u/zomtord

I should likely tell someone, yet no one thinks it’s that serious.

I’m 16, FtM. When I was a young child, I had a really good memory. In fact, I can still vaguely remember snapshots of my youth. Well, that declined over the years. I have diagnosed PTSD, ADHD, and autism if that counts, plus it appears bipolar and anxiety which could explain the paranoia and mood swings.

Due to my poor sense of self, I just say that I’m doing well and nothing is bothering me because it isn’t at the moment.

I started developing memory issues. I had to take a math test last year and I blanked out. I have to rely on physical instinct and actually seeing my surroundings because I can’t rely on memory, it’s completely blank unless I’m seeing it.

Idiots online said I was faking it, family doesn’t understand and just gets mad.

I have multiple presences, it seems, of “characters” in my head. How well I remember something depends on the day and situation. These characters make “me” feel different or use different speech patterns.

Stress especially with my anxiety is easy to feel, and I blank out whenever this happens, going into some sort of fugue almost. I couldn’t remember where we were eating for lunch at school (the cafeteria, duh, but where exactly?)

I sometimes panic and forget where my classes are. I as a “character” am more masculine, but when not in this state, it’s very uncertain

Psychiatrist thinks I’m wasting time by asking, therapist says it’s bad to label a disorder.

I’m 16, FtM. When I was a young child, I had a really good memory. In fact, I can still vaguely remember snapshots of my youth. Well, that declined over the years. I have diagnosed PTSD, ADHD, and autism if that counts, plus it appears bipolar and anxiety which could explain the paranoia and mood swings.

Due to my poor sense of self, I just say that I’m doing well and nothing is bothering me because it isn’t at the moment.

I started developing memory issues. I had to take a math test last year and I blanked out. I have to rely on physical instinct and actually seeing my surroundings because I can’t rely on memory, it’s completely blank unless I’m seeing it.

Idiots online said I was faking it, family doesn’t understand and just gets mad.

I have multiple presences, it seems, of “characters” in my head. How well I remember something depends on the day and situation. These characters make “me” feel different or use different speech patterns.

Stress especially with my anxiety is easy to feel, and I blank out whenever this happens, going into some sort of fugue almost. I couldn’t remember where we were eating for lunch at school (the cafeteria, duh, but where exactly?)

I sometimes panic and forget where my classes are. I as a “character” am more masculine, but when not in this state, it’s very uncertain

Psychiatrist thinks I’m wasting time by asking, therapist says it’s bad to label a disorder.

So some guy who‘s friends with my friend’s headmate (a system, but technically said friend is dormant). This guy kept asking me if I hated endos, what my diagnoses were, and kept going on and on asking personal, uncomfortable questions in an interrogating way.

I kept giving vague answers because I did not want to talk to him about this stuff, and he “concluded” that I’m actually a fake system and that I’m faking my trauma because I haven’t been diagnosed yet, so I’m a bad person.

Then, he said “not trying to fakeclaim lol you do you of course”. I told him “ok can we stop talking about this?” He was just like “I mean sure I guess” and then I blocked him.

Lazy, tries to focus and be on task, likes learning, accepts most people, doesn’t like to judge, polite, doesn’t trust easily, possibly lower empathy, eccentric, makes speeches, makes jokes, doesn’t mind horror or violent media, thinks people are mostly evil or selfish, probably pessimistic

Ask me more questions, I can’t think of more stuff to add.

I like to think I’m RCOxI.

I tried to make online friends but once I got carried away with my hyperfixations and showed signs of being neurodivergent, they made fun of me, said I sucked, and kicked me out.

Furthermore, I’m trying to get over that, but I have quite a few people I’ve encountered online who constantly threaten to do something bad to themselves and say they have no friends (when I’m right there) and that everyone hates them. When I insist I care about them, they either keep asking me my logical reasoning or say I’m lying.

I can’t keep doing this and I’m getting sick of arguing with people every day that I actually care about them and don’t have ulterior motives.

i will only be able to start T when im an adult, especially one who has LONG MOVED OUT. they always knew they were guys, they didn’t change for anyone, they didn’t have to repress gender dysphoria to save themselves from depression/absolute hell.

i know people who are like 15-16 and pass super well. some have been on several months already. they say my parents will accept me for being trans, everyone says that, because they love me.

but if u hear the shit they say and how opinionated they are, u would know that’s not true.

they would continue misgendering me and ppl in my family might even think it’s funny.

I’d move out rather than deal with what they call me, “‘mrs feminine beautiful girl!!!!!” 24/7

they constantly talk about how fat I am too, or did. i have these shitty curves and big boobs. feminine face too. i will never fucking pass and I don’t even sound male, maybe an 11 year old boy.

they praise me or did for my body because men will love someone who looks like me, BUT I DONT NEED STRAIGHT CONSERVATIVE MALE VALIDATION LIKE THEY WANT. not my type. i don’t wanna look like this and they can’t get why, or do not care

I’m lucky my friends even call me a boy

i will only be able to start T when im an adult, especially one who has LONG MOVED OUT. they always knew they were guys, they didn’t change for anyone, they didn’t have to repress gender dysphoria to save themselves from depression/absolute hell.

i know people who are like 15-16 and pass super well. some have been on several months already. they say my parents will accept me for being trans, everyone says that, because they love me.

but if u hear the shit they say and how opinionated they are, u would know that’s not true.

they would continue misgendering me and ppl in my family might even think it’s funny.

I’d move out rather than deal with what they call me, “‘mrs feminine beautiful girl!!!!!” 24/7

they constantly talk about how fat I am too, or did. i have these shitty curves and big boobs. feminine face too. i will never fucking pass and I don’t even sound male, maybe an 11 year old boy.

they praise me or did for my body because men will love someone who looks like me, BUT I DONT NEED STRAIGHT CONSERVATIVE MALE VALIDATION LIKE THEY WANT. not my type. i don’t wanna look like this and they can’t get why, or do not care

I’m lucky my friends even call me a boy

so im a minor with suspected bpd, going to ask about it and get help. of course, with the suspected bpd, i never really had a solid self and i would find myself wanting to be in the same body as my attachment ( or fp for y’all since u have bpd and idk if i can call it that yet since it’s not confirmed or denied that i have it )

i would also want to be them, including their gender. so because the person im trying to become less attached to ( attachment or ex-attachment, not sure which ) is detrans and a cis woman, i wanna detransition sometimes but all i see myself as is a guy, and i know being a woman isn’t me like it is for her.

i don’t have empathy and i don’t even form romantic bonds since im aroace, so yeah. Im very distant and not even in an edgy way, but it feels like I’m looking at a cartoon when someone is upset… :^

That’s not to say I have 0 empathy and I’m a cold-hearted villain, but i struggle lol ( I’m also autistic maybe that has something to do w it 🤔)

i think I’m attached again. I NEED TO BE A PART OF THIS PERSON. I’m ashamed. i don’t wanna be like this. i definitely don’t have a crush on them, being aroace and all.

I WANT TO FUSE WITH THEM AND I FEEL GUILTY FOR BEING ATTACHED AND ALL THE TIMES I RANTED TO THEM AND THEY JUST LAUGHED BC I KNOW THEY PROB DONT LIKE IT

IM A FAKE FRIEND…

and and and they’re 19 and im 16 so definitely not romantic at all but UGHHHHH

i hate myself, it’s like I’m mad at them for no reason just cuz I’m aggressively attached. i don’t feel love or romance or any kind of connection, just obsession…