u/Lively_Roses

Looking to chat about anything. Venting, random stuff, etc. just bored and been stressed lately

There seems to be more framerate drops in forests and such than there was before. Is that just me or is anyone else having trouble with that?

I feel like I should tell someone what happened, because it happened over the course of years, and while it was not violent and I was not touched, it still messed with me greatly and affected my play when I was alone.

For context, my "aunt", who is around 4-6 years older than me, would play sexual games with me every time I would visit my grandpa's house. Which would be a few times a year. It involved stuffed animals, boys vs. girls, that always ended in the girls being r*ped by the boys. I was not forced or threatened, because I just thought that's how we played. She knew it was wrong, and would stop when an adult would come in. It was a secret, most definitely. I didn't think about it until this year when I suddenly became very grossed out and had a revelation that that is likely why I was so sexual when I was younger.

Anyways... The point of this post is that I feel like I should tell someone? I know I'm probably not obligated to, but I feel like my mother should know what happened.

The problem is that I'm scared. Not only do I not know how to tell her, but I don't know how to explain to her what happened to me falls under COCSA. I'm not sure if she even knows what COCSA is or if she'll understand what happened.

I also don't know what would come out of telling anyone, to be honest. I just feel like someone needs to know.

What do I do?

I'm super bored and looking for random chats to keep me up tonight and pass the time. If I randomly stop responding, know that I either fell asleep or got lost in the DMs lmao.

Ask me anything!

Don't get me wrong here, I am all for mental health and for working on yourself. It's just that I've had people tell me that when someone breaks up with you for "mental health" reasons, it usually doesn't actually mean that. And now I'm just bummed out.

My last relationship ended on that note. They said that they had mental health stuff to work through and didn't want to string me along. I was perfectly happy with them and felt like we had such a connection. But people I've talked to have said that that means that they just lost interest, and I'm inclined to believe them because that person also happened to cancel on me last minute twice before breaking up with me. And before all that we were doing just fine! Making out, cuddling, talking.

So, what's the consensus on this?

I have been dating this lovely girl for a month now. Not very long, of course, but from what I know, this is supposed to be considered the "honeymoon phase" where everything should feel great and lovey.

However, it just feels... Awkward.

In my past two relationships, the honeymoon phase was just what it was, a time of getting to know each other while also being infatuated in some way. I wanted to get to know them, to go out with them at least for once a week, hold hands, give gifts, etc. But this time it barely feels like we're in a relationship. There's some hand holding, there's mostly comforting on bad days, but there's just no like... Spark? I thought I felt something, but I'm unsure now after a month of awkwardness and us just saying "it'll get easier"

She's very nice, really. I just feel like there's some incompatibility making it awkward that I'm unsure of what it is.

Is this normal and totally workable? Or are we just not working out?

I have been dating my girlfriend for a month now. Not very long, of course, but from what I know, this is supposed to be considered the "honeymoon phase" where everything should feel great and lovey.

However, it just feels... Awkward.

In my past two relationships, the honeymoon phase was just what it was, a time of getting to know each other while also being infatuated in some way. But this time it barely feels like we're in a relationship. There's some hand holding, there's mostly comforting on bad days, but there's just no like... Spark? I thought I felt something, but I'm unsure now after a month of awkwardness and us just saying "it'll get easier"

Is this normal? Or are we just not working out?

I'm 17F, for reference. I have been using the assistance of a pillow for a long time, and whenever I try to masturbate without, it just doesn't feel as good, and I'm scared to press inside at all because I get impatient quickly but I'm also worried it'll hurt. Like, I know that that means that I'm doing something wrong, but I'm just not sure what.

I have been dating my girlfriend for a month now. Which in the grand scheme of things is not that long, but the thing is that our styles may not be compatible.

I enjoy the more simple, romantic things, like a date night each week at a restaurant / movies / somewhere public (especially because it's still very new), and I'm kinda basic in that I like just going to the mall to hang out. I'm very socially awkward and get anxious at other people's houses (why, I'm not sure) and the one time I did go over it was very awkward. I can be kinda low energy at times, and indecisive, especially because I don't want to upset the other person.

She's more into doing out of the box stuff that she usually doesn't get to do. And there's nothing wrong with that, but I can tell that the typical date night is going to bore her. She wanted to go to an escape room or bungee jumping for her birthday, and I'm just not very good at stuff like that... Instead of the mall, she wants "something different" because "everyone goes to the mall to hang out". But then she doesn't know what to do other than visit an antique store for random shits and giggles (nothing wrong with that, just not my cup of tea). She also can be more high energy than me, which works in friendship, and I don't mind much, just different from me.

As a side note, she is very sweet and I find nothing wrong with her in that regard. We communicate well. I would also just like to throw out there that I'm discovering a lot about myself right now, which isn't helping my decision, and she has mental health issues to work out too.

I dunno. I wanted to like her, but I'm having second thoughts and thinking it might be better if we were just friends... I'm just scared to let her go and then realize later that we had something good. I just also don't want to string her along either.

I also completely feel like a jerk for even considering it because she's liked me for a long time now.

Am I the jerk?

TLDR: My girlfriend wants to do things that don't mesh with my style of romance, but I feel like a jerk for thinking about becoming just friends because she's liked me a long time.

I have been dating my girlfriend for a month now. Which in the grand scheme of things is not that long, but I'm not sure if our styles are meshing well or not.

I enjoy the more simple, romantic things, like a date night each week at a restaurant / movies / somewhere public (especially because it's still very new), and I'm kinda basic in that I like just going to the mall to hang out. I'm very socially awkward and get anxious at other people's houses (why, I'm not sure) and the one time I did go over it was very awkward. I can be kinda low energy at times, and indecisive, especially because I don't want to upset the other person.

She's more into doing out of the box stuff that she usually doesn't get to do. And there's nothing wrong with that, but I can tell that the typical date night is going to bore her. She wanted to go to an escape room or bungee jumping for her birthday, and I'm just not very good at stuff like that... Instead of the mall, she wants "something different" because "everyone goes to the mall to hang out". But then she doesn't know what to do other than visit an antique store for random shits and giggles (nothing wrong with that, just not my cup of tea). She also can be more high energy than me, which works in friendship, and I don't mind much, just different from me.

As a side note, she is very sweet and I find nothing wrong with her in that regard. We communicate well. I would also just like to throw out there that I'm discovering a lot about myself right now, which isn't helping my decision, and she has mental health issues to work out too.

I dunno. I wanted to like her, but I'm having second thoughts and thinking it might be better if we were just friends... I'm just scared to let her go and then realize later that we had something good. I just also don't want to string her along either.

I know that the answer is probably going to be along the lines of: "If you don't know, it didn't happen" but how am I really supposed to tell? I feel some kind of satisfaction and then like I'm mentally done, but I don't know if I actually orgasmed or if I stopped at the good part. I'm 17F, for reference.

I (17M) have been dating my girlfriend (17F) for a month now. Which in the grand scheme of things is not that long, but I'm not sure if our styles are meshing well or not.

I enjoy the more simple, romantic things, like a date night each week at a restaurant / movies / somewhere public, and I'm kinda basic in that I like just going to the mall to hang out. I'm very socially awkward and get anxious at other people's houses (why, I'm not sure) and the one time I did go over it was very awkward. I can be kinda low energy at times, and indecisive, especially because I don't want to upset the other person.

She's more into doing out of the box stuff that she usually doesn't get to do. And there's nothing wrong with that, but I can tell that the typical date night is going to bore her. She wanted to go to an escape room or bungee jumping for her birthday, and I'm just not very good at stuff like that... She also can be more high energy than me, which works in friendship, and I don't mind much, just different from me.

As a side note, it's also very hard to see each other because when we do finally get the time away from work, her mom refuses to help us and puts it all on my mom. And her mom being so... Well, I don't want to say, but she reminds me of my toxic ex's mother which isn't a good sign.

I dunno. I wanted to like her, but I'm having second thoughts and thinking it might be better if we were just friends... How do I tell?

I recently came out as aroace to myself, and then my girlfriend. We've only been together a month now, so it's still very new and we're tentatively figuring things out.

I just can't tell if I'd be more comfortable in a QPR or as we are now. I'm cupioromantic + demiromantic, so I desire romance, but I don't really feel anything until much later, and right now I think I feel mostly platonic + aesthetic attraction to her. She's my best friend, and it moreso like we're super best friends right now.

How did you know that you wanted a QPR? How does It differ from a romantic relationship for you?

I would like to come out to my mother again soon, to help her understand me better and know where I am in my life, but I just don't think she'll understand.

My parents are transphobic and slightly homophobic, especially biphobic. But my mother has been the one that tries to understand and support me.

The thing is, when I first came out to her as asexual, I was 14 and she didn't believe me. She thought that I was just too young to know. But now I know that I am a romance-favorable aroace, and I have come a long way since then.

How do I explain to her what my identity is and what it means to me? Did anyone else experience something similar?

Looking for some discussion / advice, if you guys have any...

I'm currently realizing that I may be hypersexual to some extent, but I've also heard that it's a disorder of some kind, so I know that I don't have extensive knowledge on it and would like to learn more, as it really interferes with my focus and day to day life.

On another note, is it common after abuse? I've seen a lot of people described going from being totally hypersexual to totally repulsed, and that kinda fits how I feel a lot... I could have intrusive, unfocused sexual thoughts one day, and then feel totally pushed away from anything sexual the next.

Thank you 🫶

All these years later I just feel... Apathetic? Towards her, towards what happened. I feel so bad about it, but I just don't know what to do.

For a little rundown, my "aunt" had, repeatedly over years, played inappropriate games with me while I was in elementary school and she was in middle school. She would act out the toys being chased and later r*ped and having babies. Whenever an adult would come into the room, she would stop, and when they left, she would start again. I don't believe I was touched inappropriately or anything, just exposed to things I shouldn't have been by an older child who should have, and did, know better. I mimicked these behaviors in my own play later and became hypersexual as a result.

But I just can't help but think... What would be the point in telling anyone? And why don't I feel uncomfortable whenever she's mentioned? Like, yes, a flicker of discomfort always comes up, but she's also family and I used to see her so often that it just feels normal to hear about her.

And I feel so gross and like an awful person, but something happened to her recently, and I just... Didn't care. I couldn't bring myself to care. I feel awful, I know what happened to her is awful, but I just... I feel so apathetic towards her and what she exposed me to.

Why do I feel this way? Is this common?

I'm new around here, and I feel really ashamed to admit it, but I think I have a chatbot addiction.

I used C.ai when it first came to popularity, and that summer I spent hours upon hours creating stories with chatbots. I spent days in bed, trying to bring some kind of light to my depression by using these chatbots. It caused me to stop reading and writing fanfiction at the time, which had been my previous (and now current) outlet for creativity. It just felt less mentally taxing to use a chatbot...

Then C.ai became flooded and unusable, so I moved away from it to another platform, and then another, and another, and now I'm on Polybuzz.

I open it at least once a day, whether I continue with any of my 20+ bots or not. I usually do. I have it open on my phone now as I write this, a new conversation started because I just don't know how to stop.

I feel horrible. I know it's unethical, I know I shouldn't be feeding into generative AI because I hate the overuse of it, but I'm also a massive hypocrite who can't stop themselves.

I'm trying to write fanfiction again, and it's just so hard to finish each chapter. I write organically, without any AI, and every time I'm writing I just go to take a break and talk to my chatbot. It hasn't taken away my creativity, but it has taken away my voice. And I can't take it anymore.

How do I stop? Do I just quit cold turkey? I'm afraid to even delete the app.

I didn't ever think of this situation as anything, and for a long time I was very depressed and anxious due to mental illnesses. So I didn't really think about anything and discovering things about myself until recent years as I got better and learned to process things.

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TW! For possible csa / cocsa / sa

As well as other sexual topics. Be warned now.

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My "aunt" (by marriage), a girl just 4 - 6 years older than me, had repeatedly over the course of years played sexual games with me.

She was a teenager while I was in elementary school. To preface. I would visit my grandpa's house for holidays, so around 2 - 5 times a year, and every time I was sent to play with her in her room and we would play the same sexual games, which often involved stuffed animals, boys vs. girls type stuff, which would turn into the girls running from the boys and eventually being r\*ped and having babies.

She knew it was wrong, I think, or at least something about it was off, because every time an adult would check up on us, she would just bounce the toys around and take them out of position as to not look suspicious. And once an adult left, she would arrange everything again and we would resume.

It stopped around the time she was in her last two years of highschool and I was in middle school. We hadn't seen each other during the pandemic, and it seemed she grew up enough to not play with me anymore.

But it didn't really stop for me. I had become hypersexual, not around my body In particular, as I am asexual, but around the idea of sex and r\*pe. I knew not to show it in front of my parents, likely due to her behavior, but I would attempt to self pleasure with the assistance of stuffed animals and later videos I would rather not describe. I feel sick just thinking about it. And the worst part is that I still struggle with this. The videos aren't as bad now, but I consume so much sexual media and I feel gross every time I feel the urge.

But the absolute worst part? I didn't fight it. I just followed her lead, like it was normal. I wasn't forced, or threatened. I don't even know when it started or if I was ever touched. I just... Did it. And I copied it.

Was I really abused if I didn't fight it? Was I abused if I wasn't distressed in the moment? Was it abuse if she didn't touch me? Am I traumatized and never realized what happened?

My "aunt" (by marriage), a girl just 4 - 6 years older than me, had repeatedly over the course of years played sexual games with me.

She was a teenager while I was in elementary school. To preface. I would visit my grandpa's house for holidays, so around 2 - 5 times a year, and every time I was sent to play with her in her room and we would play the same sexual games, which often involved stuffed animals, boys vs. girls type stuff, which would turn into the girls running from the boys and eventually being r*ped and having babies.

She knew it was wrong, I think, or at least something about it was off, because every time an adult would check up on us, she would just bounce the toys around and take them out of position as to not look suspicious. And once an adult left, she would arrange everything again and we would resume.

It stopped around the time she was in her last two years of highschool and I was in middle school. We hadn't seen each other during the pandemic, and it seemed she grew up enough to not play with me anymore.

But it didn't really stop for me. I had become hypersexual, not around my body In particular, as I am asexual, but around the idea of sex and r*pe. I knew not to show it in front of my parents, likely due to her behavior, but I would attempt to self pleasure with the assistance of stuffed animals and later videos I would rather not describe. I feel sick just thinking about it. And the worst part is that I still struggle with this. The videos aren't as bad now, but I consume so much sexual media and I feel gross every time I feel the urge.

But the absolute worst part? I didn't fight it. I just followed her lead, like it was normal. I wasn't forced, or threatened. I don't even know when it started or if I was ever touched. I just... Did it. And I copied it.

Was I really abused if I didn't fight it? Was I abused if I wasn't distressed in the moment?