was also our first trek of the year. The plan was to hike up to a homestay, stay overnight, watch the sunrise the next morning, and then hike back down.

We started around 3 PM in hot, humid weather. After a few hours, it became clear that the extra person was struggling badly. She told me that I looked strong and muscular and that I should be helping people like her. I didn't argue and started helping her over steep and rocky sections.

As it got dark, three of my friends continued ahead. Another friend and I stayed with her. He was encouraging her and carried her backpack, while I physically helped her through difficult sections. At times I was effectively pulling 40-50% of her weight with one hand while having my own backpack, holding trekking pole, and flashlight in the other. Mind you she was 190-200 lbs at 5'3"

We were at most difficult part of stretch: narrow zig-zag trails, steep terrain, darkness, and cliffs on one side. Every time she saw a rock more than 8-10 inches, she would give her hand out and expect me to pull her up

The hike became much harder after dark. She frequently stopped, needed breaks every few mins, complained constantly, and threatened saying she might faint. Everyone was already exhausted and low on water.

At one point, she lost her balance and grabbed my leg so hard that I nearly fell off the cliff which coulda been fatal. That was the moment I became genuinely angry and confused.

As we got closer to homestay, she started mocking me and my friend for being drenched in sweat, despite fact he was carrying both backpacks and I had spent hours helping her up the mountain. She had also used most of our shared water supply.

When we finally arrived, I expected at least some acknowledgment of the effort we had put in. Instead, she immediately complained about being hungry and about the poor mobile network. She dint thank either of us.

I eventually lost my temper and told her she needed to show some gratitude and recognize how much help she had received. She cried afterward. I then chose to stay in a different dorm because I was frustrated. Now the friend who invited her thinks I was wrong for yelling at her and making her cry.

TLDR: unprepared friend joined a difficult mountain trek at the last minute, struggled for hours, required constant help from me while another friend carried her backpack, nearly pulled me off a dangerous cliff, consumed most of our water, and showed no gratitude afterward. I yelled at her for ungratefulness, and now I'm being told I was out of line.

Used AI to make it <3k char

EDIT. Thank you. I am grateful and amazed. My friend is the one who relayed the request from her daughter, so yes she knows.

If you find I am the AH, I respect that. I called her today and said I couldn’t find a way to bake them and transport them safely and that I was uncomfortable about working for two days plus all the ordering of ingredients and cost.

It got a bit tense of course and then I said I was uncomfortable even showing up, with or without the goods. We hung up and now i have to see. I will not do any outreach. They will be so busy! I made myself too self-centered here. I will not be replying further but again, thank you.

—-————Original post: My friend J. and I go back to our very first jobs in our field, and we've been close for over 40 years, with a couple of neutral silences--I was dealing the potential breakup of my marriage, she had a child with bulimia. The older child, her daughter, has been engaged for a couple of years and the wedding is in August.

J. said she went to some trouble to "clear" the invite for me; her daughter envisioned a wedding in a giant barn with just the closest of friends and family, about 175 people. J. had to tell her, about me, "she's my best friend!" before it was agreed to. Her daughter's solution was to invite me, but to say in the invite, "In lieu of a wedding present, please bring 200 of your famous ______" which was a refrigerated dessert that made the New York Times when I owned a bakery, bringing us some kind of fame and good repeat business. I have not had the commercial kitchen for 10 years.

This dessert has to be refrigerated if it's not served immediately, and as I said it is to be a barn wedding. Plus the drive to the wedding, with 200 desserts in the trunk and backseat, takes almost four hours.

AITAH for being mad about this? My friend J. would do anything for her children, at her own expense. This feels as if it's at my expense, and I'm so resentful that I might "come down with pneumonia" the day before the wedding and skip it. But that's not friendship, of course. Weddings make everyone insane. I appreciate your input--this is gnawing at me.