u/JellyfishPashmina

Hell, purgatory, no heaven, bad reincarnation, no enlightenment, whatever each religion might consider the “bad place.” Obviously whatever split them into sects was important enough to divide them in the first place—cause fighting, wars, separations, crusades, even deaths—and religious people are such pedants that I can imagine them believing people from different sects within their own religions aren’t leveling up in the next life without joining the “good side.”

I just don’t get how they all look at each other in the first place and don’t realize how divided they all are. If religion is all about unity, there wouldn’t be any divisions. There wouldn’t be different religions in the way their worlds are written! But I digress…

I used to follow this mega-family who was part of a cult (you know, for science), and when some of the kids grew up and got married, they went to be missionaries in Central America. They, Baptists, went to Central America to try to save the souls…of Catholics. So, obviously this shit really matters, or if it didn’t, they’d make better use of their time, no?

And surely they must believe that all people from other religions are doomed to eternal damnation if they don’t adopt their specific religion 1 second before giving out. How do a Christian and a Muslim look at each other and not know the other one thinks they’re not going to “heaven”? It’s an automatic assumption on the reality of religion, but no one says it out loud (great PR by religion, right?). I know they look at us atheists and think we’re going to burn forever, so surely they must think that of anyone who doesn’t subscribe to their specific god(s).

I’ve been working on some TOUGH things in therapy lately. Very emotional family-related things that have been going on my entire life. The general societal adage goes that everyone has shit in their past, and you need to take accountability as an adult. Which I am, otherwise I wouldn’t be in therapy. But what is the point of it all—of all the suffering, hard work, rejections, depression, anxiety, crippling fear, mental health issues, social leprosy, single sadness, debilitating ADHD, inability to support myself on one woman’s salary in this economy—when I never asked to be here in the first place? When I was screwed with all these troubles from the minute I was conceived. We’re forced onto this planet against our will and told to take ownership and work hard and all our dreams will come true, and it’s pure and utter BS. And, as an atheist, I can see clear through to the end of it all, that it really is all for nothing: just something to keep us occupied and worked to the bone until we die, while the select few run the world like a playground.

I’m just really, really failing to see the point in it all and why people bring kids into this shitty existence, because the most people parts of my life are the ones where I’m cold asleep, no dreams, and that’s just what it was like when I never existed.

Seriously, where did this bizarre legend come from? Who decided women were so poor at decision-making that something as simple as food trips them up? I can absolutely not relate, I’m far too independent and Type A for that nonsense. Most days by 9am, I know what I’m eating for dinner, what restaurant I’m going to (if applicable), and probably already know what I’m ordering lol. If I can’t decide what to eat, my partner/friends and I will order a mix of things and split. Enjoying dinner without any hassle at the end of a long day is something to look forward to, not this behemoth of a choice that can’t be made.

Does society really think women are so flighty and unsure of things? On a deeper level, it feels sexist, like the “girl math” thing. I love actual math and have never understood the stereotype that women can’t do basic arithmetic.

Where are my other decisive girlies at? And what’s for dinner? Lol

A lot of my CPTSD stems from family-related issues, one namely being that my sister is the self-centered, halo-adorned golden child, my mom’s her sycophantic hype-woman, while I’m always the biggest a-hole anytime I speak up about the unfairness. My mom is frequently visiting her to help her with things and then yelling at me any time I ask even the slightest favor. I’ll spare the boring details, but as a result of many, many issues surrounding this misaligned treatment, my sister and I are currently estranged. At this point, any time I hear about her or her and my mom’s relationship, my CPTSD is intensely triggered. (Yes, I’m in therapy working on this.)

I really need help calming down from this scenario tonight: My sister is now an influencer, and my mom went to visit her for an entire week just to help her get projects for social media done, scrubbing her house top to bottom, helping her meal prep, and enjoying quality leisure time together (skipping an important anniversary of mine in the process, but that’s besides the point). She does this about once a month at this rate. I’ve done some social media work in the past and when I asked my mom for help one time, she spent the entire time complaining and then condescending to me how little money I made on the project. I never asked her for help again. Basically, I can’t rely on her even when I ask and my sister can without even asking.

This time around, my sister sent my mom home with a “gift” for me. My mom said my sister received it from “someone.” To any keen observer, it’s clearly a gifted PR box. My mom is going on and on about how nice that is and how thoughtful of my sister to think of me, etc. etc. etc., and I just want to hurl the thing in the trash. My mom knows everything that’s inside of it, which means she likely helped me sister make a vid for it, then my sister had no desire to actually use it, sealed it back up, and regifted it to me—that or my sister had already filmed it, was getting rid of old PR stuff, my mom saw it and asked if she could bring it home from me, and pretended it was from my sister, saying my sister had been “saving it” for me.

I know my sister, and I know she’s not one to gives gifts to people just because, she’s not one to do little gestures just because she’s thinking of you, and she’s not one to go out of her way to make you feel special like that unless it somehow brings attention back to her. Not to mention, my whole family knows how phony I find the whole influencer, product-pusher thing. I know the reality: my sister was gifted it by a brand, filmed it to get her pay, and was going to get rid of it, my mom asked if she could bring it to me instead, my sister shrugged a nonchalant “sure,” so my mom packed it back up and brought it to me, pretending it was a kind and thoughtful gift from my sister.

Thing is, when I told my mom I know what it is and that’s a regift (technically from a work project at that), and that that’s not a kind gesture and actually kind of insulting to regift someone work stuff (to actually just get rid of it) when you haven’t spoken to them in 2 years, she got all mad at me that my sister was “just trying to do something nice” and “thinking of me.” If I got free samples of something in the mail and sent them with my mom to my sister as the first and only gift or even communication with her in 2 years, they’d both think I were the rudest, most sociopathic person on the planet.

This happens every single time my sister does something messed up; there’s no convincing my mom that it’s actually a sucky thing of her to do, and that she’s not perfect, but my mom won’t hear it. I’m always wrong. And this is why my CPTSD is flaring up right now, because I’m always pegged as the bad guy when it’s not even about the actual item, but rather about the fact that my mom devotes days and weeks on end to catering to this egotistical sibling of mine, and then tries to get me on board with a “nice” regift that was likely going in the trash—as though I should be so grateful for the sloppy seconds.

Can anyone relate or help me calm down from this? I just don’t see any family issues getting easier down the road with this blatant favoritism, and it’s making me feel so entirely discouraged when moments like this make me feel like I’m backsliding from all the progress I’ve made in therapy.

Yes, I’m in therapy. I’ve been in therapy for multiple years. Still, I noticed that I cry every single day. Sometimes big cries, sometimes small cries. Sometimes at deep, meaningful stuff. Sometimes at minuscule, unimportant stuff. Sometimes at stupid videos. Sometimes as a social anxiety response. Sometimes multiple times throughout with brief periods of relief in between.

I’ve noticed this ever since I went through the worst of my CPTSD a couple years ago. But sometimes, I’m stuck in a situation where I’m literally in the corner of a store or bathroom of a restaurant crying and I don’t even really know WHY. Or I can be happy and find one minute, and bursting into the tears the next. It’s really embarrassing and I remove myself as best as I can before it happens, because I don’t want people to think I’m being manipulative or am completely unhinged when it happens. If you start bawling for what looks like no apparent reason, people tend to think you’re a loose canon (and maybe I am with all this trauma and anxiety), but I just don’t know what to do about it or how to “cure” it. I wish I were a stronger human being, and I’m just not. Literally crying writing this.

**Huge, massive disclaimer** I’m not saying men can’t nor shouldn’t wear makeup, nor that women can’t choose not to wear makeup. Anyone can wear whatever they want so long as it’s not offensive.

With the rise of social media, makeup has gotten really out of control. There are so many products and trends it’s outright overwhelming (yes, I know, you don’t have to follow them, but by the time you’re just figuring out the basics of a winged liner, everyone’s onto the next fleeting trend and pushing dozens of products in your face). As a millennial teen, I assumed that by this point in my life, society might grow out of wearing makeup all together, but it feels like it’s gone in the opposite direction. Even “clean” or “minimal” makeup looks still require an entire routine using many of the same products as full-glam (or if not, lash extensions, expensive skincare routines, and fillers as the “natural” elements).

Sure, people can decide not to wear anything, but the amount of comments I’ve noticed of people saying women without makeup look “tired” or “not put together” or that makeup is “more professional” and the like is upsetting. I’ve also seen so, so, so many women apologize for not having makeup on their face, as though embracing your natural appearance is somehow so deeply offensive to others that you need to acknowledge why you’re not wearing it.

This expectation is never, ever, ever placed on men. They can basically look however they want and don’t need to explain themselves. This isn’t a generational difference from what I’ve noticed, either. Seems people from every generation seem to have a problem with women not wearing makeup; I’ve had some people younger than me pull the, “Are you feeling well?” and it’s disheartening. What if we asked men questions like this on a weekly (or even multiple times daily) basis?

I just really dislike that the expectation falls predominantly on women to alter their faces every day. It is fun for a night out or something once in a while, but even then, I’ve yet to see a single woman show up to any special occasion makeup-free, and if she did, I do think there would be a lot of snide comments (unless she’s absolutely naturally gorgeous, which is its whole own problem with who “has” / “doesn’t have to” wear makeup that I won’t get into here). I get no one’s outright telling me to put makeup on my face, but we’ve been severely socially conditioned to love it and think we need it, and it doesn’t seem like that expectation is going away anytime soon (“clean” or “minimal” looks included).

“WE SIT AMONG THE STARS!!!”

Tied with Posey smacking her face against the window. I spit out my tea!

They can somehow keep their shit together and act like decent humans in front of my sister, but when they’re around me, all bets are off. Yelling, screaming, fighting, nagging, criticizing, wearing sour faces, storming around, making snide comments, not listening. Taking it out on each other, on me. They’re completely different people, especially my mom. They can somehow keep their composure with her and be the normal, supportive, engaged, and loving parents you’d hope anyone to be. But they have no problem showing me the ugly side. It’s extraordinarily painful, because it’s a side my sister has never been exposed to (by them—I’ve told her about it plenty of times); nor would she care to, because she gets their best side and doesn’t care what I’m experiencing. Basically, she knows it’s happening and turns a blind eye to it because she drew the long straw in our relationships with them. I’ll never get to know what it feels like to get the ordinary parents she has, and I completely resent that, because it’s no holds barred for me. When she visits, she’s company. She doesn’t lift a finger, and everything for that time period is about catering to her and loving on her and her family. When I visit, it’s like I’m either not there at all, pissing them off, expected to do favors, or setting off some sort of untapped crazy in them.

Why???

In my mid-30s, I’m veryyy aware that I might never meet someone. Please don’t say I have a scarcity mindset or have so much time. I don’t, and I realize I don’t. I’ve tried tirelessly for over a decade and it’s been little to no use. No one’s coming to save me, and putting myself out there isn’t working. But the most painful part of all is that I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself and all these plans I had with a person who never came along.

There are many things I wanted to do in life, but not without another person. For instance, it has never been a goal of mine to own a home without someone. I can’t afford it on my own, I hate the idea of living alone for my own safety, I don’t want to spend all my free time and money tending to house repairs and maintenance; and, for me, the point is to build a home with someone, not a house. I don’t want random roommates, yet I don’t want all the responsibility to fall on me. I live with my parents at the moment to save up as much as I can, but even then I realize it’s a toxic environment that I need to leave, and I feel like I’m saving up for a goal that I don’t want on my own (not to mention the more I save the further the possibility to even afford anything seems). Homes are often in suburban or rural areas, so in getting one on my own, I’m tied to a place I don’t want to be by myself with a huge mortgage I don’t want to pay, with less likelihood of meeting my person. I’d love to live in the city, but I also don’t have money to burn, and I don’t love throwing $1,500k+ (I live in a HCOL area) to a landlord who could change the rent any day, and still have to share all my common spaces with 3-5 strangers. I have no friends to move in with, and again, that doesn’t fix the problem.

I have many scenarios like this in life that sound amazing with a partner-in-crime and nothing but another life obligation on my own: kids, travel, big moves, starting a business. They’re all things I envisioned doing with someone, and have absolutely zero desire to do on my own.

Please don’t say to find fulfillment in hobbies or “enjoy being single.” I’ve had my share of single time, and I’m downright sick of it, not to mention that no amount of fulfillment in any other area of my life is going to fill the void missing from this particular issue. It’s apples and oranges, because these are not the goals. The goal was always to enjoy the life I see everyone around me enjoying, and no one would tell them to go off on their own and learn to enjoy it before they’re allowed to reenter their marriages, houses, and families. I have done so much on my own, more than most people would ever brave to do, and I’m tired of bearing the burden on my own rather than savoring a life well spent with another. I can’t envision going like this for another 40 years.

And yes, I’m in therapy, but that doesn’t fix the desire for these things. They’re perfectly natural things to want or most of the world wouldn’t aim for them. Having to do them on your own because you’ve no other option is heartbreaking, and it’s not natural to enjoy doing everything on your own especially if you’re more extroverted. Humans are social creatures for a reason, because it does matter when it comes it comes to finding purpose and happiness in life.

In my mid-30s, I’m veryyy aware that I might never meet someone. Please don’t say I have a scarcity mindset or have so much time. I don’t, and I realize I don’t. I’ve tried tirelessly for over a decade and it’s been little to no use. No one’s coming to save me, and putting myself out there isn’t working. But the most painful part of all is that I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself and all these plans I had with a person who never came along.

There are many things I wanted to do in life, but not without another person. For instance, it has never been a goal of mine to own a home without someone. I can’t afford it on my own, I hate the idea of living alone for my own safety, I don’t want to spend all my free time and money tending to house repairs and maintenance; and, for me, the point is to build a home with someone, not a house. I don’t want random roommates, yet I don’t want all the responsibility to fall on me. I live with my parents at the moment to save up as much as I can, but even then I realize it’s a toxic environment that I need to leave, and I feel like I’m saving up for a goal that I don’t want on my own (not to mention the more I save the further the possibility to even afford anything seems). Homes are often in suburban or rural areas, so in getting one on my own, I’m tied to a place I don’t want to be by myself with a huge mortgage I don’t want to pay, with less likelihood of meeting my person. I’d love to live in the city, but I also don’t have money to burn, and I don’t love throwing $1,500k+ (I live in a HCOL area) to a landlord who could change the rent any day, and still have to share all my common spaces with 3-5 strangers. I have no friends to move in with, and again, that doesn’t fix the problem.

I have many scenarios like this in life that sound amazing with a partner-in-crime and nothing but another life obligation on my own: kids, travel, big moves, starting a business. They’re all things I envisioned doing with someone, and have absolutely zero desire to do on my own.

Please don’t say to find fulfillment in hobbies or “enjoy being single.” I’ve had my share of single time, and I’m downright sick of it, not to mention that no amount of fulfillment in any other area of my life is going to fill the void missing from this particular issue. It’s apples and oranges, because these are not the *goals*. The goal was always to enjoy the life I see everyone around me enjoying, and no one would tell them to go off on their own and learn to enjoy it before they’re allowed to reenter their marriages, houses, and families. I have done *so much* on my own, more than most people would ever brave to do, and I’m tired of bearing the burden on my own rather than savoring a life well spent with another. I can’t envision going like this for another 40 years.

And yes, I’m in therapy, but that doesn’t fix the desire for these things. They’re perfectly natural things to want or most of the world wouldn’t aim for them. Having to do them on your own because you’ve no other option is heartbreaking, and it’s not natural to enjoy doing everything on your own especially if you’re more extroverted. Humans are social creatures for a reason, because it *does* matter when it comes it comes to finding purpose and happiness in life.

I’m veryyy aware that I might never meet someone. Please don’t say I have a scarcity mindset or have so much time. I don’t, and I realize I don’t. I’ve tried tirelessly for over a decade and it’s been little to no use. No one’s coming to save me, and putting myself out there isn’t working. But the most painful part of all is that I have absolutely no idea what to do with myself and all these plans I had with a person who never came along.

There are many things I wanted to do in life, but not without another person. For instance, it has never been a goal of mine to own a home without someone. I can’t afford it on my own, I hate the idea of living alone for my own safety, I don’t want to spend all my free time and money tending to house repairs and maintenance; and, for me, the point is to build a home with someone, not a house. I don’t want random roommates, yet I don’t want all the responsibility to fall on me. I live with my parents at the moment to save up as much as I can, but even then I realize it’s a toxic environment that I need to leave, and I feel like I’m saving up for a goal that I don’t want on my own (not to mention the more I save the further the possibility to even afford anything seems). Homes are often in suburban or rural areas, so in getting one on my own, I’m tied to a place I don’t want to be by myself with a huge mortgage I don’t want to pay, with less likelihood of meeting my person. I’d love to live in the city, but I also don’t have money to burn, and I don’t love throwing $1,500k+ (I live in a HCOL area) to a landlord who could change the rent any day, and still have to share all my common spaces with 3-5 strangers. I have no friends to move in with, and again, that doesn’t fix the problem.

I have many scenarios like this in life that sound amazing with a partner-in-crime and nothing but another life obligation on my own: kids, travel, big moves, starting a business. They’re all things I envisioned doing with someone, and have absolutely zero desire to do on my own.

Please don’t say to find fulfillment in hobbies or “enjoy being single.” I’ve had my share of single time, and I’m downright sick of it, not to mention that no amount of fulfillment in any other area of my life is going to fill the void missing from this particular issue. It’s apples and oranges, because these are not the *goals*. The goal was always to enjoy the life I see everyone around me enjoying, and no one would tell them to go off on their own and learn to enjoy it before they’re allowed to reenter their marriages, houses, and families. I have done *so much* on my own, more than most people would ever brave to do, and I’m tired of bearing the burden on my own rather than savoring a life well spent with another. I can’t envision going like this for another 40 years.

And yes, I’m in therapy, but that doesn’t fix the desire for these things. They’re perfectly natural things to want or most of the world wouldn’t aim for them. Having to do them on your own because you’ve no other option is heartbreaking, and it’s not natural to enjoy doing everything on your own especially if you’re more extroverted. Humans are social creatures for a reason, because it *does* matter when it comes it comes to finding purpose and happiness in life.

Most of the world is religious, and so far as I’m concerned, those people are usually the ones holding humanity back. Problem is, as more progressive areas continue progressing, they’ll be leaps and bounds ahead of such areas. By the time the most liberal regions become predominantly atheist—and not in a “don’t practice any religion,” don’t mention it kind of manner, but in a way where we can vocalize that atheism is the clear and obvious answer and stand up against religion without social ostracism or risk—those religious areas will at best be where we are now. AKA, they’ll never catch up, and we’ll always be stuck in this loop of mass-ignorance and cult-like mythology ruling the world.

I just don’t see any countries divided on the issue nor heavily dominated by religion finally reaching a point where atheism prevails. And with birthrates falling and a fascist, christian nationalism taking over the western world, unfortunately, I think atheism is rapidly backsliding into the minority.

We really need a new enlightenment. I’ve been thinking in this a lot and it’s truly upsetting to realize that this thinking will still be around for generations, perhaps centuries to come. If access to all the fact and exposure to the most cultures we ever have been doesn’t reason with someone, the delusion will continue on, and it’s discouraging realizing you’re just one insignificant person in the fight against this millennia-long brainwashing machine.

I was waiting the whole season for them to reveal Irma as her mom. It could be, couldn’t it? She “died” before Sophie could remember and so they could cover up having the whole affair before the new Lady Penwood arrived, she’s always watching after Sophie like her own, she stayed in the miserable Penwood House for so long to protect Sophie and spend time with her daughter, she was comfortable telling Sophie not to call Lord Penwood “Papa” because she had to cover up her own relationship with him, she encourages Sophie to go to the ball and tells Sophie it’s her right to go as much as the other Penwood girls because perhaps she’s the only one who knows for certain that she’s in fact Penwood’s daughter (from carrying her). And so on and so forth.

It all adds up to me. We never hear of anyone who actually talks about knowing her mom or anything about why she passed, and I think that’s because she never really did. And we know Lord Penwood is kind of a dead-beat dad, so going along with this extra ruse would be no issue for him; he never answers Sophie how her mother died, so I could totally see him encountering Irma daily and being able to keep his composure, even in front of his new bride and girls.

Correct me if I’m wrong or missing something, but even without it being said, I think it still could’ve been heavily implied. I would’ve absolutely loved that reveal and tie-in, where Sophie and Benedict take Irma in to live with them as her rightful mom. I was actually pretty disappointed they didn’t factor this in. Maybe it’ll be a S5 reveal?

No book 5 spoilers, please! I haven’t read the series so maybe this will happen later, but is there anything mentioned in S4 that keeps Irma from being her mom?

I know I fit correctly in my bra, that’s not the issue. The issue is I have a lot of back fat. Some of us just do more than others. And I have sensitive skin, so when I wear a bra, I KNOW I’m wearing a bra. It’s not that it feels tight, it’s that the edges of the bra band back rub against my skin and sting by the end of the day from being in motion. I never get sick of the bra wire like many do, but I do get sick of these edges like crazy. It’s like the underwear with the elastic edges—that’s probably the worst feeling in the world on sensitive skin!

Do you have any bra brands you stand by where you can’t feel that you’re wearing anything? For instance, I love laser-cut underwear where it’s just one continuous fabric with no harsh edge. It feels like I’m wearing nothing, and they give plenty of stretch. Is there a bra equivalent of that that still has underwire and makes your breasts look good?

Right now, I’m mainly working with VS because they have 32DD and I find that fit just works really well for me, but the 32 band is hard to find many places (and because, honestly, I’ve been too lazy to look for a new bra company). I have a couple CUUP bras, but find the same edge chaffing issue happens.

What are your brand recs for the bra that feels like you’re not wearing a bra? I’ll even take specific style recs, please!

TIA!

You don’t have to list them in order of importance, but what 5 major qualities in a person do you always have in mind when dating? Ones you refuse to sacrifice no matter what, your make-it-or-break-it standards?

N.B. Try to keep them more broad if you could and with a focus on the longterm (if that’s what you’re indeed looking for). What things would you want to see consistently in a person with whom you’re planning to spend your life? E.g. instead of “texts me back right after a date,” say “good communication”; instead of “pulls my chair out for me,” zoom out to “good manners”; or instead of “super duper hot,” think instead “high sexual compatibility.”

Have at it! Eager to see what people prioritize when searching for love!

It wasn’t his fault. We were on a long drive and he was panting. I assumed it because it was hot and next thing I know, pee everywhere. It soaked through his dog bed onto the seat.

This has literally never happened before, though, and of course it happens in my brand-new car.

This happened over a year ago now and I’ve done everything: multiple enzyme soaks, baking soda, vinegar, ozone treatment, deep clean, left windows open for days and in sun to air out. NOTHING works. I’ve had to cover it with 2 dog pads for when he travels now and haven’t smelled anything, but took them off and a couple days ago and thought the smell was finally gone after a year, and then this morning, I got in the car and it still smelled.

I don’t want to mess with it too much and accidentally break any mechanics in the chair. I called multiple mechanics here and they all said it’s likely soaked into the foam (I have the leather-like seats from Toyota, forget what they’re called) only remaining option is to replace the ENTIRE seat, which would cost $2k. That or replace the car feel like all I’m left with!

This is a nightmare. I was sooo excited to have my first “real” car, and now I’m embarrassed to have people in it because it smells like piss. It especially gets worse in the summer.

Please no jokes about just replacing the car. That’s not really an option. But I need advice on what to do because this has been stressing me out since the day it happened and nothing for removing the odor has helped. I’m also leasing-to-own so shelling out $2k for a car I may very well turn around and sell in a few years seems a complete and utter waste, and I’m honestly not sure if the smell has potentially seeped into the floor below the seat where replacing it would help. I also don’t know how much this chair material can bear so I don’t want to keep spraying it and dry it out / crack it, nor just dilute and disperse the pee smell more with more and more liquids.

Help me!!!

The MM palettes look so lovely, but I just can’t bring myself to spend $70 on a palette of eye pigments. Plus I want 3 of them haha. Anyone have any great dupes?

I don’t use eyeshadow much but am looking for a good catch-all palette I can use for everyday and nights out. Also open to mini options—like I said I don’t use eyeshadow much, so having a few core colors in a smaller palette would be fine, too. Preferred, probably. I’m neutral leaning warm, light-medium tone if that helps.

I’ve been looking at the Morphe Chroma 6- and 12-pan palettes because they look similar and beautiful and are 1/4 - 1/3 the price, but definitely want to hear some recs. I’m not the best at finding good makeup haha so let’s hear ‘em!

TIA!

Realizing I’ve never been able to get a handsome, kind, seemingly normal man tells me one thing and one thing only: I’m not a catch. I’m not even a last resort. Knowing I’ve been single for 2 years now and single for 2-3 long periods between shitty relationships without so much as a glance from a man, let alone a date, tells me I’m not even anyone’s final option. They’d literally rather be with no one than with me.

All I’ve ever wanted was to be happily married to a good man; he doesn’t have to be the best looker in the world, but to find someone I’m attracted to physically and emotionally feels downright impossible. The only men who seem to like me are not only unattractive, but absolute assholes, as well, so there’s no benefit. And finding any genuinely good-hearted, handsome (to me) man who’s equally exited to be with me has been rendered nothing but a pipe dream.

It actually physically hurts my heart to know that I’ll never get to be with someone half decent, and that in most men’s eyes, I must be some sort of a leper. To know that this could very well leave me alone for the rest of my life, with only staggered encounters with unattractive, mean men makes life, well…not worth it.

It’s been 16 years of this hell. I’m not shy about making the first move—in fact I usually do—and realizing if I never had, I’d probably still never have been with any man at all is a devastating blow to what little confidence I have left. 16 years and I couldn’t even manage to find just 1 decent guy? I must be really, really repulsive.

I didn’t used to be this way, either; I used to have hope. And then I realized how men (and people in general) have treated me my whole life: dismissive, disrespectful, disregarding. At this point, I’d have to be blind not to see the signs. Everyone loves to lie and say all the tropes: men are “intimidated” by you, you’re “too pretty,” the “right one” is out there. I don’t believe the bullshit anymore.

Someone give it to me straight: it’s bleak out there, right? At 32, almost 33, I see the forest for the trees. I get it now, and it’s the life of a lonely uggo for me, isn’t it?

The MM palettes look so lovely, but I just can’t bring myself to spend $70 on a palette of eye pigments. Plus I want 3 of them haha. Anyone have any great dupes?

I don’t use eyeshadow much but am looking for a good catch-all palette I can use for everyday and nights out. Also open to mini options—like I said I don’t use eyeshadow much, so having a few core colors in a smaller palette would be fine, too. Preferred, probably. I’m neutral leaning warm, light-medium tone if that helps.

I’ve been looking at the Morphe Chroma 6- and 12-pan palettes because they look similar and beautiful and are 1/4 - 1/3 the price, but definitely want to hear some recs. I’m not the best at finding good makeup haha so let’s hear ‘em!

TIA!

I harbor lifelong resentment against my NP mom for the kind of mother she’s been to my sister (golden child) vs me (scapegoat, verbally/emotionally abused). It’s only gotten worse in adulthood, and now, with our relationship at its lowest point, I already see the signs of her being a better, more loving grandmother than she ever was to me as my mom. She’s warm, caring, considerate, and devoted all her free time to the cause. To me, she’s always been a cold, bitter, mean woman. The kind you look back and wonder why you’re so fucked up, and then see the signs were there all along.

The worst part about my mom is that everything in my sister’s life is an extension of her; it extended to her husband, and now I can already extending it to her baby. In my mother’s eyes, that child will never do a single thing wrong. She’ll be spoiled rotten, she’ll FaceTime her every day, she’ll ask my sister every last thing her granddaughter’s up to, and everything she does will be labeled as so sweet and thoughtful and kind. Of the black and white thinking my mother possesses, my sister’s kids will get put in the white box. Oh, and did I mention my sister gave her daughter my mom’s name as her middle name? You can imagine how much a NP gets off on that—she’ll never do anything wrong in my mom’s eyes because how could she? She’s name for my mom (and partly my dad).

I know in my heart of hearts that I will never get the kind of treatment I’ve known she’s capable of, and now have to witness her exhibiting to my sister and her entire family. And I know deep down, that when I meet someone and one day have kids, they’ll get treated with far less regard than their cousins—my husband and kids would get put in the black box—and it breaks my heart to the point that I don’t even want to have them because I know everything with them in relationship to my family will be a letdown. Craziest thing is, for my entire life, my parents have loathed kids; they didn’t even know if they wanted us, but decided to, and our whole lives growing up, they told us not to have kids because they really didn’t care to be grandparents. And now that my sister does, it’s all my NP mom can obsess over; but I just know that if I had been the one to have kids first, she wouldn’t have cared and would still be making all the hating kids jokes in the world.

Has anyone been through anything like this? I’ve called her out on it more times than I can count over the last 10 years and it changes nothing. At what point do you not only give up, but intentionally decide not to do things in your own life because you don’t want to expose them to your NP? Or how do you all but estrange yourself and deal with the lifelong daily pain of knowing your mother rejected you and your own family in a way your sister and anyone in her circle will never face?