u/alertthedirt

I was raised modern orthodox in a lubavitch, but pretty open-minded shul. I'm not religious and I haven't been in like 16 years, but the small congregation (including my dad) have kept it open - albeit hanging by a thread - this whole time.

well apparently a few months ago they signed a contract with a local, chabad-affiliated rabbi to lead the congregation and he straight up settlered them. apparently he found a check or something from the 60s sent by the Lubavitcher Rebbe himself to assist the shul (which has been operational for over 100 years), and the new rabbi took this information down to Kiryas Yoel and somehow found a way to get the fucking ownership deed transferred to Chabad.

so now he's in the process of like, closing down the synagogue and re-opening it as a Chabad shul. the current attendees have been told they can get with it or fuck off, the rabbi has claimed ownership of the 4 torah scrolls (both sentimental donations and also worth a ton of money), and he's been throwing out everyone's stuff.

my dad is really upset about it (like, he's having a full on crisis of faith) and though I don't have a good relationship with the place, this is a bad way to go. there's no way they have enough money to take this guy to court or anything, so I'm not sure they really have any recourse.

beyond that though, it's an extremely funny little microcosm of zionism. jew-on-jew zionism lmao

https://preview.redd.it/gz9nl6fqrgjh1.png?width=542&format=png&auto=webp&s=cbb80200061e7b43c9cad5b5367bb448db8a3d18

I am looking for honest perspectives from people familiar with Chabad communities.

I am a Sephardic Jew and I am connected to my Judaism spiritually. I also have more progressive beliefs and I value questioning, personal autonomy, and healthy boundaries. I joined a local Chabad community because I wanted to feel connected to Jewish life, there are no local synagogues in my area.

Over time, I became uncomfortable with some dynamics I experienced. I am trying to understand whether these are normal community dynamics or whether they are examples of unhealthy leadership and boundaries.

One of my concerns is around boundaries between this rabbi, his family, and congregants. For example, the rabbi asks Jewish congregants to babysit, including on Shabbat, uses a congregant's personal swimming pool for his kids on a weekly basis, asks a congregant who is converting to Judaism and another congregant who is not Jewish but married to a Jew to turn off their refrigerator light for Shabbat, gives birthday gifts to various adult congregants, asks congregants to drive his kids back and forth to Hebrew school, has a congregant perform housekeeping, change the baby's diaper, bathe the kids, and had a congregant assist in the home delivery in one of their kids. A congregant shared with me that she and her husband don't know "how to say no" to the Rabbi and rebbetzin, and the rebbetzin tried to pressure her to change her Dr's appointment to babysit for them. He only pays one congregant to do these things.The majority of these congregants were either Jews who were raised Christian, Jews who weren't raised Jewish, or those who converted to Judaism. And they're all in their 40s/50s/70s. The Rabbi and Rebbetzin are friends with all the congregants on Facebook and someone told me he "monitors" their lives through FB. The Rabbi and Rebbetzin are pretty young, in their 30s. The congregants frequently get together outside of chabad and will talk about how they feel pressured to do things for the Rabbi and they do it because they feel sorry for all his kids that "wear dirty clothes and have socks with holes." The kids are kind of mean. The kids have asked me why my skin color is brown, they've asked another person, "why did you marry a non-jew? Didn't your mother raise you any better," and to another person, "I've heard you're not a real Jew." All these congregants are making major donations to the Chabad, too. The congregants will also discuss how some of them have been upstairs in the Rabbi's house, they've seen the Rabbi's underwear on the floor, the baby sleeping in the closet, the two beds, the kids bathing in the same bath water...a lot of gossip about them. The Rebbetzin also stated that the Rebbe is "Jesus for the Jews," which I found very odd. They have multiple portraits of the Rebbe up.

A situation involving a male community member became very uncomfortable for me. I raised concerns about inappropriate behavior and expected the issue to be handled carefully. Instead, I later heard that the Rabbi described me as being in a “place of evil," to another congregant and in front of the congregant who made me uncomfortable. I found that language very disturbing and felt like I was being victim-blamed. I've never heard a Rabbi use such words. I followed up with the Rabbi on why this statement was made and he never responded. And the congregant that informed me what the Rabbi had said...she's the one with the husband who can't say no to the Rabbi... she went dark the next day and blocked me on social media with no explanation.

I was also told by the Rabbi when I reported the community member to him that discretion and keeping things quiet were emphasized because community conflict could create division. I understand the importance of avoiding gossip and unnecessary conflict, but I also struggle with the idea that people should feel silenced when they raise concerns about boundaries or behavior that makes them uncomfortable. And this Rabbi is apparently gossiping about me stating that I'm in a "place of evil."

I am trying to understand whether what I experienced is normal for Chabads or was this Chabad more cult-like. This all just happened and it's been overwhelming.