u/Odd-Broccoli8221

One of my close friends for some reason decided it’d be funny to start insulting me as a joke and she repeatedly made fun of random parts of my body like my nose or how thin I am, despite knowing I’m insecure about those things.

I once gave her a compliment about how her body looked in a skirt only for her to immediately follow up with “can’t say the same about you.” and then calling me a name because of my thinness.

She also implied that I wouldn’t have people being creepy about my body because of how slim I am. Not that I want that to happen but I think it’s strange for her to say that. We were at a restaurant and she was convinced this random old man was going to do something to her (despite the fact he was minding his own business), and told me to sit in the seat closer to him because she thought he wouldn’t do anything creepy to me me since I’m slimmer and less curvy(???), I made her sit there anyway and obviously nothing happened because the guy was just minding his own business.

And there’s been other times where I’ve gotten attention from strangers and she’s tried to make it about herself even when she wasn’t being acknowledged, or would tell me the attention I got probably meant nothing but will make a big deal when someone so much as glances at her.

I know this all probably sounds like petty girl drama but it makes me feel crappy, and once I called her out for the insults she stopped doing it but I feel like I’m not allowed to be mad at her for it.
I’m not a confrontational person so in the moment I didn’t know how to call it out and I feel like it’d be stupid for me to bring it up now

This was a while back because I ended up confronting this friend and she stopped doing it but I still feel so irritated even thinking about it

My friend kept making fun of how I looked despite knowing I was insecure but then when I brought up wanting plastic surgery she kept saying how she liked those features and that I shouldn’t change them but if you like them so much then why are you going out of your way to make fun of me ??

And then she’d later told me she didn’t understand why I found myself so ugly and that it made her feel uglier when I called myself ugly

I’m convinced people just tell you not to get surgery so they can keep you down

I just feel so worthless, I don’t even want to draw or be good at anything anymore

I want surgery so badly, I want to die. My head hurts.

My whole life feels hopeless and like it won’t go anywhere unless I fix my face. I really want to die, I don’t want to be seen by people at all until I fix everything that’s wrong with me
I hate having to feel this way all the time, I hate being ugly

I’m not diagnosed, but I have a strong suspicion that I’m autistic for a variety of reasons.

I don’t know what to think though, whenever I have what I’ve thought are meltdowns I question if they’re even considered meltdowns or just me having ‘temper tantrums’ at 18.

Usually when I have what I think are meltdowns I’ll start crying, sometimes yelling and I’ll injure myself by hitting my head with random objects or biting my arms, and it’ll usually be because of something making me anxious or multiple things frustrating me throughout the day, but then I question if that’s even a meltdown because one of my closest friends is autistic and hers look different.

There’s been a few times where we’re in public and she’ll suddenly get really angry and snappy, and sit down in the middle of the floor and start crying, and I usually just sit with her and wait it out

I don’t collapse to the floor or anything, but it usually just feels like intense anger and the only outlet is to create more noise and hurt myself and that makes me think that I’m not autistic

Every time I notice a trait on my face that I don’t like I immediately assume that it’s my fault and that I must’ve done something during my development to cause it that could’ve been avoided

A few days ago I noticed that I have a prominent brow ridge and I was crying over it for hours because I thought it was my fault it so I started going back on old photos and found one from when I was maybe two or three-ish, and realised that it wasn’t my fault or some flaw I had created and it made me calm down when I realised that it was just a natural trait

Does anyone else do something similar? Even if I don’t like a trait it makes me feel better that I didn’t create it

I feel like my face looks long and narrow and droopy and it’s really bothering me. I feel like it’s my fault that my face looks this way. I must’ve done something to make my face look so bad but I don’t know what, it just looks so droopy and weirdly developed and wrong and I can’t fix it
bdd

I feel like my face is too long but too short at the same time, my chin is weird and my nose is big and my whole face is asymmetrical and it looks too narrow to me and I look elderly and sunken

I really need surgery, I think I’d rather be dead than have to live with this face for the rest of my life

It’s frustrating that people tell me there’s nothing wrong with me when there very clearly is, or think I’m just being vain (even though that would imply liking how I look), I wanna kms