u/Odd_Instruction519

I have been explicitly anti-lust in any form since we met 3 years ago.

Husband told me the algorithms feed him nothing but porn-adjacent content due to previous actions.

Okay, we can fix that. He deleted reddit (even though I tried to tell him there's probably ways around that content, nope no way it's all porn to him. Glad he stood his ground there if it's that bad.). Deleted tiktok. Facebook for marketplace and reels, changed himself to a female. No other socials.

All was well for years, or so I thought. All car content and dude friends.

Well I walked outside while making dinner tonight and my 17 month daughter was playing next to him. Saw his phone through the window and he was watching some girl dancing in a mini skirt. He swiped up to a second video before realizing I was watching him. Even better we're opposite types. Thin, pretty dark haired girl while I'm (actively and efficiently losing weight but) 5'2 165 lbs.

He came outside to "apologize" and handed his phone to me to go through. I yeeted it off the porch (short fall, grass, found it in 20 seconds). He's embarrassed and soooo sorry, it never happens, etc etc.

Wtf do I do now?

My girlfriend and I had been broken up for a while, but even during the breakup, we were still actively communicating and trying to work through our issues with the intention of getting back together.

During that time, I started talking to another woman. She had no idea that I was still in contact with my ex and that we were potentially working toward reconciling.

Eventually, my girlfriend and I got back together. However, just a few days later, the other woman called me, and the conversation quickly turned flirtatious and confrontational. In hindsight, I shouldn't have entertained it, but I genuinely didn't think anything would come of it. We had been talking for a while, but nothing physical had ever happened between us.

Unfortunately, one thing led to another, and I made the decision to invite her over to my apartment. We ended up having sex.

Now I'm in a difficult situation. I've cheated on my girlfriend, and the other woman has developed feelings for me and wants a relationship.

I feel incredibly guilty about the entire situation. I never intended for things to go this far, especially considering that I had just reconciled with my girlfriend.

I know I made a terrible decision, but now I have to figure out how to handle the consequences without making an already difficult situation worse

My boyfriend(30m) has a girl "best friend" who we will call amber. Amber (30f) is always texting him, asking him to do things, giving him money, paying for things, etc. Amber texted him once "horny Amber entering the chat" and sent him and AI video on instagram that was a little creature going "I miss you, I wanna kiss you, i wanna hold you, etc." Amber saved pur address as bae for my boyfriend. Amber also once told him she had a surprise for him and the surprise was her own apartment which she did not want me to know about (he told me right after he got home.)

Today he had Amber come over because we had to run an important errand and both had to go and Amber was there to watch his child. After we did what we needed to we were doing some other errand s when Amber texted him and told him she wanted to leave. He had me drop him off and I (f32) continued what we were doing. I ended up getting home earlier than expected and Amber was still there. I then went to my boyfriend like "wtf I thought she wanted to leave" to which his response was she did. I told him I dont trust her and dont want someone around who wants my man to whoch he tried to be like she doesn't want me. I then walked out and my boyfriend ended up following me. We continued to argue and i told him that if he really cared about his family (i am expecting our first child) then he wouldn't care about having her around so much and he would be willing to let her go for the sake of his family.

He disagreed saying he is not going to give up his best friend just because i am insecure and that I have no proof she wants him and should just ask her. He ended up getting out of the car and i went and finished my errands. When I got back Amber was gone and my boyfriend and i continued to argue. He told me we needed some space once his child went to their mom's and that he was packing a bag and i wasnt to touch it. His plan was to go stay at Amber's house which would only cause more problems not fix anything. He told me he was going to get a DNA test on the baby which had me seeing red as we planned this baby and were trying for it. He knew it would hurt me saying this as i have been faithful to him and there was no way it couldve been anyone elses as i inly go to work and home. This might be where I am the a**hole. I looked at my stomach and said sorry baby dad's leaving us so you arent going to see him. I have been talking to my stomach since we found out and I meant that while the baby was in my stomach dad wasnt going to be around baby as it is a part of me. My boyfriend is dealing with custody of his first child and we agreed before getting pregnant that I wouldn't try and keep baby from him which is how he took my statement.

He told me to leave and i did but then he called and said "were fine but i dont think ill ever trust you again" he then kept telling me to come home. When i did eventually go home he told me i dont love him and I did the one thing I knew would hurt him. He wouldn't take the time to realize his part in this as I tried to tell him thay he is entertaining this girl and that's why she is acting the way she is toward him. All he cares about is that he thinks I was trying to keep the baby from him.

I'm not sure if i am really wondering if i am the a**hole or if i just needed somewhere to vent and anyone to tell me im not crazy. I just dont know what to do anymore. I am so exhausted. I already love this baby so much and wanted to give it a family. I also just can't believe he is doing this to me while pregnant and I have all of these hormones roaring around. Sorry if this is confusing and jumbled. I have pregnancy brain plus im upset lol

Long time listener, first time poster. This one is a doozy, so buckle up. Happy to explain anything further but gonna try and keep this as short as possible, because its already a lot.

So my fiance and I are planning our wedding right now and have finally gotten to about a year out, finalizing guest lists, bridal party activities ect.

So my sister (f. 29) and I (f. 30) havent spoken in about 2 1/2 years.

We used to be very close, like joked about secretly being twins because we got along so well. Ive always been a people pleaser and your typical first born type A, damage control person who always wanted everyone to get along. My sister on the other hand.... is pretty much the opposite. She has been diagnosed with BPD, and has never gone to therapy or tried any form of help for this. She is very passive aggressive about any problems, no matter how small, and cant cope with anyone doing "better" than her. This manifested in mostly small things, like almost 5 years after we both had been graduated from high school and were living on our own she decided our mom didnt help us enough in high school (she did) and wouldn't speak to her for months because of the model of vehicle my mom had bought for her years ago while still in school. (There's more to that story, but I digress)

So before my fiance and I moved in together I was staying at my sister's house while waiting to find a place to move. The house is owned by our mom, and we were paying rent. Already I could see this situation was going downhill, she moved a brand new boy in she barley knew, got several animals without asking my mom about anything. And of course, the house was regularly a disaster and not clean. As I was only renting a bedroom for a short time and I worked about an hour away I would stay in the town my work was with my fiance when I had to work my shifts.

During this time my birthday was coming up so I planned a trip to an indoor water park with my sister, her new partner, and my fiance. During our one night there I was jokingly teasing her about how she should be wearing her glasses when she drives (she is required too, but doesnt) and I splashed some water drops at her.

Without saying anything to me she decided to pack her things and leave the Waterpark and hotel, and also "accidentally" took every pair of shoes i had brought. I had to leave the waterpark in November in flip flips, and when I returned home obviously very upset and confused about what happened, I found out she was telling my mom, and everyone else I "slapped" her in the face and assaulted her for no reason.

After this I sped up my plans to move and just tried to keep the peace while I found a way out. During this time I was rewatching GOT, and my sister was watching it with me. Now this is one of my fav shows and still is, and I was happy she wanted to see it with me. After we had gotten very close to the end amd we were discussing it she very started insulting it and saying the whole show sucked, dragons are a stupid concept ect. This hurt my feelings, because why watch it if you dont like it? And why tell me all these things knowing I love it? Whatever, I was moving next week and decided to just let it go. (She obviously did NOT let this go)

Now, moving week, monday morning I had to get up and make my way to work where I would be staying for a couple days at my fiances to do all my shifts. Would be coming back saturday to get all my things with the moving truck.

The first thing I hear is that one of our mutual friends from school had taken his life, I knock on her door and let her know that this happened and I was devastated and figured she would want to know. She never answered me or came out of her room before I had to leave. During this week I also attended a celebration of life for him, while still planning on moving and finalizing getting our new keys ect.

When we get back saturday to get my things everything is wrecked. My boxes are gone through, a bunch of my things were thrown around, missing, damaged ect. Including my entire crystal collection id been building for years with many pieces gotten on vacations, trips with my fiance, and first time experiences. My poster I had signed from my favorite artist, literally almost every sentimental item I had left there, including clothes, shoes, pieces of furniture, tons of kitchen things that had been stored in the basement. I have never recovered any of these items.

While we were trying to go as fast as possible and get everything in the moving truck she is screaming at us, and her partner is now physically threatening us, and actually attempted to throw punches at one of friends helping us move (thankfully our friend is a big guy and he held him back while not returning any physical attacks, just keep her partner far enough away that he couldn't land any of his punches)

We haven't spoken since then. Now that the wedding is approaching my mom is insisting we "make up" because my sister will regret missing my wedding.

I told her I cant just forgive her with no apology or explanation. Its not even the monetary loss of all the things we had to replace, it was the loss of some of my most sentimental possessions that have never been returned, or even apologized for. We do still see her and her partner at family events and always make sure we say hello, merry Christmas, whatever the holiday occasion is. And they never say anything back and ignore us at every turn, while also throwing dirty looks and eye rolls that everyone notices and sees. Even on my birthday, they did this weird awkward behavior in front of my whole family. I keep reminding my mom of all these things, and she constantly says "oh well I forgot all those situations"

Am i really the asshole for not really wanting anything to do with her? I know she wont apologize and still thinks she is in the right. Tbh my life has been pretty much drama free since we stopped talking, and its been the biggest relief.

Thanks for making it this far.

TLDR- my sister trashed all of my stuff, including my most sentimental items, and my entire crystal collection for no discernible reason, the week I was moving those things out of our shared house, right after I found out a close friend had passed away. We were physically attacked by her and her partner while moving our things out, and my mom is insisting we "make up" so she can attend my wedding. She has not apologized and doesnt even think she did anything wrong.

EDIT

Thank you to everyone who commented so far. I was not expecting this to really get any traction, but alas I am very happy to know im not overreacting and if anything, under reacting. A lot of my older colleagues have told me im overreacting about this and told me it’s “just how working in an office is” and that im “too young and little inexperienced when it comes to working in an office space” to understand that….. k. For those commenting about going to HR, I have. They’ve done, nothing. Management has done, nothing. I’ve been told that there’s lack of evidence of her doing this because there’s no one else around to witness it, and the cameras in our building do not show down the hallway that leads to the bathroom area. HR told me there’s my side, her side, and in the middle of all of it there is the truth. I want to also add, I do not abuse the bathroom and my time. I am gone 5-10mins in the bathroom. 15mins tops. HR proposed us sitting in a room and arguing out our differences. I declined as I personally do not think this is an appropriate way to handle conflict in a work space. I’ve been through something at a previous job where HR had me and a couple other coworkers “argue the differences out” and it resulted in everyone quitting and one person being fired. Thank you again to everyone for your comments. I’m not really sure what else to do. I can’t afford to look for a new job at the moment so im in a weird limbo space.

As the title states. My coworker is not the brightest bulb in the box, and definitely lacks in a lot of areas at work that other people have to pick up the pieces and correct. For whatever reason or another, or management has a soft spot for her and im convinced she could set the building on fire, and would not get in trouble at all. Me and this coworker, do not get along. We’re both female and im about 5yrs older than her. We don’t get along and she’s made my life at work very insufferable. She’s a bully flat out. She has a very bad habit of coming and bothering me whenever someone is looking for me or she needs something, when im in the bathroom. She comes in, calls my name, tells me im needed and I usually say “okay I’ll be out in a few minutes”. Instead of being a normal person and saying okay and leaving, she repeats to me that im needed and proceeds to wait. Multiple times she’s come and knocked on the stall door. I’ve had several conversations with her and management that this is disrespectful and that repeatedly telling me im needed, and knocking on the stall door is not going to make me finish up any faster as I like everyone else, can’t control our bodies in the bathroom. It’s gotten to the point that I snapped at her today and frankly, I don’t care. She called me a bitch oh well. I was gone for 10mins taking a number 2, and told her I would be out in a few minutes. She did the same song and dance, repeated to me that I was needed and I needed to hurry up. When I was finished I exited the stall to find her standing with her arms crossed. I told her what she was doing was invasive and ignorant and her doing this, is not going to make me shit any faster and that I’ve asked her not to do this several times. She stormed off, I came to the front to help who needed help and before I left she said I didn’t need to be such a bitch and she’s just doing her job. I turned and said I’ve asked you several times not to do what you did five minutes ago and you still choose to come and hunt me down you have my number you can text me but you choose to come to the bathroom and repeat yourself and wait for me with your arms crossed like im doing something wrong im allowed to take ten minutes to shit in peace and you can’t even give me that. There’s no reason to rush someone out of the bathroom unless the building is on fire. Why and when did this become normalized in life? AIO?

AITA: for not trusting my husband at night.
So I 29F (not a native English speaker) am married to my husband 33M. He is a lovely husband but at night he is just a menace.

Every time he wakes up he is disoriented. He is panicking, grabbing things,walking in to walls, he talks in his sleep, he fights in his sleep… he often wakes up in the middle of the night, thinking it is time to wake up, gets dressed and start eating before realising it is in fact the middle of the night. He does this at least once a week. I have told him Time and time again to first look at his watch (that he is wearing!) before getting up.

It has come to a point where every time he moves I wake up to make sure he isn’t getting up in the middle of the night. So if I am not awoken by his talking or yelling I now wake up by him just moving.

And that is not all. There were two occasions where I truly believed there was someone in the house. I tried to wake him, but because of his ‘state’ in which he wakes up it was up to me to get up and look.

This morning his alarm on his phone (like every day) was going off and instead of turning it down, I woke up to him wrestling the digital clock (that projects the time on the ceiling) instead of his phone. So again I had to help him.

It is just starting to feel unsafe. We are thinking about having children but how do I ever trust him at night? I am a nurse so i work shifts. I already am freaking out about leaving him at night with our dogs in the house. I just fear there is nothing I can do. When we talk about it he says: when it is serious I will be adequate. Like sure dude.

Hi, I 25M dated a girl 24F. I see myself as someone with partially strict boundaries. I am not old school I just simply don’t believe sex and physical stuff are without feelings and trust.
Went on a date with this girl, we were not on a relationship, after the first date, she told me tomorrow I am gonna go one a trip with my girl friends, we kept flirting, video calling and chatting whenever we could during her trip, she came back we went on a second date, and we had sex(yeah I don’t like it to be this soon but I have no idea wtf happened) fast forward 4 months later I remember this story of her going on a trip, something was missing.

I asked her what has happened, and she kept dodging the question, finally I asked her was that a hookup? She again said no and then she said yes. So turned out that she was hooking up with a guy casually while also dating with me, We were not on a relationship tho, but that guy knew it was just a hookup and I had no idea, that she is also sleeping with another guy and we are having sex exactly two days after.

At first, I got disgusted and felt like a piece of shit, then I found out it was also unprotected, ours was but that also added on top of this shitshow. I am not sick but this whole scenario is like crazy for me.

First, I wanted to ask how should I deal with this feeling, of being lied and played. And then, were you guys also feel the same as me or I am just a pussy?

First time poster, and lorddd this is a lot, so bear with me. Fake names and nicknames for the sake of anonymity. My boyfriend (31M) and I (29F) have been very close friends with Alex (33M) and Linda (30F) for a while now, me being very close with them for upwards of 8 years. To the point where they were unsure how to have me in the wedding - either as a groomsman or a bridesmaid. They even dabbled with the idea of me wearing a half tux/half gown.

Linda turned 30, and we planned a big celebration months after her birthday, for the sake of making sure everyone who was invited could attend. Little did she know, we all knew she was going to be proposed to. Alex had booked a large Air BnB and invited A LOT of people. 9 couples to be exact and we would all be staying in the same cabin. Months before the trip, a large group chat was made with all 18 people so we could coordinate. Everyone was excited and making plans, asking how to help and working out details etc.

Then Alex drops it on everyone, by adding said psycho to that group chat, showing that he’s invited her (30F, I call her lawn gnome but will be calling her LG for short). The group chat went silent until the day of the trip… For context, LG is a long-time friend of Linda’s (since elementary school) and by Linda’s own admission, the friend who gets the “obligation invite when she feels like having her around.” LG has also been the ex-friend of 99% of all other friends going to this event, me included. Stay with me, it’s juicy.

Prior to the trip, during get togethers and dinners many of us asked why she was even being invited. To give background: EVERY, SINGLE, PERSON……has had an issue with this girl. Emphasis on girl. She’s lied, backstabbed, put people’s heath at risk on more than one account, lied about “life threatening” or “life changing” diagnosis’s that were completely fabricated, and has at almost every get-together drunkenly gone after someone maliciously, violently, or at the least it has ended in a screaming match(on her side). She is a problem to say the least. Alex’s reasoning for adding her to a group trip? Because she and Linda have been friends for 10+ years. But hey, there’s also 2 other women who have known Linda the same amount of time, but don’t, at any point in time, cause drama.

My boyfriend and I are both very go with the flow people, always have been. We are carbon copies of one another. But we are also very vocal when we don’t like or approve of things, and rarely change our minds.

Alex knows we both don’t get along with LG, and assured us that everything would be fine and he would deal with her if she gets out of line. He then told us about the drama that has already started… a month before the trip.

LG was the last to be invited, and the first to demand a room (aka, demanded to not share a room). Alex, from what he told my boyfriend and I, told her she would have to sleep on the couches downstairs or share a room, since all other rooms have been accounted for. He assured us in person that we would have a room with a queen bed to ourselves.

Fast forward to 1 week prior to the trip. We get a phone call from Alex and on the phone call, he tells us about how excited he is, but that there is still ongoing drama about the room situation. Yet again, assures us that we will be getting our own room with a queen bed, and if “anyone has a problem with the sleeping arrangements we set up, then they can go fuck themselves.” We all have a laugh, shoot the shit, and go about our days leading up to the trip. Take mental notes. This is important.

Morning of the trip (everyone is driving to this property, since it’s close enough to drive to): Check in time is 4pm. LG is the first one to leave to head there… at 10am. Location is about 2 hours away. Come to find out, she also left another couple she was supposed to pickup and drive with behind, since their collectively planned schedule “no longer worked for her.” On another note, the properly only allowed a certain amount of cars, which now there is another car that has nowhere to go… She simply wanted to be the first one there so she could claim a room(we knew this was coming).

I get stressed out because I have a gut feeling that LG was going to pull something, but my boyfriend talked me down from the ledge that I almost leapt off of (aka, not going). He told me there is nothing to stress about we because Alex and Linda already had our room and other couples sleeping arrangements set up, plus LG was already on the way so we would relax and get there when we get there. We ended up making our way to the property closer to check in time, and we were the 3rd to last couple to arrive. As soon as we arrive and grab our bags, we walk inside with Linda and are ushered into a room on the bottom floor of the house(3 story house).

We walk into the room… which is a bonus room with two bunk beds on either side of the room. For children. Twin sized beds on each of the bunk beds. We are then told “you guys are going to be sharing with X and Y(who we really don’t know well at all).” The room went silent, air turned ice cold, and immediately we were pissed off. Linda caught the vibe FAST and ran upstairs to talk to Alex. Came back down after a few minutes and then said “Nevermind, this is only going to be for you guys. You don’t have to share.” This was still not the setup we were told/promised? But again, we try to go with the flow, due to the type of surprise/trip.

Bonus details: this room did not have a lock (people were walking into the room whenever they pleased the whole weekend without knocking), the room is set up for kids, and we could not fit on the twin mattress together without hitting our knees, elbows and heads on the bed above or the wall (we are not huge people, but definitely not 5’0).

Come to find out, our room situation went down exactly like we thought. She got there, asked about the setup for beds, and Linda gave her our room because “she asked nicely and didn’t demand it.” LG got exactly what she wanted, almost exactly how we predicted and had joked about prior to actually attending this trip.

There was a lot of other shit that went down with LG, such as her dictating and barking orders regarding how we needed to decorate for the “surprise party,” and being rude/poking fun at people who did not have any reason to talk to her due to prior negative engagements. I’ll say this now, loud and with my full chest (and I’ll update once the wedding happens and I find out from other people). She was doing EVERYTHING to be involved and handle whatever she could, because she wants the MOH spot.

The surprise engagement happened. Everyone was beyond happy and excited (including my boyfriend and I), and the night went on. We were up drinking and all celebrating/hanging out until probably 2am. My boyfriend and I decide to call it a night and almost everyone goes either to bed, or the few stragglers go to the 3rd floor kitchen/dining area.

Boyfriend falls asleep, and I am almost asleep when I start hearing stomping and yelling (remember, we are on bottom floor, and screaming is from top 3rd floor). I then get texts/videos from another close friend who is on the 2nd floor, and now I’m awake.

LG is screammming at a close friend of ours (let’s call her Sarah, 30F). Sarah is a veryyyy good friend, who is not confrontational at all. I hear (in the video) that she is not engaging with LG, but gentle parenting her and asking her to go to bed/go away from her. Come to find out, LG decided to go after Sarah because Sarah’s husband was poking fun at LG (being a witness to what happened - LG went after friends husband during a game of pool, and got upset and threw a tantrum when he gave it back). Again, nobody in this house has had a pleasant time with this girl. LG could not tell Sarah what was said (aka, lying again to cause drama for no good reason), and when things didn’t go her way, she flipped out. Major flip out included her throwing a tequila bottle across the counter, screaming for Sarah to “kill yourself” about 5 times (Sarah has severe anxiety and depression, and LG knows this), and it only “ended” when LGs fiancé physically grabbed her and dragged her down the stairs and into their room.

Side note - the reason Sarah and LG aren’t friends anymore is because LG slapped Sarah’s son across the face because he wouldn’t stop playing with his toy cars when he was 2. Her son is also on the spectrum. Just figured I’d paint more of the picture of LGs character.

I ended up going upstairs to check on Sarah and everyone else, to simply ensure people were good and things didn’t get physical. Apparently, it would have gotten physical (LG of course throwing a punch, while Sarah probably would have just accepted the blow), if the fiancé didn’t take her away. We’re were on the balcony talking about it, LG was listening from her open window on the 2nd floor and texting Alex stating “everyone is lying and this is bullshit,” which he seemed to actually be entertaining. At this point I’m sick of them enabling LG’s shit behavior and I blatantly stated “I’m leaving in the morning. This is all bullshit. We knew this was going to happen and I no longer want to be here.”

I took my angry ass to bed. It was almost 4am… boyfriend and I got up the next morning and were about to start packing our bags when Alex walked in (again, no knock or anything because no lock…). He talked to us for a while and convinced us to stay, since LG apparently went home early that morning and didn’t tell anyone. Alex explained to us that the reason he invited LG was because “it would have been so much worse for Linda and I if we didn’t.” Everyone else can suffer, including the two most important people on the trip (Alex and Linda), but nobody else’s feelings matter - got it.

We stayed, people continued to talk about the situation since it was stressful, crazy, over the top, etc. Linda then proceeded to get mad at the friends who recorded the videos, and at anyone who was talking about LGs blow out. She was upset that her engagement was overshadowed by the raging psycho lawn gnome. And to this I say, fuck around and find out. Invite someone who does this almost every time we see her, and everyone has bad blood with? And you expected LG to just behave and us to just deal with her presence?

Trip ends, we get the hell out of dodge, and go home. Boyfriend and I end up feeling incredibly disrespected and decide to take some time to really think about if we want to continue being around these people, especially if they are continuously going to put us and others in these situations over and over again. We see the pattern.

Some time passes, we asked to speak with the couple, and everything goes sideways even more. I should also state that it was not just me and my boyfriend who were upset/frustrated, but also two other friends + their spouses, one of which being Sarah. Sarah ended up being blamed for the whole blowout, not LG, by both Linda and Alex. They claimed “you know how she is, you should have just stay away from her.” LG approached her, while Sarah was just minding her business in the kitchen…

The entire phone call is basically us explaining situations as they occurred (the room situation phone calls and talks in person, the room move, the bed size and possibility of sharing a room, being around LG, etc), and us being told “that didn’t happen” or “that’s not what I said” and even “you knew you were getting a shared room, why are you even mad”. Gaslighting to the max. Our feelings were not heard nor understood in any capacity. We asked how they would feel if roles were reversed, and Alex, who was clearly drunk on this call, stated “I would just shut the fuck up about it and get over it.” The conversation basically ended with me stating “I’m sorry, but I am no longer willing to attend anything that LG is going to be invited to or present at. Wedding included.” I do not have the energy to deal with this person and every time she is around, someone ends up in tears, getting screamed at, or possibly getting into a physical altercation with her. I’m good. Boyfriend and I are good.

Linda then rally’s her troops on the back end, spinning the narrative into her being an innocent bystander and boyfriend and I being the ones that overreacted, and I end up getting a wildly long text. The text was sent to me and 4 other women, 2 of which had nothing to do with the situation (were not present, or had went to bed and were asleep). Basically completely disregarding what we/I had said, passive aggressively placing the blame on us for overreacting and making her day about LG and us, and stating that she is upset that boyfriend called her and Alex selfish. You locked all of us in a house with someone who always causes a scene/drama, and has bad history with 99% of us. All because “we’ve known her for a long time and it would have been worse for you guys if you didn’t invite her…” Yes, WE would call that selfish.

After reading the incredibly long message and getting immediate responses from the other 2 in support of Linda (again, who don’t know what actually happened and why boyfriend and I were upset), I knew Linda told them her side of it all and expressed that a message was going to be sent. That made it easy - my decision was made.

I simply responded with (summed up for the sake of you all reading, if you’re still here): “It’s obvious at this point that you guys never actually heard what we were saying from the get go. We expressed our grievances clearly, and instead of listening, you both chose to disregard them, tell us “that never happened,” and involve people who were not part of the frustrated/upset group.
You’ve made this situation far more dramatic than it ever needed to be. I’m not angry anymore—just disappointed. This entire situation was avoidable, and it was self-inflicted due to the overall issue. But again, this overall issue has been communicated, but not comprehended.
I genuinely wish things had turned out differently, and that’s the saddest part. But they didn’t. I am going to take your advice and “shut the fuck up about it, and get over it.” I wish you the best, but please lose my number.”

Soooooo AITAH? AIO?

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/watermel0nsourpatch

I (26m) had a fwb relationship with my former boss (52f) but now I'm dating her daughter. (27f) What do I do now?

Originally posted to r/relationship_advice

Original Post - rareddit  Aug 11, 2019

Long read ahead

When I first met my boss "Mary" I was 22 years old and had recently started working as a software engineer at a relatively small company (that will remain unmanned) to build up experience for my resume. This job oppurtunity was a great starting point for me considering that I was fresh out of college.

As you can imagine, the field of computer science is a very solitary environment. However, Mary and I got along pretty well from the very beginning and would regularly have conversations about our lives outside of work and considering people rarely spoke to each other, we enjoyed the each other's company. For the first couple of months everything was kept professional. Our talks did not over step into inappropriate territory (mostly pertaining to work and the occasional lunch outside of work to discuss future projects). However, as more time went on we talked more about our own lives and a little less about work.

Mary was divorced/single and I had gotten dumped by my gf. At this point, both of us were flirtatious with each other and it was evident that there was attraction on both sides. It was clear that we both intended for something to happen between us because meetings about projects that could easily be held over skype were now held in person. Mary and I would start seeing each other outside of work more frequently. Eventually group meetings became one on one until we finally made the move to fwb.

We we're open with each other in regards to our to our relationships and what we wanted out of sex, but the one topic we didn't talk about was family. All I knew in that regard was that Mary had a daughter and was a single mother.

Fast forward 3 years later and I get a better job offer and the fwb relationship with my boss ended when I moved away. While working for this new company, I meet a girl named "Olivia." Her and I would collaborate on projects frequently even though she works for our sister company. Eventually Olivia and I developed an interest for each other. While we haven't made our relationship official, we have been seeing each other exclusively for 5 months now and really want to move to the next step.

Now the actual problem. Olivia was mentioning visiting her mom and the topic of family obviously came up. Olivia had mentioned that she was raised by a single mother who also worked in the same field as us. That situation happens to a lot of prople, but the problem is that Olivia is the daughter of my former boss (just my luck, I know.) Olivia showed me some pictures and inimmidiately recognized my old boss.

I really like Olivia and want a relationship with her, but if that is to happen, contact with her mom is unavoidable. What do I do at this point? How do I tell her? Any advise is greatly appreciated.

TL;DR: Had a fwb relationship with my former boss and now I'm dating her daughter. Had no idea

RELEVANT COMMENTS

ToTTenTranz

> The sooner you tell her, the less your girlfriend will regard you as dishonest. ​> > Don't go through the illusion that she won't find out. She will, and it's better that it comes from you than anyone else. > > As for this being something she can live with or not, it's out of your hands unfortunately.

OOP

>>I guess at this point I just have to mentally prepare myself in case I get dumped.

TheSavageBallet

>>> She might, might not. most people don’t want to be Eskimo brothers/sisters with their parents, but who knows what her individual moralistic thoughts are. >>> >>> No human being in the world likes to be lied to and misled though. It’s a GUARANTEED dump then if you do that and you’ll be marked as some pervy lying creep. >>> >>> Honesty and sooner than later is your only move here.

Update - rareddit  Aug 13, 2019 (2 days later)

First of all, I want to thank everybody who took the time to offer advice regarding my situation (aside from the private messages asking me who was better in bed).

The general consensus on my original post was to either tell her as soon as possible or find a way for me and Mary to somehow keep it a secret from my gf. At the end of the day, I decided to tell her out of respect.

I talked to Olivia first regarding my past relationship with her mother. As you can imagine she wasn't thrilled about it. She asked me for details about my past relationship and I answered all of them truthfully. She was more sad than mad.

This is where it gets a little more complicated. Since Olivia's mother doesn't live in the same state as us, it was harder for all of us to have a full conversation about the entire situation, but she eventually talked to us over FaceTime later that night. Her mother pretty much explained a similar story to our relationship.

Mary wasn't thrilled when I told her I was gonna be dating her daughter either. Frankly she was angrier than Olivia about the entire thing, but said that I wasn't the only one at fault considering that you don't go into detail about family with your fwb.

Olivia expressed how uncomfortable she felt that I had a sexual relationship with her mother and said that she needed space to think about the entire situation. Olivia's mother said that she would take a trip to visit her and have more time to fully explain what happened and make sure she's ok.

So here I am. While she hasn't out right broken up with yet, it is still a possibility. I also have to look forward to have a conversation with my former boss and her daughter in about a week when Olivia's mother gets here. Olivia and I are still in contact (mostly to see if she's ok) but who knows what will happen when her mother gets here.

Ultimately, it's her choice. I told her that if she wanted to break up, it would be 100% understandable, but if she somehow wanted to make it work I would be there for her. She told be that it was admirable that I told her the truth (at least I have that)

Thanks again again reddit, if anything significant happens when her mother gets here, maybe I'll update.

Sorry to disappoint those looking for a more eventful update

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Thatsrealmollyesther

> I get the feeling that this is going to be one of those situations where you know you've done the right thing but it's not much of a consolation. Still, you did the right thing OP, for what it's worth.

OOP

>> Being able to tell truth is more than enough at this point. >> >> Thank you

Regarding my post  Aug 13, 2019 (1 day after 1st update)

To the people that follow me to keep up with my situation.

There will be no need for onother update as will most likely will be leaving her to not cost any more damage. I'm happy with the feedback I received and quite frankly, sastified with how the situation was handled. Despite not getting a favorable outcome, I told the truth and that is all that matters.

I appreciate everyone that took the time to offer advice.(And no, I won't be asking for a threesome. Please stop asking who was the better of the two).

So that's that I guess. Olivia is able to have a relationship free of awkwardness moving forward. I don't know if we will remain in contact after we talk with her mother. Wether we still have a friendship or not in the future, is her choice.

Thanks reddit

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

My girlfriend and I got into a pretty big argument last night over something that started ridiculously small, and I genuinely want outside opinions because I can’t tell if I’m being stubborn or if this was as unreasonable as it felt.
My girlfriend was supposed to come over to my apartment. Before coming, she told me she wanted a video proving how badly I wanted to see her. Specifically, she wanted me to either get on my knees pretending to cry/beg for her to come over, or bark for her.
It was supposed to be a funny/humiliating little performance, and she said she’d come over once I sent it.
I refused to send the video. However, I offered to do the exact same thing in person when she got here. I wasn’t offended by the joke or completely unwilling to play along; I just didn’t want to record myself doing it and send her the video.
She replied, “No, that’s not part of the deal,” and eventually said something like, “See you another day I guess.”
At first I genuinely thought she was still joking. I replied “Lmao okay” because I couldn’t believe she would actually refuse to come over because I wouldn’t send a video of myself crying/begging or barking.
Then I realized she seriously wasn’t coming.
That’s when I got irritated. To me, there’s a huge difference between jokingly saying, “Beg for me or I’m not coming” and ACTUALLY refusing to see your boyfriend because he wouldn’t do it—especially when I offered to play along in person.
Her position was basically that it was a simple, playful thing she asked me to do, and if I cared that badly about seeing her, I could’ve just done it. She said she’d literally been waiting for the video before coming over and that I should’ve sent it if seeing her mattered that much to me.
My position was: if we both want to see each other, why should seeing each other depend on me recording myself doing something embarrassing first?
I wasn’t upset that she asked. Had she jokingly asked me to bark, I said no, and she came over anyway, I wouldn’t have cared. Hell, I offered to do it in person. What bothered me was that seeing me was genuinely conditional on me specifically recording and sending it.
That’s where the argument stopped being about the video.
She started saying things like, “You just don’t fuck with me,” and implying my refusal meant I wasn’t really into her. She also said relationships aren’t all about me.
I kept explaining that my issue wasn’t the request; it was that apparently my “no” had consequences attached to it. To me, there’s a difference between playful teasing and “do this embarrassing thing or I’m actually not coming.”
During the argument, she started calling me “sassy.” She said she missed when I felt like her “knight in shining armor,” that now she felt like she had a “gay best friend,” and at another point essentially told me to “go get a man.”
That pissed me off because instead of discussing the disagreement, I felt like she was insulting my masculinity/personality because I wouldn’t do what she wanted.
She also said she feels like she can’t truly be herself or say whatever she wants around me without me having an issue with it. From her perspective, she was originally being playful and I turned something silly into a serious argument.
But later she explained that she was initially joking about making the video a requirement, but when I refused, she actually got mad and decided not to come.
That honestly made it worse to me.
If she’d been joking the entire time and it was just a misunderstanding, fine. But hearing, “I was joking at first, but then you wouldn’t do it, so I actually decided not to come” seemed to confirm the exact thing I was upset about.
The argument dragged on for hours.
There’s also some broader context. I feel like we have a recurring dynamic where she can criticize my personality or things I do pretty regularly, but when I disagree with something she does, it becomes a massive argument.
I’m not pretending I’m perfect. I can get irritated, defensive, sarcastic and stubborn. And yes, technically I could’ve just made the stupid video and probably avoided all of this.
But that’s exactly what I’m struggling with. I don’t think I should have to do something embarrassing on camera because refusing means my girlfriend cancels our plans or questions whether I care about her—especially when I offered a compromise.
By the end of the night, I was genuinely questioning the relationship because such a stupid disagreement somehow became hours of arguing and personal insults.
Her perspective: She asked her boyfriend to do one silly, playful thing to show he wanted to see her, and instead of playing along, he refused and turned it into a huge argument.
My perspective: My girlfriend jokingly asked me to cry/beg on my knees or bark on video. I wouldn’t record it but offered to do it in person. She said that wasn’t part of the deal and actually refused to come over. When I objected, it escalated into questioning whether I cared about her and insulting my masculinity.
So, AITA for refusing to send the video and getting upset when she actually decided not to come over because of it? Or did I take a harmless joke way too seriously?

[Edit: I AM NOT WORRIED HE'S GROOMING ANYONE. THE ACCOUNT IS VERY CLEARLY AI GENERATED IN A SEMI REALISTIC STYLE THAT WOULD BE EXTREMELY HARD TO FALL FOR.]

I am an adult who lives with my mom and my step dad while I'm in college. Him and my mom have been married since I was 10 so I've known him most of my life and grew up with him and his kids. After I turned 18 my parents do not make meals for the everyone, just for them, so if I want to make something I send my mom my grocery list, she buys it, I make it for myself, this has been our system for a while.

This past week I found a recipe I really wanted to try, but it was a lot to make for one person. I sent it to my mom before she left to go camping with my grandfather, asking her if I made it, would she want to eat it. She hadn't texted me back in two days, so I asked my dad the same question over text when I came home to shower. (I was staying the weekend elsewhere since me and him don't get along)

After I left I opened my tiktok notifications expecting to see that he viewed the video I sent him over direct messages, since that's what pops up for me after I share a video. But instead of my dad's usual account, I see a complete ai account. Ai profile picture, ai slide shows, ai videos. I'm not here to argue on whether it's good nor bad, but that's the content on there. I didn't recognize the picture so I clicked on it, only to see that it was (hopefully) a roleplay account.

I don't have any issue with role-playing, I roleplay too, it's fun to pretend to be someone you aren't for a bit. However, my step dad is 50 years old, and the account stated "6th year ravenclaw" which is a 16-17 year olds age which really, REALLY urked me. I can understand 1-2 years up or down, but 34? Really?

The profile also mentions being taken by someone else who is definitely not my mom, but I'm chalking it up to all of these profiles being him and not real people for now.

The slide shows are all just very weird role play content, showing what looks like his Harry Potter oc (which I had seen a month earlier posted to his public facebook) and very stereotypical hot blonde woman, one is even about going to dolly world.

I told my grandmother about this, showed her how those notifications worked and she also said it was kind of gross, I also told my sister who also thought the same thing, since he's role-playing as someone A YEAR YOUNGER than his youngest kid.

I can't tell if I'm overreacting to this since I already don't have the best opinion of him, and I don't want to mess up my mom's life over something that wasn't a big deal to even begin with. She's coming back home today and after sleeping on it, I don't know if I should tell her about it or not. Since it's not like I have any proof that what he's doing is inherently malicious.

Any advice would be appreciated.

I have been married for 5 years now to the love of my life. We met back in highschool when we both were 16 years old. We are 30 years old now... I work as a SVP in a company and she is a stay at home mom, which the both of us agreed to it. Last year I have made a terrible mistake and got way too drunk on our christmas work-party and kissed my female colleague on the mouth. I couldnt remember anything from that party the next day, besides my big mistake and instantly told her at breakfast. And I felt horrible for the mistake that I have done. She acted like it didnt mean anything to her and said it doesnt matter because it only happened one time. Still I tried everything I could to be a better husband and father from then on. The next month I suddenly had explosive diarrhea for one day, called off work and didnt think much of it because I often had stomach problems in the past before. The following month I got a promotion at work to CTO and had to lead an entire work meeting the following week... When the meeting started I already felt sick to my stomach and had huge cramps, I thought it was just the anxiety of now being in the situation. The longer the meeting went, the worse it got and I couldnt hold it anymore. I shat myself in front of 10 of my colleagues including the girl that I kissed on the christmas party. Since then I have not shown up at work and my doctor is signing me off work. I have had these same sympthoms every month now, everytime on the same day of the month... The 15. of January, the 15. of February, the 15. of March and so on. I kissed the girl on the 15. of december... Everytime I tried to talk with her about the theme she avoided it... I found it so weird and I stop myself from checking it and yesterday walked into her own room when she was buying groceries. I searched her room and couldnt find anything, but then I found a key to her desk drawer and opened it... I found laxatives.

I dont know what to do anymore or how to confront her with it.

I am thinking about divorcing her, but I just feel like the entire thing is still at the end my fault and dont wanna hurt her even more.

I 46m was going to meet my friend 43f at our usual hang out to watch college football and have a few drinks yesterday afternoon.

She was already at the establishment with our other friend 35f and her 3 kids 14m 8f and 7f. I don’t mind kids but I was told they were leaving lol and that’s when i decided to head over.

When I arrive they are seated at a table in the “restaurant” section of the bar. I choose to sit at the elevated bar where the TVs are better. My friend texts me “come sit with us weirdo” so I do.

Here where I might the asshole. The kids are fucking terrors. The little girls are running wild through the restaurant(it’s literally empty just us).

They are banging the cue ball around the pool table, throwing darts, running around the place, etc etc.

At one point the little girl was trying to climb up the dart board to retrieve darts that were too high. It could have fallen on her. It was a big electric board that would have crushed her easily I said nothing.

Then they couldn’t find the cue ball it was stuck in the table somewhere. They had stuffed something into the holes. The 14 yo boy picks up a butter knife and goes over like he’s gonna fish it out somehow. I say nothing.

Then he braces his back against the table and tries to lift it off the ground…which he’s able to do and at that point I’m like “ohhh hey man don’t lift a pool table you could really damage it or crack the slate they will figure out how to get the cue ball out”

His mom freaks out on me. “Single men with no kids have no place disciplining my children” calls me an asshole.

I was just like “I just told him not to lift the table because you can actually fuck a table up by lifting it like that and letting it smash back into the ground like he just did”

You woulda thought I screamed at the kid and caused a scene. Nope gently told him not to do that.

I didn’t say what I was thinking…Control your feral fucking children lady we are in public for Christ sake and they are destroying shit”

Edit-added the mom’s age and did additional info…she was at least 5-6 beers deep at this point.

I, (21F) met my Norwegian boyfriend (20M) on an online forum called Discord. I've been learning Japanese for about a year now out of interest, i found a passion through watching anime and listening to Jpop.

My name and bio on discord is written in Japanese and I've texted in Japanese in servers from time to time, we started talking and he told me he had a thing for Asian women, by this point i was already pretty interested in him so i lied about my ethnicity to see where it would end up going. I've used pictures of Asian women as my face reveals and he never questioned my ethnicity due to my knowledge on the language and culture. he's told his parents all about me and my background, and they were very accepting of us.

its been 6 months now and we've been going pretty strong, he often buys me lots of stuff and now he wants to take it to the next level and fly me out to meet him for the first time, I've recently been avoiding this topic as i don't know how to come out with this secret.

Has anyone experienced something similar, if so, what should i do?

We have been dating a year and a half and recently spent 2 weeks together traveling in Europe. I planned our itinerary and spent a lot of time selecting unique places for us to stay and planning things for us to do. I also paid for the bulk of the trip, covering our hotels, transportation, activities, and 90% of our meals. It was very much a romantic/couples trip. She was constantly telling me how much she loved me and thanking me for everything.

I was hurt this afternoon to see she'd posted an Instagram dump from the trip and it's like I wasn't even there. Not only am I not even partially included in any picture - there's even a shot of our restaurant table angled so you can't see that someone was sitting across from her and she included pictures I shot of her without even, like, adding a photo cred.

Worrying about Instagram feels childish, but the omission feels extremely deliberate. It's hard not to take this as her deliberately presenting what I intended to be a romantic getaway as a solo trip. Moreover, it seems like she wants to hide that we are together.

I honestly feel humiliated. Am I overreacting?

I met my ex-gf online and we dated for about 6 years. The first 4 years it was happiness, the 5th year was kinda weird and the 6th year was hell. By the 5th year she seemed like she was starting to lose attraction towards me and did some questionable things that you could argue were an emotional affair, although it was 1 sided.

She would compare me to other men, she would disrespect me, she had a crush on this coworker (unrequited) and asked me for some time to think about our relationship. I forgave her when she decided the time to think about our relationship passed and I was still good enough for her. She put NO work in the relationship, as in, I'd suggest couple's therapy and she would shoot it down. She would manipulate me into thinking doing questionable stuff with the other gender was ok for her but not for me (I was in love so I'd let some things go). She would lie to me about her phone battery dying and go drink with a very sus male friend she has and blame me for the lie saying "I only lied because I knew you would be upset", of course I'd be upset, that guy constantly flirted with her. Basically, although you are only hearing MY side of the story, I can assure you she was a horrible girlfriend. And while I wasn't perfect, I never betrayed her in the ways she did me.

I broke up with her but ONLY because she kept bringing up that we should consider breaking up several times, she absolutely wanted me to break up with her first. So I did, and she agreed with no hesitation. 2 weeks after the break up I messaged her asking about how she felt, she said no regrets. It was pretty clear from multiple conversations we had that the main reason she wanted to break up with me was because I wasn't her type and she thought there must have been someone better for her, and she wanted to look into that possibility. After everything she did to me I still was hoping maybe she would change her mind but she was clear about how she wasn't interested in me anymore.

Fast forward 9 months, I currently have a new gf. Insanely beautiful (no clue how I got her), and she has great values, I am head over heels for her. She makes me realize the manipulative relationship I was in was NOT what a relationship should look like at all. And about a week or so ago, I got a call from my ex-gf. She was CRYING, to not make it long, she basically told me she realized what she lost and begged me for a second chance. She tried to date but couldn't find anyone, men were interested in her but she just didn't like any of them. She told me she was sure she could never have a relationship like ours again and that she regretted her decision so much.

I'm not gonna lie, it was extremely satisfying. I was listening to all of this with a huge grin, screaming in my mind "I told you so". I was nice to her though, not that she deserves it. After I let her down gently, she asked to see a picture of my current gf and honestly I was excited to show her how cute my gf is. I know this is immature to think, but it was just like the cherry on top. I don't feel bad for her ONE BIT, and she deserves the loneliness she is going through right now.

Edit: Forgot to mention, but I talked about this to my gf. The call wasn't completely out of nowhere, she messaged me asking if she could call me (which I just left out for simplicity's sake). I immediately told my GF about this and she told me to do the call since she was curious what she had to say. During the call she told me to show a picture of my GF just because she was curious what she looked like, I said "maybe later". I talked about the call to my GF and she not only gave me permission to send a picture of her, she wanted me to do it. My ex-gf was a horrible girlfriend, but she is not a sociopath or a dangerous person. She will do nothing with my GF's picture besides feel jealousy and even give her a bit of praise.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for seven months. She is 30 and I am 37. I told my girlfriend some information regarding a porn addiction that I had for 10 years, but worked through in therapy and have been clean from for the past seven years. My girlfriend said she struggled a little bit with this information, understandable, but I found out today that she told her sister.

Last night at their family dinner her and her sister got into it, and the sister revealed my addiction to the family (not directly, but through vague comments), calling me g*y and that I’m not even really into women or her (her sister, my girlfriend). My girlfriend said the table got really awkward and silent, and she ended up leaving and running to her room crying.

I feel very hurt and betrayed that my girlfriend would talk to her sister about this, something I’ve only ever told my therapist. I also feel like I can’t face her family now out of sheer embarrassment. I also feel now that I can’t tell my girlfriend anything about my past or my deep secrets. We have had problems in the past about her divulging too much information to her friends and coworkers about our relationship, and part of me just wants to leave the relationship now, but I know I feel that way because my emotions are high. Am I overreacting by feeling this way?

Edit: words/clarification