say hello to the newest members of my family!!
and i ALWAYS get a new jellycat whenever i travel so in montreal, i got the cutie little heart egg (for my mini egg fam) 🤭 i want to build up my food collection so i can display them on a shelf in my kitchen. unfortunately i haven’t put up the shelf yet cause ADHD 😞 BUT ITS GONNA HAPPEN, I SWEAR!! And I’ll report back to show it off.
for context, i've tried many sleep meds and none seem to stick or help with my issue of staying asleep throughout the night. i struggle mainly with waking up VERY early (between 2-4:30 am) and not being able to go back to sleep. its fairly constant, though every once in a while it'll get better.
med wise: mirtazepine (didn't like the appetite increase though it helped *a little*), ambien, Junesta, trazodone (would work for like 2 days and then stop), melatonin, magnesium, and then good ole benadry! (only thing that helps a bit but i feel horrible the next day and i have to take large doses)
and i do my usual sleep hygiene stuff: no phones, darkness, if you can't sleep get out of bed and walk around for a little, exercise regularly, no napping during the day, no late caffeine....you name it, i've done it.
i was told i snored as a kid, but don't know it i still do cause i live alone. i went to a sleep specialist who essentially dismissed me and said "let's get your MH under control. it's probably your anxiety and i think a sleep study would be inconclusive be your anxiety would get in the way". i told her ive been dealing with MH issues for nearly a decade now, so getting it "under control" is not likely to happen. on top of that, my anxiety is not bad at all and i don't feel anxious around bedtime (usually).
AND ALSO, i've had occasional 02 drops during my sleep (in the hospital and my watch reports drops to around 80% though not sure how accurate that is) soooo i don't believe anxiety is the sole cause of this. i am diagnosed bipolar so sometimes i question if this is a sign of incoming hypomania/mixed episodes, but i don't think so cause i FEEL tired (whereas during my episodes i don't feel tired at all). i'm debating whether or not it's worth a second opinion!! i was thinking of calling tomorrow.
for context, i’ve tried many sleep meds and none seem to stick or help with my issue of staying asleep throughout the night. i struggle mainly with waking up VERY early (between 2-4:30 am) and not being able to go back to sleep. its fairly constant, though every once in a while it’ll get better.
med wise: mirtazepine (didn’t like the appetite increase though it helped *a little*), ambien, lunesta, trazodone (would work for like 2 days and then stop), melatonin, magnesium, and then good ole benadryl (only thing that helps a bit but i feel horrible the next day and i have to take large doses)
and i do my usual sleep hygiene stuff: no phones, darkness, if you can’t sleep get out of bed and walk around for a little, exercise regularly, no napping during the day, no late caffeine….you name it, i’ve done it.
i was told i snored as a kid, but don’t know if i still do cause i live alone. i went to a sleep specialist who essentially dismissed me and said “let’s get your MH under control. it’s probably your anxiety and i think a sleep study would be inconclusive bc your anxiety would get in the way”. i told her ive been dealing with MH issues for nearly a decade now, so getting it “under control” is not likely to happen. on top of that, my anxiety is not bad at all and i don’t feel anxious around bedtime (usually). AND ALSO, i’ve had occasional O2 drops during my sleep (in the hospital and my watch reports drops to around 80% though not sure how accurate that is) soooo i don’t believe anxiety is the sole cause of this. i am diagnosed bipolar so sometimes i question if this is a sign of incoming hypomania/mixed episodes, but i don’t think so cause i FEEL tired (whereas during my episodes i don’t feel tired at all). i’m debating whether or not it’s worth a second opinion!! i was thinking of calling tomorrow.
greek yogurt, fiber one bars, and vegan meat for balance of course 😌😌
i really only went for the ice cream lmao!! i’m going to trader joe’s on saturday hopefully, so ill *attempt* to get more FOOD stuff (for me that’s mainly fruit lol) but i can never resist a snack ESPECIALLY at trader joe’s cause you never know if that will be the last time you ever see it
start by making your homemade blueberry jam:
2 cups frozen (or fresh) blueberries
1/2 cup sweetener or sugar
cornstarch slurry (1 tbsp cornstarch, 1 tbsp water, 1/2 tbsp lemon juice)
dash of cinnamon (optional)
vanilla bean paste (optional, but i like)
add to a pot, then cook and stir over medium heat until thickened and slightly boiling (this may take up to 30 mins or so). turn the heat off and leave to cool. if you’d like, you can also mash some of the blueberries!! once completely cooled, transfer to a jar and store in the fridge or use as desired 🫐
then whisk up your matcha, i made a paste first using ~3.7 grams matcha powder to 18 grams hot water, then added the remaining water until i hit 55 grams total and whisked until frothy. add the jam to your cup with brown sugar and cinnamon, then ~115/117 grams milk of choice with ice and your matcha. enjoy 🤍
*optionally, add some cold foam creamer and extra cinnamon to the top!!
had a grand ole time in Montreal with all the matcha goodies on my trip 🥹 i WANTED to go to Kaizen Manga to try their matcha as well but when i had initially put it on my itinerary, i wasn’t craving matcha at the time RIP
first three pics are Matcha Zanmai (i went back on my second to last day). Ice cream/brownie parfait id give a 7.8/10 only because I wish it had some sort of crunch to it, like if they offered sprinkles, that would be PERFECT. Also found out i don't like red bean paste soooo but the roll cake was an 8.25/10!!
fourth is a new matcha powder i picked up from Camellia Sinensis, will review in appropriate subreddit once i try. Workers at the boutique were incredibly nice and helpful though!
fifth is OSMO iced matcha latte with almond milk. I would rate it a 7.75/10, didn't wow me and it was incredibly overstimulating in the building. But it is fairly popular, so what else did i expect?
sixth is cafe brut iced matcha latte with almond milk (and a tiny bit of vanilla). I'd give an 8/10. It wasn't super busy when i went and even when it did get busy, the line moved quickly. next time, i would like to try their "specialty" matchas & lattes like the banana bread!
last two are of September Cafe matcha white chocolate chip cookie!! EASILY A 10/10 and is pretty on par with the ones I make myself. I was even considering going back in line to get another one to bring home. This place is pretty popular so expect a long line/wait time!!
had a grand ole time in Montreal with all the matcha goodies!!
first three pics are Matcha Zanmai (yes i went back haha). Ice cream/brownie parfait id give a 7.8/10 only because I wish it had some sort of crunch to it, like if they offered sprinkles, that would be PERFECT. Also found out i don’t like red bean paste soooo 🥲 but the roll cake was an 8.25/10!!
fourth is a new matcha powder i picked up from Camellia Sinensis, will review once i try 🤭
fifth is OSMO iced matcha latte with almond milk. I would rate it a 7.75/10, didn’t wow me and it was incredibly overstimulating in the building. But it is fairly popular, so what else did i expect?
sixth is cafe brut iced matcha latte with almond milk (and a tiny bit of vanilla). I’d give an 8/10. It wasn’t super busy when i went and even when it did get busy, the line moved quickly. next time, i would like to try their “specialty” matchas & lattes like the banana bread!!
last two are of September Cafe matcha white chocolate chip cookie!! EASILY A 10/10 and is pretty on par with the ones I make myself. I was even considering going back in line to get another one to bring home. This place is pretty popular so expect a long line/wait time!!
took the train from Toronto, but I live in WNY/Buffalo!! Kinda funny how I came here the same time that Montreal was playing against Buffalo (I'm not a sports fan so | didn't even realize). Anyways, my trip may have been filled with rain and cloudy skies (not complaining too much cause I hate the sun lol), but I'm still glad I got to experience this side of Canada 🥹
so far I've seen Toronto, Niagara Falls, Vancouver, and now Montreal! This city has great food and a ton of great vintage shops, boutiques, etc. I got my steps in for sure and learned a few more french words to add to my high school level french knowledge.
I’d say about a month ago, I started noticing a reduced sensitivity to touch and numbing effect in my hands and face. I really only noticed it while in the hospital after an overdose, but it got a little less noticeable maybe two weeks after discharge. Anyways, it recently started getting worse out of the blue and Im not sure why. Initially thought it was from the OD and with time, it would go away completely so now that it’s worsening, I don’t know if this is somewhat “common” with EDs/AN.
For context, bloodwork is mostly fine besides my iron (ferritin and hemoglobin)! at least it was the last time it was checked, but I have to get it checked again before the 8th of June. I got two blood transfusions while in the hospital which helped my hemoglobin. Symptoms are mostly reduced sensitivity to touch, so touching my face, objects, chewing even, etc…it’s like I can barely feel anything.
NOT ASKING FOR MEDICAL ADVICE, I just want to see if others experience this.
from Matcha Zanmai in MTL!! they had such a good variety of matcha themed desserts and i want to try and go back before i leave 😝
but the matcha roll was absolute delicious. they did NOT skimp on the matcha flavor which is always nice cause you can actually taste and appreciate the matcha! i did want to try their hojicha tiramisu as well, but….maybe today i will 👀
first two are homemade: birthday cake, blueberry muffin
last one is from a cafe in montreal: osmo x marusan
*all made with almond milk!
so unrelated sorta, but i had banana pudding yesterday and it was BANGIN, so now i feel the need to go home and make a banana pudding matcha latte (stay tuned for that cause i already made a reminder to make it lmao)
just BARELY made enough of the cream but thankfully after scraping the bowl clean, i managed to make it work 😝
tested the recipe a few weeks ago on a 6” cake and the cream FAILED, so i had to go back to the drawing board with it (and then crossed my fingers that it worked haha, stressful to say the least)
just BARELY made enough of the cream but thankfully after scraping the bowl clean, i managed to make it work 😝
tested the recipe a few weeks ago on a 6” cake and the cream FAILED, so i had to go back to the drawing board with it (and then crossed my fingers that it worked haha, stressful to say the least)
not really one to make meals and i struggled to eat this cause i get full rather quickly, but i really wanted to use up my carrot cause it was already going soft 😅🥕
*breakfast/brunch from a few days ago
not really one to make meals and i struggled to eat this cause i get full rather quickly, but i really wanted to use up my carrot cause it was already going soft 😅🥕
*breakfast/brunch from a few days ago
i should’ve known not to push myself so much this weekend, but i did and here i am facing the consequences.
spent the weekend baking for mother’s day & celebrating my fathers birthday (which i already have an incredibly hard time with due to my PTSD). i love baking, so that should be fine, right?? WRONG because the combination of the “baking a new recipe” stress, being around family and having to converse, then going out to eat in such a packed place because its mother’s day, then being in the sun, etc all became too much for me and i could feel myself just bringing the vibe down 🫤
i feel so bad. i rushed everyone to cut the cake and open their gifts because i just wanted to go home so i didn’t have a meltdown in front of them. i was already feeling so angry just from being around them, then everything just piled on top of each other and i couldn’t handle it. everyone was looking at me with a face that said “why are you so miserable” and for some reason that wasn’t enough for me to pull it together. instead i just said “i have to go home” and rushed and left. now i’m home, can’t stop crying, SHing, and i feel so terribly anxious. arghhh.
I guess I’ll start:
ADHD moment: I won’t even count the “have to leave in 5 minutes but for some reason i must deep clean the whole house right now” moment. it was the fact that i kept pushing off buying more toilet paper because i was convinced i would be able to last until i went on a proper grocery store run and just bought all i needed at once. safe to say, i didn’t make it, had to use paper towels cause i ran out AND STILL didn’t think that was urgent enough to buy more.
all is good now, i restocked 😌 idk why i didn’t just buy some or even place an order online for some when i got down to one last roll
ASD moment: nothing wild tbh. i just spent an exorbitant amount of time rehearsing my therapy session and when I went to therapy i was like “ya know…i feel like i had this conversation with you already, but it’s probably because i talked to you about it in my head a few days ago”
I guess I’ll start:
I won’t even count the “have to leave in 5 minutes but for some reason i must deep clean the whole house right now” moment.
it was the fact that i kept pushing off buying more toilet paper because i was convinced i would be able to last until i went on a proper grocery store run and just bought all i needed at once. safe to say, i didn’t make it, had to use paper towels cause i ran out AND STILL didn’t think that was urgent enough to buy more.
all is good now, i restocked 😌 idk why i didn’t just buy some or even place an order online for some when i got down to one last roll
overall: 7.45/10, will not buy again! jenis i rated a 6.9/10, also not wasting my money on that either.
taking into account that it uses real dairy and is creamier, it’s already a much better experience than Jenis (and also cheaper which is a huge plus)!! BUTTT, i’m still a firm believer that banana is a hard flavor to execute without it tasting artificial. this one was no different. though the banana flavor wasn’t as bad as it was in Jenis, it kinda gave laffy taffy. I LOVE BANANA LAFFY TAFFY, but only in taffy form if you get what i mean. I enjoyed the wafer cookie pieces (though i felt they could’ve been a little bit crunchier or maybe larger in size) AND the caramel was divine!! regardless, I’m not buying it again lmao.
brown butter chocolate chip
strawberry white chocolate chip - recipe tested over the weekend and had to make some adjustments for this batch!! i was considering adding frozen bits of strawberry preserves (i’ve never tried that, but it sounded intriguing), but i didn’t want to mess with it cause these aren’t for me. next time i definitely will though and see if i like them better that way
which would you pick?? 🤍