u/SituationImportant99

I’m having an extremely difficult time helping to take care of my grandma due to issues that are failing to be solved. she herself is supposed to have control of these certain things due to her being cleared by her doctor to do such things. (no dementia or Alzheimer’s). I think that it’s mental illnesses that she has been diagnosed with.

• refusing to wipe/ receive help wiping (offering multiple different devices and products)
•refusing to take medication leading to fluid build up on legs or lying to me about taking her medication (spitting it into bottles) (as well as calling family members to tell them we are not giving her medication when she has taken it or refused to)

•refusing nail trims,baths,changing etc

•refusing healthy meals

•calling other family members to bring her unhealthy food, snacks, or too much liquid for the day as she can retain fluid.

•lying about things I say or do to family member(s) and getting extremely upset if I ask her about after Hearing it while caring for her or being told personally about it by said family member(s)

all these things have created such a nightmare for me as a caregiver that just wants the best for my grandma.

I’ve moved in and helped her fulltime And it’s progressively gotten worse the older I get and the more boundaries I try to install with her and other family members that struggle with boundaries with me as a child. I truly know how much pain and suffering mental illness is and I also receive help for it.

I’ve encouraged her to get help, I’ve asked her doctors, I’ve asked family members for help and they simply are insulted at the idea Of her having mental illness. I truly feel like I’m hitting wall after wall and I dont know what to do next.

I have called nurses in to help care for her after she had a month long hospitalization from a uti and fluid build up (as well as not having stable enough labs to do a heart bath because of family members bring foods that are wrong for her diet, too much liquid etc like at home). It took an extreme toll on my mental health because of Family members blaming this on me. At one point my aunt had told me she had 6-11 months to live sent home on hospice. This hit me even HARDER.

the gut wrenching, world spinning experience of hearing that Is unreal and the feeling of the nurses telling me that they have no clue what I’m taking about hit even harder.

my grandma is home and not on hospice but she is calling these family members and continuing with lies to the extent where they are coming to where we live and threatening me infront of my grandma. I think this is something someone who has cognitive distortions would do and no one believes me because I feel they’re struggling as well and see no issue with it.

i noticed a worker very obviously wearing meta ai glasses while pushing my seat down and I’m wondering if anyone else has noticed this? it was a worker at goliath. it made me feel very WEIRD? LOL what is happening

Hi all! I currently need advice for a rock and a HARD spot I am in with my family. For context, I live with my grandmother and my mom. my grandma has been diagnosed with heart failure since 2000 and my mom has been helping her with things like doctors appointment, pharmacy pick up, house chores etc since I was little. We moved into my grandmas house In 2020, I came with my mom because she’s a single mom and i was young. Ever since then we both have been taking care of everyday needs gradually increasing over the years which is definitely expected. I don’t mind at ALL helping my grandma and I enjoy learning things about caregiving because my mom worked as a hospice nurse for a while! the issue that I’m having is my grandma refusing to do things that I nor my mom can do for her because she and her doctor has said she has decision making capacity. I worry about her mental health severely. I have found medical papers saying she has been diagnosed for depression and anxiety, I don’t doubt that she is struggling with these things at all. this is my reasoning:

• 2-3 years ago she had told me, my uncle, and my mom that she tried to commit suicide the night before

• she has been inpatient not by choice before when she was younger

•she has just lost two children within three years

•she’s refusing to bathe herself or let others bathe her, she is not taking her medicine properly, she will not wipe or let us wipe her, she will not do physical therapy, ETC (showing signs of self neglect)

and this has ended up with her getting UTI’s which is terrifying because it makes her feel very not lucid (brain isn’t working can’t remember the word, sorry!).

i called the ems and she was expressing feelings of chest tightness and sweats and they took her after they did an ekg which was OK thankfully!

I have expressed the worry about her mental health to her doctors aswell as family members, the doctors do offer my grandma treatment and she refuses. I feel like I’m drowning.

my grandma is still in the hospital and I am having so much grief. She has fluid on her body from not taking her lacsicks, she’s developing bed sores. I feel TERRIBLE! if I could move her every other hour and clean her everyday…it would be a dream.

my family that doesn’t come around often do not understand that I just can’t handle this alone. I am doing every single thing I can do that doesn’t violate her autonomy like NORMAL!

my family has always been this way but it’s affecting me more than usual because they removed me from my grandmothers my chart and I can’t get a clear answer on anything..not even the nurse and that is really frustrating because im being told my family members that she is going to be put on hospice and she has 6-12 months to live…

i went up there I asked about it and they said that they haven’t found a hospice that carries the drip for her heart failure. i called around with my mom and I found one. I called back the next day and they say they have no plan to put her in hospice. I go up there and then another nurse says that my grandma has agreed to hospice in the notes and they’re currently looking for one. i feel exuasted…they’re even calling my landlord telling him that she’s in hospice and we need to pick up the phone to the nurse…no calls recived. my landlord is my other uncle and unfortunately that’s just not something you okay about so he was upset.

i aplogize for the super mega rant. thanks!

has anyone dealt with this? how do you handle it besides walking away? this mostly happens when I’m learning to drive (I only have my unstable mom to teach me :/) i.e:

do I turn right here?

no are you fucking stupid I pointed down there….are you joking?? I’m going to hope your joking because I don’t think you’re THAT much of a dumb person.

she’s said worse and it’s happening constantly with driving and it’s hard to manage sometimes. I do have therapy sessions I talk about this in, it helps! unfortunately I can’t afford a driving school.

would the advent calender come out at places like Walmart in stores like the Christmas one did? do any of them come out during the fall season at stores like target or Walmart?

anyone know where any needohs are?