u/AliceMorgon

I’m going to be honest my hen party/bachelorette was already kind of disastrous due to unexpected tension with my MOH (I lost 13 dress sizes since she last saw me and we used to be the same size which she does NOT like, comments on it and why do I suddenly look pretty now because “fat girls” weren’t meant to “slim cute”, she’s ten years older and no one will marry her, etc etc, I’ve heard it, trust me) and now I fell down.

Headfirst. Into a wall.

Blood gushing from my nose, big deep split in the centre (!) of my forehead, two already massively swelling black eyes and forehead bruising, definitely getting my free X-rays and treatment when I get home to the Land of Universal Healthcare tomorrow. But the cut. And I have low platelets so it takes forever for me to lose bruises and they spread FAR.

There’s a good chance I’ll still be a mess at the wedding. At the very least I’ll have a half-healed deep half-scarred face cut. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS?!

PS - super budget wedding, super pale ivory skin so generally sheer powders are my only option for foundation, until now I was going dark green mascara with dark green liner and dramatic metallic gold eyeshadow as my dress has gold features. I’m not wearing a veil, I’m wearing a cloak, so I can’t hide it like that either… 😱

I was just stuck in motionless bumper to bumper traffic for an hour because of an accident ahead, and mentioned to my (American) friend that I might hop out and go pee in the bushes by the road because I really had to go. She looked at me in horror as if I’d just told her I was about to piss on a litter of newborn puppies and then do a streak down the motorway.

Is it just an Irish thing to duck in a handy bush or selection of trees?

I just posted this on another sub and it occurred to me it might belong here as a way of lightening the mood during Finals etc stress.

So, what’s the worst thing that’s ever happened in an exam you were taking? In mine, it happened to a girl at my college at Oxford. Full breakdown ten minutes into the paper and she just explosively shit EVERYWHERE. It’s up her white blouse, down her legs, on the chair, the floor… and it announced its arrival like a blast on an angry trombone. Then she started screaming “I CAN’T DO THIS WHY DIDN’T I GO TO DURHAM” and ran out, trailing shit behind her the whole way.

They stopped the exam to sanitise and air out the room.

Also an excellent, excellent show to have watched high, 10/10 no notes. Blasting epiphanies at me from all directions.

Except for when the clown is stalking and killing Gerard Way. Then it is NOT a good time to be high and IS a good time to have your MOH nearby due to pre existing coulrophobia.

I poked him with a stick until he woke up, asked if he was OK, then sat him at the patio table and made him an Ulster fry and builder’s tea with a dash of whisky and ibuprofen for the hangover, before sending him on his way in some old tracksuit bottoms.

What would you have done?

My mother and I have an… odd relationship. I grew up with her in a selection of mental institutions and my dad neglecting/psychologically abusing me. Anyway, because I never had her as a mother figure growing up, we got to know each other in my late teens and we’re now very close, albeit more like best friends than mother/daughter because of said background. In fact, her side of the family is really the only one that isn’t a TOTAL dumpster fire. If the firies come now, some of the trash can perhaps be salvaged. But that’s by the by.

My mother had a lily of the valley bouquet. I am trying to incorporate lily of the valley into my wedding as much as possible although it’ll be silk because I can’t afford hothouse flowers, as well as embroidered on handkerchiefs to put in my bosom in case of need in which case I’ll whip one out (she’ll cry, she’s a crier) but I’m contemplating incorporating it into my handfasting cord (Samhain wedding is Irish, April wedding is Catholic, separate countries and two weddings as marrying an American, not for attention or a gift grab as I have previously been accused of.)

My mother means a great deal to me and if I could use a lily of the valley ribbon as a sash I would, but it would mask the beautiful lace climbing leaves detail on the wedding dress.

MOBs/brides who are close to your mothers: how meaningful would it be for your daughter to incorporate your wedding flower in this way? Or would you not be bothered?

I don’t know if it’s because I have a thing for nerds and Pulp were kind of the weirdos, but was this a common thing over the water? My English-raised cousin said Blur and Oasis were the big names and Pulp were sort of outcasts.

I’m from Belfast and didn’t get sent to boarding school in the UK until 1999 to help me “shake off” Omagh, so we were more into the Cranberries etc over here.