u/Strong_Magazine_237

So I’m black and I noticed a lot in minority groups we are very unwilling to share and have sacrifices to grow long term..

you know why do we always have to be in a rush to leave the house at 18 years old? Why do parents try to kick you out the house at 18 21 25 years old you know why is it that in certain cultures , Asian cultures , Muslim cultures , Jewish cultures they don’t leave their house until they’re grown adults, and married.., and then even when they are married, they still stay home with their parents …..Why go and get an apartment somewhere else when the whole family could all live together and not everybody has to have a car but we could all share two or three cars depending on how big the family is and how small the family is. We could all share and stay down and invest our money until we’re able to come up in life.?

Like if there’s a family of eight people, why would everybody need their own car? We’re not rich I understand the independence but if it’s a family of eight people and everyone is above the age of 18 what’s wrong with having four cars or maybe five cars, those extra three or four cars is the extra $2000 a month and financing and insurance. that’s $24,000 a year that’s $24,000 that can go into a Roth IRA or buying some silver and gold or buying property…

And this is not to like throw races in there, but this is why a lot of white people and some of you may be reading this. A lot of you guys are very smart and you know in black cultures and Spanish cultures , minority cultures you don’t have anybody to create a Roth IRA for you or even a custodial Roth IRA for you when you’re a kid and have money invested in you so that way when you’re 25 years old, you got $150,000 waiting for you to help you in your future…

You know I feel like a lot of minority cultures you know they just have sex and have a kid without really preparing for the kids life you know they all want you to go to college and do all these things but they don’t really prepare you for life they don’t really teach you about like don’t have sex early on because you can get pregnant and that would derail your future and the progress of trying to build your life, be careful who you actually hang around with. Try to surround yourself with good friends , you know also even having the importance of family night, eating together as a family around a table playing video games together as a family watching movies together as a family teaching your children the value of a dollar and how a dollar today is a dollar tomorrow, but if you put a dollar in stocks, it could go up and down you can’t get rich off of a 9 to 5 try to build assets and have less liabilities..

The reason I’m saying this is because I’m in a position where I don’t have a car anymore at the moment and I had to move back in with my mom and you know I make good money doing Uber eats and I wanted to use her car for just a month so I could go and buy a nice $3000 car with the money I make with Uber Eats but she doesn’t even trust me to go and use her car and the only way I can use her car is if she comes with me , and I ’m 29 years old I’m a grown man and you know I’m dealing with a mom that is starting to have signs of vascular dementia and heavy signs of BPD, bipolar and paranoia… and it’s like you know I’m not a felon. I don’t sell drugs. I’ve had one car my whole life and It was a total of six years. I’ve never had multiple cars that I damaged. I don’t sell crack. I don’t do drugs. I’m not in and out of jail and I can’t even use my mom‘s car mind you my mom stays home all day every day and she stares out the window because she’s too scared to go outside, she doesn’t even go for a walk around the block, she’s not even mentally stable to drive, and she has a perfectly working car outside that I can’t even drive. That no one uses… You know I have errands and things that I need to do and I have to take the bus and there’s times where I missed the bus, things that could take two hours if I had a car, but it takes over five hours since I don’t have a car.

And all I wanna do is just use my mom’s car for three weeks at least and I’ll make more than enough money to go. Buy a nice little cheap Hooptie to get back on my feet… and she’s telling me oh you can’t use my car go get a job.. OK cool if I go get a job, which I’m currently trying to do, I’m not gonna get a job overnight, that’s gonna take time and then to get the income from the job it’s gonna take time as well… we’re talking at least 2 to 3 months…. When I could just use your car and I’m back on my feet with in a month. So what am I supposed to do? Eat all the food in your house? I don’t even have a dollar to go buy a toothbrush…. I have a way of making legal money 1200- $1300 a week.

Mind you she’s 69 years old, if she was to drop dead tomorrow, then what happens to me…? You’re set for the rest of your life you have your pension. I’m working on trying to be an entrepreneur building my side businesses and I just need a little tiny push so I could go buy myself a car….

She even offered to buy me a car, but I declined because she’s the type of person to guilt trip you and rub it in your face if you want to do something or say something she doesn’t like, and then when I realized that was my only option of getting in the car, I told her you know let’s go get a nice cheap car for four to $5000 and I’ll pay you back the money within a month or a month and a half… and then she’s like oh I’m not gonna do anything for you because of the way you talk to me you talk to me like I’m garbage, which is not true at all I’m a very well spoken person and I speak my mind on certain things and if you disagree with my mom, then you’re the devil and you’re a bad person… I’m not allowed to say any jokes or anything because she’s so BPD and bipolar anything that you say can just tick her off… you could say the sky is blue and then she will say the sky is red and if you try to disagree with her, she’ll have a tantrum…. and I’ve honestly just realized you know my mom can’t accept me for who I am…. She still thinks I’m that little 10-year-old kid who hair she used to braid when I was young younger….

So I’m black and I noticed a lot in minority groups we are very unwilling to share and have sacrifices to grow long term..

you know why do we always have to be in a rush to leave the house at 18 years old? Why do parents try to kick you out the house at 18 21 25 years old you know why is it that in certain cultures , Asian cultures , Muslim cultures , Jewish cultures they don’t leave their house until they’re grown adults, and married.., and then even when they are married, they still stay home with their parents …..Why go and get an apartment somewhere else when the whole family could all live together and not everybody has to have a car but we could all share two or three cars depending on how big the family is and how small the family is. We could all share and stay down and invest our money until we’re able to come up in life.?

Like if there’s a family of eight people, why would everybody need their own car? We’re not rich I understand the independence but if it’s a family of eight people and everyone is above the age of 18 what’s wrong with having four cars or maybe five cars, those extra three or four cars is the extra $2000 a month and financing and insurance. that’s $24,000 a year that’s $24,000 that can go into a Roth IRA or buying some silver and gold or buying property…

And this is not to like throw races in there, but this is why a lot of white people and some of you may be reading this. A lot of you guys are very smart and you know in black cultures and Spanish cultures , minority cultures you don’t have anybody to create a Roth IRA for you or even a custodial Roth IRA for you when you’re a kid and have money invested in you so that way when you’re 25 years old, you got $150,000 waiting for you to help you in your future…

You know I feel like a lot of minority cultures you know they just have sex and have a kid without really preparing for the kids life you know they all want you to go to college and do all these things but they don’t really prepare you for life they don’t really teach you about like don’t have sex early on because you can get pregnant and that would derail your future and the progress of trying to build your life, be careful who you actually hang around with. Try to surround yourself with good friends , you know also even having the importance of family night, eating together as a family around a table playing video games together as a family watching movies together as a family teaching your children the value of a dollar and how a dollar today is a dollar tomorrow, but if you put a dollar in stocks, it could go up and down you can’t get rich off of a 9 to 5 try to build assets and have less liabilities..

The reason I’m saying this is because I’m in a position where I don’t have a car anymore at the moment and I had to move back in with my mom and you know I make good money doing Uber eats and I wanted to use her car for just a month so I could go and buy a nice $3000 car with the money I make with Uber Eats but she doesn’t even trust me to go and use her car and the only way I can use her car is if she comes with me , and I ’m 29 years old I’m a grown man and you know I’m dealing with a mom that is starting to have signs of vascular dementia and heavy signs of BPD, bipolar and paranoia… and it’s like you know I’m not a felon. I don’t sell drugs. I’ve had one car my whole life and It was a total of six years. I’ve never had multiple cars that I damaged. I don’t sell crack. I don’t do drugs. I’m not in and out of jail and I can’t even use my mom‘s car mind you my mom stays home all day every day and she stares out the window because she’s too scared to go outside, she doesn’t even go for a walk around the block, she’s not even mentally stable to drive, and she has a perfectly working car outside that I can’t even drive. That no one uses… You know I have errands and things that I need to do and I have to take the bus and there’s times where I missed the bus, things that could take two hours if I had a car, but it takes over five hours since I don’t have a car.

And all I wanna do is just use my mom’s car for three weeks at least and I’ll make more than enough money to go. Buy a nice little cheap Hooptie to get back on my feet… and she’s telling me oh you can’t use my car go get a job.. OK cool if I go get a job, which I’m currently trying to do, I’m not gonna get a job overnight, that’s gonna take time and then to get the income from the job it’s gonna take time as well… we’re talking at least 2 to 3 months…. When I could just use your car and I’m back on my feet with in a month. So what am I supposed to do? Eat all the food in your house? I don’t even have a dollar to go buy a toothbrush…. I have a way of making legal money 1200- $1300 a week.

Mind you she’s 69 years old, if she was to drop dead tomorrow, then what happens to me…? You’re set for the rest of your life you have your pension. I’m working on trying to be an entrepreneur building my side businesses and I just need a little tiny push so I could go buy myself a car….

She even offered to buy me a car, but I declined because she’s the type of person to guilt trip you and rub it in your face if you want to do something or say something she doesn’t like, and then when I realized that was my only option of getting in the car, I told her you know let’s go get a nice cheap car for four to $5000 and I’ll pay you back the money within a month or a month and a half… and then she’s like oh I’m not gonna do anything for you because of the way you talk to me you talk to me like I’m garbage, which is not true at all I’m a very well spoken person and I speak my mind on certain things and if you disagree with my mom, then you’re the devil and you’re a bad person… I’m not allowed to say any jokes or anything because she’s so BPD and bipolar anything that you say can just tick her off… you could say the sky is blue and then she will say the sky is red and if you try to disagree with her, she’ll have a tantrum…. and I’ve honestly just realized you know my mom can’t accept me for who I am…. She still thinks I’m that little 10-year-old kid who hair she used to braid when I was young younger….

So I’m black and I noticed a lot in minority groups we are very unwilling to share and have sacrifices to grow long term..

you know why do we always have to be in a rush to leave the house at 18 years old? Why do parents try to kick you out the house at 18 21 25 years old you know why is it that in certain cultures , Asian cultures , Muslim cultures , Jewish cultures they don’t leave their house until they’re grown adults, and married.., and then even when they are married, they still stay home with their parents …..Why go and get an apartment somewhere else when the whole family could all live together and not everybody has to have a car but we could all share two or three cars depending on how big the family is and how small the family is. We could all share and stay down and invest our money until we’re able to come up in life.?

Like if there’s a family of eight people, why would everybody need their own car? We’re not rich I understand the independence but if it’s a family of eight people and everyone is above the age of 18 what’s wrong with having four cars or maybe five cars, those extra three or four cars is the extra $2000 a month and financing and insurance. that’s $24,000 a year that’s $24,000 that can go into a Roth IRA or buying some silver and gold or buying property…

And this is not to like throw races in there, but this is why a lot of white people and some of you may be reading this. A lot of you guys are very smart and you know in black cultures and Spanish cultures , minority cultures you don’t have anybody to create a Roth IRA for you or even a custodial Roth IRA for you when you’re a kid and have money invested in you so that way when you’re 25 years old, you got $150,000 waiting for you to help you in your future…

You know I feel like a lot of minority cultures you know they just have sex and have a kid without really preparing for the kids life you know they all want you to go to college and do all these things but they don’t really prepare you for life they don’t really teach you about like don’t have sex early on because you can get pregnant and that would derail your future and the progress of trying to build your life, be careful who you actually hang around with. Try to surround yourself with good friends , you know also even having the importance of family night, eating together as a family around a table playing video games together as a family watching movies together as a family teaching your children the value of a dollar and how a dollar today is a dollar tomorrow, but if you put a dollar in stocks, it could go up and down you can’t get rich off of a 9 to 5 try to build assets and have less liabilities..

The reason I’m saying this is because I’m in a position where I don’t have a car anymore at the moment and I had to move back in with my mom and you know I make good money doing Uber eats and I wanted to use her car for just a month so I could go and buy a nice $3000 car with the money I make with Uber Eats but she doesn’t even trust me to go and use her car and the only way I can use her car is if she comes with me , and I ’m 29 years old I’m a grown man and you know I’m dealing with a mom that is starting to have signs of vascular dementia and heavy signs of BPD, bipolar and paranoia… and it’s like you know I’m not a felon. I don’t sell drugs. I’ve had one car my whole life and It was a total of six years. I’ve never had multiple cars that I damaged. I don’t sell crack. I don’t do drugs. I’m not in and out of jail and I can’t even use my mom‘s car mind you my mom stays home all day every day and she stares out the window because she’s too scared to go outside, she doesn’t even go for a walk around the block, she’s not even mentally stable to drive, and she has a perfectly working car outside that I can’t even drive. That no one uses… You know I have errands and things that I need to do and I have to take the bus and there’s times where I missed the bus, things that could take two hours if I had a car, but it takes over five hours since I don’t have a car.

And all I wanna do is just use my mom’s car for three weeks at least and I’ll make more than enough money to go. Buy a nice little cheap Hooptie to get back on my feet… and she’s telling me oh you can’t use my car go get a job.. OK cool if I go get a job, which I’m currently trying to do, I’m not gonna get a job overnight, that’s gonna take time and then to get the income from the job it’s gonna take time as well… we’re talking at least 2 to 3 months…. When I could just use your car and I’m back on my feet with in a month. So what am I supposed to do? Eat all the food in your house? I don’t even have a dollar to go buy a toothbrush…. I have a way of making legal money 1200- $1300 a week.

Mind you she’s 69 years old, if she was to drop dead tomorrow, then what happens to me…? You’re set for the rest of your life you have your pension. I’m working on trying to be an entrepreneur building my side businesses and I just need a little tiny push so I could go buy myself a car….

She even offered to buy me a car, but I declined because she’s the type of person to guilt trip you and rub it in your face if you want to do something or say something she doesn’t like, and then when I realized that was my only option of getting in the car, I told her you know let’s go get a nice cheap car for four to $5000 and I’ll pay you back the money within a month or a month and a half… and then she’s like oh I’m not gonna do anything for you because of the way you talk to me you talk to me like I’m garbage, which is not true at all I’m a very well spoken person and I speak my mind on certain things and if you disagree with my mom, then you’re the devil and you’re a bad person… I’m not allowed to say any jokes or anything because she’s so BPD and bipolar anything that you say can just tick her off… you could say the sky is blue and then she will say the sky is red and if you try to disagree with her, she’ll have a tantrum…. and I’ve honestly just realized you know my mom can’t accept me for who I am…. She still thinks I’m that little 10-year-old kid who hair she used to braid when I was young younger….

I’m going later today to check out this one car at major world dealership in NYC and I wanted to know am I able to ask them if i/they can check the transmission fluid??

I also am going to be looking at the oil to see if it’s good & looking at any of the fluids under the hood to see if it’s good , also looking at the tires to see if the tires are good and taking the car for a test drive, shifting it through all the gears, trying to listen to the car and how it reacts when I shift through gears and then trying to at least drive it up a hill as well.

Is there any thing that I should ask just to make sure that the car is in good condition??

And should I negotiate for a price as well like can I say hey can you knock off $500?

If it helps, I’m trying to get like a Toyota if not possible than a Honda..

I’m going with my mom and I just wanna make sure I at least check everything and make sure everything is good… I also plan on taking it to a local mechanic shop when I test drive it to get a PPI

And last question do you think I would be able to try to pay it off sooner without any fees?

I’m going later today to check out this one car at major world dealership in NYC and I wanted to know am I able to ask them if i/they can check the transmission fluid??

I also am going to be looking at the oil to see if it’s good & looking at any of the fluids under the hood to see if it’s good , also looking at the tires to see if the tires are good and taking the car for a test drive, shifting it through all the gears, trying to listen to the car and how it reacts when I shift through gears and then trying to at least drive it up a hill as well.

Is there any thing that I should ask just to make sure that the car is in good condition??

And should I negotiate for a price as well like can I say hey can you knock off $500?

If it helps, I’m trying to get like a Toyota if not possible than a Honda..

I’m going with my mom and I just wanna make sure I at least check everything and make sure everything is good… I also plan on taking it to a local mechanic shop when I test drive it to get a PPI

And last question do you think I would be able to try to pay it off sooner without any fees?

The title is pretty self-explanatory… if I’m gonna go to a dealership how do I know that I’m getting a good deal? How do I know the car doesn’t have any issues? Or won’t have any issues in the future..

And what are some questions to ask?

Please try to be informative as much as possible so when I go, I know I’m getting a good deal

If this helps, I’m looking to buy like a old Toyota or a Honda around 100k + miles

The title is pretty self-explanatory… if I’m gonna go to a dealership how do I know that I’m getting a good deal? How do I know the car doesn’t have any issues? Or won’t have any issues in the future..

And what are some questions to ask?

Please try to be informative as much as possible so when I go, I know I’m getting a good deal

If this helps, I’m looking to buy like a old Toyota or a Honda around 100k + miles

The Situation
I’m a 29 year old man who has always prided himself on getting it on my own. Due to some setbacks, I’m back in my mother's basement. My mom, 69, is currently showing signs of severe cognitive decline, MRI is this week for dementia, and she has a history of being narcissistic, bipolar personality disorder, paranoia, and controlling. She’s offering to cosign for a car so I can get back to work (UBER EATS). Currently, she doesn’t let me use her car alone because she thinks something might happen where I might get pulled over or get into an accident. When she comes with me to do Uber Eats, she’s always giving me a headache complaining about the past and other stuff people did her…

The Self Exploitation Feeling
I have a lot of resentment toward her and I’m struggling with the deep seated guilt of needing her help. The Pride Trap is, even if I pay her back every single cent, I’m haunted by the thought that when I finally become financially stable, buy nice things, and build my business, I will know deep down it only happened because she helped me. The I Didn't Do It Alone Weight kills me to think that my future success will always have that asterisk next to it because my mom basically helped me achieve what I needed to achieve faster by helping me get a car.
It’s also The Feeling of Exploitation because she’s mentally declining. I feel like I'm using a sick person as a stepping stone to get what I want, and also because once I’m able to move out, I’m going to leave and maybe I will never look back.

The Financial Reality
With a car, I can make $1,200–$1,400 weekly on Uber Eats immediately , pay her back instantly… if we get a car under 5k

The Choice
My pride tells me to turn her down, get a 9 to 5, and save for months to buy a beater so I can say I did it alone. But that means staying trapped in her basement and under her control for much longer.

But if she helps me get a car that’s the quicker I’m able to start my businesses go back to school, save money and then eventually move out.

Or do I continue letting her come with me in her car to do Uber eats and I just saved every dollar I get to buy a car which could take up to three weeks…

So I’m going back-and-forth with somebody and I’m telling them that you can still lose weight with a health issue and the reason why people are obese because they don’t track their calories and they’re not educated in tracking what they eat,

I also think any and everybody could lose weight as long as you are in a calorie deficit it’s literally science… laws of thermodynamics..

But on the other hand, she is simply saying oh well people can’t lose weight because they have health issues… and I’m saying well that’s not an excuse not to lose weight. You have to track your food and know what you’re putting in your mouth and you have to eat whole food and not processed food… and then I sent her a video of somebody saying how they lost weight from tracking their food and her argument back was a comment in the video section where somebody said they gained weight because stressing about tracking their food and made them gain weight, which is just an excuse…

And then she even used one of her friends as an example, saying he eats two times a day and he works out almost every day and he’s a vegan or vegetarian… and I’m telling her well how well do you really know this person? You know a lot of people lie about what they really eat on a day-to-day basis you may think you really know somebody but you really don’t….

It’s very simple

Eat less food you lose weight

Eat moderately you maintain weight

Eat in a surplus you gain weight

LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS

Edit: I’m denying her this post so let her know your thoughts.

So I’m going back-and-forth with somebody and I’m telling them that you can still lose weight with a health issue and the reason why people are obese because they don’t track their calories and they’re not educated in tracking what they eat,

I also think any and everybody could lose weight as long as you are in a calorie deficit it’s literally science… laws of thermodynamics..

But on the other hand, she is simply saying oh well people can’t lose weight because they have health issues… and I’m saying well that’s not an excuse not to lose weight. You have to track your food and know what you’re putting in your mouth and you have to eat whole food and not processed food… and then I sent her a video of somebody saying how they lost weight from tracking their food and her argument back was a comment in the video section where somebody said they gained weight because stressing about tracking their food and made them gain weight, which is just an excuse…

And then she even used one of her friends as an example, saying he eats two times a day and he works out almost every day and he’s a vegan or vegetarian… and I’m telling her well how well do you really know this person? You know a lot of people lie about what they really eat on a day-to-day basis you may think you really know somebody but you really don’t….

It’s very simple

Eat less food you lose weight

Eat moderately you maintain weight

Eat in a surplus you gain weight

LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS

Edit: I’m denying her this post so let her know your thoughts.