u/ecthelion-elessedil

I hate myself. There is nothing positive about myself, at all. Except the fact that I can draw. That’s the only single positive thing about me. And even then. I m 31 and some 18 years olds can draw much better than me.

I hate my face, that has no harmony and is just plain ugly.

I hate my body and my curves. I hate my voice that becomes higher pitched because of my social anxiety. Both make me dysphoric. Especially since I read high pitched voice means you are trying to flirt or charm people.

Literally everything is dislikable and annoying about me.

I hate my brain, that is foggy half the time. That isn’t smart and can’t remember anything interesting. I hate that I can’t express myself properly hence no one would even give me a try to take my time to express what I want to say.

I hate being so scared and anxious about everything. I hate that I am scared of spiders which makes me feel like a fake nature lover and also make me dysphoric.

I hate my skin color that is just bland.

There is not a single thing that is interesting or unique about myself and I hate it.

I am uninteresting, annoying, stupid, and ugly.

Since childhood, my biggest dream is to awaken in a different body.

I thought it would get better growing up, but it’s only getting worse.

Is it normal to feel this ? When I try to imagine myself as he way outside people see me from the picture that appear in the mirror, it feels fake, as if this person was a stranger. My physical me doesnt feel like the real me. I imagine myself as my fictional characters instead, and my body gives me dysphoria. I feel that the person I am in real life is boring and annoying and a stranger. I am 31.

I have minor allergies during all the year, and easily catch rhinitis (both non allergic and allergic depending the circumstances) at the slightest change in weather, and after I caught Covid, the symptoms became much worse and unbearable.

As I am writing this, I have a disgusting, absolutely awful taste in the throat, thick mucus that spoils the taste of everything I eat, and I also smell it in my nose. Sometimes it also makes me throw up and I feel like I am Gollum.

Is there any cure besides the usual spray for nose and throat to diminish the symptoms? In case of allergies I just take cetirizine but when it’s non allergic there is nothing much to do.

I love cozy questing but anything with a timer is my greatest nemesis especially considering that I have bad direction sense so just finding the right direction is already a challenge in itself. I have anxiety and those quests just stress me instead of having fun. But I m also a completionist so i also feel bad dropping those to complete the main quest instead… idk what should I do. I have not touched my game for a while because of this.

First of all, I hope the question is understandable enough, English isn’t my first language.

I am on a text roleplay with a friend where our two characters are newcomers among a community of Vhaeraunite in Mir.

Both our characters are drow, but surface raised. Mine was raised by a Druid hermit surfacer in the Wealdath. After she died of old age, they have nowhere to go as a drow, so despite they worship Silvanus, they decide to travel to Mir as they know non Lolthite drow live there.

Again, so sorry if it is disorganized, I m not good at words, and the translator I use is broken.

Naturally, the Vhaeraunite don’t trust either of them easily.

For now, they were given tasks to help harvesting supplies. What could be other tasks given to them ?

A big mission later await for them when the dark mask decides they are ready.

My iPad is yet again in reparation after I only got the battery replaced a year ago. And generally, it run out really fast, only after around 3 hours even when the battery is just new.

Since I don’t use my tablet for anything else but drawing, I m considering of taking a “drawing tablet” specifically meant for drawing.

Is it a good idea ?

A friend of mine has a xppen magic drawing pad, I also heard of Huon.

What is best to draw with ?

Only looking for affordable, good tablet with a screen.

I feel hazy and can’t express myself well. I m not safe at my home. I have no one. No friends to offer support. No family. Only a grandmother and a sister and none can shelter me. I have no diploma and social anxiety. I can’t work. Can’t escape. I am lost, broken and scared. Kid threatened me with scissors. He is sleeping now. Have been crying none stop. He see a therapist already but it’s not helping much. My life is a nightmare.

I feel hazy and can’t express myself well. I m not safe at my home. I have no one. No friends to offer support. No family. Only a grandmother and a sister and none can shelter me. I have no diploma and social anxiety. I can’t work. Can’t escape. I am lost, broken and scared. Kid threatened me with scissors. My life is a nightmare. My life is ended. But I can’t leave it.

I feel hazy and can’t express myself well. My 7 years old kid is extremely violent with me. He pulls my hair, kick me, spit on me, threatens me, threatens to destroy my belongings. The triggers are so low: for example, I cleaned my bedroom so displaced his belongings in his bedroom. My partner is always at work because he work in restaurant so when my kid isnt at school I’m always alone with him. When my partner is here, he scream that it’s my fault because I don’t do corporal punishment and threaten our kid. He say he is done.

We have no family to help. My partner family are from a different country and my very few family members live in a different region too.

I have no friends to help me.

I can’t work because I have social anxiety. And because of those tantrums from my kid the entire neighborhood might think we are completely crazy and I barely dare going out.

I have nowhere to flee because no parents or family to shelter me. I am trapped with zero issue. I wish I didn’t have thanatophobia and didn’t loved being alive despite all because the opposite would be easier.

My kid is already seeing a therapist which is clearly not doing enough and he need to see a psychiatrist but the wait is so long. There is no immediate solution.

I am also scared for my future if it doesn’t get better. Ending in the streets would be a nightmare for anyone but as someone with social anxiety I can’t even imagine having nowhere to hide, and as afab I would be even more at risk.

I am broken, scared and lost. And I am completely alone with this.

Can’t find the mega thread on the health anxiety related sub.

I feel dizzy, limbs tingling and hot. I’m super scared of having brain cancer or something really wrong because I used my phone too much. Not typing long because my hands feel stretched. I am 31 and Graves disease (hyperthyroidism but currently treated for both hyper and hypo).

“As you grow older you stop caring”, unfortunately I am 31, and I still care too much about what people think about me.

I have social anxiety, and certainly an huge traumas after I have been judged negatively by everyone during my entire childhood, teens, and early adulthood, which only stopped to be persistent because I don’t work and spend most my time at home.

Because of my social anxiety, I recently screwed myself in front of yet another person who might think I m a complete creep weirdo to the point I barely slept. I crossed this person again today and now I feel unwell because as my family member saluted him he definitely seemed to be avoidant (because I had been very obviously avoidant at first place the last day since I didn’t know how to interact and it stressed me but reflecting now I could’ve done an effort, even if it would’ve been awkward, it would’ve been better than nothing, but it’s too late).

How can I stop caring ? Especially when those are people I am bound to meet often because they live in the neighborhood?

The fact is I m afraid now it doesn’t affect just me but might also affect my family member.

“As you grow older you stop caring”, unfortunately I am 31, and I still care too much about what people think about me.

I have social anxiety, and certainly an huge traumas after I have been judged negatively by everyone during my entire childhood, teens, and early adulthood, which only stopped to be persistent because I don’t work and spend most my time at home.

Because of my social anxiety, I recently screwed myself in front of yet another person who might think I m a complete creep weirdo to the point I barely slept. I crossed this person again today and now I feel unwell because as my family member saluted him he definitely seemed to be avoidant (because I had been very obviously avoidant at first place the last day since I didn’t know how to interact and it stressed me but reflecting now I could’ve done an effort, even if it would’ve been awkward, it would’ve been better than nothing, but it’s too late).

How can I stop caring ? Especially when those are people I am bound to meet often because they live in the neighborhood?

The fact is I m afraid now it doesn’t affect just me but might also affect my family member.

I am severely depressed. I am going through violence at home. It feels like reliving my childhood all over again. But I have no one I can talk to. No one fucking care. I am just alone through this and it hurts so much that it makes me self harming. How do other people deal with it ? How can I deal with it ? How can I cope ? I wish I was mentally stronger

I feel that friendships like the companions of the hall or the fellowship of the ring who support each others through their worse times only exists in fantasy.

I am severely depressed. I am going through violence at home. It feels like reliving my childhood all over again. But I have no one I can talk to. No one fucking care. I am just alone through this and it hurts so much that it makes me self harming. How do other people deal with it ? How can I deal with it ? How can I cope ? I wish I was mentally stronger

I feel that friendships like the companions of the hall or the fellowship of the ring who support each others through their worse times only exists in fantasy.

Sorry English isn’t my first language.

So, I recently picked up an interest into Elric saga. I have the first book at home and I’m excited to start it but I m currently through another fantasy book series, so reading two different at the same time would sidetrack too much.

I went to a comic shop today and so they had Elric comics. The art is so pretty btw. I’m really tempted to take it.

But would my experience be spoiled if I start with the comics rather than with the novels ? As comics obviously are less detailed.