u/Outside_Raspberry512

As a chef with a shitload of home grown tomatoes the closest thing i can make is like a fancy tomato paste dip or an extra smooth pasta sauce. It’s like buttery smooth gel and you can tell when sauce has that texture. It’s what makes cheap pasta sauce or cheap tomato products (think sphagetios) taste bad and what makes ketchup taste unique as its own type of sauce.

Like bad pasta sauce has the texture of ketchup and bad ketchup has the texture of pasta sauce.

Edit: whats with all the downvotes? In this sub there are no stupid questions and I’m only trying to get answers.

Having experienced others around me become mentaly Ill in ways that affects their judgment and interpersonal relationships i feel so sad and scared knowing others might place those thoughts on me if they know i have depresion. I’ve had to have caution out of necesity for some people I’ve known but to have others think they need to for me feels awful.

Like the idea they’d have thoughts that im a burden to deal with when i show symptoms. Or thoughts I’m a handful if i can’t be trusted for my own safety (some mental health profesionals assume your actively suicidal when you mention not liking your life but honestly im not and the thought of trying to hurt myself is scary). Or thinking i might snap and lash out because depression is taxing to deal with.

I don’t want people to leave me because I already feel so alone but I can’t handle the idea of my mental health burdening others and making them distance themselves or put up walls because they feel uncomfortable around me. It makes it feel so scary to seek treatment like medication or be refered to intensive therapy programs. I can’t deal with that.

Also i fear once people know i have problems I’m just gonna get batted around the medical system and mistreated. I’ve already had people act condiscending because of my autism before i was depressed when I tried to reach out for services. So the thought of showing a depressive symptom bad enough to not be trusted and to be told i need intensive care or hospitalization scares me.

I don’t want to feel like I’m less than because I have problems with my mental health. It only makes me feel more depressed.

Like I said I have a fic that has two beta readers (the more the merrier as people say) and it’s only a short one chapter deal about 1,200 words. I reached out to multiple betas when my regular beta wasn’t answering and they all kinda answered late but eventually a few days later my regular beta and one other beta answered back. The regular beta got the fic done in an evening since it’s so short and responded to my resulting changes 2 days after. Me and my beta have a system where I link to their ao3 and credit them in my fic notes with their username and the link and I said I would. We decided my regular beta was done making comments and doing all they could. So I left it to this new beta to look it over next.

As for this other beta they got though the first 3 paragraphs (200 words) and had a handful of comments on various things I did fix but didn’t continue further. They said they where tired at the time of working on it and would get back to looking it over the next day. It’s been a week since they last looked it over and I’m getting worried. I’m in no rush to post it since it’s not apart of an ongoing fic or apart of a series. It’s super short and self contained and I’m totally fine with waiting if a beta has life to take care of. But it is short so it does worry me slightly it’s so long to wait.

It’s just been a while and I’ve already reached out to this beta yesterday to check in but I haven’t heard anything back. I’m wondering if I should just post it (not because I’m impatient but because it seems like nothing is happening) and credit my regular beta only? I just want to adequately credit the new beta if they do any work and if they feel comfortable with that. I know though some don’t want to be attached to certain works for their fandom or rating. However I’m not sure how I would go about it if their only partially done with such a short fic and I don’t know if they even want the credit.

Any idea on what to do? Maybe I’m being unreasonable and I should just wait it out. Lmk

It’s been over a year since I’ve had a flare up and I just got one again. I know it’s a flare up because I get this sore throat that feels unique to lupus. Does anyone else feel this kind of sore throat?

It’s not itchy or scratch or intensely painful it feels more like the sensation you get when your scalp is tugged on from a tight hair style but in my throat. It feels gently tender and swollen but again not painful or itchy in the same way being sick makes it feel. I’m not on any lupus meds since I have extremely light flares and have been managing ok lately. But I’m sure it’s some degree of lupus related since it feels different to anything else.

For context I’m 19 and the minute I do something wrong my dad gets all mad at me becomes verbally abusive and threatens to kick me out.

A scoby is a starter like yeast used to brew the beverage kombucha and my dad wanted to get back into kombucha making. He had one sitting in a jar on the table and insisted it stay there day in and day out. Since it looked clean and covered and had no mold or bugs I let it be just to appease him.

But weeks later somehow even though he had it covered with cheese cloth and rubber banded shut to let it get oxygen as it fermented a fruit fly got in and a week later the jar smelled like death and was crawling with fruit flies inside and out and full of larvae.

My parents had family friends that that same week the jar got nasty that planned to come over. My dad was gone for a business thing for 3 days and we needed to clean up before the friends arrived. So I texted him I was composting it and sent him video of the flies inside so he would understand the issue. I could not stand the rotten jar stinking up the table as people ate dinner or went into the kitchen and i did not need people swatting at fruit flies when they sat down to eat.

Cue him coming back livid that I had to clean up this mess he insisted on leaving rotting on the dining room table for weeks.

Beyond family friends we have guests that stay in the house via an air bnb type service and pay good money. Probably since where we live is quite touristy.

So I couldn’t have a rotten scoby jar stinking up the place and infesting it with bugs. It would make our ratings drop and we’d lose customers. I even saw fruit flies beginning to go from the jar, down the hall and make a home in the bathroom drains. Me and my mom agreed es we needed the issue gone!

I hate this because my dad always insists me and my mom clean up after him and refuses to help. So we do his dishes after dinner, and clean the bathroom without him helping out and we always take care of his laundry and his mess after cooking. But the minute I keep the place spotless as he likes it and I take care of the problem he made he gets crazy on me like he never asked for ke to clean up after him even though he already has been demanding that. I communicated with him via text. I didn’t say I was dumping it in the trash because the project still had value to help our compost and I decided I’d replace all his supplies to start the project in return for removing the old rotten jar.

It’s sexist that he decides he can make a mess and then turn on a dime and be verbally abusive if he doesn’t like me doing as he said which is to keep the house clean if we have guests as our business model.

Cake:
1 1/2 cups mango purée (blitz up frozen or fresh mango in the blender)
2 eggs
1/2 cup melted butter
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup sugar (brown sugar is the best but white is fine)
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups oat flour (blitz oats in the blender for cheap oat flour)
Optional handful of rolled oats

Glaze:
1/3 cup honey
2 tbsp butter
Lemon juice to taste
Water as needed

Steps:
Preheat oven to 350
Grease and flour or line a loaf pan
Mix sugar and wet ingredients
Sift in baking powder and flour and mix until combined
Optionally fold in a handful of rolled oats
Pour into pan and bake for 40 minutes or until dry crumbs appear when poked. If you see raw batter then bake for an extra 5 minutes

While it bakes mix honey and butter in a sauce pan over medium untill bubbling and lightly browned (caramel sauce color) but not burnt.
Then mix in lemon juice to taste and let cool in the fridge
If it’s too thick you can add a little water a tsp at a time as you whisk it smooth.
whisk it smooth once chilled till barely cold to get a thinner texture and ensure the fat doesn’t separate out of the glaze

Once cake is ready remove from pan and place on a plate and let cool till semi warm. Then pour on the glaze and smooth it out over the top and sides. Over time the glaze will seep into the cake and you’ll loose a little of it but keep spooning the extra that drips off back on top for a nice thick layer.

let it set at room temperature untill glaze is dry and serve.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel how soft and airy the screams on the albums are compared to live performances?

Not that I don’t like that because when I get to hear vessel or IV at full strength it’s so gooood! Fucking sick as hell tbh.

However compared to other metal bands or bands with harsh vocals/harsh vocalists it doesn’t give me the same gut punch feeling. Usually I feel like this clench in my stomach like I just went down a rollercoaster and I feel the insane power in my body of like how visceral and sick the scream or vocals are.

But here they hit so unexpectedly light for it being them giving us all the power they have. Especially when you listen to the isolated vocals of take me back to Eden and the scream there or IV screaming on rain it’s so quiet and soft compared to a typical harsh vocal. Nothing wrong with typical mixing for harsh vocals but it makes it hit so much smoother and simpler imo without feeling any less raw or powerful.

For rain especially IV was so low in the mix and melded in with the instrumentals I had no idea he was in there. It wasn’t until someone pointed it out and compared the live performance to the recording I could hear it. And when I did it completely changed the song.

How do I deal with anxiety in the moment when life is stressing me out? Not to go to in depth for privacy but I’m in the middle of an ongoing situation that caused cops to be called due to something my dog did. I had no control of the situation and did everything I could to prevent my dogs actions but even so neighbors are escalating the situation and calling the cops. And now there is an ongoing situation. It is making me stress out that animal controlll will euthanize my pet.

nothing is stopping my panic because this isn’t some irrational panic attack because of disordered thinking. This is a genuine ongoing situation that will impact my life. I’m genuinely scared my family or my dog will be in trouble and I don’t know how to deal with everything. I am scared and exhausted and feel like an idiot for the situation escalating to this extreme. I feel like I’m going to puke. It doesn’t help that I am extremely afraid of authority and cannot deal with confrontation without feeling like I legitimately want to die or be sick. All my life I’ve never been able to confront teachers or professors that give me bad news or been able to handle people who think or know I did something wrong either on Accident or on purpose(rarely though since I’m a practical person and a stickler for rules and hate to cause trouble).

This is a long post but I seriously need help! It’s making me depressed and tired dealing with them.

For context I’m 19 living with my parents and I had to recently quit my job because my boss was a nut case. Either way I’m kinda surviving off of what little money I have to pay my small share of rent and go to college. Because I don’t have a full time job my dad insists I must either help him get his business off the ground or move out.

Because of this there’s no avoiding him or my mom and absolutely no way to do the typical advice of hanging out away from home as much as possible.

I also have zero friends to lean on or anyone I can confide in.

Now mind you on why their toxic, both my parents are pretty queer phobic. so to make it simple I’m pretty closeted and struggling. Also my dad is a whack job who refuses to pick up after himself at home and directs me and my mom to act as his maids. So a lot of micromanaging how we keep our place up while sitting around watching me and my mom.

Furthermore my dad is awful at communicating without yelling or getting heated when we work together on his business. since it’s gardening based and I’m horrible at it he always berates me for failing at the job. But I can’t deal with it anymore because he constantly changes his needs. He doesn’t communicate exactly how he wants it the first time and then gets mad if didn’t follow his new instructions. if I do research and do my own thing to make stuff work like he insists i should he thinks I overstepped. But if I do t research why a plant is failing because I might overstep then I’m slacking on the job. He also works me so hard to the point I’ve sprained my arm scooping soil and gotten my health issues (POTS) worked up till I almost faint. And when I tell him he thinks I should just shrug it off and keep going. I’ve had to fight him tooth and nail to get rest and not colapse or reinjure something.

My mom on the other hand is super subservient and fawns over him instead of standing up for herself and not letting him walk all over her( he’s very controlling and always wants things his way). She is also very gullible and believes a lot of toxic political stuff(she has fallen for many online scams). For the both of us he always nags and nitpicks even when we do as he asks and when he gets mad he sometimes throws things (has thrown pots and pans at me before in a fit of rage) or makes empty threats.

I’m sick of having to uphold the facade of being their straight cis daughter and I’m sick of feeling trapped at home. I can’t go anywhere far for too long because my dad always needs me on the daily for work things. Like even on weekends and holidays because “plants don’t care about what day it is and always need tending to” I guess.

If I even move out or not it doesn’t change the fact I feel like I’ll never have friends or a relationship since I have to hide so much of myself in the closet to make my bigoted family happy and to keep getting the benefits of what my family provides(houses, vehicles, healthcare opportunities, money, etc. some of it that will be passed down to me some day some of that is current opportunities). Basically I’m completely alone.

Not to mention they put so much pressure on my school life and becoming someone great and pursuing a degree. However I feel so stressed that I’m falling my classes because of the toxicity combined with the stress of being broke, lonely, and trying to figure out what I should study. But if they knew that was the case I’d be in even more trouble with them.

I’ve tried setting boundaries but being the toxic person my dad is boundaries mean nothing. He runs the house practically and refuses to let my mom’s opinion matter as a parent so all boundaries would be with him anyway. Also Every time I stand up for myself my dad threatens me with moving out or being homeless since I’m too broke to live anywhere.

I stood up to him this one time where he was threatening to break our blender like a jerk. i showed him it works well but He litteraly ripped it from my hands mid blending. He then called me a jerk and tossed it out into the backyard. I called him out on making threats and calling names and tossing stuff violently but he then just told me to move out and stand up for myself somewhere else.

Essentially He had this idea that we needed a new blender for an outrageous sum of money when we all where clearly tight on money at the time. my mom agreed his idea was stupid and expensive and our old blender worked but it was either his way or the highway and well he won. So Uber expensive blender and a broken old one.

From that experience As you can see he doesn’t listen to anyone!

Anyway you get the picture of how it all is here. Sorry it’s so long but wtf do I do!

This is a long post but I seriously need help! It’s making me depressed and tired dealing with them.

For context I’m 19 living with my parents and I had to recently quit my job because my boss was a nut case. Either way I’m kinda surviving off of what little money I have to pay my small share of rent and go to college. Because I don’t have a full time job my dad insists I must either help him get his business off the ground or move out.

Because of this there’s no avoiding him or my mom and absolutely no way to do the typical advice of hanging out away from home as much as possible.

I also have zero friends to lean on or anyone I can confide in.

Now mind you on why their toxic, both my parents are pretty queer phobic. so to make it simple I’m pretty closeted and struggling. Also my dad is a whack job who refuses to pick up after himself at home and directs me and my mom to act as his maids. So a lot of micromanaging how we keep our place up while sitting around watching me and my mom.

Furthermore my dad is awful at communicating without yelling or getting heated when we work together on his business. since it’s gardening based and I’m horrible at it he always berates me for failing at the job. But I can’t deal with it anymore because he constantly changes his needs. He doesn’t communicate exactly how he wants it the first time and then gets mad if didn’t follow his new instructions. if I do research and do my own thing to make stuff work like he insists i should he thinks I overstepped. But if I do t research why a plant is failing because I might overstep then I’m slacking on the job. He also works me so hard to the point I’ve sprained my arm scooping soil and gotten my health issues (POTS) worked up till I almost faint. And when I tell him he thinks I should just shrug it off and keep going. I’ve had to fight him tooth and nail to get rest and not colapse or reinjure something.

My mom on the other hand is super subservient and fawns over him instead of standing up for herself and not letting him walk all over her( he’s very controlling and always wants things his way). She is also very gullible and believes a lot of toxic political stuff(she has fallen for many online scams). For the both of us he always nags and nitpicks even when we do as he asks and when he gets mad he sometimes throws things (has thrown pots and pans at me before in a fit of rage) or makes empty threats.

I’m sick of having to uphold the facade of being their straight cis daughter and I’m sick of feeling trapped at home. I can’t go anywhere far for too long because my dad always needs me on the daily for work things. Like even on weekends and holidays because “plants don’t care about what day it is and always need tending to” I guess.

If I even move out or not it doesn’t change the fact I feel like I’ll never have friends or a relationship since I have to hide so much of myself in the closet to make my bigoted family happy and to keep getting the benefits of what my family provides(houses, vehicles, healthcare opportunities, money, etc. some of it that will be passed down to me some day some of that is current opportunities). Basically I’m completely alone.

Not to mention they put so much pressure on my school life and becoming someone great and pursuing a degree. However I feel so stressed that I’m falling my classes because of the toxicity combined with the stress of being broke, lonely, and trying to figure out what I should study. But if they knew that was the case I’d be in even more trouble with them.

I’ve tried setting boundaries but being the toxic person my dad is boundaries mean nothing. He runs the house practically and refuses to let my mom’s opinion matter as a parent so all boundaries would be with him anyway. Also Every time I stand up for myself my dad threatens me with moving out or being homeless since I’m too broke to live anywhere.

I stood up to him this one time where he was threatening to break our blender like a jerk. i showed him it works well but He litteraly ripped it from my hands mid blending. He then called me a jerk and tossed it out into the backyard. I called him out on making threats and calling names and tossing stuff violently but he then just told me to move out and stand up for myself somewhere else.

Essentially He had this idea that we needed a new blender for an outrageous sum of money when we all where clearly tight on money at the time. my mom agreed his idea was stupid and expensive and our old blender worked but it was either his way or the highway and well he won. So Uber expensive blender and a broken old one.

From that experience As you can see he doesn’t listen to anyone!

Anyway you get the picture of how it all is here. Sorry it’s so long but wtf do I do!

Rated e for smut.

Basically it’s an Alberto centric character study with smut involved.