u/Odd-Broccoli8221

I wish people would just be upfront with me about how I look. I’m completely sure at this point that I’m ugly and I don’t think anyone could sway my opinion otherwise, as much as I wish I could be pretty.

I genuinely don’t think anyone truly finds me attractive at all. It’s all pity and lies or deception. The amount of times I’ve been made fun of in public tells me everything I need to know

I hate BDD

I hate backhanded compliments, I was talking about neurodivergence with a friend and I said something about how I stop myself from doing certain things so that I won’t look like a “dork” and she goes “You are a dork.” and I got kinda upset because I didn’t like that she basically just said to my face that I’m socially awkward and ugly, and she got angry at me for even being upset and kept trying to make it better by saying “Oh but you’re a cute dork!” and only apologised ten minutes later because I stopped talking as much

Why try to backtrack on what you said? If you think I’m ugly and weird don’t suddenly try to switch it when you realised it was mean

I hate ‘cute’ as a compliment in general. It’s so backhanded, you may as well just tell me that I’m an ugly dog. It’s such a fake compliment

I was at college a while ago and a bunch of guys just started throwing stuff at me for no reason, initially I thought it was an accident since one of their friends were nearby and I thought they were aiming for him but it happened several times after that even after their friend had left

I’m so sick of my face and having to be anxious all the time because I’m ugly

I wish people in my life would just be truthful with me because I know I’m ugly. It’s ridiculous, I hate people that lie to just make me feel better, I want the truth even if it hurts

I noticed that I do this a lot and I wanted to know if anyone else did too. Even when I know an insult isn’t about me I still interpret it as such. A few days ago I was talking about something with my friend and her response was like “He’s probably just ugly.” and I think I just automatically associate myself with ugliness because as soon as she said it I felt as though she’d called me ugly when I knew she hadn’t.

I think it almost sounds self centred and I don’t mean to be, I think it’s just burned into my psyche that I’m the embodiment of ugliness so whenever I hear the word I immediately associate it with myself

My maxilla is so recessed and ugly, my nose is huge and my eyes literally have no support, it looks awful. I kind of just wish I could drop out of everything and never leave the house again because I look so disgusting and I know everyone else thinks that I do too

My mid face is very flat and I think I have a narrow palate, I want to know if MARPE can noticeably advance my mid face and improve my appearance

A few people have told me I don’t look recessed enough to warrant having DJS so I wanted to know if this would improve my appearance

I know obviously BDD is recognised as an actual mental disorder but, at least for me it feels like some people don’t really believe that it is because it’s appearance focused.

I had an anxiety attack nearly a year ago when I was 17 and before that I’d never explicitly mentioned discomfort with my appearance to my parents aside from a few ramblings about plastic surgery, but whilst I was crying they told me that I was being vain and I should “just stop now,” and I don’t think they understood how much distress it causes me on a regular basis.

I wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experiences with their BDD not being acknowledged or taken seriously because it’s appearance focused

I hate when you say you want surgery and people say you’re going to ruin your uniqueness. Why would I want to be unique if I’m not pretty? I don’t care if that makes me a copy and paste, or makes me look bland. I’d rather be bland and pretty than unique and weird looking.

Some people genuinely have unique looking faces that aren’t conventionally attractive and they look good but I don’t.

I keep crying because I hate how my face looks and I feel like it was my fault. I’m just mad at myself as a kid for not knowing all these stupid looksmaxxing habits that could’ve made me look better if I’d only discovered them sooner.

My nose is so big and my face is flat and if I’d known as a child that that would be a result of my habits I wouldn’t have done it

I had my first orthodontic consultation when I was 16 and they told me that my options were either jaw surgery or two extractions (both at the top). I was told that if I was a ‘perfectionist’ then the jaw surgery would be more ideal but more invasive, my parents were at the consultation and immediately refused. He never explained the affects that extractions could have on my face

I’ve been in braces for over a year and regret not being able to get the surgery, my face looks so recessed and flat now I seriously can’t look at myself, I lost all the fat in my face as well as a result.
I don’t even think I’d be able to go back and request the surgery

I hate when people do this, I don’t want to be told I’m pretty by people who don’t actually believe it because they think it’ll make me feel better because it won’t. I remember sometimes getting compliments even when I looked my absolute worst. Strangers used to come up to me just to tell me I was ugly and yet there were still idiots that thought lying to me would make me feel better

The only thing that getting false compliments has done for me is made it impossible for me to trust any compliment at all.

I was getting my haircut the other day and when I was done these two ladies that were there started complimenting me and my appearance and I just couldn’t accept it. I feel like I used to get a dopamine hit from compliments even though I didn’t fully believe them but now I don’t feel anything, and if I do feel something it’s usually annoyance because I’m convinced people only say nice things to me because they can see that I’m not very confident and want to make me feel better.

Part of it I feel is because I used to get compliments sometimes when I looked my absolute worst and I know that by most people’s standards I was considered very unattractive, but I hate it because it’s made compliments now feel completely meaningless and I have no idea how I look to other people

Just to clarify I’m not asking for a diagnosis in the comments or anything like that, but I want to know if it would be worthwhile being tested based on my traits?

The reason I ask is because I feel like I do experience a lot of symptoms of autism, but at the same time I question if it’s even possible because I feel like I don’t experience things like overstimulation or autistic burnout? I don’t even feel like I mask at all because I don’t know how to.

I have situational mutism and I struggle with eye contact, I’ll go between making too much eye contact or none at all if I’m put under pressure to speak. I do struggle quite a bit socially, and I usually click better with autistic people because they’re easier to talk to.
I have meltdowns also where I’ll injure myself when I’m overwhelmed (usually hitting myself on the head or biting my arms).

I’ve also always been an extremely picky eater and in the past few years it’s gotten even worse, I don’t have much of an appetite at all anymore because I don’t enjoy most foods and I eat out of necessity more than anything. I also don’t like when specific foods touch on my plate, some meals I don’t mind if the food is touching, but for example if I were to have spaghetti bolognese, I make sure that the spaghetti and the sauce are on opposite sides of the plate and not touching.
There’s a lot of foods I haven’t even tried because I don’t like the texture or smell.

I do also get hyperfixations but I don’t always have one, I don’t even have one currently but once I do I feel like I need to watch and read and buy everything related to that thing and I get so obsessed to the point where I have to actively avoid it because it almost becomes stressful.
I tend to get mini fixations though where I’m not completely obsessed with the thing but I’ll be really into researching it for maybe a month or so.

I do also need repeated instructions sometimes, I’ll be told to do something and I’ll hear the instruction and know that I need to do it but then zone out and not do it until I’m told again a second time.

I also stim when I’m excited, but if I’m around others I tend to make it more mild. I’ll mimic other people’s behaviours. And I think I’m sometimes quite rude and blunt without realising that I’m being rude. I have quite a few more symptoms that I listed down but I didn’t want to write about all of them because this post is too long