u/ActuatorOutside5256

Long story short, I was severely bullied growing up. About ten years ago I got some of my bullies docked a grade, and they spent years turning people against me, eventually pushing me to leave Albania for the US, yadayadayada.

Even while I was there in the US, I never completely got over it. I spent years reading books like The Art of War, The 33 Strategies of War, The Prince, and Never Split the Difference. I applied their ideas in other conflicts I had, but none of it ever felt PERSONAL enough for the lessons to truly come alive.

Now that I’m back in Albania and in conflict with those same people, it’s soo different. The ideas I’ve studied suddenly fit the a lot of situations, and seeing them play out in real life (just as the literature says they will) is exhilarating.

The C-PTSD I had is GONE. All I have now is adrenaline. I feel ready at a moment’s notice, without the rumination that used to consume me. My focus is simply on navigating the situations, staying disciplined, and eventually getting a decision maker to the table so this whole feud can end.

I know this probably sounds incoherent to people who can’t read between the lines. They’ll wonder what I mean by “events,” “conflict,” or a “decision maker.” And I’m deliberately not sharing because, ya know, I wanna keep my Reddit account by NOT sharing unethical life hacks as well as street MMA tips to strangers that have their doritos fingers resting on the report button.

From my perspective, this is about following a strategy I’ve thought through. It’s not enjoyable because conflict never is, but it feels intensely personal, and for the first time with these people I feel like I have agency over when the button pushing starts and ends, and they can do nothing a out it.

And yes, I’m still stuck in high school. This matters to me a lot, and it‘s probably the only thing that’s ever mattered to me deep down.

Following up from my previous post…

About a month ago, after years of ongoing hostility with some former bullies, I decided to actively confront the situation because my goal is ultimately to get a meeting with the person who has influence over everyone involved and put the whole thing to while legitimizing myself in my hometown (Albania).

When I started this, I expected things to escalate quickly. I thought people would be furious that I was doing this and would immediately retaliate. Instead, aside from a few people reaching out, most have either said they don’t want trouble or literally freeze and RUN AWAY when they see me.

That’s been demoralizing. My expectation was “Eventually someone will snap, and that’ll get me closer to the decision-maker.” But these people are just withdrawing and calling my bluff. One former bully walked up to me at the gym and said “Stop talking or I’ll kick your ass“ after I told him “lots of negativity in your life right now, right X?”

I replied “Is that because one of your buddies has a headache, or because you’re so fat information can’t get through anymore?” Headache meaning his head hurst after what I did to him. And so, instead of reacting, he just said “you’re right.” WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I’m considering pivoting to someone lower down, even though I still want to meet the decision maker because that would turn this isolated one sided squabble into something formally acknowledged and with ACTUAL positive repercussions for me (legitimization). I’m already getting many of the results I wanted without that meeting.

What I didn’t expect was for their morale to collapse this quickly or for enough time to pass that the adrenaline (not anxiety) would build into this constant feeling that I need to stay vigilant , which is ruining my sleep and making me have 2-3 hours instead of 8.

I’m honestly confused right now. I didn’t sign up for a war of attrition. What the hell happened…

So, not to bore you with the details, I’ve been partaking in some street MMA against my old bullies because they gave me casus belli by provoking me about a month ago.

Every time this happens, my goal is to eventually get a meeting with a decision who’s friends with all of them so I can sort this whole thing out with mutual benefit. Also, after each encounter I’ve become more detached and have needed less medication to stay calm, stop ruminating, and keep my anxiety under control (this is all from my psychiatrist from two years ago),

The biggest change happened after the third time. The first two happened at a club, and I left before I had a chance to talk to them, so it felt like I didn’t do it. This third time was different, because the guy literally ran when he saw me on the street, but I caught up to him and we exchanged words after it happened instead of me saying just something that would’ve provoked another fight.

Ever since then, I don’t really know how to explain how I feel. The closest to it is that I feel incredibly calm, focused, and almost gleeful. There’s no sadism or rage, but just a very strategic mindset. I have almost no motivation to do anything except see this whole thing through. When I think about doing anything that isn’t connected to these goals, I actually feel nauseous and dizzy. It’s like my mind is telling me “you’re finally in the thick of it, so let go of the copium activities. This is the cure.”

Does anyone familiar with Jungian psychology have an explanation for what’s happening to me?

So I’m lying in bed trying to sleep, but I can’t ignore the slight adrenaline rush from what I can only describe as individuation washing over me.

I was bullied badly in HS and got my bullies docked a grade. One of them spent the next decade convincing everyone they got docked for “nothing” and that it was all because of me being hysterical and crazy (butthurt psycho propaganda).

Long story short, ten years later (a month ago), after returning from the US, another guy from HS provoked me for nothing, and then I realized it was because of this incessant gossip. I saw it as casus belli to finally go after my bullies (without looking stuck in the past).

Since then, I’ve made two events happen (against my bullies) that are now the talk of the town, but they weren’t getting me close to my goal. For the third, today I accidentally walked past one of the guys who had texted me “I’ll make you to go to America, don’t worry” (again, psycho). I mean, I was actively looking for this guy for a week because I thought I’d get jumped during the weekend or something.

When I saw him, I literally couldn’t believe my luck. I stopped and started laughing from disbelief, we made eye contact, and he kinda did this weird ass turn around and started running away, which made me laugh even more because I wasn’t expecting it. I caught up with him when I saw him stop running, and went for the thing (and somehow fucked my own knee up in the process).

As things go on, I think I’m finally integrating my shadow with my social person. Before, anything unhinged I did felt fake, like I was acting out of insecurity and wanting to be deemed as dangerous. Now it feels natural. I’m just doing what seems strategically smartest after the hostile welcome I got back in Albania, and it just so happens to make me look dangerous.

The burden I’ve carried for years feels VAPORIZED. It’s like it individuated (again that word) and is now rooted in me. I had validation from famous people in the US, but it never really mattered. The validation I needed was from THESE people, and now that I’m slowly getting it, I feel calm, comfortable, and at peace.

Yes, I can feel myself becoming filled with gleeful sadism now that my actions are actually having an impact, but for the first time it feels genuine instead of forced. I hope with this I can finally set up a meeting with a decision maker, and I can see what’s what and whether it’s worth calming things down.

I still don’t have the words to fully explain the emotions. I’m just grateful I got the opportunity to get revenge on my bullies a month ago, and that I had the guts (and I’m building the competence as I go) to take it.

Screw therapy. Uprooting the source is THE solution.

You know that feeling when you’ve finally figured things out, you know exactly what you want to do, and you’re really excited to get started?

Yeah, but imagine something completely outside your control not allowing you to do it. It’s like sitting in a parked car with your foot on the gas waiting for a GATE TO OPEN. Every day is an exercise in patience, and if you knock down the gate, your ass is grass.

It’s one of the most frustrating feelings I’ve experienced. No joke, it feels like someone hitting the pause button when you wanna watch a movie.

And when I say conflict, I mean planned conflict that seeks to throw your hat in the ring, and NOT just throwing your toys out of the pram.

Long story short, I got into a bit of a pickle with some high school bullies years ago that got them docked a grade, and one of them spent the next decade spreading rumors about me (that I just found out about).

Now, small town gossip did what it always does, so like maybe EVERYONE from my generation already has an opinion of me (and not a good one). This prevents me from doing a lot of things in my hometown that I’d not have ANY issue with doing just 5 miles down the road in my neighboring town (jobs, girlfriends, etc).

A few weeks ago I ran into one of them again, things escalated (badly for them good for me, please don’t ask what), and for the first time I felt like I finally had a chance to put this shit behind me and earn some legitimacy. Mind you, I’m doing this out of pure unfiltered spite.

Because I told him where to find my number, and because he’s evidently been singing his ailments like a canary, I’ve been getting calls and texts from people I know and people I don’t know telling me to either get out of town, or ”you did good to him.” Surprisingly I’ve not gotten any “what did you do?”, as I expected to get most of those by far.

This is all really really good, but I need another “escalation” with one more person that’s higher up the ladder before I can sit down and negotiate this conflict into it not being worthwhile for them, and that me being legitimized is a no brainer.

Now sadly, I’m being cucked by my circumstances, because I was isolated for a while and can’t sell the idea of going out to my friends (because they want nothing to do with me), but I’m still in a position to do this escalation because I can do it on a random encounter as well.

Before anyone says “therapy” or “just move on,” I’ve done therapy. They told me I survived WAR in HS. This is actually making me feel alive and WHOLE. Like I do not feel the need to hide parts of my personality because it might offend someone. I am being transparent, and saying “you know where to find me if it bothers you.”

I can‘t encourage people to do what I’m doing because it’ll break Reddit ToS, but what I can tell you is that you do, in fact, have the power to change your destiny if you understand the concept of “conquer and negotiate.”

Long story short, I got into a conflict with a few former high school bullies years ago that got them docked a year, and one of them spread negative rumors afterward. Ever since, I’ve felt like a lot of people from my generation in my hometown have viewed me very badly.

A few weeks ago I ran into one of them, things escalated (bad for them good for me), and now I REALLY wanted to benefit from the fallout. I wanted to use this as an opportunity to finally put the whole situation behind me, but the friend I’d normally go out with hasn’t been replying, and after spending a year isolated because of depression, I feel like I have no way to move forward.

Before anyone says “let it go” or “go to therapy,” my frustration is that doing nothing feels like rewarding intimidation, and clearly the negative reputation around me won’t dissapear with just “moving on.” I’ve made a HUGE step with this, but circumstances are making me lose momentum.

I’m so stressed out with my feeling of suspense. It’s eating me alive. I NEED MY RESOURCES DAMMMMMMIIIT.

So I got myself into a pretty good position with my old HS bullies after kicking one of them in the knee during a coffee when he insulted me, then telling him to “call someone from HS to defend you because you clearly can’t do it yourself.”

This all started because I had four bullies in HS (10 years ago), and I got them held back a year via the principal. I only recently realized one of them got SUPER butthurt and spent years telling everyone I reported them for “nothing” and that I was bitchmade. I still don’t know which one it was. Ironically, I’m really good friends with one of the four now (he doesn’t hang with them anymore).

It got so bad I left Albania for the US, but after moving back a few months ago I realized the propaganda never died. I was out for coffee with my cousin when someone I thought was a friend started fronting out of nowhere, and people were insulting me left and right. I realized it was the perfect casus belli, so I did what I did.

Now the ball is rolling. I’ve got attention, people are actively looking for me, and I wanted to turn this into a legitimization opportunity in my hometown. The problem is I can’t go out because I ghosted all my friends for over a year after falling into depression. They don’t know that, and even after I closed them on a coffee, they flaked (pain).

So I’m stuck. The only way I can think of forcing a meeting with the guy who controls the narrative around here (not one of my bullies) is escalating things again so he’ll finally sit down with me. My goal isn’t to fight him, but to convince him it’s too costly to keep this issue going, but my friend is ignoring me (he has no clue what’s going on).

Fighting a war without the resources you need is so fucking annoying. AARRGHHHH.

Was looking at some tutoring websites these past few weeks, but their courses are out of my budget. Is Udemy something I should consider, or do I get what I pay for?

Was looking at some tutoring websites these past few weeks, but their courses are out of my budget. Is Udemy something I should consider, or do I get what I pay for?

My model is an LG ES-H126LLA0. I lifted the front cover to look for the manual power button, but there doesn’t seem to be one on this unit.

I’m going a little crazy in this summer heat and would really appreciate any help getting it turned on without the remote.

Would anyone happen to know how to do it? Thanks in advance!

Have you been hardstuck Iron for months, and are tired of feeling like a bot in-game?

Not selling anything, I’m just a coach that’s helped over 67 players just like you go from Iron to Radiant in less than 7 days WITHOUT having to play Valorant.

Hi, my name is kon…

So, I ghosted my client for a year, and I need him for something important (and he’s going cold on me).

Basically, I have something in motion with a really bad rival from another company, and I‘ve got them pissed and out to get me (good). To take advantage of it, I need to actually show up at the same place as them. The problem is I need my client to go out for this, and the client I need won’t commit to plans (he has no clue about anything)

For context, I fell into a depression last year and disappeared on everyone. They called me for six months before giving up. When I came back to reality, the client thought a photo I sent him was AI generated, called me a liar, and wouldn’t hear me out. I let it go because I could tell he felt genuinely hurt.

Somehow we bumped into each other a few months later. He said everyone at his company missed me and that we needed catch up. I was sliding back into depression at the time, so I never followed through. Fast forward to now, I NEEEED him. I spent a week carefully rebuilding rapport with him, and got him genuinely excited to grab coffee at X date and time (he even said he’d bring his assistant who’d been asking about me as well).

When the day comes, he doesn’t pick up. I asked him “I should be expecting you for coffee, right?” He then TEXTS me that something came up. I know this was a soft flaky ass objection, so I put the onus on him by telling him “that’s okay, suggest a day that’s reasonable for you.” He said “I will,” … that was four says ago.

I can’t even push too hard, because where I’m from (small town) chasing someone too openly reads as desperate and it gets around in a bad way. So I’ve exhausted every play that was available to me, and now my hands are tied.

The thing that KILLS me is I know why he’s doing this, because I disappeared on him twice, so he’s protecting himself from getting hurt again. I just don’t know how to move things forward without making it worse.

GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!! Why does this happen right when I need him like a dying horse needs water?

“Give them bread and circuses“ and all that jazz.