Had an interesting interaction w/ my white, female director at work today…
So I (33F) work in marketing currently, in a role I’ve been in for 6 months. At first, things were relatively smooth & my first two check-in for performance were fine. Over time though, I was having interactions w/ certain co-workers who were regularly giving me attitude. I started to keep documentation of anything I felt was note-worthy in case I was confronted later on. That included my direct supervisor (different from the executive director who oversees everybody).
This morning, my director (white woman in her 60s) asked me to come into her office to talk about some things. Apparently, she wanted to inform me about my “attitude” as of late. I’ll admit I was surprised she was confronting me about it so out of the blue, but not so surprised with the words she was using…we’ve all heard them before lol. Saying things like I was being “too direct” & “having a bit of an attitude.” I calmly told her I didn’t realize that I was coming across that way, but also couldn’t think of a time where I was giving overt attitude. I did admit that I do sometimes match the energy of others, & that I’m also a human w/ emotions.
She then brought up an email from three weeks ago that I never responded to, that also included another person from our team. It was basically about how we had dropped the ball on something & that she was disappointed it hadn’t gotten done, etc etc….I happened to be out of office that day, but my co-worker had responded & said it had been his mistake (which it was lol) & that he would work to get it done. Well, apparently, I should’ve responded to that email also & in her words “I allowed him to take the fall for it.” I told her that wasn’t my intention at all & had even been told in person, once back in office, that it had been taken care of. So why would I still need to respond? She said I just should have.
At this point, I told her that since we were talking openly, I wanted to speak about a prior interaction of our own. I pulled my notebook out & showed her a note I’d jotted down w/ a date, time, & brief description of what occurred. I told her that about two weeks ago, she’s accidentally pushed accept instead of decline on a phone call I’d made to her. I heard her tell whoever she was with, in a very rude tone, that she didn’t want to speak to me in that moment.
When I tell you her entire demeanor changed. She suddenly got the deer in headlights look, & then said “Omg, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize….” Then instantly started tearing up. I’m not kidding. She revealed that tomorrow was the two year anniversary of her only son’s death from a drug overdose & how she’d been feeling herself getting snappy at people lately b/c of it. The next 30 mins was spent talking about the events of that & more tears. I definitely felt for her & sympathized. Like I said, I’m human lol. Once everything was said & done, she’d made a complete 180 & complimented me on the work I was doing, & we left it at that.
I left her office & my immediate first thought was….wow, those were some white woman tears if I’ve ever seen them. She’d been so accusatory & aggressive in her assessment of my behavior, but the moment I called her out, the waterworks began. Lol.
So what are your thoughts? Was I respectful enough in this situation? Should I tread more carefully? Dust up the resumé & start looking for other opportunites?