u/Adorable_Click_7071

I know this sub can be a bit brutal, but please be kind or at least as kind as you can be in your replies, as I am majorly struggling mentally at the moment.

**ETA: I struggle with anxiety and depression and have done for a long time, on and off. My symptoms fluctuate depending on my stress levels, and environment is a huge trigger for me. My workplace are aware of this.

Based in the UK.

Please excuse the long story -

Been with my company 3.5 years. I know this isn’t a particularly long tenure, but in my company and role, it is considered to be 😅

Had two weeks off work at the end of last year with severe work related stress - prior to this I have no history of long term / continuous or intermittent absences. I have literally worked through migraines, food poisoning, flu, everything. I have been available all hours of the day if anyone needs anything, often logging on over the weekends despite this not being a written expectation of my role but feeling pressured to due to a cultural expectation.

When I was absent, I did raise some concerns around wellbeing, lack of adequate line management (I now have a new line manager- what’s confusing is my line manager is someone different to who I provide support to) and worries around job security (I wouldn’t have been the only one to raise this). These were not addressed, and I wasn’t offered a return to work meeting when I came back.

Skip to January - returned after Christmas to find out that the person I work with (I am in business support) had removed the majority of my role from me and was now working with someone else. I literally have barely anything to do at work now. This was all discussed and agreed without any involvement from me. I have worked with this person continuously for over three years, and we had a good working relationship, this has severed it. I was told this was temporary due to business needs, but it’s now been nearly 6 months.

A lot has happened between then and now which has resulted in me raising a grievance. This was really scary and nerve wracking to do considering the nature of my role and the company - for context, I work closely to the leadership team and have seen others face retaliation when raising concerns etc. people mysteriously disappear and then a month or two later comms is sent out saying they have “stepped away” from the business.

I was persuaded by my cousin in law who is a judge and solicitor to raise this grievance based on what I shared with her- what has happened at work and how it is impacting me. In short, I mentioned things which she said could equate to bullying and harassment, role erosion, and potential breach of contract and discrimination. This gave me the confidence to raise the grievance but ofc still causing me anxiety whilst I wait for the investigation.

Went off sick in March again with work related stress and ended up being off for longer than I had planned, in total six weeks which I know could be considered an extended sickness absence. I am not someone who frilly nilly takes time off, and my working history can attest to that. I took the time because I was suffering with severe physical symptoms of stress and anxiety including chest pains, migraines, nausea, and insomnia and I couldn’t function day to day.

During my absence I received no check-ins from anyone at all. I had zero contact from my employer. I returned at the start of this week and met with my “line manager” who said he is happy I am back and happy to provide me with any support I might need - I have been advised by my GP to wfh as I phase back into work and he is happy with this. This made me feel supported and happy to return, but the underlying issues surrounding my wider role and working environment are still present (my line manager is not aware of the details as my grievance is confidential and doesn’t involve him).

Today I was told that I need to attend a sickness absence review meeting. I was told this applies to anyone who has more than two weeks off work but when I located the sickness absence policy, this conflicts with what is written. It also appears to be very formal and says things about absence being a cause for concern, capability dismissal and more. This has really worried me and I have asked for further clarification.

I want to be clear that I am more than capable of carrying out my role, my absence is directly caused by work related stress and anxiety which until my grievance has been heard and an outcome decided, I don’t see changing. That doesn’t mean that with reasonable adjustments (such as wfh, phased return) I can’t carry out my role.

I’m worried that because I raised a grievance I am facing some sort of retaliation where they are trying to set me up for dismissal based on capability. But as I said I am more than capable and what happened in January hadn’t happened - plus what followed over the last few months - none of this would be happening now.

Please any advice that is useful would be so appreciated. Thank you so much for reading.

I’m (34f) a FTB and bought myself a 2 bed, 2 bath flat a year ago. Originally I had been looking at houses but couldn’t find anything with in the area I wanted to live in that also fit within my budget and that felt right for me.

I then stumbled upon the most amazing and beautiful apartment with stunning living room balcony views directly overlooking a gorgeous and serene pond, filled with swans and ducks, surrounded by weeping willows and other plant life. It is the most peaceful and calming location I have ever lived in, and it couldn’t be more perfect for me. I enjoy every single day in my little home, and I know that when I eventually come to sell, someone else will fall in love with this place the way I did.

It’s incredibly spacious, had been very well kept and just perfect for me. I have redecorated by changing the flooring in a few rooms and painting but I didn’t need to do anything else, which has saved me a lot as I also needed to buy all my furniture. There’s also a large balcony which helps me stop missing my old garden 🥰

Prior to purchase I hadn’t read all of the complaints and horror stories about buying a flat. It seems that a lot of people don’t think flats hold their value and of course there’s the service charge element. I started seeing a general theme here on Reddit about how flats are such a waste of money and the worst thing you could ever do is buy a flat which I absolutely disagree with.

There are pros and cons with any property purchase. Yes, with houses you tend to be a freeholder (although I believe a lot of new build homes now have service charge?) but that doesn’t mean you won’t incur huge costs down the line. I did my research regarding the service charge history for the property and it hasn’t gone up by more than £50 in the last 8 years (whilst the previous owner lived here). It also includes reserve funds, so we’re covered for big emergencies / works needing done.

It’s also incredibly quiet inside my home - I haven’t heard a peep from my neighbours and there’s very little outside noise due to the lake (there is only a walking path - no roads) and the fact that the surrounding paths are private property.

Yes, it’s annoying having to pay it and I was definitely irritated by the fact a lot of it goes to the management company, but if I wasn’t paying service charge I’d probably be saving the money every month towards an emergency fund anyway. My mum incurred huge costs with her home due to subsidence, a faulty boiler and issues with the loft - none of which she had planned for and it massively increased her home insurance charge. She has antisocial neighbours too, which are causing massive problems. What keeps her home holding its value is purely the location due to the Elizabeth line!

I say all this to say that each individual is different but flag shouldn’t get such a bad rep. Just do your research, plan well and be cautious - as you would with any property.

Personally I’m so happy with my decision - the property, location etc. are everything I wanted and I’m just so happy to be here and finally be able to have a place I can call my “home”. 🤍

What do you think about Cancers dating their rising sign equivalent?

Personal backstory: Many years ago now but we were together for 4 years.
I was absolutely heart broken and I’d say it took me about 4 years to get over him.
As soon as we met I felt this sense of “you’re going to be someone really important to me”
Our relationship developed very slowly, we met in person once (when we exchanged numbers) and then just texted / spoke on the phone for almost a year. I felt like I could tell him anything and not be judged. He felt the same. He used to say that I was the only one he showed his “weird” side to.
Our friendship and foundation definitely set the way for us to have a stable and solid relationship.
We never really argued, if we did it was over within 5 mins. I felt so deeply understood by him that thinking about it now even all these years later brings me to tears because I’ve never found that again. I didn’t have to say much or speak much, he just knew me. He knew what I was thinking, he knew my heart, and he knew how to communicate with me.
After a few years of being together, I opened up to him about things I’ve never told anyone else. And it just felt right. I hadn’t planned to tell him, but it was the right moment.
I had no worries because I felt so deeply loved and accepted by this person that reflected so much of myself back to me.
At the time though, I was quite young (we both were) and we broke up for silly reasons. I didn’t ever reach out to him after that, mostly because of pride and also because I just assumed we’d get back together eventually. We never did, and I still think about my friend, lover, and partner from all those years ago.

Worst experience of my life…! What are your opinions on Cancers dating Cancers? Can it work?