So very important context: My parents got divorced when I was 9 due to active drug addiction. He shortly went to prison for seriously injuring a man during a robbery. After prison he moved in with my distant relatives across the country and really turned his life around. During that time, he surprise revealed to me that he started dating a woman from church and they were set to get married. He kept this a secret from me the whole time. Fine. Whatever….

I had met her the next summer during one of our visits and she was absolutely amazing, I absolutely adored her and my new step siblings.
Next year after that I found out I was going to be a big sister, came to visit to meet my new brother and that’s when things started to change. My stepmother became extremely paranoid, a conspiracy theorist (QAnon), anti-vaxxer, and all around abusive.
The last time I visited my father and my stepmom for an extended period of time was traumatic. They had another kid at this point and my father was often gone out of town for work. So, it was just me, my siblings, and my stepmom in this house in the middle of nowhere. I’m an adult at this point (21) and she very much did NOT like me anymore. I have more of an alternative style that could be very harsh for the southern Christian so it wasn’t much of a shock for me. However, she began to start becoming abusive towards me. Stealing my blankets so I had nothing to sleep with at night, letting my baby brother piss and leave food all over the couch I slept on, leaving passive aggressive Christian pamphlets clearly targeted at me (“what to do when your child practices witchcraft”), accusing me of being lazy for not picking up after her, accusing me of crashing her car because of a tiny crack on the cars fog light, and revoking my access to the car so I couldn’t buy warm clothes due to the changing seasons or buying food. She kept the kitchen empty of any food and would only go to the store once a month and would sneak out of the house so I couldn’t come with.

I came weighing 140 pounds, left weighing 115. And no, my dad didn’t protect me from any of this.

I began no contact after this visit.

Fast forward 4/5 years later of no contact and I reach out to my dad due to negative mental health decline and I just needed him. I found out that my stepmom had lymphoma and they are getting separated because she stole a large amount of money from my dad, and plus her abusive behavior. My dad seemed to be escaping the abuse and growing better as a person. Anyways, she died last year after refusing treatment because she didn’t believe in modern medicine. From what I heard, she didn’t have much support in the end due to her abusive behavior towards everyone in her life.

3 weeks ago I’m talking to my dad on the phone catching up when he says, “ the kids are doing great , they really love (let’s just say Ryan) we’ve been together for a year now”. I ask, “wait do I know Ryan? Who is Ryan?” ……Well everybody, Ryan is my dead stepmoms NIECE ! I’m stunned. This means that while my stepmom was dying, my father was sleeping with her niece who is somehow the same age as him. AND that means my siblings new stepmom is their cousin. AND they are getting married this month.

I’ve been chewing on this info for weeks now unsure what to do so I reach out to my step sibling and ask “hey… temperature check…. How are you feeling about this and is there any important info I should know about since my dad doesn’t tell me anything”
They inform me 1. that they don’t like it 2. My dad and his new cousin wife threw a fit and left a family wedding due being asked to stop inappropriately touching each other and 3. MY DAD DATED ANOTHER NIECE OF MY STEPMOMS BEFORE THIS ONE. WHEN SHE WAS DYING

I’m dumbfounded. My father actually hooked up and dated multiple of my family members after my parents divorce as well. So this is clearly a pattern for him.
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO. What is my responsibility here? I worry for my siblings but I am across the country and can only do so much. I’m honestly going against my better judgment posting this online but I don’t have a support system to help me:/

So I (adult) was in my parents’ room signing some forms for a family project when I heard my stepdad make a racist comment. They were watching a documentary about what happened to Prichard Colon.

During the documentary my stepdad made a comment about the referee being biased toward Terrel because the ref is also a “monkey” like Terrel.

Now obviously those two guys were in the wrong and what Terrel did was a horrible thing but my issue was specifically with my stepdad using a racial slur.

I’m a Southeast Asian POC myself, and my stepdad is white. His comments triggered me but I didn’t want to fight with anyone so I said that I was done signing the forms for a moment and walked out of the room. I came back shortly afterward, told them that I’m gonna take the forms to my room to sign, then returned to my parents’ room with all the signed copies. Went back to my room again. I didn’t shout, confront, or attack anyone but apparently what I did offended my stepdad. I just didn’t want to be in the room while that conversation was happening so I removed myself before I reacted in a way I might react.

Shortly after, my mom texted me and told me I shouldn’t have done that because my stepdad was apparently extremely upset by my actions. According to her, he felt attacked by me leaving and had what she described as a nervous breakdown/panic attack. My walking out of the situation to control my reaction was apparently already a reaction itself lol. Parents seem to think that I did it to intentionally stir something up.

For context my stepdad has been having serious health issues and he was also scammed out of a significant amount of money. So I don't want to dismiss the fact that he's under an enormous amount of stress and that this may have contributed to his reaction. However I don't think his difficult situation means I have to stay in a situation where someone is making racist comments just to avoid upsetting them.

So AITAH?

EDIT: Thanks for the comments. I know I’m obviously NTA for being upset about a racist comment. I just feel a little guilty/conflicted because similar topics have always turned into arguments, and things have been personally tense for my stepdad lately so we’ve all been trying to just “keep the peace” because most days we get along fine. I guess from their perspective, me walking out was me rocking the boat.

EDIT 2 (copy-pasting one of my replies): first of all, i do agree with comments saying that my mom’s being racist by enabling my stepdad’s comments and behavior. i’ve called her out about this in the past before.

in our situation right now, she did acknowledge later on that what my stepdad said was wrong, and that my reaction was justified, but that next time I should have no reaction at all because she doesn’t know what my stepdad could do to himself or others since he does need to get help mentally (but refuses to lol) and they’re going their separate ways soon anyway. basically she’s asking me to just “ride out” his racism and other questionable behavior until they part ways just to keep us safe for now. obviously i don’t agree with everything she told me. but i also see her point in trying to keep our family safe. she begged me to not react next time because she doesn’t want anything to happen to us according to her.

she also told me that she knows my stepdad and I aren’t on the same level and that I can do better than him, that’s why I’m the one she’s asking to be the bigger person lol

i rly like sniffing my boyfriends armpit. basically addicted to it tbh :/ it CAN be a sexual thing for me but it’s also comforting and basically just the amazing smell of my boyfriend but concentrated >.<

i tried to sniff it at the pool recently, we were the only ones at the pool but there’s a gym which had a mom and teenage daughter working out and had an overlook of the pool. i didn’t think quickly sniffing my boyfriends armpit during a hug was a big deal or anything inappropriate? but he got a bit upset at me and said it is inappropriate because it’s a “kink”…

what are your thoughts? im on the spectrum so maybe this is yet another social cue im missing. but i also know he tends to be hyper aware of the people around him to the point where it hinders his (and my) life at times. so it becomes hard to see when im crossing the line versus him just being a people pleaser..

tldr: is it inappropriate to quickly sniff your partners armpit in public? thanks!!

I (25F) have been getting to know a guy, and until today I honestly assumed he was somewhere around 30–35. I don’t know why exactly, but that’s genuinely what I thought his age was.
Today I asked him how old he was, and he hesitated before telling me he’s 43. He also has a 22-year-old son.
That honestly threw me off. I’m only three years older than his son, and now the age difference feels much more significant to me than it did when I thought he was in his 30s.
He’s clearly interested in me. He’s asked me about whether I want marriage and kids, whether I prefer a man to be a provider, etc. He told me he likes being a provider but doesn’t want to overstep a woman’s independence. He also told me that I have a more “older aura” about me.
He gave me a ticket to a $300 event recently, although he said he’d give me the ticket under one condition: that I let him take me out to lunch. So it wasn’t completely out of nowhere or anything. He’s also talked about things we’d do the next time we hang out, like going on bike rides and making music playlists together.
He also suggested that I model and said he has a modeling agency here, and encouraged me to get in front of the camera and model with him.
So I know he’s interested in me, but the thing is, I don’t really feel it. Finding out he’s 43 made me realize that I’m probably not comfortable with the age difference.
I know we’re both adults, and I’m not saying there’s anything inherently wrong with a 43-year-old dating a 25-year-old. But I feel weird about the fact that he’s only three years younger than my dad would be [if applicable—remove this if not true], and that his son is 22.
Am I in the wrong for deciding I don’t want to pursue anything romantic with him because of the age difference? Or am I overthinking this?
I feel a little guilty because he’s been nice to me and has clearly gone out of his way to spend time with me, but at the same time, I don’t think I should date someone just because they’re interested in me or have been generous toward me.
Would I be wrong to just tell him I’m not interested in pursuing things romantically?

I love The Beatles. Like a lot. I have either a photo or a poster of them in every room. My grandfather gave me a signed album sleeve and a signed photo that I keep in my bedroom.

When me and my boyfriend moved in together 2 years ago. He was struggling with money at the time so we moved into my apartment, where I pay full rent.

My boyfriend saw the posters and said “Oh, I really don’t like their music. You don’t listen to them do you?” I was shocked and replied “Yeah, I do listen to them. They’re my favorite band..” He scoffed and started organizing his stuff like nothing happened. And we went to a Paul McCartney concert together a couple months prior, too. I brushed it off though, maybe he didn’t know who they were…

He keeps glancing at the posters and photos I have. Rolling his eyes, asking for me to take them down. I always say ”no”. Because it’s something I love and pay the rent, so I have no obligation to take them done.

But 2 weeks I had to go on a work trip. He would be home alone. At the time I forgot all about the small arguments we had about my Beatles merchandise. When I got home a week ago. Every single one was gone. And I mean every single one. I ran to the bedroom, the signed album sleeve and signed photo? Gone. I had a fragile figurine of every single Beatle and those were shattered. I called him repeatedly, he didn’t answer until my 11th call. I yelled, trying to get an answer and he hung up mid-question. He got home at 3am that night (technically morning). I was awake watching a show, crying slightly. I yelled at him, asking what happened? He literally said in the most straight face ever “I sold them.” I froze. I asked about the smashed figurines, he said “Me and the guys got drunk, it’s not a big deal.”

I couldn’t say anything.. I left the apartment and drove to my friend’s house. I’m still at her house. What do I do, Reddit?

I’m 41F, and I’ve been married to my husband, Daniel (42M), for 10 years. We’ve been together for 17 years and moved abroad about 9 years ago to build a better life.
The problem is that I never fully adapted to our new country. I miss my family and friends terribly, and over the years I also went through some serious health issues that were very traumatic for me. I’m physically doing much better now, but I’m still dealing with the psychological effects. I’ve been in therapy and have been very open with my husband about how unhappy and homesick I’ve become.

For a long time, I’ve wanted us to move back to our home country. Daniel doesn’t want to. His career is doing really well here, he loves his life here, and he has no desire to move back. Obviously, this has created a lot of tension between us and has put a huge strain on our marriage. Despite all of this, we love each other and have been trying to work through it.

Then there’s Richard (52M), my husband’s business partner. Over the years, Richard has also become a close friend of my husband. He’s married to Olivia (56F), and the two of them have a very different relationship dynamic from ours. They are in an open relationship and are very vocal about it.

Olivia also describes herself as a witch and frequently makes predictions or tells stories about how powerful she is. She has made some comments toward me that I found extremely uncomfortable, including once telling me completely out of nowhere that I should have my breast implants removed. She can also be very nosy about our marriage and personal life.

I’ve never really clicked with either of them, but I’ve always been polite and treated them well. My husband, however, really likes them. They constantly praise him, tell him how talented he is, and he and Richard collaborate on various projects. Their business relationship also contributes to our household income, so I’ve never wanted to create unnecessary conflict.

Recently, Daniel and I were going through a particularly rough period because of my depression and everything I’ve been dealing with. During that time, Daniel went out for drinks with Richard, just the two of them.
Afterward, Daniel told me that Richard had advised him to get divorced. I was honestly devastated.

Richard knows that our marriage has been struggling, but he doesn’t know everything that has happened between us or what I’ve been dealing with personally. I also found it particularly upsetting because Richard himself had previously been married and cheated on his former wife with Olivia. Not the best role model to give advice tbh.

I feel like there is a huge difference between listening to a friend who is struggling and actively telling that friend to end their marriage. To me, that crossed a line.

Since then, I’ve told Daniel that I don’t want to socialize with Richard and Olivia anymore. I have no problem with Daniel maintaining his business relationship with Richard, and I’m not asking him to stop being friends with him. I just don’t feel comfortable sitting across from someone socially after finding out that he was encouraging my husband to divorce me.

Daniel thinks I’m being selfish and says that Richard genuinely cares about him, is a great friend, and is an important business partner. He wants me to put everything aside, go out with them, and try to get along with them.

But I just can’t.

And now I’m getting ready to go out with the two of them, and I honestly feel sick to my stomach about it.
So, AITA for refusing to socialize with my husband’s friend after finding out he advised my husband to divorce me? Am I overreacting, or is it reasonable for me to set this boundary even if Richard remains an important person in my husband’s professional life?

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/AITAThrowaway78

Published on: r/AmItheAsshole

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: July 04, 2020

• Final Update: July 05, 2020

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Main Post

^(July 04, 2020)

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Aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for throwing out my teddy bear

I have this light pink teddy bear I had for as long as I can remember. The teddy bear means a lot to me even though the teddy bear is quite worn out and old.

I keep the teddy bear on my side of my bed and as weird as it sounds I sleep with the teddy in my arms.

My boyfriend dislikes that I sleep with the teddy bear because he thinks it’s childish but I honestly find comfort in it because again as weird as this sounds this teddy bear was something I found comfort in since I was a little girl, when my parents would argue I would hide while hugging my teddy in my arms.

So I come back home from work and get ready for bed and I can’t find my teddy anywhere. I ask my boyfriend where my teddy is and he told me he throw it out, I began to cry and told him to get out of our house. Which he left and texted me saying I’m an asshole for kicking a human being out over a dumb teddy bear.

Aita here?

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COMMENTS

localanimenerd (downvoted) > Info? > Why didn't he like the bear? Just because you slept with it? > > OOP >> He thinks is old and ugly and doesn’t like that I sleep with it

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LunarHare82 > Did he throw it out like in your house hold trash? Were you able to retrieve it or was it too late? If this happened like yesterday or something, you may be able to contact the transfer station. If it went into a community dumpster and it hasn't been empties yet you might be able to retrieve it. Someone from your local waste management organization may be able to help you. > > Then make your EX boyfriend pay for professional cleaning and disinfecting and any necessary repairs needed. > > OOP >> It happened yesterday, I looked through all our trash cans and couldn’t find it, I’m really sad because I really love that teddy, my teddy helps me sleep at night, I’ll try calling someone from my local waste management but the problem is I honestly do not know where he threw it out

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catlady198787 > NTA I have a "white" bunny named Cuddles, and if anyone threw it out I would have the same reaction as you. Were you able to retrieve it? > > OOP >> No I looked through all our garage and sadly can’t find it, I honestly don’t know where he threw it out

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VivaLaVieBohem > Did you find out which trash can he put it in OP? > > OOP >> No I looked through all my garage and couldn’t find my teddy, I asked him where he threw it out but he’s not getting back to me >> >> VivaLaVieBohem >>> I'm so sorry :( do you have any pictures of her? Maybe I can look around online and help you find her original and you can order another one? >>> >>> OOP >>>> My Teddy bear was an one of a kind, my grandma made her for me when I was just an infant before she passed away. I actually named my teddy after my grandma (Izzy), I don’t think there’d be any teddy that could replace this one, I honestly I’m at lost on what to do.

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CONSENSUS: Not the A-hole

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Final Update - after 1 days

^(July 05, 2024)

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Aita for getting mad at my boyfriend for throwing out my teddy bear

Thank you everyone for the kind replies everyone, you guys made me feel less insecure about sleeping with my Teddy.

I have some good news!

My Teddy Izzy was found unharmed, i ended up calling my ex boyfriend’s sister, (let’s call her Anne) crying my eyes out about what happened. I never seen her so angry. She couldn’t believe her brother would do such a thing and said she’ll talk to him and a few hours later I get a call from her telling me she has my Teddy and she brought Izzy back to me! I was so happy I honestly thought I’d never see Izzy again.

My Ex boyfriend never actually threw my Teddy out he just hide her in the glove box of his car, I don’t know why he didn’t just give her back to me even when he seen me so upset with my Teddy being gone.

I have officially ended thing with him because I don’t think I’d feel safe with him around my Teddy or my other valuable again.

I feel so thankful for Anne, I plan on making her a thank you cake or making even a teddy bear cake lol

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This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

First post in here. I re-edited it because I don’t realize I did the “no wall text” format (so sorry).

This literally just happened a few hours ago go and I’m still fuming. A few years ago I (31F) bought my first townhome. I let a friend (30F) rent out the neighboring guest room across from my room. Now, im no prude. Of course we’ve had dates come over for hook ups every now and then. But my number one rule was no hooking up in common spaces. Everything in the common spaces were purchased by either myself or my family, including the couch, tv, dining set, etc. no one wants to sit down and try to relax in a space where someone’s bare ass was the night prior.

Fast forward to a few hours ago. It was 3 AM, and I have been dealing with a sore throat. I was in and out of sleep, and woke up to go downstairs and brew some tea. I walk down stairs and to my horror, I see my tenant’s bare ass up in the air on MY COUCH giving her date head. I shouted “Bitch, are you fucking serious? You couldn’t go upstairs?” They immediately stops and they try to shuffle and put their clothes back on. She puts their hoodies over their heads…as if it would make them fucking invisible to me or something. I proceed to tell her that she is going to pay for any cum stains on my couch.

At first they just sit there…I’m not sure if they were waiting for me to leave or not, so they could finish, but the thought of that pissed me off even more, so I proceed to raise my voice and cuss them both out. Once they realized I was not going anywhere, she says she would pay and they leave immediately.

What bothers me most is how many times she could have potentially violated my one rule, and defiled my couch. I don’t understand why they couldn’t have just gone to her room. Was it because she has a dog in her room? Was she too afraid of the dog watching that she would rather damage my couch? These thoughts were racing as I immediately put in a thumbtack request for a couch deep cleaning.

I removed all the pillows and threw them away. Honestly her audacity to disrespect me and my one rule baffles me the most. My trust in her has definitely decreased. I’m not even sure how to proceed from here from a living space standpoint. Like I know it’s going to be awkward as fuck for her now, and I know that I will be constantly spraying down my couch with Lysol for the time being.

UPDATE:

Hey y’all, thank you so much for the replies. Some of y’all are quite hilarious, and some of y’all definitely had some very reasonable responses.

First of all, NO, I do not plan on kicking her out. She has been a phenomenal tenant up until that point. When the moment happened, I honestly expected them to go upstairs to her room, rather than leave altogether. I ultimately just wanted them off of my couch.

2nd: It is currently August 10, 10:31am of me writing this update. The initial post was around 7am this morning. The actual event was between 2-3am this morning. So I moved pretty hastily with this post. Sorry for any confusion concerning the timeline.

3rd: Yes, I said “Bitch, are you fucking serious” as a knee-jerk reaction. In my defense, I was not expecting to see bare ass at 3am while heading to the kitchen. I’m sure you all have your own visceral responses to moments you weren’t expecting.

I do plan on getting a deep clean later on today. That’s definitely not changing. Where I may be overreacting is the camera installation. I have been thinking about it for sometime due to the area that we live in, plus us being two single women on our side of our subdivision. I only sped the process up because of my immediate reaction to what I saw. For now, I will hold off on any cameras.

I did not see her car when I left for the gym this morning, but on my Google nest doorbell, I saw that she came by about 10 minutes or so after I left, to take her dog out and head off to work.

She DID text me this morning around 9:30 AM saying: “You have every right to be pissed. I’m embarrassed, no excuse. Let me know what I owe you. I’ll also clean the couch tomorrow. I’m genuinely sorry”

I replied “I appreciate your apology. I already put in a request to have the couch professionally deep cleaned, so I’ll let you know what the charge is when I receive it.
I’m still really upset because when you first moved in, we talked about not doing anything sexual in the common areas. That was a hard boundary for me. I want to be clear that I have absolutely no issue with either of us having guests over or hanging out with them in the common areas because I do the same thing. I don’t care what you do with your guests in your room either. My issue is sexual activity happening on the furniture and in spaces that we both use.
What bothers me more than anything is that it’s affected my trust because now I’m wondering whether this has happened before when I wasn’t downstairs or wasn’t home. I don’t want to feel like I have to worry about what’s happening to my things when I’m not around.
Going forward, absolutely no sexual activity in any of the common areas. Please keep that in your room. I don’t want this to become a bigger issue between us, but I need that boundary to be respected.”

I know she’s working right now, but I’m positive that we can come to an agreement on how to move forward from this. Thank you all again for the support, suggestions, and for overall talking me off the metaphorical ledge.

i’ve (f21) been with my bf (m20) for about six months now. my bf is very afraid of storms, so when it was raining last night, i opted to stay over at his place, which is a few blocks away from mine. things where going well, we were cuddling and he was mostly calm. i decided that to pass the time and distract him, i could give some uh.. *physical* comfort. before we could get very far with that though, he called me mommy. completely unprompted, did not ask if i was cool with it, his hands up my skirt, says “i love you mommy”. i didn’t like this. I told him i didn’t like that and didn’t want him to say that ever again, he said he didn’t think it was that big of a deal because he didnt even say it on purpose, it was a reflex from a previous partner and i was overreacting because its “basically vanilla to call people mommy/daddy now”. at this point i gave up and left, and ended up walking home in the rain.
i don’t know if i can look at him. no shame to people who are into that, but it makes me really uncomfortable and when he said that it made my skin crawl all over, i’m just disturbed that he thought it was cool to spring a sex thing on me. ive even considered breaking up over this.
i would like to specify that i am not against kinks and have some myself that i have explored with a past partner.
should i have stayed? am i overreacting for considering breaking up with him? also like, im sure the storm stressing him out contributed to some of this.

UPDATE: im breaking up with him tomorrow. also after talking to the hot lady who works at my gas station about everything, i think i might be a lesbian. so theres that i guess.

I have a 5-month-old and a freezer stash I spent months building by pumping around the clock. My BIL is visiting and on day 3, I came home to find he used 8 oz of it in his smoothie because he "needed liquid."

I lost it. Crying, the whole thing. He laughed and said "it's not liquid gold."

My husband told me to chill and that we can just "make more." I told them both BIL needs to leave tomorrow and he's never staying with us again. Husband says I'm overreacting and putting milk over family.

BIL did mumble an apology later but didn't seem to actually get why I was upset.

Am I wrong?

I feel conflicted even writing this because the truth is, my (36M) girlfriend (32f) was there for me when almost nobody else was when I had a partial paralysis. I was in hospital for 9 days, scared, vulnerable, and completely alone. She showed up. She supported me. She sat with me when I had no one else. I will always be grateful for that.

But during that time, something happened that I can’t get out of my head.

She became very interested in my doctor. She would insist on meeting him because she had “questions” about my care, and while I was in hospital she ended up seeing him almost every day. At the time I thought nothing of it because I trusted her and I appreciated that she was advocating for me.

Later accidentally I found messages between her and a friend where she admitted she had a huge crush on him. They were joking about how attractive he was, and she even wrote that seeing him made her "feel wild” and she can’t wait to see him next morning. This was an extremely difficult day for me when I had fainted due to a test to draw spinal fluids from my back.

My doctor was someone who saw me at my lowest point. He saw the side of me that almost nobody sees. He was part of a time when I was physically and emotionally vulnerable. Seeing my girlfriend talk about him that way made me feel exposed, almost like something sacred about that period of my life had been turned into a private joke. She said he makes her feel wild every time she sees him.

I also have a lot of history that probably affects how I process things. I experienced CSA as a child and spent most of my life learning to survive alone. I’m used to people not protecting me, not understanding me, or making me feel ashamed when I finally open up. So I don’t know if I’m reacting to what happened now or to everything that came before it.

When I brought it up, she said I was overreacting and that it meant nothing. Maybe she’s right. I don’t want to punish someone who was genuinely there for me when I needed support the most.

But I also can’t ignore how it made me feel.
I’m grateful for everything she did for me in those 9 days. I really am. I just don’t know how to reconcile being cared for so deeply by someone and also feeling hurt and humiliated by something she did.

I (27F) have been engaged to "Mike" (29M) for 8 months. We're planning a wedding for next summer. His mom "Diane" (58F) has been divorced for 10 years and is very involved in Mike's life—like, very involved.

At first, I was happy she wanted to help. But it's escalated to the point where she picked out my wedding dress style without asking me, added 40 people to the guest list I've never met, changed our venue choice behind my back because she "found a better deal," and told the caterer she wants a plated dinner when we agreed on buffet.

Every time I try to push back, Mike says "just let her have this, it makes her happy" or "she's just excited, don't be so controlling."

Last week, I found out she booked a DJ we never discussed and paid the deposit. I lost it. I told Mike I'm not walking down the aisle until he starts acting like a partner and setting boundaries with his mother.

He said I'm being dramatic and "it's just a wedding" and I should focus on "what really matters"—our marriage. But to me, this is what matters: how he handles conflict with his mom.

Now his mom is crying to the whole family that I'm a "bridezilla" and trying to tear her son away from her. Mike's sisters are texting me saying I'm being unfair to their mom.

AITA?

For privacy, I changed all names.

I (26F) have been engaged to Mark (34M) for 3 months, after dating for 4 years. Mark is the older brother of my two childhood best friends- Mia (26F) and Matteo (26M). Growing up, I rarely saw Mark, because my friends mostly hanged out at my place and even if i went to their house I and Mark never talked due to the age gap.

When I was 19, Matteo and I got tipsy and ended up sleeping together because i was worried about dying as virgin. It wasn't a secret; we told Mia, their parents knew. We tried dating for a week, realized it was too weird, and moved on. It was never a big deal to us.

At 22, I ran into Mark at a club. We had our first real conversation, exchanged numbers, and soon started dating. Early on, the topic of exes came up. I wanted to tell him about Matteo, but Mark cut me off and said, "I don't care who you've been with before, past is past."

Three days ago, we had dinner with Mia and Matteo. Mia got tipsy and said: "I'm the only one out of the three of us you haven't slept with."

Mark was shocked. We explained the past, and he got furious. Mark and i havent talked since that dinner because he said he needs time to think and he is angry at Matteo. I feel terrible that I might ruin their sibling relationship, but I don't feel guilty about the hookup itself. I didn't cheat, and I tried to tell him, but now I wonder if I should have insisted on telling him anyway.

I can't ask my family because they are biased, and my best friends are Mark's siblings, so they are too involved. AITA?

i (26F) have been in the same friend group since college. one of us, i'll call her J (27F), got engaged last october to a guy she's been with for about 3 years. we all like him. he's quiet and kind of awkward but he's genuinely one of the nicest guys any of us have dated and he clearly adores J

two weeks ago we had girls night at my place. J got really drunk. like way past her normal limit. at some point she started talking about the engagement and said some stuff that i honestly can't stop thinking about

she said she "knew she was settling" when she said yes but that she was turning 28 and didn't want to "start over again." said she's never been that attracted to him physically and that she used to date guys who were "way more her type" but they treated her badly so she picked the safe option. then she said and i'm not exaggerating "i love him but i'm not in love with him. and that's fine. not everyone gets the fairytale"

everyone kind of went quiet. a couple of the girls changed the subject pretty fast. i didn't say anything in the moment

but it ate at me for days. because i've sat across from this guy at dinners and watched him look at her like she's everything. he asked our friend group for help picking out the ring. he practiced his proposal speech in front of my boyfriend because he was so nervous. and she's out here telling a room full of people she settled for him

so i told him. not everything. i didn't give him a word for word play by play. just told him that J said some things at girls night that made me concerned about how she feels about the relationship and that i thought he deserved to know before the wedding

he was really quiet and then thanked me and that was it

J found out within 24 hours and went nuclear. called me a backstabbing bitch. said what's said at girls night stays at girls night. two of my friends are on my side and two think i should've kept my mouth shut. J is not speaking to me and is telling people i ruined her relationship

i keep going back and forth on whether i did the right thing. part of me thinks i should've just stayed out of it. but every time i think that i picture him practicing his proposal speech and i just. couldn't let him walk into a marriage not knowing

am i wrong

I (34F) have been with my partner 31 (M) for 2.5 years, and lived together for 1.5 years.

He has just humiliated me infront of his entire family at the dinner table announcing "we're not getting married, if that's what you want find somebody else"

Backstory: we met on hinge, and I distinctly remember filtering out men who didn't want kids as their preference. We had a conversation early on in dating about family plans and I distinctly remember him stating he was open to it.

We dated for a year before I moved into his house (I also owned a house which I rented) after I had moved in, at his best friend's baby shower, he announced that he never wanted to do this (having a baby) which made me cry because I loved him so much, if the choice was to give up a chance at motherhood or lose what I had with him, he won.

We have also talked about not wanting to have a wedding due to the expense and neither of us particularly enjoy events or crowds of people.

I don't have a good family dynamic, I don't enjoy bringing him to anything involving my side because even I don't want to be there.. Let alone invite them all to celebrate us on our dime.

I'm fine being defacto, but the other week he scoffed at me for calling him my partner.. And I scoffed back saying I'm not calling you my boyfriend, you aren't a boy. You're a man. Men have partners.

I don't see our future as a typical marriage, kids saga.. But we do have a shared goal of buying acreage in a few years. This means frugal living without unecessary spending on things we don't value, like weddings/rings ect.

I have been fine with all of this up until tonight, where the topic of conversation (at his mom's family dinner table) went from filling out census forms, to declaring partnerships as tax status, to the difference in tax for defacto/married couples... And then he announces to a table of over 15 immediate family members that he isn't marrying me, and if that's what I want then find somebody else.

I have never heard the table so silent in all the years I have eaten there. (his mom's house, weekly family dinner)

I was genuinely humiliated and felt disrespected. I told him I felt this way on the ride home and he completely dismissed it. Stating we talked about this before, I don't see why you're upset.

So AIO?

This feels like a turning point in our relationship.

It's not normal to announce such a thing to your family.

I don't feel valued, and if I did as he suggested, find somebody else... Would he even care?

I have a story for our honorable Judge Charlotte and fellow potatoes.

Some background: I moved to abroad couple yeaars ago and met my boyfriend. We are in our 30s, and we’ve been dating for over two years. We’ve lived together for more than a year now. Before me, he never had a girlfriend, only casual situations. His best friend “Melanie” is a woman he’s known since childhood. She’s been with her partner for about ten years and only recently got engaged. Their friend group is extremely tight‑knit, so I’m naturally the “new person” in their dynamic.

From the beginning, I always felt like Melanie didn’t really like me. She was polite, but distant. She never asked me questions, never tried to get to know me, and always kept a certain emotional distance. Nothing dramatic just subtle coldness. I tried to ignore it because I thought maybe she just needed time. But what always bothered me is how much my boyfriend listens to her. She’s the center of the friend group. She plans everything, organizes everything, and everyone just follows her lead. Before I came into the picture, my boyfriend would simply go along with whatever she wanted. I tried to keep my mouth shut, but of course I sometimes asked him why we always had to do whatever she decided. It felt like she had an unusual amount of influence over him.

A good example: we took a trip to Indonesia together as a couple. She decided everything: the itinerary, the activities, the schedule. I didn’t want to cause conflict, so I went along with it. Later, when she posted photos from the trip on social media, she included pictures of everyone… except me. Not a single photo with me in it, even though we spent the whole trip together. It felt intentional, but again, I tried to let it go. There were other subtle things too. My boyfriend tried to get two tickets for a party. Melanie asked him who the second ticket was for even though she knew he was dating me. It was small, but it felt like she was questioning my place. But recently something happened that wasn’t subtle at all.

We invited the whole friend group to our apartment for dinner. We were all talking casually about my upcoming three‑week work trip abroad, and the conversation drifted to what my boyfriend would do while I was gone. And Melanie immediately said:

“Oh, he should get a new girlfriend.” In front of everyone. In my home.

The whole room went silent. Everyone looked shocked. It wasn’t a joke, her tone wasn’t playful. It was just… mean. Disrespectful. And completely unnecessary. My boyfriend didn’t say anything in the moment I think because he was shocked and couldn’t process it. Later, he told me he agreed it was obvious and inappropriate. In the past, he always defended her or minimized her behavior, saying she didn’t mean things the way I interpreted them. But this time, even he admitted it was clearly wrong.

What made it worse is that Melanie didn’t apologize afterward. She didn’t pull me aside, didn’t send a message, didn’t acknowledge it at all. She acted as if nothing happened. Now we still have to see her in group settings, and I honestly don’t know how to act around her. I feel uncomfortable, disrespected, and unsure how to behave when someone openly told my boyfriend to replace me and then pretended it never happened.

I keep wondering: Is she jealous of the change in her dynamic with my boyfriend? Does she feel threatened because he’s no longer following her lead? Does she simply not like me and finally let it slip? Or was this some kind of “joke” that only she thought was funny?

I don’t want drama, but I also don’t want to feel disrespected in my own space or in my own relationship.

So… AITA for feeling hurt and wanting my boyfriend to address this kind of behavior next time?

I, 27yo F, just got engaged to my fiancée, 31 yo M, around Christmas. For context, my family is very small - my mom has one older sister, my Aunt D, and one younger brother, my Uncle P. I never knew my grandparents on my dad's side, so my only grandparents were my mom's parents.

When going through the guest list for the wedding, I specifically said to my mom I do not want to invite my Aunt D after she tried to steal my childhood home a few years back. Here's that story:

My Aunt D was always the child that needed the most coddling, according to my grandmother. My grandmother is notorious for making excuses for everything my Aunt D does all because she "doesn't want to hurt her feelings." "She's too fragile."

In the 90's, my grandparents and my parents built a home together, all 4 people on the deed. I grew up an only child and was raised by my grandparents while my parents were at work each day - which made us really close. In the 2010's my grandfather started showing signs of dementia. He was officially diagnosed before COVID hit and isolation during lockdown made him deteriorate fast. In 2022, he could barely remember who any of our family members were, what day/year it was, and what his age was. It got so bad that my grandmother had to get home nursing help for him, until 2024 when we finally admitted him into memory care.

In 2024, while we were trying to get him on medicaid (so his memory care costs would be paid for), my Uncle P took a look at my grandfather's will. We found out that in 2022, my Aunt D took my grandfather to a lawyer friend and cashed in a favor. She had the lawyer rewrite his will so that when he dies, my Aunt D would get his and my grandmother's portions of the deed to my family home and all of the equity along with it. She claims that my grandfather asked her to do this and that she was "just fulfilling his wishes in his old age." My grandfather was in not in any mental state to make decisions like this at this time as he could barely remember his age and name at that time. My grandmother, my parents, and my Uncle and I had no idea that this had occurred 2 years prior. My grandmother was very unhappy about this, but refused to do anything about it all to save Aunt D's feelings.

I was heartbroken. I had dreamed about raising my own children in his home. We had no choice but to sell the house while my grandfather was alive so my Aunt D could not profit off the house. She tried twice to stop the sale of the house, claiming she was on the deed. Both times were unsuccessful as when the brokers looked at the deed, it didn't have her name on it. She got mad at us and said we are "financially ruining her" by selling the house. We finally sold it in 2024 and gave my grandparents a portion of the sale so they could have a good nest egg to live off of. My grandmother ended up using the money to buy her own house after my grandfather died - her first home she's ever owned by herself! Now, my Aunt D is trying to get on my grandmother's will so she can claim her new house when she dies one day.

All of this leads me to today. I have gone no contact with my Aunt D and do not want to have her at the wedding. Our wedding is destination and I don't feel like being isolated with her for a week. She has never admitted to what she did and will not apologize. Mt grandmother is upset at me for not forgiving her and just moving forward after everything. She wants me to invite Aunt D and and use the isolated venue as a way to force us to communicate and work out our problems. I don't think my wedding should be the place to do this, nor do I have any want or need to make amends with her any time soon. AITAH?

Last week I (32F) drove five hours to pick up my son from my parents’ house because my older sister, “Alyssa” (38F, fake name), was coming into town that night. My family thinks I overreacted, but I feel like I made the decision a parent is supposed to make when they don’t feel someone is a safe influence for their child.
For some background, Alyssa and I have never had a good relationship. Growing up, she made it very clear that she viewed me as the unwanted child.
My brother, “Eric” (35M, fake name) and Alyssa already had their sibling bond for three years before I was born, and I always felt like the outsider. I got into trouble a lot as a kid, and looking back, I honestly think a lot of it came from wanting attention and wanting to feel like I mattered.
Alyssa never missed an opportunity to remind me that I didn’t belong. She would say things like, “Mom and dad never wanted another child, you just happened,” “They only take care of you because they have to,” and “You were an accident no one wanted.”
Those words followed me throughout my childhood.
Then, when I was 21, I became pregnant with my son. At my eight-week appointment, the doctor couldn’t find his heartbeat with the Doppler, so I was sent to the hospital for an ultrasound. I was terrified that I was losing my baby.
While I was sitting in the hospital waiting room, Alyssa called to check on me. I told her what was happening.
Her response was: “Hopefully there’s no heartbeat and it’s just a phantom pregnancy.”
Thankfully, my son was okay.
Years later, when I was 29 and pregnant with my third child, I called Alyssa to share the happy news. Instead of congratulating me, she said, “You know the doctors can take care of that for you, right?”
She was suggesting I terminate my pregnancy.
Now, years later, my son is staying with my parents. Today I found out from my own son that Alyssa is coming into town tonight. Nobody thought to tell me.
The second I heard that, I made the decision to drive five hours to pick him up. I don’t want my son around someone who has repeatedly shown such hostility toward me and, by extension, my children.
My family thinks I’m holding onto old wounds and creating unnecessary drama. They think because Alyssa hasn’t directly said anything to my son (that I know of), I shouldn’t keep him away from her.
But my feelings are that I wasn’t going to wait until something happens. I am not going to gamble with my child’s emotional well-being when I already know the kind of things she is capable of saying.
So, AITA for driving five hours to pick up my son because I don’t want him around my sister?