Today I feel awfully hot today and everyday it seems like my ability to control my anger is slipping. Life feels so unreal, the past 2 weeks felt like it just went by and I don't feel present at all.
its like the saying with RGB giving you extra fps, adding anime characters or other random bs to your board makes it function 10% better
>!Candice!<
I like to eat uncooked instant noodles.
During my femboy era I always wanted to be seen as a girl and it low key hurts when I update and remember that I'm still a guy.
tried to discuss my gender non conforming "behavior" with my mom today. She said if it gets to "that" point I'm getting disowned. Now I want to go on hrt just to confirm that I am indeed trans before going full turbo boymode for the next 20 years of my life (18.6 amab rn).
No matter what I do I can't get my mind off thinking about my gender randomly. Fricking heatwave today, went on a long bike ride and yet I still found myself thinking about this.
Is this some sort of OCD like ruminating over dumb things that happened on the internet?
How can I make it stop?
Turbo boymode means that I basically work to the death.
I feel like the sort of job I'm getting in the future requires that all outlets of self expression to be hidden away.
Went to an event today and when I was asked for my name instead of the usual "john doe" I gave them my girl name instead. Idk whats going on it seems like there is now a noticeable disconnect to my assigned name.
Did full girlmode outfit today, felt really good but the dread appeared for a few moments when I re realize my soundings.
It feels as if some of the emotions felt hit an invisible roof. Idk how to put it, it low key felt weird to be happy.
This has got to be the first time I actually felt "happy" in a very long time. I went to this party thing, good thing I was a volunteer as I can distract myself with backend stuff whenever I feel disassociated. It still feels as if how happy I can be hit the roof, it felt too low.
I kept insisting to one of the dancers that I don't know how to dance, it turns out I can but I had to hand the duty off to my emotions, not my logic. It turns out I can dance as they complimented me.
No boymoding this time, I was full on girlie mode.
It feels oddly joyful when I was addressed by my girl name.
As always my perception of time is like it's on 2x speed. I also wished I can scream, every time I try it gets cut off.