u/plumsquashed

i saw someone claim this, saying that dawn soap will remove the gloss from your bathtub, which will make soap scum harder to remove with prolonged use-and also that they learned this the “hard way”.

but i’ve never heard of anyone else having this issue. i wanted to use it to clean my bathtub rather than using a lot of crazy chemicals. is this true or no ?

one time i was in an argument with my emom (or i guess i was the only one arguing, my emom was incredibly dismissive of my feelings and hardly taking anything seriously)

and she said a talking point, and when i repeated word for word what she just said, just to confirm that she said it, she was like “no, what i’m saying is”

here’s what i mean:

emom: people are allowed to be angry.
me: people are allowed to be angry?
emom: no, what i’m saying is-

(thats not the exact sentence she said in that instance but she did say it at some
point)

she has done this sort of thing my entire life and i only realized what was happening during these past few years; i think it means she’s not listening to me or even to what she’s saying, she just spams buzzwords to get me to stop talking among other manipulative things

has anyone else dealt with this before ?

with the cyclosporiasis outbreak in the US and how it's allegedly in lettuce and some other vegetables, I have been cautious to order sandwiches without any lettuce or vegetables, but then someone pointed out that the workers that make each sandwich wear the same gloves for each one, and now i'm worried about cross-contamination. am i being too paranoid about this?

i’ve been looking all over the internet for recent coverage on this, but everything regarding texas seems to have been from weeks ago. does anyone know if theres been a lot of cases in the Dallas area specifically ?

i was just at one and it was really infuriating cause it’s like seeing hundreds of carbon copies of my parents

and before i thought i was generalizing, but during one of the events that i was forced to go to, one of the leaders of the events was literally preaching how we have to “respect our elders no matter who they are” and that “it’s our culture” despite the event being a coming of age thing where we “became adults”

so it’s really not just my lineage that has this backwards thinking— it’s the entire state in the country that my parents are from

i see other people my age at this event and i can’t help but wonder if they saw things the way i did or if it was just me, and i wonder if some of them found this subreddit

does anyone else have to go to these things

if i’m understanding bpd correctly, there’s a lot of instances where they treat you super well sometimes (and see you like the center of the universe) but treat you horribly other times; and iirc that’s what makes it difficult to end these relationships; you try to rationalize it by saying that they’re nice to you sometimes

but thinking about it, i feel like even during those “good” times, they’re not seeing you with nuance, which is also something that’s not good; nobody is 100% good or 100% bad, and they shouldn’t be treated like they’re genuine royalty or the scum of the earth

i think just like they can’t be upset with someone without seeing them as completely evil and viewing them with full hatred, they can’t be happy/loving with someone without seeing them as completely perfect and flawless; and real people aren’t 100% perfect

i’m not sure if this makes sense but that’s how i’ve been viewing it, someone correct me if im wrong

i asked this a year ago but i want to see if there’s new insight

sometimes i feel bad because my parents pay my tuition to go to an expensive private college which is the only thing that sort of feels like it's not the "bare minimum" (even though the economy is falling apart and having a good degree is probably going to prevent me from being on the streets and starving) and im planning on just "using that" and then essentially becoming financially independent and moving as far away as possible

but then i also think about how they probably would have yelled at me and forced me to go to college against my will anyway cause they're so adamant on having "perfect smart kids" or whatever (i remember my dad constantly screaming at us to get good grades), and i assume partly that its probably so that they can brag to our other family members

then i also think about how if i had evidence of all the things my parents did to me and my siblings as kids, and CPS workers with morals got a hold of that evidence, then they would probably be sent to prison

so i feel like me "taking advantage" of the fact they pay my tuition is "fair" in some sense (if not way too generous considering the permanent damage done and the fact that my nervous system can't function normally because of them)

but what do you guys think ?

i’ve had to be on a vacation/trip with my parents and brother and we’re all stuck in one room and one meeting space, meaning the couch in the meeting space had to be turned into a bed

I asked my mom three times the first night if they were going to get me my own room and she said yes every time, but then my dad suggested that me and my mom stay in the bedroom and him and my brother stay in the meeting space, in order to “not spend a lot of money yet”

as you can probably tell i do not like being around either of my parents at all as one is the uBPD and the other is the enabler; and I already had to be stuck with them for over twelve hours- in the drive to the airport, on the plane, in the drive to the hotel- so I was looking forward to finally sit in a room by myself where i didn’t have to be vigilant

additionally, i hadn’t gotten good sleep the night before because i was waiting for my mom because she was supposed to start doing my hair that night but she never called me to say that she was ready

this was already bad enough but then i got into an argument with my mom because i suggested that we could start doing my hair in the morning instead of that night because i was so tired and she started talking about how she was “busy with stuff” and apparently the difference between starting that night and starting in the morning had something to do with “psychology”

i could normally put up with this shit by dissociating and repeating reminders in my head, but having GAD + OCD + poor sleep meant that I was incredibly stressed out and could barely conceptualize anything, and I only argued with her because i was unbelievably desperate to sleep

and even then when i went to sleep i didn’t sleep well again because she was snoring so loud

so then i ask her again and she says that they will figure out the room thing today

then today in the evening we went to a party/event thing with people my parents knew and we came back at 2am (which was going to mess up my sleep schedule even more) and then when i got back she told me that instead of getting a room they brought an extra bed and put it in the meeting room and that i would sleep there instead

the absolute worst part about all of this is that there was barely any remorse in either of their voices- it looked like she didn’t even care that she basically lied to me three times instead of saying that she wasn’t sure what would happen, and on top of that she just expects me to get over the fact that i have to change in the bathroom that everyone uses instead of in a room - this is the second night ive cried because of them

it’s so incredibly dystopian to be forced to share a room for probably a week with people who don’t even live in the same reality as you and are completely delusional and will never understand and refuse to comprehend how much damage they cause to their own kids, and then get dragged around to parties that don’t end until 2am just so you can show off your kids to the people you clearly value more than them

and this vacation/trip involves meeting probably at least 70 people with similar mentalities as them because my ubpd dad is hosting a week long event which is why were being dragged to so many events

and i just want to talk to a normal person

has anyone here gone no contact / low contact and gotten shunned/ extreme backlash from a lot of relatives and other family members

my parents will literally say random stuff in an argument whether or not it makes any type of sense, and it’s absolutely insane

i specifically remember my mom saying something, and when i REPEATED EXACTLY what she said WORD FOR WORD, she was like “no, what i’m saying is” like what the hell

that’s the other thing; i will say something, and then she’ll just say “no, listen what i’m saying is” or “that’s what i’m trying to say” or other words that sound like she’s making some sort of point but it’s taken me until like a few months ago to realize that she’s not actually making sense and she’s just trying to get me to shut up

does anyone else’s mom do that by any chance ? or just parent in general

i heard someone on here say something like 1% of people with BPD seek treatment, and 1% of them actually complete DBT treatment. that sounded kind of insane and i’m not sure it’s correct, but it made me think about something: i don’t know how much of their behavior can be explained by the disorder itself and how much is due to their own personal decisions as human beings with free will.

i thought initially this sort of situation was a “the disorder explains it, it doesn’t excuse it” but i’ve heard people say those with BPD are physically incapable of taking accountability.

but i’ve also seen people recognize that they have BPD and actively work to get better.

are they physically incapable of understanding that they’re not the victim in every situation ? or do they have the mental capacity (to some extent) to choose to do the right thing (and they decide not to?)

my sister is on my side about how horrible our upbringing was at the hands of my dad, but I think we see certain things differently in terms of how to view our parents now

she told me that he was "always going to be there" and I think that caught me off guard because that made me think she thought there was literally no way to "escape" him in a sense even though she's in her mid 20s

she also says that our mom "saved her" in a sense and I also disagree with that; she's referring to the same woman that told me "people are allowed to be angry" when I told her that my dad screaming at us was not okay

unfortunately one of my cousins lived with us for some time while I was growing up and was also badly affected by my dad, but she's been around often enough to interpret the situation as well, and she told me that both my mom and my sister are "enablers" to an extent, moreso my mom i guess

i feel like i am literally the only person in my family that sees that we're living in an extremely toxic/dysfunctional system and we've been manipulated to believe that, despite normal families being completely different, we're some sort of "special" case in the sense that it's fine if we're the only ones like this

and i think that sort of thinking has made us chip away at our self worth and ignoring needs like autonomy and self-actualization that make us human

but yeah does anyone have any siblings that are like this

i’ve been sleeping with Sony WH-CH720N Noise Canceling Wireless Headphones for the past two months because i’ve been at my parents house for the summer and there is constant noise whenever i try to sleep

i recently heard someone say that wireless headphones emit radiation [EMF] that’s low frequency and could potentially be harmful. is this true ?

someone yesterday asked if anyone here had good parents that aren’t horrible, which is a valid question cause i also asked that a while ago here

but that got me thinking if anyone’s parents, while not perfect, actually realized ALL of the damage they have done, taken full responsibility, and worked to change for the better.

if my parents did that, i would actually consider having a relationship with them (but later down the line because my nervous system does not feel safe around them at all) but they just refuse to do any of that

nobody’s parents are perfect, but what really matters is them taking accountability for their mistakes

has anyone been able to reach this point

okay, this is sort of freaking me out a bit and I need to know if this is true and if there's any way to combat it.

i recently heard that apparently it's really easy, at least in the US, to claim that someone is a danger to themselves and get them institutionalized if you are their parent. Even if you're a legal adult, your parent can say that you're some sort of a danger to yourself and others and get you institutionalized.

Has this ever happened to anyone? I am worried that, in the future, if I try to go no-contact with my family, they could possibly threaten to do this or go ahead and do it in order to not lose control over me. Should I be worried?

After having my sister or mom do my hair because I don't know how to do it myself unfortunately, I am trying to gain more control over my life by learning how to maintain my own hair, and I want to figure out how to properly start a loc journey/maintain locs.

I told them that I wanted to do locs from now on, but my mom was completely new to putting in locs in my hair, and I don't think she did it right. Some of them keep falling out, and it looks incredibly messy.

I want to learn how to put in my own starter locs/retwist my own hair periodically, and just learn how to maintain my own locs. However, I don't know where exactly to start or how difficult it's going to be. I was considering finding a loctician in my area, but I don't know if I can afford paying around 1k to have someone do my hair.

does anyone have any tips on what to do?

with all of the horrific treatment our family has sustained because of him, me and my sister suspect our dad has BPD, and considering the fact that, even though the beating and hitting has stopped and the verbal and emotional abuse has somewhat died down (but he only moreso stopped doing it to me, i think it might be cause of that "youngest child" stereotype) the problems haven't stopped completely

and I don't know how much I'm supposed to think "you could have done the right thing and not traumatized your children and gave them all these lifelong mental health issues" as opposed to "you also had an awful upbringing and now you have this mental health condition that made you do all these bad things, so none of it is your fault and you don't have to take any accountability"

i've been trying to learn more about Cluster B disorders, and correct me if im wrong, but I think that people with stuff like BPD and NPD don't "love" the way people are supposed to be loved; but i'm not sure if that's 100% true and it's making me wonder if I should feel guilty for emotionally distancing myself from my dad and greyrocking all of the time. My initial thought was that he could have taken the steps necessary to get better especially before having children but chose not to, but I am still somewhat conflicted.

There's also the cultural aspect, as I come from a heavily cultural/traditional lineage that doesn't believe mental health is a real thing, and I don't know if that also contributed to it all.

But I also feel like being 60 years old and making your kids still have to put up with your verbal abuse is ridiculous

basically the title, but i’m wondering if anyone else does too

it’s the only time there isn’t constant noise and i don’t have to put up with them, but even then for some reason they are sometimes up at 5am so I have to try for 4am