u/finding_freedom_faye

I have multiple gods and goddesses that I worship but sometimes I only have the energy to pray to one or two or I only have the time to make an artwork or an offering for one and I feel like the gods that I don't lean towards the most feel as if I'm ignoring them for that I don't worship them but that's not true I do still love and appreciate all of the gods and especially the ones that I specifically worship but I'm worried that they don't see that and they think that I'm playing favorites.

r/alterhumandrama if you're at all interested please come check it out! (When I went to post this it said that I'm using the wrong flair but it's not coming up with the flair it says I should so sorry for that mods)

I'm a Hellenistic pagan and I worship mother nature and the Greek gods and goddesses. But for the past couple of months due to my severe depression and other mental health issues I have been unable to pray/worship constantly and I feel as if I have let them down and they no longer see me as there child :(

I have depression, I know this I'm diagnosed and on heavy antidepressants but I'm also high masking I seem happy and normal I haven't tried to commit or seriously hurt myself I've just had days where I didn't want to be alive but I feel like I'm not sick enough and I need to be worse in order to earn my diagnosis and meds I feel like a terrible cheater my days are always the same -wake up, eat a bunch of unhealthy shit, go to group therapy, bed rot, eat a ton more unhealthy food, cry, watch YouTube, go to bed- rinse and repeat I'm exhausted and don't know what to do I try talking about it but people don't understand no one can see the hell that goes on in my mind I'm tired of this and I wish I could be in 3rd grade again I wish I had never developed anorexia, I wish I had never gotten a cell phone, I wish recovery would work faster, I wish the antidepressants worked faster, I seem so normal everyone just thinks I'm a aggressive drop out who looked like a corpse then stopped coming to school, I'm a drop out, a anorexic who lost all her control and am going to gain back all the weight I lost, a aggressive weirdo who snaps at everyone and everything I'm just so sick of living a life thinking about calories and what a failure I am over and over I'm stuck inside my own head well everyone thinks I'm improving I'm terrified constantly that I'm going to relapse, starve myself again, just want to feel something even if that's pain from my own body as it starves, but no I can't I love food too much it's my only way to cope, that dopamine hit I desperately need because my brain destroyed every ounce of joy I've lost everything to mental illness and everyone thinks it's not that bad

My mind will never be changed about this if weight loss is not necessary it is inherently disordered to want to lose weight only to change the way that you look people should just learn to be happy in their body if they are healthy and I'm not saying the people who are unhealthy because of their weight shouldn't lose weight if they need to but I'm saying people who lose weight purely for aesthetics but most y'all aren't ready for that conversation

Okay so I think we all know about the drama between tab and solar (I'm not trying to start drama and I am on tabs side) but I went to check solars channel to see if he posted anything about it when they broke up and I couldn't find any of his videos and when I found his channel there was no videos?

Okay so I've noticed that pretty much every single an recovery influencer still goes to the gym exercises does runs etc and also seems to still eat very "clean" foods that are very much still giving restriction they also tend to never show the messy extreme hunger part of recovery I'm genuinely so confused because in my opinion you cannot be fully recovered from a restrictive eating disorder and still be involved in lots of exercise like that and have it be a hobby without it feeding into your disorder and be so focused on making nutritious food choices don't get me wrong I do still eat "good for you" foods but I also eat a lot of sweets and ice cream and other things and those foods are not bad food food is just food and I feel like recovery influencers still show some disordered behavior I don't know though

I hate it when people put ⚠️TW⚠️ on there posts but don't say what the trigger is like is it flashing lights? Gore? SH? SA? Because it should be common knowledge to say what the trigger is

Okay so a long time ago when I first awakened I had a timber wolf and black fox/wolf type (not sure if it's a fox or wolf) but as I got older I kinda stopped noticing them and it felt like they disappeared and I was a little confused but just sumed it up to me thinking I had a theriotype I don't but lately they have both fronted along with my raccoon type that I hadn't felt connected to in ages (altho I still knew I had a raccoon type) and I'm a bit confused because I have now had multiple shifts and phantom limbs as these types I thought I didn't have at all/anymore

(For reference these are my theriotypes)

Fox clado therian

(Mainly identify as red fox, grey fox, silver fox, cross fox but still feel as if I am all foxes)

Timber wolf

Maned wolf

Raccoon

Opossum

Crow

(Questioning barn owl and some kind of cat/feline)

1. Wearing your gear around the house randomly even if you're just watching TV can help ease species dysphoria

2. ALWAYS stretch your muscles before doing quads

3. Do not buy tails or other taxidermy from Amazon, temu, eta even if it says it's fake

4. Be careful well public gearing keep your eyes on your surroundings and get help if there is an emergency

5. Use fabric paint or mix fabric paint medium with acrylic paint when painting masks for the smoothest look

6. Paint the majority of the eye mesh black on your masks as it is easiest to see through

7. Making outfits based on your theriotypes can give species euphoria

8. Be careful well doing quads to not land on anything sharp

9. If you are being watched take off your gear and leave the vicinity

10. Life really isn't that serious just be you ❤️

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