u/ActuatorOutside5256

What’s the best entry to use for broiled, boneless, and skinless chicken thighs? I can’t seem to find anything that corresponds to it.

I (28M) hate that I can’t just use water, a comb, and a blow dryer. I have to shampoo and really scrub it down just to fix the cowlicks on the sides, but then I lose my natural oils and look electrocuted. Fucking sucks balls.

I go to bed feeling okay most nights, but every now and then something small happens that rubs me the wrong way and makes me stay up all night. Tonight is one of those nights.

I was bullied all the way until I was 17. Bottles thrown at me, mocked, screamed at, shoved into the ground, all by four guys. The only way I got it to stop was by basically brown-nosing my headmaster and principal until I had enough leverage to report it, then convincing my lazy ass parents to back me up.

Unbelievably, the school actually came down hard on them. They were told to completely stop interacting with me, and if I ever needed something in class like paper, notes, whatever, they were expected to share with me if I politely asked. I know it sounds like absolute horseshit, but that’s genuinely what happened for my last three semesters of high school.

And yet it never felt like a win. It felt like I used authority as a mediator to make the problem disappear like a bitch instead of actually overcoming it myself and defending my honor. I can’t even talk about it as a “bro when I kicked their ass” thing. Strategically, maybe I handled it the smartest way anyone could really handle it, but I just never left a mark on them the way they left one on me.

After that, I moved to Florida with this dream of building a business and becoming successful around successful people. I did part of it. I met and did business with famous people. Dated ridiculously attractive women. But when it came to the business side, I graduated CS in December 2022 (no internships) and walked straight into one of the worst tech job markets imaginable. My business failed a year later, and I was unemployable.

Since then, I’ve been jobless. Tried to unalive myself twice. Worked odd jobs here and there, then went back to Albania once the money dried up (full US citizenship mind you). And TODAY, one of my friends tells me he saw my old headmaster retired on Instagram, and one of my bully’s mothers commented on his Instagram saying: “He was an amazing headmaster. Through his hard work and dedication to students, he helped turn my son into a defense attorney today.”

A fucking defense attorney in the US. I didn’t even know he moved there, plus he’s married. I don’t even know what to feel anymore. I spent years being convinced that I’d come out on top because that’s the only thing I focused on doing, and they were SO behind me the last time we spoke in 2022 (one of them was a waiter, and another one a baggage handler). After taking what in hindsight feels like the final L in 2022 (lost business in 2023), everything just feels hollow.

I’ve done the whole therapy shebang. I also tried the “discover what you really wanted when you were 12 y/o” shit. The latter worked but turned me into a hermit. And whenever I’m out of my mouse hole with friends, I can’t help but somehow talk about that period of my life when nearly everything was perfect, and it was so good that it feels like I’m lying about it. That‘s how much I’ve fallen since then.

I even got into MMA training 7 years ago, but now whenever I’m in an intimidating situation, my hands feel like pillows and I just shut down because I feel like my bullies won, so there’s no point in fighting over anything anymore. I lost whatever edge, fire, confidence, or whatever the fuck I used to have. And getting it back feels like more effort than I’m willing to put in anymore.

What a miserable thing the “I Failed” identity does to a person. God fucking damn it what did I do to my life. Jesus…

The title. It’s so annoying having to wear them while sleeping to keep them straight. And my dentist isn’t very helpful…

“Some people meditate; I smoke cigars.”

— Ron Pearlman

Now, the reason I quoted a Hollywood actor in what was admittedly an appeal to authority is because I genuinely relate to the sentiment behind it.

I’ve never really understood people who pose with cigars on Instagram, or smoke them during a night out, or bring them out at dinner just to project wealth or some exaggerated sense of masculinity.

To me, cigars have always been personal. They’re “me” time. A moment where it’s socially understood that I shouldn’t be interrupted. And beyond that, cigars feel relaxing and meditative.

You have to know how to store them, cut them, light them, and smoke them properly. They nurture your discipline and attention. You can’t rush the process without ruining the experience, and because of that, they encourage you to be the most patient version of yourself.

What I’ll do is, maybe once a month, I’ll sit outside in the yard with some hot cocoa, bring a book I’ve been reading, and light up a stogie. My brain stops overthinking because, at that moment, I already have the cigar to focus on (the flavor plus rhythm of smoking it). So I settle in, read, sip the cocoa, and just exist in the moment for a while.

And somewhere in that whole shebang, with my mind occupied by the cigar, the book, chocolate, and nicotine buzz, I end up reflecting on my life without constantly judging myself. There’s something strangely validating about that state of mind that therapy or supplements like ashwagandha + l-theanine just aren’t able to capture, because they’re not tied to an activity I want to do (just means to an end).

I don’t know. It’s just something I’ve found to be true for me personally. That’s also why I’d find it awkward to smoke cigars in social situations where I’d feel pressured to rush through one or toss it halfway through, because that seems completely opposite to the entire point of them.

Out of all the AI-ism’s, this one is BY FAR the cringiest. I don’t know why.

You know how I did it?

Connections. Yes, you can click off right now if this wasn’t your cup of tea, but it’s the only reliable way that has a good conversion ratio.

I don’t know how many positions I’ve applied to since August of last year, but it’s definitely in the 500+ range. And that’s with LinkedIn cold DMs + follow-ups, job fairs, university career fairs…

Let nobody lie to you here. The only reliable way you can earn with CS in this job market is with connections, entrepreneurship, or freelancing. That’s sadly a non-negotiable.

Everything else is DEAD at the entry level. The role I got was a senior role as a SysAdmin that they created specifically for me, and I haven’t touched anything of the sort in my life.

So, forget the fairy tales, and ask the people you ACTUALLY know about connections they can get you. Sit down with them over a cup of coffee, get them to like you, and make them engaged in your job search.

That’s the only way. I’m sorry you had to hear it from me (ignore the grifters).

I’ve always played casual matchmaking or server browser games like SWBF2/TF2/CSS, and I stop as soon as I’ve dominated a server for a week (consistently top score and win).

I never touched competitive matchmaking because I couldn’t run those games. When I wanted to play CS:GO in 2021, Faceit cost money, Premier was the same PLUS hacker-infested, and I just didn’t like Valorant.

Now in 2026 I’m FINALLY giving Valorant a real shot because I like the Vanguard anti-cheat. I’ve been playing DM lobbies for about a month and I’m consistently placing top 4 in Frankfurt/Warsaw servers.

So what does competitive matchmaking actually offer that server browser games like CS Source or TF2 don’t (bot-infested matchmaking doesn’t count)?

Please let me know. These are exciting times for me.

I got Valorant running at a stable 90 FPS (capped to 60 for frame-time stability) at 720p using Process Lasso.

I’m wondering if the same kind of performance is possible with Overwatch 2. Any thoughts?

SPECS:

- GPU: Intel UHD 620

- CPU: i7-8550U

- RAM: 8 GB

TLDR:

I was badly bullied in high school, and even though I eventually stopped it through authority figures and diplomacy, I never emotionally felt like I truly “won” because it wasn’t through force or domination. I buried the experience for years and built revenge fantasies around becoming successful and humiliating my former bullies because I forgot I got them to stop bullying me, only to later realize many of them had simply matured and asked me for their friendship. Failed business ventures, anxiety, terrible therapists, and career struggles eventually forced me to confront how much unresolved anger and identity I had tied to what happened to me. What do I do?

FULL VERSION:

Before my second year of high school, I got bullied badly. I got shoved into roads, humiliated in front of girls, had things thrown at me in class, got beaten up, belittled constantly, and dragged into fights.

I fought back and won against two of the weakest ones, but I had 7 other ones I wanted to fight back against but couldn’t because they were either bigger than me, or trained karate. I never even wanted to just “fight back,” I wanted either domination or acceptance from the same people hurting me (maybe even friendship).

I obviously still feel affected by it over a decade later. Back then, to make them just stop, I spent the fall semester brown nosing the principal and headmaster. And when I say that, I don’t mean being the teacher’s pet in class and everyone knowing about it, but meeting them outside of class, asking how they were, helping them carry things (they were old ladies). Then I eventually reported the bullying in the Spring semester after I convinced my shitty parents to support me in this.

My parents initially dismissed me because they were emotionally awful about this kind of stuff and thought I was exaggerating. But eventually we had a meeting with four of the main guys involved, and it turned into a screaming match. The difference was that by then, the principal and headmaster obviously liked me. My father also knew the principal personally and wanted the issue buried quickly.

So the school essentially forced those guys to leave me alone entirely. They weren’t allowed to speak to me, interact with me, or bother me in any way. If I needed something school-related from them, they had to help me without argument. Think of giving me a piece of paper of paper if I forgot my notebook type of deal.

Somehow, and I know it sounds like bullshit, it worked perfectly, and they never even talked to me again. Emotionally, this never felt satisfying. I didn’t feel like I won. I felt like authority figures won for me. I didn’t overpower them or humiliate them back. Yeah, you can say I organized everything, but it made me feel like a bitch.

After moving away from Albania, I completely buried the memory for years. Instead, I developed this obsession with revenge fantasies because I conveniently forgot this even happened. My mindset became “get rich with a business, become famous, provoke them by stealing one of their GFs, overpower them socially/physically, then negotiate a percentage they pay me from their jobs.”

Looking back now, I know it sounds fucking ridiculous, but this is what I was working towards for eight years, and I also had a few fights with them here and there during this period (won two, ran away from one). I think I had a chip on my shoulder, and I guess this is how I rationalized me striving for the things I strived for (becoming a businessman).

The weirdest part is that many of those same people later started trying to be friendly with me (even now). Because I went back to Albania every summer and I made new friends, my bullies invite me out for coffee or ask about my life, and instead of seeing that as maturity, I saw it as insulting super insulting. Why do they want my attention? Is this some sort of trick?

Like genuinely, now I’m realizing maybe people simply grew up, and maybe I already won back then by diplomatically stopping the bullying. But because it didn’t happen through force or domination, my brain never emotionally registered it as a victory. I actually even got pissed off that they didn’t continue the bullying, because I was dying for a fight with them.

Three years in after I moved away from Albania, I actually started to accept some of their offers, but I’d go to their houses with a bad haircut, different clothes etc, and I’d basically use the “know your enemy” tactic to figure out who they hung out with, and I’d analyze their IG’s so I could figure out who’s girl to DM first after I ”made it.”

No, I’m not joking. This is genuinely what I did. And when my business ventures failed, I struggled emotionally for years, went to therapy, developed anxiety, and became kind of a shell of the person I thought I was supposed to become. Somewhere during all that though, I also developed a lot more emotional intelligence. I found ways to calm myself down, started taking better care of my mental state with ashwagandha and l-theanine, and realized how much unresolved anger I was carrying (no thanks to my therapist).

And now I honestly don’t know whether I’ve been deeply self-aware lately to realize this (the title of the post) or just emotionally exhausted enough because of my failed entrepreneurial career and shitty tech market to finally see things more clearly. Part of me feels like I wasted years trapped in resentment and fantasies because I couldn’t emotionally process what happened to me properly, and I can’t think that I’m nothing but a fool because of that.

On the other hand, I think I might be overreacting because I can’t find a tech job, so I could just be self-sabotaging with this. I don’t really want to go back to therapy because my experiences with it were awful. But I also know this whole thing clearly affected me more than I realized.

I’m genuinely asking you people here, what the hell do I do?

TLDR:

I was badly bullied in high school, and even though I eventually stopped it through authority figures and diplomacy, I never emotionally felt like I truly “won” because it wasn’t through force or domination. I buried the experience for years and built revenge fantasies around becoming successful and humiliating my former bullies because I forgot I got them to stop bullying me, only to later realize many of them had simply matured and asked me for their friendship. Failed business ventures, anxiety, terrible therapists, and career struggles eventually forced me to confront how much unresolved anger and identity I had tied to what happened to me. What do I do?

FULL VERSION:

Before my second year of high school, I got bullied badly. I got shoved into roads, humiliated in front of girls, had things thrown at me in class, got beaten up, belittled constantly, and dragged into fights.

I fought back and won against two of the weakest ones, but I had 7 other ones I wanted to fight back against but couldn’t because they were either bigger than me, or trained karate. I never even wanted to just “fight back,” I wanted either domination or acceptance from the same people hurting me (maybe even friendship).

I obviously still feel affected by it over a decade later. Back then, to make them just stop, I spent the fall semester brown nosing the principal and headmaster. And when I say that, I don’t mean being the teacher’s pet in class and everyone knowing about it, but meeting them outside of class, asking how they were, helping them carry things (they were old ladies). Then I eventually reported the bullying in the Spring semester after I convinced my shitty parents to support me in this.

My parents initially dismissed me because they were emotionally awful about this kind of stuff and thought I was exaggerating. But eventually we had a meeting with four of the main guys involved, and it turned into a screaming match. The difference was that by then, the principal and headmaster obviously liked me. My father also knew the principal personally and wanted the issue buried quickly.

So the school essentially forced those guys to leave me alone entirely. They weren’t allowed to speak to me, interact with me, or bother me in any way. If I needed something school-related from them, they had to help me without argument. Think of giving me a piece of paper of paper if I forgot my notebook type of deal.

Somehow, and I know it sounds like bullshit, it worked perfectly, and they never even talked to me again. Emotionally, this never felt satisfying. I didn’t feel like I won. I felt like authority figures won for me. I didn’t overpower them or humiliate them back. Yeah, you can say I organized everything, but it made me feel like a bitch.

After moving away from Albania, I completely buried the memory for years. Instead, I developed this obsession with revenge fantasies because I conveniently forgot this even happened. My mindset became “get rich with a business, become famous, provoke them by stealing one of their GFs, overpower them socially/physically, then negotiate a percentage they pay me from their jobs.”

Looking back now, I know it sounds fucking ridiculous, but this is what I was working towards for eight years, and I also had a few fights with them here and there during this period (won two, ran away from one). I think I had a chip on my shoulder, and I guess this is how I rationalized me striving for the things I strived for (becoming a businessman).

The weirdest part is that many of those same people later started trying to be friendly with me (even now). Because I went back to Albania every summer and I made new friends, my bullies invite me out for coffee or ask about my life, and instead of seeing that as maturity, I saw it as insulting super insulting. Why do they want my attention? Is this some sort of trick?

Like genuinely, now I’m realizing maybe people simply grew up, and maybe I already won back then by diplomatically stopping the bullying. But because it didn’t happen through force or domination, my brain never emotionally registered it as a victory. I actually even got pissed off that they didn’t continue the bullying, because I was dying for a fight with them.

Three years in after I moved away from Albania, I actually started to accept some of their offers, but I’d go to their houses with a bad haircut, different clothes etc, and I’d basically use the “know your enemy” tactic to figure out who they hung out with, and I’d analyze their IG’s so I could figure out who’s girl to DM first after I ”made it.”

No, I’m not joking. This is genuinely what I did. And when my business ventures failed, I struggled emotionally for years, went to therapy, developed anxiety, and became kind of a shell of the person I thought I was supposed to become. Somewhere during all that though, I also developed a lot more emotional intelligence. I found ways to calm myself down, started taking better care of my mental state with ashwagandha and l-theanine, and realized how much unresolved anger I was carrying (no thanks to my therapist).

And now I honestly don’t know whether I’ve been deeply self-aware lately to realize this (the title of the post) or just emotionally exhausted enough because of my failed entrepreneurial career and shitty tech market to finally see things more clearly. Part of me feels like I wasted years trapped in resentment and fantasies because I couldn’t emotionally process what happened to me properly, and I can’t think that I’m nothing but a fool because of that.

On the other hand, I think I might be overreacting because I can’t find a tech job, so I could just be self-sabotaging with this. I don’t really want to go back to therapy because my experiences with it were awful. But I also know this whole thing clearly affected me more than I realized.

I’m genuinely asking the Jungians here, what the hell do I do?

Especially if you’re an introvert that just wants something to sip on without it affecting your sleep, anxiety, or calories.

I also personally take ashwagandha + L-theanine prior to going out because it makes social interactions genuinely productive without feeling performative, so I can’t drink coffee or alcohol with it because they have bad synergy (mainly with ash).

Anyway, just think about it...

- Coffee at 9 PM? Enjoy staring at the ceiling until 4 AM.

- Energy drinks? Same shit, plus anxiety in a can.

- Soda and/or juice? Sugar and calories galore.

- Hot chocolate? Good mild energy booster, but again, calories galore.

- Alcohol? Decent for social anxiety, but the calories are kinda not good, and ashwagandha + alcohol kill people’s livers.

Now, SPARKLING WATER WITH LEMON is KING because it feels like you’re drinking something fancy while actually consuming almost nothing. It’s literally just cold bubbly water with a hint of lemon that somehow tastes really good for zero reason.

I will die on this hill.

From my experience, there’s three kinds of bullies:

• Hurt people hurt people: These are the ones that come from a troubled and/or poor home, so they can’t help but project their sense of anger and/or inadequacy onto easy victims to self-validate. This is the most famous one that people latch onto the most, because they find it easy to pity them.
• Jocks: Being a macho dude that takes shit from nobody is very valued amongst this group, so they find easy victims to target, but usually they don’t like to do it. Also extends to cheer leaders, frats, sororities, etc. Basically gatekeeping culture of the middle class.
• Machiavellians: This is the rich kid that’s been taught by their parents that being seen and being first is of highest importance, and they’ve been groomed into doing literal sociopath activities to get ahead. They’re very secretive and taught to display altruistic values. Usually aren’t a problem for easy victims unless someone goes out of their way to piss the Machiavellians off. These types of bullies are also very vindictive.

Very few want to acknowledge the second and third group exist, because they think something has to hurt within you in order to hurt others (which is just not true).

To change my view, you’d have to convince me that someone needs to be hurt in order to feel the need to hurt others.

So I was just watching a Patrick Bet-David podcast (horrible person) with the authors of Blue Ocean Strategy, and in the middle of it he asks them:

“How do you deal with an employee who made $65,000 but comes to you and says, ’Boss, I want to make $120,000. Companies A, B, and C are offering me that, so if I can’t get a raise, I’m leaving’?”

And Patrick starts calling those employees “bullies” for trying to renegotiate. Then he goes on this rant about how 2-3 years later, those same people supposedly get laid off during a bad economy and come crawling back “bitching and complaining” with some emotional story like:

“Oh, me and my wife cried about it. We realized you were the best company all along. You gave me X, Y, Z values and now we appreciate them so much.” And he frames that as “being bullied by employees with selfish genes.”

Does Patrick even understand the concept of negotiation?

Just because he sees himself as some untouchable hotshot business owner (while actually being a grifter) doesn’t mean employees are supposed to enjoy feeling stepped on 24/7. If another party values something more highly, they have every right to use that leverage. That’s literally how negotiation works.

It’s like some rich people genuinely get off on treating workers asking for better pay as some kind of personal betrayal or existential threat to their lifestyle (unless you’re also a business owner).

What an exhaustingly insecure way to live.

Now this is purely anecdotal, and so when I combine 200mg of L-theanine with 300mg of KSM-66 ashwagandha, all of the overthinking and mental noise just go away. It feels like my brain stops trying to pull me in ten different directions at once.

I even notice it in small social situations. For example, when I’m riding my bike and make eye contact with random people, without the stack it can feel forced and performative, which makes me self-conscious. But when I’m on it, it feels completely natural. I feel present, grounded, and comfortable just existing in the moment.

I know that example sounds a little weird, but the best way I can describe it is that I stop feeling like I’m fighting against my own mind. It becomes easier to focus on whatever I decide to do, no matter how uncomfortable, without constantly being mentally pulled away from it.

It also makes it easier to enjoy activities in a calm, detached way instead of feeling emotionally dragged around by every little thought or impulse. So much so that even being angry feels good and purposeful on it.

I’m not recommending anyone try this since I’m not a doctor, but I wanted to share what the experience has been like for me personally.