u/Trick-Permission-482

I am going to start at Cal State East Bay as a social work major (will earn a bachelors first I am finishing up community college now) in Jan. I have a 3.87 in community college as a child development major.

I care a lot about providing resources for homeless individuals and for people who need housing resources. My mother seems to have psychosis or late onset schizophrenia and my brother is schizophrenic. My mother had nearly gotten the family evicted from the apartment I grew up in about a year ago, and with the way she shouts now may get the family evicted again (I am in a condo and have been in one for five months which makes it harder to save money.)

I have sleeping issues that I hope to address before entering any masters degree program. I am 21 now and will be 21 when I start my bachelors of social work at the start of next year (22 by the time I’m done with the first semester.)

I have been interested in MBTI for years, and am not actually 100% sure about remaining in California into my thirties. I have 2 years of experience as a behavior technician and was told a case I was on with an adult who had autism and a different disability went well. I additionally had an in home case with BCBA support at my first company that I was told went well. I have subbed a few times now at elementary schools and was told that this went well. I think that becoming a paraprofessional might be something that works for me within the next few years, but I don’t know that I want to switch. I scored well on the Board certified autism technician exam even though I don’t use this credential.

I have actually really enjoyed subbing as a behavior technician at elementary schools.

I did not like being in a rehab center about two years ago. Visited there for a family member. I remember that I was mostly afraid but I wonder if I would feel differently now if I were more educated about drug abuse (this was also in a dangerous area which did not help.)

I am an introvert and would not describe myself as being great at talking to people even though I can be quite talkative.

I have depression and anxiety. I am actually seeing a therapist myself now. I want to make well over $50/hr in the long term. I have grown up poor and in spite of my sleep apnea, I want to make enough money that I will be more “comfortable” down the line. I may want to marry and have a child later on (if my partner wanted one I would be open to discussing it.)

I am already nervous about the exams for any of the LCSW or therapy options but I know it’ll be years from now and that I’ll have plenty of time to prepare. $100-$150k to me in general sounds like an ideal salary range.

I have always liked to reflect and actually would describe myself as fairly introspective. I really value communication. I notice that a lot of adults seem to struggle with communication, and I have in the past as well. I can still struggle with asserting myself when I feel that I have been wronged, but have particularly worked on my communication skills in a professional setting and think I’ve gotten better about it over time.

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I have been doing a bit more research over the last couple of days on what you can do with a BSW and MSW in social work, at least in California. The pay for being a licensed therapist to me actually doesn’t look so bad, at least it’s over $70k, but the BSW… hoo…

I was shocked when looking at what you can do with a BSW, because the amount of money isn’t much more at all than what I already make as a behavior technician now who isn’t yet done with community college. The highest paying one I think I saw for a BSW is $36/hr, and one or two of the positions were lower than what I already make now. I’ve read here that some people say you’re never a real social worker until you have the masters degree, but I mean jeez. Even people who are just starting out in case management deserve raises. I am interested in the field but want to figure out how to make good money.

I wrote a story years ago on an archive of our own account I can’t get into anymore called “pretty” about this

Here I’ll link it for you: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32335774

I don’t know who to reach out to. I actually had a counseling appointment last month and I seem to remember they had told me that I needed to look out on my portal for the appointment. I reached out to a counselor here and he had emailed me a department but they did not respond to me.

I also have a separate question that I would like to ask anyone who is comfortable chatting over private message.

Thinking of the movie version here. We know they live in a very dark society and everyone seems cynical.

I think realistically one of the heathers would have experienced SA.

We know Veronica was likely bullied at some point given that she was “playing Barbie’s with Betty Finn.” Her energy seemed really off and that doesn’t tend to come from nowhere.

My landlord/roommate is someone who I have been having issues with for months. When she told me I have 2 weeks to leave this morning after I pointed out that her claiming I broke the shower valve (which she’s had since 2009) and that I caused the “wall damage” by running sink water. She has yelled at me multiple times and was yelling at me today because I messaged her about this in the morning (I gave her the rent yesterday) saying that to reimburse her for having the shower (which she left broken for over a month) fixed I need a statement for the plumber saying that the cause was me pulling the tub diverter too hard like she’s trying to claim. Because I don’t just trust her judgement like she wants me to. But what was weird to me this morning was her suggestion that I’m “working with the guy I showed her” (the one I was dating, who I was seeing.) That’s not just paranoia. That’s something I always hear from my mother. That’s something I’ve heard from my brother who is schizophrenic. Some people don’t have full blown schizophrenia. But they, as I am observing as I grow older myself and meet more people, still have a certain level of paranoia without the visions and certain other levels of criteria to meet it that is comparable. I actually did come close to dating a guy who is schizophrenic, like a legitimate diagnosis, and I suspected he’d had a psychotic break but still. I don’t know what she actually has, but she obviously sucks and I want to warn people. I can’t decide on whether or not I could be sued for that later though. Someone on social media who saw what I was writing about her actually did recommend that I name her so that others in the city don’t have an experience like mine.

So my landlord had said that me pulling the tub diverter too hard was the reason why the shower runs normally for a minute and then starts coming out from one spout. A plumber finally came yesterday after 5-6 weeks and he said the entire “lower shower valve” needs to be replaced. Landlord is buying a new one and he’ll fix it this weekend. So was she wrong or was I wrong?

I don’t know what I’m planning on doing. I might end up going into social work I know that I want to help people. But I am not “pretty” and I struggle with my sleep, I don’t know what I need to do to look better.

I must have been really exhausted even with it. I just set up the CPAP and will probably get up around 9-9:30. I got up with more of a headache than I’d normally have as a result but still wow. You know it’s bad when you’re tired enough that a “nap” results in more sleep than you’d planned on.

We used to be friends (I… think.) I remember that I became friends with her and this other girl when I was in ninth grade (they would have been in tenth.) They walked up to me in Chemistry when I had no one to work with (they were with a guy who I promise will become more relevant later on.) I think they felt bad. I remember having the impression that this girl was nice and smart.

I remember that her grades were low, even though she was not “dumb.” She had a C in Chemistry because she did not do the homework, and yet received high scores on the exams. I don’t remember how low her GPA was, but I think that it was below a 3.0. I just remember that it threw me off when I saw it. Over quarantine, she did not fare much better academically - I remember she almost received a “No Pass” (an F) in AP English as a junior, and was doing badly enough overall in her chosen AP courses to a point wherein she once admitted she was considering not going to college. She had an A in Pre Calculus that same year. I recall that she still once suggested it was surprising that I’d failed my very first exam in the course, when I’d admitted it to she and the other girl (it did come off kind of judgmental.  I think they were just trying to be honest, though.)  

She created a LinkedIn profile in, I think, September 2024 wherein she explicitly wrote "Unemployed" under the employment section, and additionally didn't include the name of a college (she'd once said in high school, during her junior year, that she was thinking she wouldn't attend college due to her low grades. This still surprised me, though. I'd thought she would change her mind and start taking community college courses. In fact, I'd expected her to end up doing so immediately out of high school.) She deleted the profile not long afterward (someone posted online inquiring about it.)  She has been out of high school now for four years now. Her current caption on an acc she’s had since June 2024 (80 ish followers, follows the exact same number of people back and is actually consistent about following the exact same number of people back) is “my cup runneth over” (which she has had before.) Beforehand, it was “I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address” When she was nineteen or had recently turned twenty, it was “popcorn princess” (which I honestly always thought was a notably immature caption. There is no one else I attended high school with who I think would think about making that their caption.) I have the impression that she is a bit of a romantic (had “dreaming of a life rich with love” as her caption for a bit after her most recent breakup) but it seems that like most people, her romantic relationships haven’t gone as she hoped. The vibe I get from her is that she had perhaps spent those first two years out of high school focused on her ex boyfriend (when they dated) and watching movies, but I could be wrong.  I wonder if she may have also been depressed. I know I couldn’t personally spend 2-2 ½ years unemployed and not enrolled in school without being depressed (though she didn’t look depressed in the pictures I’ve seen, so I’m not sure.) There is, of course, a possibility that she did take community college courses, didn’t pass, and chose not to include it on her profile because of that. Community college in my area was actually free from 2022-2023. It appears that she is still not enrolled in community college (I am myself, and did not see her name when I checked to see if she is enrolled in any of the community colleges that are local.) I don’t really know what “came” of her. It seems that she doesn’t have an associates degree, and I don’t know whether or not she started working this year - she is less active on social media, but still seems to log on sometimes. I knew people who worked in high school, and it was easier for them to get jobs after graduating because of it. The thought has occurred to me that it would have been wise for her to start working as an upperclassman to ensure that she had experience on a resume, but it seems that she did not plan ahead in that manner. If I were in her shoes, I actually think I would have. She seems to have changed her jewelry and her hair somewhat. She was a swim instructor in summer 2025. Seems to look the same as she did. I don’t know whether or not she started or attended community college, but seems to still follow a fair amount of people from high school.

She was average looking (I think most people would agree on this, if they were to assess her appearance objectively.) She was not “thin” (I last saw her a year ago, and I remember deciding that she is probably technically somewhat overweight even though she was on the swim team.) She was Hispanic, but white passing (quite literally looked white.) She’d had more than one boyfriend, but mentioned over quarantine that the only guys who asked her out were black (this is somewhat odd, since the city we attended high school in is actually mainly white and Asian in terms of racial demographics.) She seemed to be aware of the fact that her ex boyfriends dealt with internalized racism (she suggested that one of them had wanted her because they thought she was white.) She’d had multiple people who crushed on her. She did not seem to know why black males were the only ones who asked her out. She had suggested when I told her a bit over quarantine about my own family situation that her former boyfriends also didn’t have “good parents” (my parents had had CPS called on them twice.  I understood that both must have had parents who were negligent.  Her tone over text did not read as judgmental.  It sounded more like an observation.) As a young adult, I actually really think in a way that her knowing about my family situation makes the circumstances under which she chose to cut me off worse, though I don’t care and know we were young. It’s been too long for me to care/become angry about it. 

She had also suggested, I remember, that in her experience black boys didn’t like black women - I once again don’t remember the tone as having been judgmental, though I do recall thinking it was a bit of a generalization. I “get” what she meant, but think this was more related to environment/area than I had recognized it to be, as I know that in adulthood I’ve had boyfriend opportunities as a black woman that were not present for me in high school. 

In her senior year, she started dating another black boy. They broke up in February 2024, before Valentine’s Day (not the day beforehand, maybe a couple days to a week beforehand.  She had been cyberbullied for a second time, and changed her username again on her account.)  What I find interesting is that her most recent boyfriend seems to me like he is reasonably likely to be successful (he wrote: “I am a second-year college student majoring in Economics and Business Management. I have a strong passion for marketing, design, and product management. My academic career has given me a solid foundation in economic and business principles alike, which I apply to real-world scenarios. I excel in creating innovative strategies that drive engagement, blending creativity with analytical thinking. I am particularly interested in product management and business strategy. I strive to develop and launch products that meet market needs and exceed customer expectations. Let's connect to discuss marketing trends, product management insights, or potential opportunities for collaboration.”) What I also find interesting is that this time around, I sincerely can’t tell who broke up with who.  After the breakup, she deleted all three of her posts.  He deleted one.  I remember noticing that he had continued to accept and remove followers as normal. A year later, he doesn’t look upset about it in the slightest in his new profile picture - it doesn’t seem as though it destroyed him.  
If she has had a boyfriend since then, she hasn’t posted about it publicly (or at least, I have not heard about it.) 

Her old social media account was private, and she had more followers than she does people she follows back (though she has never had a lot of followers, nor was she immediately familiar with grade wide gossip, which is partly why I can’t help but wonder what ever made her think that anyone in her class “cared” about her. I remember that she did seem social enough later on in PE, but their grade - Class of 2022, I mean - actually did have specific students who were well-known and cared about. She was not one of them. On her old account, she had 400-something followers and followed 200-something people back. The most popular people I’ve ever known had more followers than that.) I do remember that when she first joined my PE class, she didn’t immediately seem to socialize, and actually initially seemed to keep more to herself. In pictures of her during her senior year of high school when the pandemic was ongoing, she doesn’t look “happy” (is masked up but doesn’t look giddy or anything of that sort. She looks like she just sort of falls into the background. She looks reasonably happy in one or two of the photos. She does indeed have a larger body frame than most of the other girls, though her stomach looks flat as a senior.) I recall that she wore braces and I think retainers as a sophomore. I admit that at the time I wouldn’t have expected, based upon looks alone, that a boy had had a big crush on her - I never thought she was “unattractive” necessarily, it’s moreso that I never really considered her appearance at all. I will be honest and admit that if going pby looks alone, I would not have expected her to have had “boyfriends” however. Now that I’m an adult I understand that there is more variety in what guys like than I’d thought there to be in high school, but I wasn’t expecting guys to be approaching her a ton, and didn’t really “see” it for her physically if that makes sense.

She had suggested that she was glad no one was ever “harsher” when assessing her appearance when I talked to her later on over text (she likely remembered that I’d posted crying about mine.) 

She actually created a new one in summer 2024 (deleted the older one) and seems more particular about who she lets into it (has a little over 70 followers, and follows the exact same amount of people back.) She also noticeably doesn't show her face in her new profile picture, likely because when she was cyberbullied some months ago, they criticized her appearance and invited others to join in. The follower count, and amount of people who se happens to follow back, has not changed within the past few months. It seems that she still never posts on the account, and she hasn’t done anything of note in terms of career moves, it seems - she lacks a social media presence, and I haven’t really heard anything about her. She’ll be twenty-one in a few months, and I don’t really know what’s come of her. Though I also don’t really care. 

I seem to remember that when I said something about abortion once over quarantine (I was probably complaining about my parents) she suggested something like that there’s never a good reason not to have children, I think. 

Over quarantine, she gave me advice a lot. I remember that she kind of gave off maternal vibes, I don’t know.  What I find strange/interesting about her is that she came off more mature and introspective to me in her junior year over quarantine than she seemed as a senior.  She grew tired of doing so but did not tell me this directly (she made a post where she suggested that she’d cut a guy off or something - blocked them maybe, I don’t remember - because they tended to ask her for things yet didn’t really ask her how her day was.) I asked if I was one of the people who was doing this, she was honest and admitted she hadn’t known he to tell me. I started asking her how her day was afterward.

I remember that on her private spam account, she tended to sound like she regretted things.

In May 2021, my “friendship” with her and the other girl ended. Basically, the guy who was mentioned above grew defensive after I asked him if he considered himself to be a co founder of the organization we were in (she had advised when I complained about this in our group chat that I do so, and gave me his phone number.) He insulted me. I felt suicidal and posted about this on my private spam account.

Two weeks later, she “argued his side” when this was brought up again even though two friends of his within the organization had already done so (and even though a teacher agreed that his tone was disrespectful - said teacher suggested org members did not have good morals.) Long story short, she and the other girl blocked me after I made a spam post saying I felt that my side in a conflict was not understood by some (the other girl sent a long message basically saying something about how I was making the described girl “look bad.”) I was actually told by someone when I Complained about the situation that no one in their class “cared” about them (this meant that they were not popular.) The other girl said they were on the guy’s “side” (members of the organization had declared that “sides would be taken” if we had a meeting about the guy’s comments.) I remember that the other girl had been the one who texted me directly - the girl I’m describing here never did, let the other girl handle it and quietly blocked me herself. There were people who did think they were wrong for this due to the circumstances, I recall. I always suspected that she did not handle this herself because she didn’t want to cause conflict/that that had something to do with it. 

She seemed to immediately recognize me with a mask on in her senior year after she joined my PE class during second semester, which I suppose was one of the last credits she needed. She had a look on her face like… hmm, I don’t know how to describe it. Not a nervous look, not an “oh no” look or a glare moreso the kind of look you’d give when you were anticipating that someone would be a bit of a nuisance. 

The guy quit the organization five months later, which really made all of it pointless. I continued to see her around with the guy, who is likely either an ESFJ or ESFP (a peer of theirs suggested that the guy became meaner over quarantine. I can’t help but wonder if maybe this girl did, too.) I remember she suggested that I “call a lot of things that aren’t racist racist” in the guy’s favor (though if I am being reasonable, the guy suggesting that me providing my voice as a black person after the George Floyd murder was irrelevant as other black leaders spoke, is something that I do indeed feel to have been performative activism.) She sent our other “friend” screenshots of the conversation (though I really don’t see how this proved to be helpful.) I cannot emphasize enough, now that a few years have passed, just how pointless all of this was. The organization has not planned anything in nearly two and a half years, and I actually still have leaders who remember my involvement in it on my social media in spite of the interpersonal high school drama. It’s been so long, and proved so irrelevant, that I even have the guy’s younger brother added as a social media connection. I’ve moved on from it completely myself. I mention this because it really goes to show that she did not have the foresight necessary to predict that things would go this way. 

She suggested she’d had a crush on a black girl once or had liked black women in the past during quarantine when we were chatting about I guess how people are harder on the looks of black women. 

When she was a senior, I had PE with her. I realized then that she was fake. I had never realized it before. She had a look on her face like she recognized me when she switched into the class for second semester. When I say that she is fake, what I mean is that she once made an “ouch” face when I missed the ball - like one of those faces someone makes when they are pretending to be concerned about you or about something or the kind of reaction someone has because they’re supposed to have it. She was certainly someone who thought others cared about her more than they actually did. And on the last day - on her last day - she tried to talk to me a bit when I was sitting down even though she blocked my new private spam account not terribly long before (or didn’t just like act like she couldn’t talk to me I remember I ignored her a bit I don’t know how to explain it it wasn’t like a “let’s reconcile’ type thing it was just her being fake.)

There was another time in PE I recall, before her last day (it was probably a few weeks-a month) wherein she just kind of brought me into a conversation or addressed me when there was, once again, no reason to. Not in like a confrontational way, just tried bringing me in or chatting with me like you would an acquaintance. And no, there was no intent there of helping me socialize or anything like that, I guarantee you this. It was just a pointless decision. Some part of me almost wondered if she was bringing me into the conversation just to tick me off, but I once again feel like if you really don’t like someone - dislike them enough to block them - you shouldn’t even bother doing that. I would have never tried talking to someone I’d blocked unless I had to for a project or something. 

I remember that she simply looked amused in her senior yr when I was complaining about black males to my Asian female friend. I also remember that when she was a senior, I had the impression that she thought herself to be more physically attractive than she actually is (it was a vibe.) It’s something I judged her for, as I didn’t see why she gave off that vibe (not above average in… anything, really. Arguably intelligent, but I question that now, as I feel like someone who was truly sharp would be doing something with themselves post high school.) She had talked to the other girls about doing swim team during the school year. She was in 27th place on that the 50Y free timed finals, had 1hr and 32 minutes on the 100 Y fR (lead off) and generally didn’t have any times under 39 minutes as a senior. Yet she didn’t seem to feel “bad” about this. 

She and the guy she defended  no longer follow each other on social media. They seemingly fell out at some point after 12th grade. Her profile caption when dating her most recent ex was  “I’d really rather not be approached tbh” (this was probably in 2023. Her current one is “I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address” and this has been her caption for some months now.) 

I remember, as odd as this may sound, that she used to simply tease (not mean teasing, playful teasing) our other friend in Chemistry after the teacher would talk to her (although this is of course bad, I think all three of us knew that the Chemistry teacher was attracted to other friend/had a bit of a crush on her. Completely inappropriate and very strange, but it was honestly the truth.) 

I noticed last year that she had stopped making an effort to block my social media accounts. I imagine that for her it’s probably the same deal, wherein she feels that it’s been too long and doesn’t see a point. 

I recall that when I had mentioned my former crush to her (the one who rejected me, called me a 5/10 and the. 4/10, had a 1.5 GPA) she had suggested (this was over text, during quarantine) that he sounded like a “loser.” I don’t think of him in the same way now at all, but I remember that when I first read this I had been a bit thrown off because it struck me as being an unusually mean or judgmental comment for her. 

I recall she once suggested concerning me, more like an observation than anything else, that I seemed to “overthink” things/become stressed easily. 

She actually had a younger sister who I seem to recall she’d once introduced me to. Her younger sister looked like she had an idea of what happened when I saw her later on at some point in high school. 

I vaguely remember her having once posted on her private spam account about enjoying, you know, self pleasuring. Something along the lines of that. Which isn’t something I’d have mentioned on my personal account. 

I recall that she had said “wow, your class is terrible” and seemed to remember it later on when I sent her the class t shirt discourse for Class of 2023 (people were saying homophobic things about the Steven universe shirt that won, 215 comments within an hour.) She suggested that she’d never seen anything like it before, wherein such a large group of people were mean. In spite of the fact that she apparently thought my class was the meanest, I remember she still seemed like she tried to socialize with people from my class as a senior. 

I recall she suggested, when we were texting above, that one of her ex boyfriends had been “in love with” her. She had suggested that another, her first I think, had wanted her because he thought she was white. 

I remember her, for whatever reason, as having seemed more sincere over quarantine. She could come off kind of insightful even though I recognize in hindsight that she was actually quite immature. When I mentioned that someone who we knew, a guy who seemed nice, had ghosted a peer of ours, she had written about how though it was indeed wrong and didn’t seem like him (she didn’t necessarily “doubt” that he had done it, but was kind of talking about how even though he’d made a mistake/done something wrong it didn’t necessarily make him a bad person. She didn’t sound like she was on anyone’s “side” and did seem like she thought that what he’d done really wasn’t okay.) By the time she was a senior and we’d fallen out, she kind of seemed to me like she’d lost that part of herself/side of herself, or at least when I observed her in PE that’s what it felt like - she seemed like she was more focused on her nonexistent reputation/on socializing and struck me as almost.. I nearly said cocky, but I don’t know that that’s the right word for it. It’s hard to find the right word for what I’m thinking of. Someone who seemed self-satisfied and like they weren’t wracked with insecurities in the way a lot of high schoolers are, whilst having absolutely no real reason to be that way. 

In her old social media profile picture, she looked  “content” but this may be intentional. 

A redditor has likely sent her my posts before, since I know I’ve been stalked on this site in the past. She has likely seen my LinkedIn profile, wherein I have 1467 connections - I have had jobs since graduating, and am also in community college. 

It has actually occurred to me that suggesting she was looking for new copywriting opportunities without an associates degree in English (or any associates degree) actually wasn’t very sensible. Most employers in my area are looking for you to have an associates degree, at the least, before they hire you for a copywriting or editing position. (Really, they’re looking for a bachelors.) If she had googled it, which it seems she didn’t, she would have found this out for herself. 

I recall that when she was dating what seems to be her most recent ex boyfriend, she I think once had a Disney princess profile picture. 

I recall that she and her most recent boyfriend broke up shortly before Valentine’s Day 2024, I think, after someone had posted calling her fat and average (she had changed her username to “user” with lots of numbers after it, and had changed it in that way beforehand when she’d been made fun of in 2023.) I’ve always wondered if he perhaps didn’t deny that she was overweight and average. Or something, but I don’t know. She had her caption not long after being made fun of and the subsequent breakup as “a life lived in fear is a life half lived” or something of that sort, but still later on created what is currently her Instagram account. 

I remember that when I suggested (back when we had Chemistry together, when I was a ninth grader) that most people are terrible (I meant that most people don’t have good morals) she responded to that like she knew what I meant, or didn’t necessarily disagree. 

She wrote this in Feb 2022: “It is important for name of-old-high-school to have a student journalism program because it creates an appreciation for freedom of speech and expression while teaching students important life skills; student journalism promotes accountability, creativity and perseverance while providing an outlet for self expression.” She was a copy editor for yearbook in 12th grade. It has occurred to me that this was likely partly why she suggested on the LI profile that she was looking for copywriting and editing roles, though this also still wouldn’t have been awfully sensible in my opinion because when you’ve been out of high school for nearly 2 1/2 years, employers aren’t going to care about a thing like that when you’re lacking the education and experience to make yourself an attractive candidate. 

I recall she once suggested that concerning other people and situations she liked to go based off “vibes” and trust her intuition but it has actually occurred to me that it is quite likely she was wrong about other people and their intentions more than once. 

She didn’t seem judgmental about it when an acquaintance or friend of hers was selling weed, I think, when we were still hanging out back when she was in 10th grade. We used to go to the taco trucks sometimes, she seemed to like it, I remember.  

I recall that when she was in 10th grade, she had once said “you’ve got an a$$” to the other “friend” I was talking about here when we were walking down the hallway, kind of in a playful way (I suspect/have a strong inclination that one of her ex boyfriends had said something like this to her. She actually does not have a big behind, and never did - I remember glancing her over when she was a senior and understanding this. Her body was rectangle shaped, I recall, and I knew when I glanced her over that she was overweight.) I was looking back through my 10th grade yearbook and came across a picture of her - it was what I thought (brunette, very thin lips, noticeably overweight.) 

I recall that she simply had a look on her face like she was intrigued when I was dating a black boy as a junior.  

I also recall that she had told me once that it was important to practice self care (which I actually do think was a comment coming out of sincere concern, as over quarantine I posted about my depression often) and suggested that she tended to struggle with self care at times too. 

 Her father makes $200k and has not made under $100k within the last five-six years. They also are in a house. Knowing this actually made me more confused, because that is not a bad salary, and even with 2 kids on that salary in a HCOL area your kids will not be denied opportunities. There are people who grew up in dangerous environments that go on to excel. For her it seems to have been the opposite. I don’t know why.

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“So I talked to my landlord/roommate about the shower, and got a lot of information. They still aren’t as “let’s do this now” concerning the shower as ideal.

They were talking about other things that aren’t related to this, like they suggested that I kind of ignore them now when I walk past them and don’t say hi and don’t really smile at them anymore. I don’t do these things intentionally. They were suggesting they feel like I don’t like them and had also thought the message I sent was “harsh” (which I actually don’t agree with. This is the message): “Hi! I’m wondering what can be done about the shower. I tried timing it two days ago and it stayed on for under 2 minutes. It needs to be fixed and I am wondering who it is best to talk to to have it taken care of” They were also just kind of lecturing me about other things like not immediately dumping out my water bottles (which they went into my room again when I was gone and did. I pointed out that even if I do not do it immediately, I will eventually take care of the water bottles thing) and I guess not always dumping out the trash or keeping my room clean (there’s been a cleaning person hired here already. I mean, why keep the room extra clean when someone’s going to come in and take care of it anyway? What do we pay them for?) That message I sent is also nowhere near as harsh as that one time she quite literally jumped off the couch screaming about how if my shower leaks like it apparently was on one day in July everyone’s pipes will burst in the building and we’ll get in trouble.

She also mentioned her broken TV again and said (sounded very casual about it) that the new cleaning person who is here now that the normal one retired had offered to get her a new TV. I don’t even see the point in mentioning it even if you are trying to emphasize how kind he apparently is (she had mentioned her tv is dead when I had last brought up the shower about a week ago.)

She doesn’t seem to realize that maybe I’ve also become colder towards her because she’s yelled at me more than once during my time here, like a few days ago she yelled at me for not checking the table and seeing I had mail there (\\(she had said we don’t have a personal mailbox and I almost never get mail. I also don’t personally see a point even though she mentioned it again just now and said it’s best to come in once a day to check the notes she leaves on the table about reimbursement for water or for her giving the cleaning person cash - which is kind of her, and I’d reimburse quicker if she used cells or Venmo.) I’ve never yelled at her before even though she seems unhappy or upset about me not being as nice to her as she feels I was at first.

I asked them if there is a building manager. I found out that the answer is no (which is quite curious because I seem to remember when the laundromat was broken they had planned on going down and complaining to someone about it even though another woman was already reporting it) and she explained that this is a condo not an apartment and that she has ownership. So she is the one I have to go to (I was under the impression that this was an apartment.) She said she did not forget and is still looking for someone. I told her that at this point I can honestly find someone to take care of it myself or help with it and simply deduct it out of upcoming rent. She told me early on that she’s very smart and likes to do research, it shouldn’t take you this long if you actually are very smart and resourceful to find someone who can fix the shower (I also found out that apparently she actually didn’t call a plumber down like I thought. Apparently even though I mentioned the issue more than a month ago at this point, she isn’t even at the stage yet wherein someone has diagnosed it. This is lazy.) she pointed out she had said I can use her shower which is true, but I pay $1250/mo (and she pays even less than I thought, $850…) for a room, a bathroom with a broken shower and a shared kitchen and dining room table. I thought it was too soon in terms of how soon the rent will be due to say I’d be open to taking some of the money for October rent/deducting it and using it to find a plumber to do everything that needs to be handled, so I said if she hasn’t found someone by mid October (and really even that is pushing it) she can let me know and I’ll just have it fixed and deduct it from November rent.

She said she showers at the gym so I can use hers. I actually will try it at this point. (But knowing her, she’ll complain about it if I don’t clean it out properly or will find a way to complain about something else.)

Also, apparently diagnosing it only costs $150, which already have and I told her I have. She’s 84 and I know she has health issues as she mentioned but I’ve never lived somewhere in my life where a landlord was this lazy.”

“Another thing: I have been thinking some more about whether or not I actually want to go for a masters degree (like just in general, whether I end up actually going into social work or not.) I could use my savings but I of course don’t want them to go towards that. What I wanted to share is that I learned about Chapter 35 (this is for the wives and children of disabled veterans.) My father is actually technically a veteran (I don’t remember the circumstances, he was in the navy) and he also think receives some kind of money for a disability (I’ll see my parents today, so I’ll ask him then.) But Chapter 35 apparently means that the wife and children of disabled veterans can receive money towards school (grad school included) due to their parents’ status. I’m thinking it wouldn’t hurt to see if I qualify for this or may later on (I might just be thinking too far ahead anyway. I won’t be getting a masters degree for another 4 or so years, potentially longer if I work full time for a few years first after getting a bachelors which is what a lot of people do.) I think that it may be beneficial for me to research different careers that you can get with a masters degree in social work, but I also know that it’s a lengthy process.”

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I’ve had my braids in for more than 8 weeks. I have tried reaching out to the person I normally see multiple times and haven’t gotten a response. I’m planning now to have someone else do a wash and takedown, but if I don’t get a response within the next week I’m going to take the hair I bought and test out a new person for the first time.

I tried to book with my consistent one on the booking app for early October, the date I chose was cancelled. If the other one I tried choosing just now before bed also ends up being cancelled I will have to test out seeing a new stylist which I’m nervous about. I have never tried having another person do my hair but I like trying out different colors and having it done.

I have an anxiety disorder in addition to depression and something that impacts my mental alongside physical health would be my sleeping issues (I have had a headache everyday for months even with the machine my doctor prescribed, and even though I asked to be tested for more things my doctor simply wants me to try CBT-I therapy. I don’t really understand why it wouldn’t have hurt to try out both.)

There are actually a lot of bad things going on in my life right now, but I have felt very positive this week volunteering in spite of it. I am inching closer and closer to obtaining an associates degree, and though I was nervous about a class this semester it is actually going much better than I had anticipated. It feels more natural in the moment. My high school therapist had said that I have high functioning depression. Two bad things going on in my life right now are that I have a roommate/landlord who is just awful, I’ve posted about her before, she has not fixed my shower even though I pay $1250/mo to stay here, and it stays on now for under 2 minutes, yet she has been verbally abusive, is in my opinion critical and complains about a lot of things. I am going to have to figure out how I will address this more directly (I have mentioned it twice and she doesn’t intend on fixing it because it’s too expensive for her. This is obviously a big problem, and I have forgiven her and given in before out of fear - she is not a good person in my opinion, and has scared me before by jumping off the couch screaming about a fear of something that most people actually didn’t think was likely to happen - but I know deep down inside even though I don’t want for there to be conflict and drama that I shouldn’t be paying over $1000/mo to stay somewhere where

Today, I tried to redirect a situation when volunteering by encouraging a student to help when they were using a lot of something - I tried to instead redirect them to support those who needed the water and it worked to my surprise. I really enjoyed doing this and was happy that it worked. The other bad thing that is going on right now in my life is that I have to figure out what I am going to say concerning multiple groping incidents about two months ago in court, and am going to have to consult a lawyer or more officially request advice. I had simply stopped responding to the mom’s messages, but was actually initially trying to communicate with her because I think that communication is so so important in any relationship. But it was getting to a point wherein reading what she was sending was stressing me out and making me angry, and when I am already in school this is not something that I want to deal with (same with my roommate/landlord. I know deep down inside that I need to start looking but sometimes due to the anxiety and the PTSD I feel so stuck, I’m also just tired in general.)

I have mentioned a few times that no matter what I end up doing I know that I want to make a contribution to my community. I feel more than anything like that’s my purpose, like that’s what I’m supposed to do and who I’m supposed to be. I’m supposed to help people for a living, in some shape or form. I won’t feel like myself if I’m not helping people. This doesn’t mean that I am a great person or that I have always done a lot of great things in life or for other people. That’s not true. But it does mean that I would rather be someone who I guess is in a more stereotypical helper role than I would someone who is in, say, engineering. My mother actually encouraged me to go into engineering when I was in fifth grade and I had simply never actually ended up veering towards it even though my teacher at the time, whose attention I had worked hard in my mind to win (I started to change in fourth grade though I had been very depressed at the start of it due to a realization that myself, my family members and everyone else around me would one day die - I have never fully healed from this time in my life, nor from the trauma in 8th grade of watching my brother have a breakdown) had also put me into a STEM program. I knew deep down inside that I was just not actually interested in it.

I know that I want to eventually make more money but I don’t have a great idea of how much more. I started out making $17/hr not long after I graduated from high school (at my first place) and I now make around $10/hr more, and the goal is of course for it to gradually increase as time progresses. I feel like I need to get my sleep together so that my head doesn’t hurt everyday and so I can properly handle my affairs. I am kind of worried about what my gpa will be when I transfer I have already decided on what school I will end up at but I just don’t know what I actually intend on getting my bachelors degree in.

I think that it is very possible for an entire group of people to be distrustful, terrible, and petty/immature. I see our society as very dysfunctional and think that most people aren’t to be trusted, but I sound very negative in saying that and don’t tend to find myself feeling that way whenever I am supporting children or people younger than myself. Adults are deeply dysfunctional but people normally deserve help and to feel like they are apart of a community.

This is how I write:

“I unfortunately cannot upload it here for some reason because the file is too large (maybe I’ll upload it to YouTube and then post it here) but I finally just now timed the shower for the first time while filming, because I’m just fed up with my roommate/landlord. I was shocked because (at least today) it stayed on for an even shorter period of time, didn’t look to me from what I filmed like it ran for even a full 2 minutes. My roommate/landlord is irritating (I actually really am so angry with her at this point) because she is a complainer. She complains to me a fair amount about things I do wrong and has even told me I’m not smart before (she also said her favorite grandchild is the one who is smart and listens to her, which I thought was wrong. I really do suspect there’s a reason why her kids don’t try and help her out more often) but she has seemingly done nothing about my shower not staying on other than have a plumber diagnose it (he obviously never fixed it,) say “that costs money,” and compare (though not directly, but I understood the implication) it to her TV having died and her also not being able to afford to fix it (and I still just don’t understand. She’s told me a few times that she’s smart and likes to do research. If you’re so smart, why not pick up a book now that your TV has died? She hasn’t, from what I can see she seems to stay on the phone and eat. I really believe, especially given how many times at this point she’s presented me with something that seems to be incorrect or that doesn’t actually make sense, that she is actually no smarter than the average adult. But this isn’t about that, this is about my broken shower and the fact that even in a hotel type situation they’ll make sure that they have that fixed in under a month.”

“My roommate/landlord is really unpleasant. I’m ready to move out at this point. I don’t care about how rude some people might think me saying this is, there’s a reason why none of her 3 children take care of her or want to live with her even though she’s 84. She said she can’t have my shower fixed because she can’t afford it, and had pointed out (I think she meant this in regards to my shower) that her TV broke (she tells me often about how smart she is. If she’s upset about her tv having broken I don’t see why she won’t find another way of entertaining herself.) I’m just sick of her. $1250/mo is too much if your shower doesn’t even work and if you have a landlord with poor emotional regulation (still so shocked that this one used to be a licensed therapist) who seems to just resort to yelling when she’s angry or upset. What she just yelled about was me having not checked the mail on the table… she got here recently and I actually ate at the table a few hours ago, I didn’t see any mail for myself there. You notice how it’s such a small thing to get irritated about? Reminds me that she’d started screaming with this “the pipes are going to burst if your shower is leaking” (and the shower broke a month ago, so maybe it already had problems…) right before that groping occurred that I’ll now have to figure out how to more formally address. She’s a ridiculous person, and there’s no one who wants to come home to this.”

“So the middle part is the part that she had chained months ago (and I guess she has stuck to this even though I’ve never heard of it before… when I lived with my parents they never once told me that showering too long damages walls. I’ve never heard anyone in my life try to claim that until I moved here) I caused by… showering for 20 mins, supposedly (and given that she was recently very wrong about me having allegedly showered for an hour and 30 mins, it’s possible it wasn’t actually a 20 min shower that time.) I see evidence of other supposed damage on this wall. I doubt I caused all of it. Given that she hasn’t taken care of my actual shower no longer working properly in spite of the fact that it’s been a month, I wonder if the “damage” was already there before I came. It doesn’t seem impossible. But the fact that she had time to complain about me supposedly running too much water the other day and also had time before the shower broke about 2 months ago to yell about my shower leaking when I swore I didn’t forget to turn it off, has just permanently ruined my perception of her. I don’t trust her and there are negative feelings now. It’s inexcusable to pay $1250/mo to live somewhere and not have a shower that stays on for at least 5 minutes. I also can’t take baths here, which is something I was initially going to accept, but now I’m just irritated. I don’t even remember why I can’t take baths (she might already have had pipe problems that she just never mentioned.)”

“Going out and supporting with my friend’s event for the homeless today taught me a lot. There were wonderful people who showed up today to provide essential items for the unhoused in Oakland. I cannot emphasize enough how happy the homeless people name of friend handed the bags to looked today. It really made me stop and think. There was a man who was clearly physically impaired walking up to receive a bag. In that moment, I thought about how people who are unhoused like this are often treated. People act like they don’t have feelings, needs. I was sad because I understood that most have not tried to help. I really appreciate her for planning this event, and if you are able to donate any money at all, you will fill someone’s heart with joy.”

Part of the reason why I have not just gone back to live with my parents, even though it’s technically an option, is because my mother had nearly gotten us evicted from the apartment complex I grew up in due to her screaming (she actually reminds me a lot of my roommate/landlord. I admit I had kind of moved out in a hurry when my parents were planning on moving out of the hotel into housing (housing, lol. My father’s credit score is too bad for that, they’re in an apartment that I visit when the cleaning lady is over) because I thought that the risk of her getting us close to eviction again (really, I never signed that original lease because I was under 21 then, but the family were really never formally evicted even though my mother triggered the neighbors constantly because the old landlord was nice. I spent my 21st birthday in that hotel screaming and crying because my mother triggered me then.) I try my best to not be angry about everything even though my parents really have screwed me over.

I have never smoked or drank because I remember that when I was a child, my sibling struggled with drug addiction (well when I was a teenager but I guess I was still a minor either way) and developed schizophrenia. I actually didn’t know until later on that it had become schizophrenia, I remember that when I was newly 13 my brother had a mental breakdown, was making a lot of threats and was diagnosed with psychosis, there was actually something very bad he had done back then that I chose to not tell my therapist about, but it was something that actually really could have hurt me. But also because it’s always scared me in a way to think that I wouldn’t be, well, in my right mind. I’ve heard people say before that they lose themselves when they drink or get high, I don’t want that for myself. It’d frighten me too much. I have also found myself thinking when depressed that I’d like to escape into that world, but never actually have even though it of course is and was technically an option.

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I have an anxiety disorder in addition to depression and something that impacts my mental alongside physical health would be my sleeping issues (I have had a headache everyday for months even with the machine my doctor prescribed, and even though I asked to be tested for more things my doctor simply wants me to try CBT-I therapy. I don’t really understand why it wouldn’t have hurt to try out both.)

There are actually a lot of bad things going on in my life right now, but I have felt very positive this week volunteering in spite of it. I am inching closer and closer to obtaining an associates degree, and though I was nervous about a class this semester it is actually going much better than I had anticipated. It feels more natural in the moment. My high school therapist had said that I have high functioning depression. Two bad things going on in my life right now are that I have a roommate/landlord who is just awful, I’ve posted about her before, she has not fixed my shower even though I pay $1250/mo to stay here, and it stays on now for under 2 minutes, yet she has been verbally abusive, is in my opinion critical and complains about a lot of things. I am going to have to figure out how I will address this more directly (I have mentioned it twice and she doesn’t intend on fixing it because it’s too expensive for her. This is obviously a big problem, and I have forgiven her and given in before out of fear - she is not a good person in my opinion, and has scared me before by jumping off the couch screaming about a fear of something that most people actually didn’t think was likely to happen - but I know deep down inside even though I don’t want for there to be conflict and drama that I shouldn’t be paying over $1000/mo to stay somewhere where

Today, I tried to redirect a situation when volunteering by encouraging a student to help when they were using a lot of something - I tried to instead redirect them to support those who needed the water and it worked to my surprise. I really enjoyed doing this and was happy that it worked. The other bad thing that is going on right now in my life is that I have to figure out what I am going to say concerning multiple groping incidents about two months ago in court, and am going to have to consult a lawyer or more officially request advice. I had simply stopped responding to the mom’s messages, but was actually initially trying to communicate with her because I think that communication is so so important in any relationship. But it was getting to a point wherein reading what she was sending was stressing me out and making me angry, and when I am already in school this is not something that I want to deal with (same with my roommate/landlord. I know deep down inside that I need to start looking but sometimes due to the anxiety and the PTSD I feel so stuck, I’m also just tired in general.)

I have mentioned a few times that no matter what I end up doing I know that I want to make a contribution to my community. I feel more than anything like that’s my purpose, like that’s what I’m supposed to do and who I’m supposed to be. I’m supposed to help people for a living, in some shape or form. I won’t feel like myself if I’m not helping people. This doesn’t mean that I am a great person or that I have always done a lot of great things in life or for other people. That’s not true. But it does mean that I would rather be someone who I guess is in a more stereotypical helper role than I would someone who is in, say, engineering. My mother actually encouraged me to go into engineering when I was in fifth grade and I had simply never actually ended up veering towards it even though my teacher at the time, whose attention I had worked hard in my mind to win (I started to change in fourth grade though I had been very depressed at the start of it due to a realization that myself, my family members and everyone else around me would one day die - I have never fully healed from this time in my life, nor from the trauma in 8th grade of watching my brother have a breakdown) had also put me into a STEM program. I knew deep down inside that I was just not actually interested in it.

I know that I want to eventually make more money but I don’t have a great idea of how much more. I started out making $17/hr not long after I graduated from high school (at my first place) and I now make around $10/hr more, and the goal is of course for it to gradually increase as time progresses. I feel like I need to get my sleep together so that my head doesn’t hurt everyday and so I can properly handle my affairs. I am kind of worried about what my gpa will be when I transfer I have already decided on what school I will end up at but I just don’t know what I actually intend on getting my bachelors degree in.

I think that it is very possible for an entire group of people to be distrustful, terrible, and petty/immature. I see our society as very dysfunctional and think that most people aren’t to be trusted, but I sound very negative in saying that and don’t tend to find myself feeling that way whenever I am supporting children or people younger than myself. Adults are deeply dysfunctional but people normally deserve help and to feel like they are apart of a community.

This is how I write:

“I unfortunately cannot upload it here for some reason because the file is too large (maybe I’ll upload it to YouTube and then post it here) but I finally just now timed the shower for the first time while filming, because I’m just fed up with my roommate/landlord. I was shocked because (at least today) it stayed on for an even shorter period of time, didn’t look to me from what I filmed like it ran for even a full 2 minutes. My roommate/landlord is irritating (I actually really am so angry with her at this point) because she is a complainer. She complains to me a fair amount about things I do wrong and has even told me I’m not smart before (she also said her favorite grandchild is the one who is smart and listens to her, which I thought was wrong. I really do suspect there’s a reason why her kids don’t try and help her out more often) but she has seemingly done nothing about my shower not staying on other than have a plumber diagnose it (he obviously never fixed it,) say “that costs money,” and compare (though not directly, but I understood the implication) it to her TV having died and her also not being able to afford to fix it (and I still just don’t understand. She’s told me a few times that she’s smart and likes to do research. If you’re so smart, why not pick up a book now that your TV has died? She hasn’t, from what I can see she seems to stay on the phone and eat. I really believe, especially given how many times at this point she’s presented me with something that seems to be incorrect or that doesn’t actually make sense, that she is actually no smarter than the average adult. But this isn’t about that, this is about my broken shower and the fact that even in a hotel type situation they’ll make sure that they have that fixed in under a month.”

“My roommate/landlord is really unpleasant. I’m ready to move out at this point. I don’t care about how rude some people might think me saying this is, there’s a reason why none of her 3 children take care of her or want to live with her even though she’s 84. She said she can’t have my shower fixed because she can’t afford it, and had pointed out (I think she meant this in regards to my shower) that her TV broke (she tells me often about how smart she is. If she’s upset about her tv having broken I don’t see why she won’t find another way of entertaining herself.) I’m just sick of her. $1250/mo is too much if your shower doesn’t even work and if you have a landlord with poor emotional regulation (still so shocked that this one used to be a licensed therapist) who seems to just resort to yelling when she’s angry or upset. What she just yelled about was me having not checked the mail on the table… she got here recently and I actually ate at the table a few hours ago, I didn’t see any mail for myself there. You notice how it’s such a small thing to get irritated about? Reminds me that she’d started screaming with this “the pipes are going to burst if your shower is leaking” (and the shower broke a month ago, so maybe it already had problems…) right before that groping occurred that I’ll now have to figure out how to more formally address. She’s a ridiculous person, and there’s no one who wants to come home to this.”

“So the middle part is the part that she had chained months ago (and I guess she has stuck to this even though I’ve never heard of it before… when I lived with my parents they never once told me that showering too long damages walls. I’ve never heard anyone in my life try to claim that until I moved here) I caused by… showering for 20 mins, supposedly (and given that she was recently very wrong about me having allegedly showered for an hour and 30 mins, it’s possible it wasn’t actually a 20 min shower that time.) I see evidence of other supposed damage on this wall. I doubt I caused all of it. Given that she hasn’t taken care of my actual shower no longer working properly in spite of the fact that it’s been a month, I wonder if the “damage” was already there before I came. It doesn’t seem impossible. But the fact that she had time to complain about me supposedly running too much water the other day and also had time before the shower broke about 2 months ago to yell about my shower leaking when I swore I didn’t forget to turn it off, has just permanently ruined my perception of her. I don’t trust her and there are negative feelings now. It’s inexcusable to pay $1250/mo to live somewhere and not have a shower that stays on for at least 5 minutes. I also can’t take baths here, which is something I was initially going to accept, but now I’m just irritated. I don’t even remember why I can’t take baths (she might already have had pipe problems that she just never mentioned.)”

“Going out and supporting with my friend’s event for the homeless today taught me a lot. There were wonderful people who showed up today to provide essential items for the unhoused in Oakland. I cannot emphasize enough how happy the homeless people name of friend handed the bags to looked today. It really made me stop and think. There was a man who was clearly physically impaired walking up to receive a bag. In that moment, I thought about how people who are unhoused like this are often treated. People act like they don’t have feelings, needs. I was sad because I understood that most have not tried to help. I really appreciate her for planning this event, and if you are able to donate any money at all, you will fill someone’s heart with joy.”

Part of the reason why I have not just gone back to live with my parents, even though it’s technically an option, is because my mother had nearly gotten us evicted from the apartment complex I grew up in due to her screaming (she actually reminds me a lot of my roommate/landlord. I admit I had kind of moved out in a hurry when my parents were planning on moving out of the hotel into housing (housing, lol. My father’s credit score is too bad for that, they’re in an apartment that I visit when the cleaning lady is over) because I thought that the risk of her getting us close to eviction again (really, I never signed that original lease because I was under 21 then, but the family were really never formally evicted even though my mother triggered the neighbors constantly because the old landlord was nice. I spent my 21st birthday in that hotel screaming and crying because my mother triggered me then.) I try my best to not be angry about everything even though my parents really have screwed me over.

I have never smoked or drank because I remember that when I was a child, my sibling struggled with drug addiction (well when I was a teenager but I guess I was still a minor either way) and developed schizophrenia. I actually didn’t know until later on that it had become schizophrenia, I remember that when I was newly 13 my brother had a mental breakdown, was making a lot of threats and was diagnosed with psychosis, there was actually something very bad he had done back then that I chose to not tell my therapist about, but it was something that actually really could have hurt me. But also because it’s always scared me in a way to think that I wouldn’t be, well, in my right mind. I’ve heard people say before that they lose themselves when they drink or get high, I don’t want that for myself. It’d frighten me too much. I have also found myself thinking when depressed that I’d like to escape into that world, but never actually have even though it of course is and was technically an option.

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Right now I’m going to school with a headache. I did sleep and I tried to take a nap. My body is exhausted even with the CPAP and with modern medicine there should be something more that can be done. My doctor agreed after seeing the results on the myair app and hearing what I was describing that the CPAP doesn’t seem to be as helpful as ideal, but she recommended CBT (think that’s what it’s called) therapy when I said it may be a good idea to get tested for something else. Sleep is just important enough for your health that if I were a doctor and a patient kept on mentioning it I’d be running almost everything I could. Daily headaches aren’t good for a person.

People on here have acted confused about me mentioning that my roommate is also my landlord for the apartment complex I’m in. She pays $900 (less than $1000/mo I don’t remember the specific number) because she’s been there for a long time and is on disability, and charges me $1250/mo. She had also wanted to go talk to whoever I guess is the building manager when a few of the laundromats weren’t working even though another older woman who is our neighbor had pointed out that it didn’t make sense to since the woman was already marking it on an app for the building (another example of my roommate/landlord not being smart, and in this instance of someone else pointing it out) so I know that there must be someone (which makes it more frustrating that she hasn’t really made an effort to get my shower fixed.)

I have a 3.87 GPA in community college and will end up either here or at a different CSU. Right now I am completing homework and unfortunately multitasking (I have television playing in the background and music too, I’m getting it done but.) I have my gen Ed’s done and am in my last few classes this semester (as a chdev major.) I know deep down inside that I am not a “smart” adult and am worried about what this will mean for me when it comes to getting a bachelors and master degree later on (possibly a masters I don’t want to take out too much money.) I also have either sleep apnea or a different sleep breathing disorder, in addition to depression and anxiety.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to get a bachelors degree/don’t plan to, just that I know I’m not “smart” and want to eventually make more money but just don’t really know what I want to do. I have $34k saved but I am renting out to a difficult roommate/landlord so it’s tough.