u/Equivalent_Use_5024

Trust me, as someone who grew up in California and spent all their teenage and a number of their young adult years in Northern California, I'll be so honest. There are a few parts of this state I like - beaches are unforgettable, but I do not enjoy living here. Nice state to vacation but not to live full time unless you are retired. I only came here because I couldn't secure a job anywhere else. There's no hiking no mountains no real sense of greenery. No real change in seasons. Rainy all the time but otherwise many parts have this stagnant feeling. Not friendly to pedestrians- having to travel insane distances to go to nice places. Since I've moved here, I've just been more anxious, driving anxiety has worsened, cost of living does not match what you get, I just feel discontent and kind of depressed. I can't explain the change in my mood other than moving here.

If you were in my position and perhaps you have been, would you just down size to a rented room? I currently rent a luxury studio apartment for 1760 a month which consumes 43% of my take home before utilities but those are only like $60. While I can afford this and have thousands left over after expenses, I do not feel like I have the ample breathing room I did when I was subleasing with some roommates and additionally the rent will keep increasing. My net worth is not really growing measurably at the end of the month to where I have real financial options.

I like living independently but rents in my area are all like 1650+ for anything decent. Would you just rent a room to build up real savings?

Hi all. Excited to be posting here. I'm a man in my mid 20s and I have been running the numbers and realized that soon I think I will have enough to do coast FIRE in my 50s in lower cost city in a country like Spain Montenegro or Portugal. It is insane how much lower the cost of living is. This actually makes me excited. Figure I could retire on like 600k in 2026-2027 dollars. This gives me options and I would not be stressing about planning for retirement. Meanwhile to retire in the USA on that much you would have to pick up a part time job so it wouldn't even be true retirement.

FIRE really only works if your income is insanely high (which mine is not) or your expenses are radically lower than average.

Has anyone else thought about FIRE in Europe?

Hello, I need advice on this - because one of the things that is stirring around in my head and keeping me up at night is that I do not have enough in cash.

Should I just sell my stocks? All of them. I'm 26. I have 15k in stocks in brokerage as retirement oriented money and 13.5k in HYSA, which adds up to about six months of my bare essential expenses. I do not have any sinking funds. This and 1-2 months expenses in checking is all I keep in cash.

I feel like that is not enough cash and I want more in cash urgently. My spending habits have not been the best the last few years. I do not want to run into an emergency and have no money to pull from and then also be let go from my job.

Selling my stocks - I've made about 2k in unrealized capital gains- would enable me to have the peace of mind with holding ample cash. I only have 12-13k in my IRA but with this amount in cash I could focus fully on utilizing my IRA as my primary means of retirement and I would be able to put even more in my HYSA next year to get to over 35k.

I am just concerned of losing my job at the same time as something happening to my car (my insurance only covers damage to the other vehicle or property). Having this extra cash cushion would also enable me to feel more secure in getting a cat so I could pay for any emergency surgery.

It has gotten to the point where I can barely get through a several mile drive. I'm in my house. I live in a walkable neighborhood. I bought a mountain bike to get to work and back. I don't live in an area with good public transit. I just have to walk everywhere now.

I used to drive on freeways and then I could not do it and then I could not do the bigger highways and then the streets were an issue and the country roads. Anxiety which is crippling. People behind me judging me, tailgating me, and the feeling of constant pressure. What other solution do I have?

How do people do this confidently and with ease?

I need to take a year off driving.

26M. I am the lower end of middle class.

Take home income - 4075 a month. 32k saved for retirement. 13-14k in HYSA - about six months expenses. monthly expenses -2300 between grocery, rent, utilities, car insurance, gas.

Can I afford a cat to keep in my studio apartment? I live in a city where it gets very humid so I would have to keep the AC on all the time during the day while I go to work. Between sufficient cooling of my apartment, vet care, food, possible surgeries - would you say I can afford a cat?

Keep in mind I have to max my IRA to be able to retire and I want to bump my savings back up to 12 months expenses.

I 26m work in an essential role in local government and have 6 months of expenses currently in an HYSA, however I worry this is far too little. I rent, no dependents, no pets, no real debt beyond credit card which I'm paying off end of month. Currently 32k invested for retirement across IRA taxable and employer accounts.

Should I not contribute to my IRA in 2027 and instead load up on the emergency fund to increase it to 12 months?

I 26m work in an essential role in local government and have 6 months of expenses currently in an HYSA, however I worry this is far too little. I rent, no dependents, no pets, no real debt beyond credit card which I'm paying off end of month. Currently 32k invested for retirement across IRA taxable and employer accounts.

Should I not contribute to my IRA in 2027 and instead load up on the emergency fund to increase it to 12 months?

I currently have a 6 month e fund in HYSA but worry that is not enough and a 12 month one is in order and I should prioritize it over maxing IRA for 2027. I have a job in local government.

Current expenses

rent-1760

Utility-60

food-300 (but will be less as I reduce spending and use up what is in pantry and only one takeout a week)

gas-40 (but will be less as I am no longer driving anywhere)

Renters insurance-10

car insurance-100

Monthly net-4075 including two paycheck months

current retirement-12.5k IRA 15k brokerage 4.5k work retirement

Because of both rapid cultural advancements, and technological changes, women do not need men for economic security or protection. They do not need to settle and that is a wonderful thing. More are remaining single, living alone, and if someone wants to enter that space they need to bring more.

We often hear about how men are not competing with other men in dating anymore, they are competing with women's peace and solitude, which I completely agree with - however I am curious, as to why this does not apply the other way around.

Men today have the technology and accessibility of information to do cooking cleaning organizing trips and shopping alone, managing their health alone. They can cultivate a strong relationship with a pet or with themselves or with friends. Yet all I read about is men needing women a lot more than women need a man.

Why do you think more men cannot feel fulfilled living alone in comparison to women?

I want to bring up something I notice in discussions around more people living alone.

Because of both rapid cultural advancements, and technological changes, women do not need men for economic security or protection. They do not need to settle and that is a wonderful thing. More are remaining single, living alone, and if someone wants to enter that space they need to bring more.

We often hear about how men are not competing with other men in dating anymore, they are competing with women's peace and solitude, which I completely agree with - however I am curious, as to why this does not apply the other way around.

Men today have the technology and accessibility of information to do cooking cleaning organizing trips and shopping alone, managing their health alone. They can cultivate a strong relationship with a pet or with themselves or with friends. Yet all I read about is men needing women a lot more than women need a man.

Why do you think more men cannot feel fulfilled living alone in comparison to women?

I'm a white guy in my mid 20s whose type honestly happens to be black women, especially plus size BW, however I don't have a particularly impressive physique. I'm on the lighter side, shorter, and not muscular. I've tried building muscle and am able to remain consistent with the gym, but the calorie counting process always fizzles out. My friend is muscular and has no romantic troubles and attributes this to his physique.

I'm going to sleep soon but I wanted to make this post after watching scenes in several old movies. I'm a gen z guy in my 20s and I wanted to share my experience on modern dating. The main characters in these films just struck up conversations in cafes and started chatting and flirting. There was no intense neurotic struggle to it.

Every aspect of dating now feels like it has to be curated pre planned and organized. Constant unspoken rules on where it is appropriate to meet people and what men or women even want. You have to build a version of yourself which is highly desirable, through buying the right clothes to match a particular aesthetic, sculpting your body, saying the correct things. So much of modern dating does not even feel like actually getting to know people but attempts at connection hidden behind a financial and mental paywall. It feels like corporate LinkedIn culture has overtaken trying to date.

Even when you leave the apps to meet people, it feels like you have to do it at certain select groups and socials, and everyone is kind of competing for people's attention. It isn't organic or spontaneous.

Furthermore, you are now exposed to the thousands of unsolicited opinions of men and women all over the planet, so the mystery in meeting new people is watered down. People meet each other with their own pre-conceived ideas.

There's nothing organic or fun or romantic about this.

I was reading an article from the CUT about how more and more men are not stepping up to earn more and meet women's expectations and how they do not contribute in the domestic sphere either. While this article could have just been rage bait, every person interviewed complained that their boyfriend was not hustling to earn more, do more, optimize more.

I agree there are a lot of men who genuinely do not want to contribute domestically, and to be fair the article did say that many of the commenter's boyfriends do not pick up the slack outside of the financial sphere now that their girlfriends earn more, and want a mother to take care of them... however... some of the expectations in this article were absurd. Men being perceived as failing for earning an average wage, for not planning to send future kids to ivy league schools, for not having a luxury apartment... for not flipping real estate.

If this is how dating is going to be.. a perfectly average, ordinary life being treated as disdainful failure, why would people continue to work any of the unglamorous jobs which keep society running?

If you're going to be viewed with contempt for being a plumber, janitor, admin support staffer, a teacher, mailman etc.. why would you fill those roles?

I see a lot of content online from gen z men who just, frankly, do not want to put in the work to be attractive to women. Women's standards have risen and it is on men to put in the effort to become desirable, viable partners. Dress fashionably, work to build a strong physique, present an interesting lifestyle she would want to be a part of, be knowledgeable and informed, have actual ambitions like advancing in your field... but so many men just want to complain instead of taking action. I do not get it.

Like you don't have a great physique, you don't have an exciting life she would want to be a part of, you aren't a top dresser, and you aren't grinding to make use of all your potential professionally... why would she choose you?

If you aren't willing to work on yourself to become an amazing option for her, you don't deserve a partner.

I do not think I have heard the money guys touch on the costs and benefits of owning a house if you are single versus if you are married or cohabitating.

For reasons I won't delve into, I don't believe marriage is in the cards for me. I am not someone who is skilled with construction and maintenance, I don't have a dog (might get a cat), and no debt currently.

Perhaps this is inaccurate. I feel buying a house is optimal for a couple, who have the pooled funds to maintain it and the possessions to fill multiple rooms, but not so much for one person and for that reason, it isn't the wisest use of money for one person in comparison to investing into funds. I think many here would agree with this.

There is an entire culture and even industries of personal wellness around women remaining single and happy. They are protecting their peace, knowing their worth, exploring the world alone, practicing self care, and enjoying life, and accumulating personal wealth, which is fantastic.

Men who opt out of dating due to exhaustion from the process or decide climbing the corporate ladder is not worth their energy so they can contribute to a family they do not even want and decide they are just going to work a low stress job, have a pet, and solo travel - are often viewed as lazy, eccentric, weak etc. Look at all the rhetoric from commentators like Scott Galloway about how we are breeding asexual males because men are choosing to approach women less and not chasing status as much as past generations. There are rarely healthy, happy portrayals of single men in media, they are all just basement dwelling freeloaders.

Why do you think there is such a divergence in how women who opt out of marriage are seen vs men?

It is pathetic but it is true. Closer to 30 then 20. Anxious. Ruminative. Awkward. I don't have the social skills the stability internally, to be a good partner to a woman. Damaged vocal cords - never had a social circle. I can't see any timeline where I get married. It is me.

The only thing I feel I can truly care responsibly for is a cat. That is why I'm considering getting a cat.