u/HeebieJeebiex

Sorry for no pictures provided but so far all of the fill in the blanks have been just me needing to put the name of the fictional person the sentence is talking about and not any of the actual words in the language I am trying to learn. Is this the case for all the courses right now? Has there been a change? I don't recall having this problem so badly when I was doing mandarin. And its annoying cause it looks like I'm doing great at Italian when I'm really not lol, it's pretty easy to hear the prompt of them saying the made up name Isa or Anna for the hundredth time and type that in. This far, the course has been repetitive, not challenging (which therefore is not fun imo), and I don't feel like I've learned anything.

My whole life I was conditioned not to acknowledge it and it was the elephant in the room. I was always supposed to persevere and overcome. Even when I was literally in special ed in school, I was referring to my peers as the r word and saw myself as superior to them and felt I didn't belong in that class, because of my family. I try to live a normal life. I have ptsd, and I'm autistic. I try so hard to be normal. I have a job at least, but it's part time. And I have a fiancé! I am not like, mentally handicapped. I can talk and shit and am very intelligent I would say about a lot of stuff. But I have fuckin problems man. Sometimes my autistic meltdowns are so bad that I genuinely make the stereotypical special needs noises that people think of and make fun of people for and I smack myself in the head either with my hands or with objects. I have issues with avoidance. I have been unable to hold down any jobs for longer than 6 months. A year was the longest I kept one. I have had more bathroom accidents than any adult should like to admit. I get panic attacks for no fuckin reason and they disrupt my life. It's already too late for me because I don't "act" disabled and I never played into it ENOUGH that anyone actually is ever gonna fuckin help me. I won't get any programs or help and I can't really if I actually wanna get married and have any semblance of a normal life. I think my fiance believes I'm gonna be magically cured someday after we marry and I will suddenly be perfectly neurotypical and working a full-time job. He said to me, sternly, "oh you'll be working full time when we marry." How?? How can I fucking do it??? We've been together 8 years and I don't know how he's so stupid to not realize that there's a possibility I will NEVER be able to do that and I know that's so mean to say about someone I love but it's just so frustrating. Nobody understands. Nobody understands the suffering.

Must only speak about a select three specific topics related to the thing and absolutely nothing else, and no politics (depending on the mods political leanings that could mean literally anything), and also u need to choose from the extremely niche flairs, and your title must be phrased in a certain way or else!! 🤦 Smh it is getting tiring. I know yes there's so many subs out there and you CAN technically find alternatives for some popular ones but most of the time you cannot find a solid alternative or the other ones are dead with the last post from 2 years ago. I understand why extremely popular subs need some rules to keep things in order and keep mods jobs easier but some of these expectations are just goofy and completely unfair.

North and south Korea for pretty obvious reasons, north Italy and south Italy, north and south china, north and south Ireland, the list goes on and on and on. What is it about the regional differences that causes such huge cultural shifts and sometimes even war and complete shifts altogether?

I am going to reference a few pieces of media so I apologize if you're not aware of what I'm on about but I hope my point comes across clear enough. Also Trigger Warning! Sensitive topics mentioned!!

I think an obvious part of the problem is a large portion of fandoms are literal children 11-16 and they are speaking over adults and always have STUPID shit to say. Just recently got into Alien Stage and thus Zombie Stage which is the new AU spinoff. It's an artistic animated allegory story basically trying to show the toxicity of idol culture and celebrity culture and maybe even capitalism in general. There are triggering themes such as sexual exploitation and implied assault within zombie stage in particular. Tell me why...none of the fandom fucking cares bro. I just saw someone make a MEME with "funny music" over a male character doing humping motions and it is clearly meant to be a r*pe metaphor, akin to the pyramid man in silent hill, but they don't get it and they think it's funny and a funny man dancing????

They also keep suggesting that the animator who just created these masterpieces makes a "fun highschool AU!!" Which btw these characters are adults who why tf do you wanna see them in highschool but also that is obviously not what the artist wants to do and they are trying to convey a very serious message about society but okay. Nobody watches breaking bad and hopes the director will make a highschool AU where Walter White and Jessie are classmates. What is going on??? Why are fandoms so stupid now?? This is just one example of a fandom just not even understanding what they are watching btw but if I listed everything I would be writing a book. It is just irritating. Everything is only about shipping and which characters are trans and which characters can I sexualize and ooh pretty colours are on my screen. Nobody understands what they are viewing..

I'm sure this has been posted before but I really can't understand why I do this tbh. I know it's irrational. I have autism so it could also be a factor. We have guests over that have been here a couple days, a woman and her teen son, and I think the fact there's a boy here makes me extra uncomfortable. So maybe it's more some kinda fear/trauma than my autism?? I have no idea. I'm literally a grown woman who should not be scared of a kid but him being male makes me scared idk. But I consistently have been waiting until whenever they leave the house so I can leave my room and get water or food or use the bathroom. I didn't get to shower today because they came home earlier than I hoped and now I'm starting to get pissed off. I know it makes me a bad and mean and rude person. I can't help it! Idk what to do. Ive barely been getting any proper hygiene and I have barely been eating. I have snacks in my room I've mostly been having. They don't leave for another 3-4 days. The dates have been completely unclear. It's so stressful. There's a heatwave coming so I know hiding in my room will be dangerous because I only have a fan and we have no air conditioning in our home. I hope they leave the house..I really do..

Anyways sorry this vent is pretty disjointed and all over the place. In summary, is it common to feel this level of fear and needing to hide from guests? What do I do?

Edit: also should've clarified, I'm autistic and have ptsd at the same time (lucky me) so I'm not sure if this belongs here 🫶 apologies

That's pretty much the post. It came to my mind and I had to complain about it somewhere. I hope this is the right sub. The assumption that all women and girls must be caregivers has made me quite jaded and resentful over the years. Now, I cannot stand being around children. All my childhood I was forced into the role of a babysitter and made to care for all my cousins, and then my nephew as well, and the neighbors. I was so brainwashed I went into childcare as a field thinking it was what I wanted. I don't regret it. I loved those kids. But I often wonder at what point did I actually put my real dreams aside and fall into this stereotype everyone wished for me. Maybe I will have kids later, maybe I won't. Call me mean and nasty but I don't care to hold anyone's random fuckin baby. Assuming that old ladies will absolutely love babies and they need baby dolls is just so fucking annoying.

I have a combination of stress disorders and ptsd and they all wreck my life so badly. They make me come across to people who don't understand as flaky, angry, stupid, unreliable, and like a liar. Nobody believes me! A while ago, I had a panic attack at work and I threw up. After being sent home I came back the next day and was confronted by my boss and accused of lying about the situation and she said "I don't wanna play games". I am haunted by it. I just wanna be normal but I never will be. Instead, I wish to be underweight again, so everyone will feel bad for me and I will visibly LOOK sick so nobody can say I'm lying ever again. It's because im fat now that nobody believes me and thinks I'm just lazy and that I'm tired because I'm fat. Nobody gets it. So I relapsed. I am going to keep starving, until everyone regrets what they did, and feels sorry for me, and believes me when I say I'm not well. It feels like the only way. I have to look visibly disabled in some way if I want any type of accommodation or understanding from people around me otherwise nobody gives a fuck..

Just found this sub on accident while searching what I've been going through and oh my god everything just clicked all at once and I feel so seen. Since probably 2020 I have been getting panic attacks regularly, and constantly it's disrupting my life. Sometimes the triggers are obvious but like 90% of the time it is extremely random and so very frustrating. I have to hide in the bathroom at work and I call out often because I am so terrified just generally and feel like I am going to throw up or pass out. I have autism, ptsd, and gad all at once so being very overwhelmed has just been normal for me as long as I can remember. I had never heard of panic disorder. Is it worth pursuing some help and asking about this to someone? It's possible that, the combo of issues I have, just results in what *presents* itself like panic disorder and not necessarily that I exactly have it.

Sorry if this post is a little chaotic and disjointed. I appreciate anyone taking the time to read.

I'm autistic which I guess also adds another layer of not being able to name or understand my feelings because of alexithymia. I was diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago and I'm aware why and that I have a ton of trauma. But tbh it seems like how I'm affected is extremely random. I have, what I'm assuming is a panic attack (suddenly lightheaded, sweating, rapid heart rate, chest ache, heightened anxiety and inability to focus) seemingly at random times with absolutely no trigger. Like the trigger is just that I am at work I guess and now suddenly I'm suffering. It's so annoying! I am comfortable in my bed right now and I cannot sleep at all and am wide awake again for like no reason. I had a nightmare last night so maybe that's why? It just sucks. I'm newly diagnosed and only just starting to try and understand any of what's wrong with me lol. It is really difficult. I get so nervous about going to work whenever I have a shift later in the day that I genuinely end up passing out repeatedly and sleeping involuntarily on and off until it's closer to my start time, as if my body is trying to conserve all my energy only for work. Idk if that's my autism and anxiety or if it's related to the PTSD. Everything my body does is confusing. Sometimes I genuinely feel like I have the flu for just no reason whatsoever and I know it's all related in some way to my mental issues but I don't understand the triggers or what to do about it. Last time I was on SSRI's I had a manic episode and so I went off them. I am not bipolar. I think it was stress induced completely because while starting new meds my abuser did some bs and screamed at me and threatened me and so I went crazy. My stress in the past has gotten so bad that I even showed as having a high white cell blood count and my doctor was concerned that I had Lyme disease, and we even thought for a time I had fibromyalgia. But, every single time, he'd do my blood work and check me and say nothing is wrong. Is any of this common or normal with ptsd?

I've heard a million stories in regards to this but recently just found out lil Nas x went to jail and when I looked up why it was literally him being punished for his actions during a manic episode when he was obviously in a delusional state. He was wandering the streets in only undergarments and ended up hurting officers which is bad btw but like...jail?? Why'd they send him to jail yo? Cause he's black? 🙄 Smh. Police are so bad..

Hey guys! I've been asking customers about the credit card and usually I'm able to convince them to let me send the link to their phone number. Will I receive the credit as an employee if they do end up signing up through that link, or is it kinda lost because I didn't do it on my register under my name?

I haven't felt well all day, I know it's just anxiety because I had the chest tightness and also felt dizzy and light headed. I tried so hard to push through my shift. Immediately after eating lunch I threw up. I didn't know what to do. I panicked and texted the one bosses number I had but she didn't read it so then I deleted it and said "nevermind all set!" Which maybe was bad idk but I panicked and then so I cleaned it up and I told my actual manager on shift. She sent me home cause I cried a bit, I was so embarrassed. I already have shit attendance from my anxiety and ptsd. Am I gonna be fired? She was really nice about it but I'm so scared. I was even tempted to call and ask now if I'm in trouble but I know that's stupid so I won't do that but like I'm freaking out.

Tw - mentions of disordered eating behaviours

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South Korea allegedly has longer life expectancy for their citizens in comparison to the US but from what I've heard about the country, a lot of people are really disordered and will engage in crazy dieting anywhere from starvation for a week to abusing laxative teas. Is it possible that despite the harmful potential of these behaviours, that being skinny by any and all means is still better off than being obese?

I was banned from a sub and I genuinely don't know why. All my conduct on there is pretty normal and I've made some pretty high hitting posts on there and had good banter. Never said anything offensive or cruel or bullied anyone, nothing. I swear it. I know it's easy to lie but genuinely, I have never had any reason to act badly on there. Still, not only was I banned but...it says "any attempt to appeal will be immediately rejected because your comment was so offensive"......what??? Can they actually do that? That seems completely unfair. And they haven't even told me exactly what comment was apparently so offensive but I don't think a single thing I've even ever said on Reddit as a whole has ever been so egregious to be described like that and told my appeal will be IMMEDIATELY rejected. Are they just lying? Because I thought appeals are through Reddit and not mods.

I'm getting so pissed off now to the point of just wanting to cry. Every fuckin time I brush my teeth I throw up which makes me think what's even the point because now they'll just rot out of my head even worse and idk what to do and I'm panicking. I have major depressive disorder and used to not brush my teeth and IM TRYING to fuckin take care of myself but instead I think I'm making things worse because I throw up every single fuckin time. Please help me please. Are my teeth going to rot????? Please help me.

Prefacing this by saying I am sorry for kind of a long wordy post. I hope this post belongs here. I couldn't put it on genderqueer. 😅

I'm autistic so I feel like my experience with gender is just so different and confusing. After I had a phase where I thought maybe I'm trans masc I was like nah I don't think that's me and settled with the conclusion that there's tons of different ways to be a woman and I just live unconventionally and that is cool. But..maybe it was the backlash from my fiance that made me feel that way?

I kinda had a crisis because, I've always only ever been able to form friendships with guys, and any and all friendships I ever had with girls they either turned out to be lesbians (which doesn't make them less of girls btw but still) or they turned out to be trans guys so they were also guys the whole time lol. The one celebrity I felt represented by growing up, Elliot Paige, well...he became Elliot 😆 so...

But there's more. When I was a little kid, I was genuinely convinced that I was also a boy and I was waiting for my penis to "grow in". I started peeing standing up to practice for the day my penis grew. Ofc, it never came along. 😂 I always wanted the boy toy at McDonald's though, and I remember asking my mom to take me into the boy section at the store. I joined an LGBT club in middle school and briefly went by he/him only within the club and I liked it but then idk I just stopped I guess?

You can see why that would probably lead to a person having a few questions about themselves lmao. I don't know if I'm truly masculine by nature or if that's a role I was pushed into by being alienated by other female peers. But nowadays I am definitely bro-ey. I weight lift in my free time and take creatine lol and I play videogames all day and my best friends are my fiance (a dude) and our mutual friend (also a dude). So, idk, I know that it's okay to be a woman and to live this life and it doesn't make me less of a woman. But I also sometimes wonder if there's more to it and I'm afraid to delve and admit that to myself? I have always vaguely associated closely with the lgbt community because I'm bi (I think?) and like I said, most of my friends growing up were queer in some way, so maybe I just feel strongly connected but it doesn't mean anything. I don't feel dysphoria about my body. In fact, I often wish I was more beautiful and feminine and more like other women. So what gives?

What do you guys think?

Just a reminder that "I have autism and I don't do that!" Should be saved for things like if someone committed a heinous crime, and their autism or potential autism is used as an excuse, it should NOT be used to ignore and argue against an innocent random person's stims, struggles and experiences. That's amazing that you're able to have friends/eat whatever/hold down a job ect and you never struggle. Autism is a disability and disabling. Some people will not be so fortunate like you. Consider instead, saying, "wow. I have autism and my experience is different!". That is an appropriate observation.

This is how we end up in a low trust and crappy society like other impoverished countries like India, where everyone fends for themselves and their family and community is gone for.

I'm a minimum wage retail employee. I have had several people try to guilt and manipulate me into either giving them things for free or lowering the price ect. It's probably from those generosity trends on tiktok. I get people who bat their eyelashes at me and hold out the money in their hand like they're a child going "I really want this thing but...I only have this much..." Like...okay? Well then you can't fuckin buy it? 😐 Move along. I know I sound cruel, but all my empathy is gone, because they're really looking at me..again..MINIMUM WAGE RETAIL EMPLOYEE..and thinking it's okay to complain about being poor. I'm also poor dude. And you give people an inch they take a mile. For every one time you do a nice thing, they'll expect it every time, and tell their friends, and they're basically just using you. It's manipulative. It's evil. It's selfish and wicked.

Had a grown woman whining and complaining about the register how she couldn't afford a pair of press ons and dry begging like "wow I really wish I could get them....I really NEED my nails done...like my nails just need done so bad..wow..." And it went on so painfully long that the guy behind her in line actually felt bad and gave her the money for it and that just pisses me off and breaks my heart because she just took advantage of this dudes kindness imo and also btw she was being inconsiderate as FUCK again apparently nobody realises the employee is also a human being, because I am also a young woman exactly the same age as her and I do not have my nails done because I can't afford it. That is something she can visibly see. A cue..to shut up.

You people are so insensitive and wicked. I can't stand it anymore. And I've just lost all faith in humanity now. And fuck, yknow what? I'd probably feel differently if it was somebody worrying about baby formula, or FOOD, maybe then I'd be generous, but why do I give a fuck that you came into the store knowing full well that you cannot afford press ons and still chose to stand there and whine in front of me for 5 minutes anyways and waste everyone's time??? Fuck youuuuu.

Edit: obligatory cringe thank you note to everyone who replied to this post. You guys actually made my night and gave me some laughs. Thanks everyone.