u/mazalaca

Finished the first day of riding today, and passed the written exam. It’s so much fun. It’s so much easier to learn than I expected, a lot of similar principles of a bicycle but with faster and much heavier machinery haha. Much more dangerous, but my goodness it’s fun. Lots of muscle memory to get down, but so satisfying when things start to “click”

Totally worth the cost. If someone is curious about getting into riding and is on the fence of signing up for training, go for it!! Do it when the weather isn’t blazing hot. It’s still reaching the triple digits here in LA, but the riding portion started in the wee hours of the morning so it wasn’t too terrible.

Go for itttt

There’s nothing like a good galaxy photo, or a timelapse of the milky way, to reset your head.

With a lot of terrible things in the news and immediate life, it helps me to remember that we are so small in this universe. Our lives are mere little blips in the bigger narrative of this universe’s history. What matters the most is to make the best of what we have while we have it.

I’m just a small part of something so much bigger. I will do what I can to make life more pleasant for the folks around me. Eventually we all end up returning to the earth, floating in a milky way galaxy

I think I hit a big milestone with my mental health, but I didn’t quite realize it until I noticed my therapist was holding back tears near the end of our session

I’ve struggled with disassociation for a long time, longer than I can recall. I fidget a lot, or I find things to physically remind me that I’m a real person taking up real space. All my life I’ve had a huge issue with people pleasing and fawning when there’s a chance of conflict. Camouflaging myself to be whatever I think a friend wants me to be, like a chameleon. It’s done a huge number on my psyche over the years, and I wasn’t sure how to fix it. I just knew I felt like I don’t really know myself or who I am.

I’ve been seeing this therapist for three years. When we started, I had been isolating myself pretty severely from my friends and only had my husband around. I didn’t trust myself to be consistently present enough to be a “good friend” despite contrary evidence, and for some reason that led to me withdrawing more and more. I had a bad string of experiences with friends who used me for my kindness until I put my foot down, then harassed me until I caved and apologized. I ghosted a lot of people because I didn’t have the tools to handle conflicts. I felt like it was always my fault that my friendships fell through. I didn’t trust my own judgement after so many failed friendships, so I stopped trying.

I also had a horrible habit of codependency with my husband. Similar to the friendships, but fortunately he holds a lot of space and patience for me. He’s helped me identify moments of unnecessary masking and grounded me with questions about myself. Before therapy, he kept nudging me to be curious about my own frustrations with myself. I’m really grateful he did this instead of giving up on me.

My therapist slowly taught me to allow myself to feel my anger, my disappointment, when my feelings are hurt, etc. She helped me find the words to express these feelings and truly process them. She let me practice expressing my anger with her and held space for me to figure out constructive ways to handle it. She taught me that my boundaries are worthwhile, that I deserve respect even when it means someone might not like it or react poorly.

A year into my therapy sessions, my dad cut me out of his life when I put down a boundary about listening to his offensive diatribes. I told him I wasn’t going to tolerate it anymore, and he took it personally and ended communication between us. It did a number on my progress, but my therapist and my husband were proud of me for standing up for my values. I was shaken up, but I kept practicing.

I joined a discord group where other professionals can be candid with each other and have longer discussions off public social media. I watched how they would disagree with each other, even develop into arguments, but still maintain their respect and friendships at the end of the day. I slowly developed my confidence through this group and practiced arguing with folks over superfluous subjects like tastes in films and trending music

My progress in reconnecting with myself was put to the test when my employer dramatically changed executive management. New policy shifts directly put my teammates in danger of layoffs. I felt so much anger and injustice. Instead of lying on the ground and just accepting it, I decided to start organizing everyone. Our efforts have been largely successful, and we’re on the cusp of going public with our union after several months of work

I told my therapist this week that I’ve stopped feeling like I don’t exist. I mediated an argument between two friends, and even though one of them was angry with me over it, I stayed firm until things cooled down. I decided I’m going to get the haircut I’ve always wanted despite my husband’s opinions on certain styles. I’m leading a huge effort with my peers to bring back democracy in the workplace. I’m working out and feeling great about my body. I surprised my husband with a gift just because. I hosted a group of friends for an online game together and we cried laughing. I’m creating artwork again. I’m going to reach out to my dad after two years of silence, because I know he’s just a hurt person lashing out.

I told her I feel like I’m seeing myself for the very first time. She jumped with excitement and told me how proud she is of me. “That’s what it’s all about!!” she said, and she’s right. I’m a real person that deserves just as much respect and love as anyone else, especially from myself. I can make meaningful change in the world, big and small. I just needed to allow myself to wholeheartedly exist.

We have two minka aire fans in the apartment, one with a wall receiver and one with a remote. The remote controlled fan isn't responding correctly to the reverse button. When I click the button, I can hear four clicks happen in the motor before it briefly speeds up in the same direction. The cadence is like click.... click click.. click.

It's blistering hot here, and with terrible insulation our A/C is useless, so we rely on the fans to keep us cool. What can I do about this? Thank you

I’ve been living in a city with very hard water for a few years, ignorant to the fact that hard water can really mess up your hair. I don’t use much heat on my hair, and rarely use styling products, but my hair has gone from a nice soft wavy texture to completely dry and feeling like straw. It’s not for a lack of hydration! I stay hydrated, I use hair masks and leave in conditioners, but nothing has really helped long term. I’ve been so stressed from just getting by, I ignored this for a long time and just tried using a shower filter to mitigate the damage

I finally decided I want to tackle the issue head on now (no pun intended.) I bought the blue bottle L’oréal Shampoo and Conditioner for hard water and used them yesterday, and I can sort of feel a slight difference? My ends are not as crispy as before, but it still feels like my hair will need some time to adjust. I love that it easily detangled my hair and kept it from feeling stiff today at least

How long has it taken for some of you to get your hair feeling back to normal after dealing with hard water? I’d love to hear from anyone with super thick, dark wavy hair, especially!

Btw, I live in a rental so replacing the pipes isn’t an option. I use a decent shower filter but I don’t think it completely eliminates what’s making my hair feel dry and sad. I might try the apple cider vinegar concoctions I’ve seen recommended around online, but I don’t want to do too much too quickly and wreck my hair more. I super appreciate any input, thank you!

We have a six year old cat named Phoebe who is a level 5 velcro kitty. Always gotta be near me, either on my lap or near my feet. She was a pandemic kitten so we spent a lot of time together.

For awhile, I managed to keep her sequestered to the living room when I went to sleep, but she recently learned how to slide open the pocket door and sneak into our bedroom. I’ve woken up to her face smushed up against my own with her little butt on my husband’s shoulder on multiple occasions. As I’m typing this, she’s curled up asleep and holding my arms hostage. I slightly moved and she reached out with her paw to stop me

I love her to bits and will do anything for her, but I honestly can’t sleep with her in the bed. I’m scared I’ll accidentally kick her, or wake up with her butt on my face. If we shut the bedroom door, she meows and meows and meows and doesn’t let up. We have paper thin floors, so I know my neighbors can hear all of it.

I’ve tried keeping her bed next to ours, but nope she’s gotta be up in my business to sleep. The living room pocket door has been rendered useless now that she understands her full body strength, so placing her in the cat tree there only lasts for an hour or two tops

Am I doomed to wait for her to stop meowing at our closed door? I don’t want to subject the neighbors to this; her chords can BELT a whole opera. She has the calico determination and willpower to force her way into snuggles

I know I know, my lobster is too buttery business. But it’s currently 2:35AM and I really need my sleep lol

I can’t even describe the smell, it’s just GOOD. Like a subtle vanilla cookie. Or a freshly baked pastry. Ugh I could sniff her little head all day.

I’m asking out of abundant caution, because I technically have the funds to buy a bike outright. I have a healthy emergency fund, I’ve cushioned my 401K while I had a cushy job with little other expenses, but I’m currently still paying off student loans and some very minor credit card debt (still in the 0% APR promotion period.)

I’m 35, I’ve been doing everything “right” so far when it comes to my finances. Paying off extra as much as I can per month, prioritizing my debts, and spending frugally in most other aspects of life. Unfortunately, my tech job is somewhat unstable with threats of layoffs every year. I also have two cats with high medical needs, and the expenses just keep coming.

There’s a lot of scary “what if’s” that stop me from pulling the trigger. What if I get laid off and can’t find another job? What if another emergency happens with the cats? The emergency fund will help me coast for a few months, but not a full year. I’m scared of starting an expensive hobby, but I’m also 35 and I would really like to fulfill this dream of mine before my 40s

It’s a want, not a need, so it’s not super important. It just feels like something that would give me free therapy if you know what I mean. I grew up on bikes with my dad, and if he were still around I would ask him for advice.

I (35F) am 100% self sabotaging.

I want to say it’s my ADHD, or my depression, or some sort of label to give myself some grace, but in all honesty I know why I’m not taking care of the things that need to be done. I just don’t want to accept that I’m getting older.

I’m in my mid-30s and I’m doing alright for myself. I have a good paying job (with horrendous stress), I have a partner who loves me, I have two cats who are happy little shits, and I can afford most things if I wisely budget my earnings. I live in a great place with plenty of sunshine and access to parks. Yet I behave like I’m on the brink of a total shutdown

Maybe it is depression. I just can’t seem to allow myself to be happy for very long. I’m sitting on a freelance gig that involves literally my favorite things to do, and it pays enough to let me finally afford a motorcycle. It’d be insane for anyone to procrastinate on this. Yet for some stupid reason, I’m avoiding it and fixating on a video game instead. I’m not even having fun, I’m just on autopilot avoiding responsibility

I haven’t cut my hair in months. I keep putting off chores until they can no longer be ignored or I’m expecting company. I don’t exercise as much as I should. I look at myself in the mirror and I feel this deep sense of dread that I’m wasting my youth, but instead of doing something healthy, I become avoidant and hide myself away even further

I feel this immense pressure to not waste the privileges I’ve worked so hard for. I don’t tell anyone what I’m feeling because I’m scared my friends will judge me when I have everything I need to succeed. I’m trapped in a vicious cycle of judging myself, not meeting my own expectations for my age, and further hiding to numb my feelings and pretend it’s not happening.

“Oh but you’re being hard on yourself. You make games for a living, playing one is just more research time!” It’s no excuse. I should be taking care of my work. My current skills are just not meeting the standard I expect of someone my age, and I’m afraid of facing this truth and working harder to improve

“Everyone has bad days, give yourself time to rest” I’ve taken two weeks off work. I still feel like I want to disappear

“Have you tried therapy?” I go to weekly therapy. I’m on meds for ADHD and anxiety, but it doesn’t seem to help lately.

The rate of time passing by is going faster than the rate of self-improvement, and I hate myself for it. At the same time, I feel like it’ll never end and I’ll always be grinding to keep up. Never ending chores. Never ending work. Never ending exercise to maintain my strength

I honestly felt relief when I learned I’m suffering from central sleep apnea because now I have a legitimate reason for moving slowly

This is all so irrational. But it’s my honest feelings. I think it may really be depression.

I want to avoid anthropomorphizing my cat by assuming there’s a human reason behind this. Every time I’m laying down and using my phone, she will jump in and momentarily stand directly between me and the screen before plopping herself down across my arms. I either have to lift my head to see over her, or slightly shift position to see around her.

I think it’s funny and sometimes wonder if she’s doing this to get me off my phone? Like “that’s enough of the bright brick for you, it’s time to sleep”

Is she sending me a message or simply requesting physical attention? (I kinda know the answer but I want to know what others think)

I am so confused

As I was drifting asleep, I started to see strange shapes in my mind’s eye. It was like if the entire room was made of giant, long, soft tubes steadily flopping about in every possible direction. There were also shapes of tubular blobs floating by. Everything looked like reality was coming undone, or I was peeking into another dimension within ours. I realized after a moment that my eyes were open, but my nightshade was covering my eyes completely. I intentionally kept my eyes open and watched the shapes morph over and over. I waved my hand in front of me, and for some reason the shapes opened apart wherever my hand went

That’s when I lifted my nightshade to make sure I wasn’t completely hallucinating. Everything stopped immediately. I put my nightshade back on and it stayed as total darkness

I was really freaked out by this until I did a quick search and found information about hypnagogic episodes. I’ve definitely had weird hallucinations while drifting to sleep before but nothing like this

Very peculiar. Has anyone else experienced this? Does your CPAP usage affect how often this occurs?

I (35F) feel like I’m continuously running in circles trying different habits or tools to help us stay on track of our daily responsibilities.

My husband (37M) is currently unemployed and actively looking for jobs, but the market is terrible so he hasn’t had much luck. I work full time, currently fully remotely from home, and use up most of my spoons before the day is over. Both of us get stressed easily and tend to fall behind on chores. It feels like a terrible combination, especially when one of us is having a really bad week

My current work situation is very stressful. A hostile CEO took over my place of employment and is unabashedly threatening layoffs. I’m also dealing with severe treatment-emergent central sleep apnea after starting CPAP therapy. These are the primary stressors in my life. I’ve been really dropping the ball on chores and handling bigger errands like car registration, dentist appointments, etc.

My husband has been dealing with depression over the unemployment and rejections. He’s also falling behind on chores. Neither of us are doing well right now. I feel so overwhelmed all the time.

I wish we could get outside support, but both our families live out of state and country. We have local friends, but not emotionally close enough to reach out for help with things like dishes or deep cleaning the litter box (we use a litter robot so the cats always have clean litter at least). I’ve tried setting up a kanban board for us, a gamified task list with prizes, and alarms. Nothing has stuck so far

I’ve taken two weeks off work to decompress and take care of myself. I managed to get most of our laundry done today and completely repaired the living room rug. He took care of most of the dishes and cooked a nice dinner. It was a good day, but it feels more rare lately. I want to know if anyone else has gone through something similar and what they’ve done to cope? I want to be more consistent, because I noticed my husband mirrors me when I’m able to get a lot done around the house. It goes both ways, to be fair.

But yeah. I don’t know if anyone has advice, but I appreciate any supportive words or suggestions.

I don’t want to stay up late writing a lot so I’ll try to make this brief

My dad’s dad left the family when my dad’s mom was going through some severe mental health issues. Completely moved to a new state across the country and started a new family there. My dad was in his teen years at the time and had no choice but to raise his siblings while his mom recovered. He always held this against his dad, and I don’t blame him

My grandfather once offered to give my sister and me a small nest egg for college, but my dad refused and blocked him out. I never knew my grandfather on my dad’s side, and I barely knew my grandmother. When both of them passed, my dad barely acknowledged it each time and simply texted me an update. He did this when his brother passed too. Just a text, no call. No funerals

He’s always had a hard time expressing his feelings. Rarely said I love you while raising my sister and me, and mostly showed his affection through gifts and taking us on vacations. He was very volatile and tough to predict, so I grew up extra wary of people’s moods. This led to us having a difficult time with bonding deeper than a superficial level

When I graduated college out of state, he came to my graduation and left me a hidden letter underneath my keyboard expressing how proud he is of me and how much he loves me. He’s never once acknowledged this letter. Just left it there for me to find on my own. I was very frustrated at the time because I’ve always wanted him to just say I love you outright

Over the years, my dad has cut people out of his life. He cut his sister out when she reached out to him for help after committing insurance fraud. He’s cut out friends for small things that I’m unaware of. Instead of dealing with conflict, he avoids them and just pretends they don’t exist anymore. I just never thought he’d do this with me

We got into a very heated fight over stupid shit a couple years ago. His ego couldn’t handle being called out on his abusive behaviors, and my ego didn’t want to give him compassion and leniency. We were both too stubborn to concede our sides, so he finally texted the words that this was the last time I’d hear from him. I texted back “ok.” Now it’s been two years

I moved to the same state as my grandfather for college and work. I still live there today, and my dad has cut me out of his life. His wife still sends me birthday and holiday cards, and he actually signed the latest one. It happens to be his birthday today. I wish I could lower my guard and break the silence, but he’s lashed out at me so much, I don’t know if it’d even be worth it. The dad I want and the dad he is are two different people. Still, I’m always thinking of that hurt teenage boy just wishing his dad would come home

All are good options, but you’re restricted to guaranteeing one for everyone around the world.

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Goodbye, No Guard Raichu

Sleep well, Contrary Staraptor

Nice try, Chlorophyll Venusaur

Sorry, Lightning Rod Sceptile

Maybe next time, Shadow Tag Gengar

You all have insomnia now