why is my brain so good at repressing. I feel like crap and really dissipated but I am still able to function.
When I'm out of will power, I remember any moment in the past when I was girlmoding and in an embarrassing situation to derive rage and use it as willpower.
It keeps happening I've lost track of how many times. Now every time I finish something I would just save a PNG then export the backup file to a folder on my PC.
FYI don't use your browser to store important stuff. If you really want to save something, make sure to save it to your PC directly. Assume that anything saved to the browser can disappear.
tbh today was pretty boring but candice keeps bothering me. I cannot load her in but just letting it exist in my head instead of shutting it down worked pretty well.
idk how cis this is
I might as well be dead if it wasn't for finding out about being
dissociation is like a drug
it's the only source of willpower
can't live without it
forced to be someone I'm not
built a robust coping mechanism
cannot escape the machine I built
everyday gets worse and worse
maybe one day the fuse will blow
I don't know, can't do this anymore
at least my work is being done
I just feel like a shell of myself
I overcompensate to distract myself
without doing work I feel like dying
This has been killing me for the past few weeks
idk life has this distant special shitty feeling ever since I started looking into my gender more. Everything used to be irony back in my femboy days, now it's just like navigating literal hell.
It low key feels awful when people she/her me when I looked like a chopped "guy" when I am at my trans support group. I pretty much just disassociate max when there as I can't fit in with the ongoing conversation.
Everyday there is this fog feeling in my head, the only way to lift it is to use alot of willpower or sink myself in work or a project.
Most people knew when they were for, I wish it was that easy for me to find out. Why would a totally cis guy be obsess over their gender so much and feel like they are watching their life play out instead of being in control?
TLDR: On the TPS92200 D1, analog mode is achieved by supplying a 0.65 V-1.2 V analog signal while on the TPS92200 D2, analog mode is achieved with a 20khz to 200khz PWM signal. Is there a way to convert an open drain inverted PWM signal into a useable analog signal within that range or multiply the 4khz PWM of the WS2805 to something like 15-20khz or more?
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I previously designed an LED driver with a WS2805 and PT4115 to drive high power leds, recently I switched to tps92200 as it's synchronous and doesn't require a freewheeling diode.
The one annoying problem I'm struggling to slove is the high pitch sound caused by the PWM sound. Is this inevitable with all PWM led drivers that use MLCC capaictors which cause them to sing? Adding 220uf polymer capaictors directly beside the bulk capaictor mostly reduces the noise but it's still barely present.
The test board with the TPS92200 D1 performs better than the PT4115 but the capaictors sing.
The TPS92200 D2 board has way less sound but the leds act funny when the PWM duty cycle gets around 1-20%. The TPS92200 D2 works with the WS2805's 4khz pwm signal but it's is supposed to receive a 20khz to 200khz PWM signal for it's analog dimming to function. I have hooked the TPS92200 D2 DIM pin to a function generator and noted that a 100 step pwm signal can get choppy at 1% to 10% duty cycle but handles it more well at the correct 20khz+ signal, while the D1 variant handles it fine.
So my Boymode lets me do almost anything so I had this thought, why don't I just use the disassociation to get important stuff done like hrt as at my lowest I don't care about anything, just finishing the immediately task I tell myself to do next. Yesterday I told my Boymode to decorate my room girl me would of wanted and it went smoothly, everything was done in less than an hour. It feels weird that I can use autopilot to do things that aren't related to hating myself or escaping.
Life has always felt off since high school started, when I am done my school work, I fall into this disassociation because there is nothing to do. I hope this is a sign tho.
hopefully someone understands this
replacement led driver board for the ADJ UV eco led bar. Controlled with WLED or ESPhome and more headroom for voltage spikes.
