u/gray-zulbj

I am in a weird half diagnosis place currently and unsure if I can use the label. all my life I presented heavily with autistic traits but it was never caught until my teens because my own parents are neurodivergent, and because I'm highly independent and good at masking (masking caused a lot of mental health issues for me in my childhood unfortunately) they also didn't even know what neurodivergency was for a large majority of my childhood.

I have been assessed by a psychiatrist and a psychologist, both agreeing I'm autistic, but they didn't have the exact phd required in my state for me to "count" as autistic or get accommodations. I also have a therapist who Ive been currently working with for a long time, who definitely agrees I'm autistic based off of our work together.

I don't know if I'm discrediting anyone or taking advantage of the autism community by saying I'm autistic. I don't tell everyone I'm autistic, just my doctors when I need certain things (example, I was getting an IUD placed for gender affirming care and needed sensory tools to stay regulated so I let my doctor know beforehand) and sometimes my friends if they are neurodivergent too.

my parents also say I'm autistic. my family comes from a long line of largely undiagnosed neurodivergency and there's a lot of teaching I'm still trying to give my parents because they are still learning what neurodivergence is (they are trying very hard lol.)

I'm currently working with my local school to get diagnosed there so I can get the accomodations I need when I need them. the only way for me to get a 504/accomodations is if I was diagnosed through the school. unfortunately they don't gaf if you were diagnosed by a psychiatrist or psychologist, it only "counts" to them if it's through the school. it sucks and it's tricky.

I'm currently diagnosed with bipolar 1 and hEds, working on a POTS diagnosis too and I have an endoscopy coming up because I have some weird stomach issues. I know autism can come with a lot of comorbidities.

please give me ur honest opinions, they would be much appreciated! and if anyone else can relate to this specific situation I would appreciate your advice too. thank you.

3 months clean, bipolar 1. ever since I quit sh I've been feeling the urge to relapse, it's been especially strong the past month. I think I just need someone to convince me not to. I've very tempted to. it's like I'm pent up full of emotions and I know the second I sh I'm gonna be SO relieved, but I know I really shouldn't. I just want to SO badly. any help is appreciated, thanks.

(btw I'm on meds and in weekly therapy and my bipolar is mostly under control, just struggling a lot with my sh addiction right now)

3 months clean, bipolar 1. ever since I quit sh I've been feeling the urge to relapse, it's been especially strong the past month. I think I just need someone to convince me not to. I've very tempted to. it's like I'm pent up full of emotions and I know the second I sh I'm gonna be SO relieved, but I know I really shouldn't. I just want to SO badly. any help is appreciated, thanks.

(btw I'm on meds and in weekly therapy and my bipolar is mostly under control, just struggling a lot with my sh addiction right now)

Long story short about my diagnosis, still pending (mostly) 2 separate professionals have assessed me and determined I'm autistic (ASD level 1/aspergers) but according to the state that isn't a legal diagnosis because neither professional had the required PHD level. I'm getting a full legal diagnosis at my school with the state soon, hopefully within the next few months (my old school refused to diagnose me for no reason) anyways, I have a dog maxine (max for short) and she's the sweetest girl. she's a mini poodle/dachshund mix and I am considering training her to do tasking and getting her classified as a service pet (once I have my legal diagnosis of course) she already does deep pressure therapy just of her own accord, and is really good at calming me down from meltdowns/shutdowns. she's been my best friend for nearly 4 years now. she sleeps in my room every night and follows me everywhere. the only issues with this is, she's not great at listening unless food is involved and she can be pretty rebellious. she's also not the smartest (said with much love, really, she's amazing. shes just not the sharpest tool in the shed. or maybe she is and she's just too lazy, idk) would it be worth it trying to train her? I mostly just need her to get me through crowds, calm me down, and not bark in public (which she already does pretty well. I take her to places like Lowe's or home Depot and she doesn't bark, just kinda walks around. unless she sees another dog. she barks at dogs) she wouldn't be a service dog long term, mostly because I'm going to college in 2 years and I doubt I'd be able to take her. I'm already trying to take my gecko as an ESA (which is already a bit of a stretch for the college but I'm gonna try since the gecko has no where else to go) and I also just don't want her having to be trapped in a college dorm by herself if I go out. once I get my own place I probably would get a dog for myself and train them too any advice is much appreciated, especially from those who did train their dogs specifically for ASD service. was it worth it? was it helpful? did you run into any consistent issues? thanks

I have struggled with self harm since I was about 11. it started small, scratching myself, bruising myself, and quickly escalated to cutting myself with razors and scissors. I never scarred much, I religiously put ointments on the wounds after every SH session and would clean them/bandage them so I didn't get found out. I now only have a few small scars here and there, and a lot of very faint ones (I have a lot of lines on areas I would SH but they are really faint, you have to get up close to see them) I'm clean right now (probably going to relapse soon) and I keep seeing people posting being all "your sh wasnt actual sh because it didn't look like this" then they proceed to show SH so severe and burns so deep it got to the muscle/fat layer. like what. why can't both just be equally as concerning? nobody has it worse than the other, it's not a competition on mental illness. it drives me crazy to see those kinds of posts. even just bruising yourself is SH. self harm literally means SELF HARM. physical harm you did to yourself. like genuinely some people's logic pisses me off. it completely invalidates the experiences that people went through

i have bp1, been in a severe depression for about a month now. maybe longer. genuinely can’t tell because the dates and times are mushing together from how much I’ve been sleeping and skipping days. I can barely take care of basic hygiene. just a bit ago I was going to the gym with my mom but now I cant leave bed. I just had to give myself a wet wipe bath and wash my hair in my bathroom sink because I can’t take care of myself. the only thing I’ve been taking care of is my crested gecko. she’s 6 months old, and she is one of the only things keeping me alive. my mom and her are keeping me alive right now without even knowing it. I worry that soon my depression will be so bad I can’t even take care of her. none of my family knows how to, and I don’t wanna give her up, but she needs to be healthy and happy. I don’t know what to do. I’m hurting so much and I’ve almost committed several times. I don’t wanna give up my gecko. what do I do

i have bp1, been in a severe depression for about a month now. maybe longer. genuinely can’t tell because the dates and times are mushing together from how much I’ve been sleeping and skipping days. I can barely take care of basic hygiene. just a bit ago I was going to the gym with my mom but now I cant leave bed. I just had to give myself a wet wipe bath and wash my hair in my bathroom sink because I can’t take care of myself. the only thing I’ve been taking care of is my crested gecko. she’s 6 months old, and she is one of the only things keeping me alive. my mom and her are keeping me alive right now without even knowing it. I worry that soon my depression will be so bad I can’t even take care of her. none of my family knows how to, and I don’t wanna give her up, but she needs to be healthy and happy. I don’t know what to do. I’m hurting so much and I’ve almost committed several times. I don’t wanna give up my gecko. what do I do

i have bp1, been in a severe depression for about a month now. maybe longer. genuinely can’t tell because the dates and times are mushing together from how much I’ve been sleeping and skipping days. I can barely take care of basic hygiene. just a bit ago I was going to the gym with my mom but now I cant leave bed. I just had to give myself a wet wipe bath and wash my hair in my bathroom sink because I can’t take care of myself. the only thing I’ve been taking care of is my crested gecko. she’s 6 months old, and she is one of the only things keeping me alive. my mom and her are keeping me alive right now without even knowing it. I worry that soon my depression will be so bad I can’t even take care of her. none of my family knows how to, and I don’t wanna give her up, but she needs to be healthy and happy. I don’t know what to do. I’m hurting so much and I’ve almost committed several times. I don’t wanna give up my gecko. what do I do

Their music genuinely has kept me alive for a long time. I struggle with severe depression and BP1 and TV girl has been helping me keep going. anyone else relate??

15/biological female/5"7 and a half/175 lbs currently at a 27 BMI and want to lower that and get a more masc build bc I'm a trans guy. want to lose weight but also gain a bit of muscle and get generally stronger (don't wanna be jacked tho) I have some muscle but most of my body comp is fat. I want to lose weight quick. any advice appreciated.

15/biological female/5"7 and a half/175

currently at a 27 BMI and want to lower that and get a more masc build bc I'm a trans guy. want to lose weight but also gain a bit of muscle and get generally stronger (don't wanna be jacked tho) any advice appreciated.

I'm suicidal and I have sh issues. I am about a month clean, but I have almost relapsed multiple times this month. it's taking everything in me not to and I don't trust myself. I have bipolar 1, and have dealt with the symptoms my whole life. they have significantly increased in severity over the past few years. I have attempted multiple times, and ended up in hospital once. I was let go same day because I promised to get better and organized myself a mental health care team. that was last year. I got my bipolar one diagnosis a few days ago, and it feels hard and like a death sentence. my entire family on my mom's side (except for my mom funnily enough) has bipolar or severe undiagnosed mental health issues. I have been contemplating suicide. not just because of the bp1 diagnosis but that does play a role. I can't deal with this for the rest of my life. I live in Virginia, and I'm fully aware that's not something to share on reddit but I don't care much about that at this point. I'm just trying to stay alive. is it even worth it getting help? the nearest mental health hospitals to me are horrible. everyone who went there came out worse. there's one about 2 hours away that has decent reviews (5 stars on Google maps) but is it even worth it trying?? I'm just so done. I can't keep living like this. I know it's selfish, my mom and dad love me and I know that now. but I cant keep doing this. would I even get to choose what mental health hospital I stayed in if I went voluntarily? I don't want the state to send me to one of the shit ones. I don't wanna go in the first place, but it's that or a selfish death and I wanna at least try to spare my parents. my mom said if I died she would likely die of heartbreak (an actual condition that happens btw. people HAVE died of severe sadness and heartbreak because their bodies shut down) I don't wanna do that to her. any advice is needed. please

TW

I'm suicidal and I have sh issues. I am about a month clean, but I have almost relapsed multiple times this month. it's taking everything in me not to and I don't trust myself. I have bipolar 1, and have dealt with the symptoms my whole life. they have significantly increased in severity over the past few years. I have attempted multiple times, and ended up in hospital once. I was let go same day because I promised to get better and organized myself a mental health care team. that was last year. I got my bipolar one diagnosis a few days ago, and it feels hard and like a death sentence. my entire family on my mom's side (except for my mom funnily enough) has bipolar or severe undiagnosed mental health issues. I have been contemplating suicide. not just because of the bp1 diagnosis but that does play a role. I can't deal with this for the rest of my life. I live in Virginia, and I'm fully aware that's not something to share on reddit but I don't care much about that at this point. I'm just trying to stay alive. is it even worth it getting help? the nearest mental health hospitals to me are horrible. everyone who went there came out worse. there's one about 2 hours away that has decent reviews (5 stars on Google maps) but is it even worth it trying?? I'm just so done. I can't keep living like this. I know it's selfish, my mom and dad love me and I know that now. but I cant keep doing this. would I even get to choose what mental health hospital I stayed in if I went voluntarily? I don't want the state to send me to one of the shit ones. I don't wanna go in the first place, but it's that or a selfish death and I wanna at least try to spare my parents. my mom said if I died she would likely die of heartbreak (an actual condition that happens btw. people HAVE died of severe sadness and heartbreak because their bodies shut down) I don't wanna do that to her. any advice is needed. please

TW

I'm suicidal and I have sh issues. I am about a month clean, but I have almost relapsed multiple times this month. it's taking everything in me not to and I don't trust myself. I have bipolar 1, and have dealt with the symptoms my whole life. they have significantly increased in severity over the past few years. I have attempted multiple times, and ended up in hospital once. I was let go same day because I promised to get better and organized myself a mental health care team. that was last year. I got my bipolar one diagnosis a few days ago, and it feels hard and like a death sentence. my entire family on my mom's side (except for my mom funnily enough) has bipolar or severe undiagnosed mental health issues. I have been contemplating suicide. not just because of the bp1 diagnosis but that does play a role. I can't deal with this for the rest of my life. I live in Virginia, and I'm fully aware that's not something to share on reddit but I don't care much about that at this point. I'm just trying to stay alive. is it even worth it getting help? the nearest mental health hospitals to me are horrible. everyone who went there came out worse. there's one about 2 hours away that has decent reviews (5 stars on Google maps) but is it even worth it trying?? I'm just so done. I can't keep living like this. I know it's selfish, my mom and dad love me and I know that now. but I cant keep doing this. would I even get to choose what mental health hospital I stayed in if I went voluntarily? I don't want the state to send me to one of the shit ones. I don't wanna go in the first place, but it's that or a selfish death and I wanna at least try to spare my parents. my mom said if I died she would likely die of heartbreak (an actual condition that happens btw. people HAVE died of severe sadness and heartbreak because their bodies shut down) I don't wanna do that to her. any advice is needed. please

The system sucks, the entire world is going to shit, but also I feel like a system is necessary or everyone will just start killing each other. Can anyone fully educate me on Anarchism and what it truly is? I've tried to research but everywhere has a bias of it, nobody has a neutral enough opinion for me to learn both sides (reddit prolly won't be much better either but whatever)

I have bipolar one, and I’ve been an artist my whole life. I’ve been drawing since I could pick up a pencil. over the years as my bp1 symptoms have come out more, I’ve been drawing some dark shit to sort through my feelings. I see this with a lot of bipolar people, so many of us are artists. is there a specific reason why? there’s also so many HUGE artists who likely had bipolar (just wasn’t diagnosable in their time) is it the way we are wired? is there even a reason? I’d love to hear because I’m genuinely curious.

I made it HELLA clear I’m 15 and won’t interact with dms, still got multiple with clear bad intention anyway. saying they like my body, EUGH. immediately ignored the requests. nasty ass weirdos. wish I had reported them, honestly was too grossed out to remember. since then I’ve deleted the post and I expected a dm or two, but four? 😭 the post just had a few pictures of my front and back, asking about my muscle growth progress and how to workout + if my trans tape job was good enough for swimming. like dawg, desperation isn’t an excuse to be a f-ing creep. anyways, thanks for the nice educational replies to my post. I got a lot of helpful tips that I will be adding to my workouts, and a lot of taping tips too. thanks to those people :)

15ftm, I have a gender specialist therapist, and I think it might be worth it to bring my mom in with me for a meeting to see if we can educate her on why T would be a good idea for me (or at least hormone blockers) I've asked her before but that did NOT go well to say the least. she is really against gender affirming care before I'm 18 and out of the house (she said she would prefer I wait until I'm 25+ for any gender affirming care but she knows I ain't doing that) how can I ask her to join a session with me? do I out right say it's for that? I have a feeling if I did she would just say "no because my answer will always be no" what do I do? willing to answer any questions and advice + tips are MUCH appreciated.