u/JellyfishPashmina

Bringing it way back, and I’m newer to this sub, so sorry if this has been discussed. But I’m rewatching S1 and this scene has always bugged me: Marina calls Madame Delacroix out for her ruse in French. We obviously know that MD’s not French, and yet, she can understand Marina, just not respond. This has always puzzled me.

If we assume that Madame Delacroix learned French to work with her fabric vendors, then she could’ve just as easily spoken back to French in Marina and feigned ignorance. What is Marina going to do, dox her? Just because Marina’s mother is French doesn’t mean she would know everyone in France, so Madame Delacroix could’ve just easily grown up there. Also, Marina wouldn’t know every French accent, it’s not like she’s been out in the world at all, let alone to every region of France. On top of that, the writing is odd because they make it out that Genevieve can understand her, but can’t respond. She would either have studied up on French and been conversational enough to respond, or else not know what Marina is even saying and thus not be swayed by her threats. Is MD just giving in because she doesn’t understand what Marina is saying at all? Seems a risky game to pretend to be French and not taken any time whatsoever to learn even a remedial level of the language in case a designer/French person walked into your shop.

And why doesn’t Portia understand either? Surely being in society, Portia would’ve learned French at some point, no? Even if she didn’t learn it growing up, she would’ve picked some up from her own daughter’s lessons or being around high society, she would’ve taken it upon herself to learn.

Idk, it’s bizarre to me that the ruse isn’t really a ruse if Madame Delacroix speaks French anyways, and it’s her word/reputation against an insignificant younger woman from out of town.

Believing that closing your eyes, clasping your palms together (or whatever pose suits the particular religion), and speaking or thinking into the void has absolutely any bearing on the outcome is the most ridiculous hogwash I’ve ever heard. But not only that, it’s just lazy. Putting your dreams into some virtual prayer machine like Tom Hanks in Big and waiting to see the outcome is lazy. Telling someone you’re “praying for them” is a lazy way to dodge actually helping them. “Praying for world peace” is just avoiding activism. And so on and so forth.

Prayer is lazy, because wishing for something to happen or wishing for others’ wellbeing is passive behavior that removes any accountability and responsibility from religious folks to actually DO something about it. It’s a lot easier to say, “Thinking of you,” than delivering on acts of service. It’s a lot easier to say, “God(s), please do this,” than trying to yourself (and potentially accepting when you fail).

Prayer. Is. Lazy.

Call this a representation issue if you want, but I feel so alone in my atheist experience. It’d be nice to actually see atheists out in the wild, saying so on social media, etc. Mostly, it’d be nice to see atheists living their lives and casually mentioning they’re atheist, not thanking gods—just owning that they’re atheists and showing they’re good people by example. Pretty much every single solitary influencer I’ve encountered ultimately thanks their god for something at some point.

I wish I had this online but also in real life. I wish I had a place to gather with other atheists like religious folks do. I wish I had a friend group I could meet with regularly to talk about the life from our atheist worldview. I wish I had atheists to relate to, rather than all the passive ones I encounter who are too frightened to even say so. My dad is literally the only other atheist I know who actually cares to say so and talk about it with me. And pretty much the only scenario where I find other atheists to relate to are here on Reddit, where we all come to complain about it. It’d just be nice to know there are other atheists out there who also want a “traditional” life, if you will, but don’t have to attribute it to anything beyond that other than they also wanted marriage, family, community, etc.

Idk, maybe I’m alone in this, too, but the lack of representation beyond online forums complaining about religion makes me feel quite isolated.

Knowing that they treat them like an equal and you like a subordinate child. Knowing that they respect their opinion, no matter how worthy, and immediately dismiss yours. Knowing that they genuinely want to get to know them and be there for every social event, and that they’ll come up with any excuse to miss out on your life. Knowing how they’re truly interested and concerned for them, whereas you’re a life they’re stuck with by chance. Knowing that every single solitary thing they do will make your parent proud, while everything you do will be seen as “meh,” complete letdown in comparison. Knowing they make decisions based on your sibling’s life first and yours as an afterthought that directly impact your life with your own family. Knowing if they ever had to choose, they’d choose your sibling without a thought. Knowing nothing you could ever do for them would ever, ever, ever make you the favorite. Knowing it’s a lost cause, and yet a connection you can’t replace and an agony you’re stuck with for life.

Idk if this will resonate with anyone else, but part of CPTSD journey was a catastrophe that happened a couple years ago that fractured my entire way of thinking: what I believe, why I believe it, the reality of my own life. I also became hyper-vigilant to the way people around me speak and treat others, and it’s an incredibly disappointing thing to witness performed by the majority of people. There are so many social customs and rules that demean, humiliate, shame, and judge others for entirely arbitrary reasons that most people seem to genuinely believe and adhere to and use as an excuse to reject anyone who doesn’t follow suit.

A lot of these ways of talking and acting are what have developed my CPTSD—social exclusion for not conforming to these things, random judgements based on nonsensical rules—and thinking I’m a worthless, useless human being as a result. I’ve carried so much guilt around all this my whole life for not just being “normal” and thinking/acting like others do to try and fit in, but that just seems a much more natural act for others than it ever would be for me. I’ve also noticed the shallowness in people and how so much of my social life has been dictated by people’s surface-level judgments and desire for the things they think matter: looks, money, etc. It’s just such an isolating experience because I disagree with a lot of these arbitrary behaviors, and yet they’re so important to others that it prevents me from connecting with most humans. And, to boot, they’re the ones thriving off of these behaviors and thoughts and I’m the one who’s suffering in extreme loneliness as a result.

I know I’m being vague here and can provide more specific examples, but idk if it really adds to the point. It’s just so disheartening to see reality clearly for what it is, realizing people are following societal rules blindly and judging you based on them simply because others told them to, and knowing that seeing all this in sharp focus because of your trauma is just another mark against you ever getting to be normal, have friends, have people respect your opinion/voice, and lead the life you want to with people actually liking you and valuing you as a person. Instead, you’re just the “weirdo” with strong opinions whom others don’t understand.

This started a few weeks ago and it’s incessant. A promotional trailer for an upcoming HBO show or movie will play while I’m streaming tv, so it’s basically like getting a 30-second ad at the start of every episode of TV I’m watching. Yes, I can skip, but it’s annoying to manually do this and I thought the point was I’m paying for NO ads, HBO’s included.

I see no one else who’s getting these non-stop trailers nor how to turn them off. Is it hopeless? Is this happening to anyone else the last month or so?

I’m a millennial (32F), and I loathe how much our cohort revolved around kids already. Everything’s about someone’s new baby, this one’s pregnancy, that one’s kindergartner, my parents’ generation’s grandkids. Every woman I hang out with is cooing at strange babies in restaurants simply for looking their way. Older ladies are asking younger ones how old their newborns are and bragging about their grandkids or reminiscing on their young parenthood days. I’m just…SO…sick of it all. Is there nothing better for people to talk about? And also, in doing so, it just entirely excludes CF people from being part of the conversation unless all they want to talk about is said person’s kids, motherhood, why they don’t want kids, etc.

This is really just going to be the rest of my life, isn’t it? Surrounded by people who have always loved and been obsessed with kids getting to talk all about their lives, while I’m sit their forced to listen and get to share nothing of my own life nor interests? Being outside the norm is extremely difficult when the convo is always directed toward a topic you couldn’t care less about. It’s like nails on a chalkboard at this point, and I’m only 32…

ETA: Title should say revolves* not revolved. It’ll revolve around kids for the rest of my days. 😅

My insurance premium is more than twice what it was last year. It’s the lowest-tier plan, it covers less, my copays are higher, and surprise / “uncovered” costs show up all the time—to boot, it’s slated to go up anywhere from 10-17% next year for the SAME exact crap.

I am still pissed about all this since the end of last year when I was choosing my new premium—I’ve dropped therapists, foregone appointments and surgeries, requested breakdowns and followed up on bills lacking clarity—but it seems like everyone around me has become docile to this new state of health insurance.

Why is everyone accepting this so willingly? Why aren’t people extremely angry that their same exact healthcare costs far more for no reason? Why aren’t we out on the street protesting ACA reinstatement? The government is “still deciding,” which means they’re clearly not going to suit to help citizens, and insurance companies are going to keep jacking up premiums while more and more people are phased out of health care because they have to choose between it and their rent / groceries.

Isn’t anyone still disgusted by all this? Why would people fight SO hard for people to be born, and then do nothing to alleviate any of this financial chokehold? That’s rhetorical because most people are awful, but it’s just so inhumane at this point to penalize people just for having health needs (AKA, every human). We should be ashamed as a country that this is how we treat our people.

Seriously, I (32F) always hear people who were with someone for years, broke up, and met the next love of their life within 6 months. I broke off an engagement 2.5 years ago and I haven’t even had a single date. And it’s not for lack of trying, but men aren’t knocking down the doors to date me. I legitimately haven’t met anyone else single, or if I have, he hasn’t been interested. And yes, I am open to love and do want a relationship, no I don’t want to be single this long, and yes I’ve done plenty of work on myself and am ready for it. I don’t understand how people are just relationship hopping so casually like this. It’s not that they have no standards or anything.

Am I that undesirable? I really don’t get how people are moving on within such a short time frame when I’m usually single for a couple years between any relationship (and again, not for lack of wanting nor trying).

I keep hearing this over and over and over. Women who are embracing their “feminine energy.” And it’s not about embracing womanhood in all its forms, but rather about its gender stereotypes: soft, girly, elegant, submissive, docile, quiet, domestic. And, of course, covered in makeup, styled hair, and girly clothes. The women I hear preaching this are usually girly girls, and, more significantly partnered. I remember most notably that Kourtney Kardashian told her mom that she needed to live in her “feminine energy” solely because she was making decisions for her and her boyfriend Corey.

Don’t get me wrong, I consider myself a girly girl, but I would never go around preaching that my love for lace and blush is the key to being a woman. I’m a woman who loves lace and blush and also is single and supports myself entirely and is extremely Type A. I can just as easily do without the makeup—in fact, I spent most days makeup free and braless with a messy bun—but that doesn’t at all detract from me feeling like a woman. And that’s not what I’m getting from this messaging. The message is instead is highly toxic: that you need to sit still, look pretty, and rely on a man to do the heavy lifting while you play passenger princess. It’s getting your nails done, but then using them as an excuse not to do any physical labor; it’s learning to cook not for yourself, but to impress your man; it’s telling social media that you take too long to get ready because you refuse to go out “ugly.” To essentially be feminine because that’s the optimal attraction and proper behavior from a woman, or because you’re choosing to be the beta to your man by exhibiting softer, more delicate qualities. If you’re not those things, if you’re not in that “feminine energy, then, what are they implying, that you’re a masculine woman or not feminine enough? That’s just sexist.

I feel like this is extremely toxic terminology circling. If men said they were embracing their “masculine energy,” we’d absolutely be up on the hilltops with something to say—or even if they said they were embracing “feminine energy,” I for one would feel highly offended that human qualities are being so heavily gendered—so why aren’t we treating this “feminine energy” dialogue that same?

I don’t mean the extreme couponing kind. I mean if you go to a store and there is a 30% coupon off your whole order and all you have to do is clip it, why do people mock this? If a store is offering you $5 off an item you’re already going to buy, why wouldn’t you use this? For pride? Why is it looked down on to actually try and save money? Why is it “cool” to piss away money? I make decent money where I don’t need to coupon or look for sales, but I still do because every dollar I save there is something I can either invest or buy something more fun with.

I don’t get the American mentality that pissing away your money is cool and that trying to save above certain income brackets means you’re somehow cheap or poor-at-heart.

I’m between jobs, so couponing has become my friend, and I headed to the store to use $17 worth of coupons for essentials. These weren’t clipped coupons like $X or X% off of an item; it was cash earned on past purchases to apply to any future orders. I’d made specific purchases to earn this extra money. I went to the register to find the $17 missing. I reached out to the company, and they were able to tell me that the money was used 3 days earlier in a town 45 minutes from me. I only know one person who lives in that area, my friend, with whom I had a good laugh about my couponing recently. She looked at me like I was a bit absurd and said she would never coupon.

Anywho, I reached out to her because I was now at the store, played it off nicely and asked if she could Venmo me, explaining money was tight (which she knew). Instead of being apologetic, she acted very irritated, sent the money, and when I politely thanked her, didn’t respond. I knew she was pissed, which was pretty crazy to me.

Problem is, I’m not particularly close with this friend anymore. We used to be very close, but since I got a boyfriend, she’s been acting sort of jealous and focusing on her other friends; so I hadn’t even heard from her for a few weeks when I found out she used the coupons, and she was using the coupon $ for her other friend’s birthday gift.

This all just rubs me the wrong way. I’m not a nickel-and-dimer, I’m a, “I’ll cover this, just get me next time” person. But she’s extremely frugal and precise with her money for her own bookkeeping—which is fine—but she’d never be one to lend money or cover something just to be nice. Again, these were cash coupons, so it felt like the equivalent of her taking $17 out of my wallet and never asking nor telling me, then getting mad when I asked for it back. If I had done the same to her, she would’ve been extremely surprised considering she has such a tight hold on her finances. (I’ve also helped this friend financially several times in the past without expecting anything in return.)

What gets me is the manners of it all. I hadn’t heard from her for a while, she didn’t ask, and using the money means she had to look up my phone number and physically apply the coupons (this is how the store works). In other words, it wasn’t accidental. Also that she mocked me for using coupons while ironically relying on them for herself. And, to boot, she never told me. A casual, “Hey, I borrowed these, I’ll pay you back” would’ve been nice. Only she wasn’t planning to tell me nor ever repay me and hoped I’d never notice.

AITA for asking for the money back? People might scoff at $17, but when money’s tight, any bit helps. And again, it was the way she approached it that was shocking, considering she was never planning to ask me, tell me, nor repay me; that I hadn’t heard from her for weeks before she used the money for another social event with her other friends; AND that she got mad when I noticed and asked for it back for necessities.

Feeling like there’s no way to dig myself out from rock bottom right now, but also feel like I’m the only one experiencing such a low point in life that I can’t escape. Everyone around me is thriving, to the point it feels like no one else goes through anything hard (unrealistic, but seems that way around me). Should also note I’m surrounded by fairly affluent, charmed people, this isn’t just stuff I’m seeing on social media.

For me, it’s that “atheists think they’re so much smarter than everyone else.” Intelligence is equally distributed among our diverse population, so to accuse atheists of feeling superior simply for using critical thought and reason is the most bigoted dismissal by religious people I’ve encountered. It’s a way to ostracize atheists by calling them elitists. It’s the religious equivalent of, “What, do ya think ya betta than me?!”

That or calling atheists bigots. Anything where religious people act persecuted. Dominant belief systems playing the victim is a form of minority oppression. It’s socially conditioning people to tolerate these beliefs, or else you’re somehow “targeting” them.

Both of these, to me, keep atheists silenced and discourage open discourse and progress toward rational thought. It’s the same as oppressing any other minority: keep them in their place through manipulation to hinder societal progress and equality.

I see so many couples plastered all over social media moving on to their 2nd or 3rd house, and I can’t afford my 1st one. I think the problem is, for the most part, housing affordability is designed for 2 or more people, and everyone I know is coupled. If you’re single, forget about it (without roommates). I’m at the age where I’m SO done with random roommates, but seeing people who have their own space feels like a pipe dream to me.

I don’t even want much, just a couple bedrooms in a safe area and a place I can decorate however I want. But at this point, I can never imagine opening the door and saying, “Welcome to MY home.” Owning a home—be it a house, an apartment, a townhome, etc.—just feels like this massively impossible dream. No matter how much I save and save, it’ll never be enough. And even if I bought something, I just know I’d get condescending comments on how small it is or that it’s not in the right area, etc. Couples, though? They’re moving on and up with their housing investments backing them.

Why has our society become like this? Please tell me other millennials, especially single ones, are experiencing this, because I feel entirely inadequate that I can’t afford the “basic” things other people have simply because they’re coupled and I’m not. We’ve moved toward such a society of individualism, so shouldn’t our economy evolve with that? Otherwise, I’m truly at a loss as to how people in their 30s and 40s are going it alone without living with their parents or sharing kitchen utensils with strangers.

The American Dream, right?…

I hear this argument all the time: “BuT wHeRe Do YoU gEt YoUr MoRaLs?!” Why is it so hard for religious people to grasp that morals, ethics, and kind behaviors are universal ideals? They act like it’s impossible that anyone might have been raised by completely secular parents who would ALSO say, “Hey, be kind to others.” Also, a lot of it is just basic instinct: don’t hurt people, help people out, treat others with equal fairness, be kind to animals, and so on. Helping each other out and not being a-holes are just pretty intuitive aspects of a species of social and community-driven animals (not saying bad actors can’t happen regardless, but I’d argue most people are inherently good). It’s often when the punishment/reward system of religion comes to light that the most unethical, violent, and power-hungry people come into play, because they think they “deserve” it for whatever reason.

And, in the western world, then there’s the argument that atheists are following “christian values,” which couldn’t be further from the truth. A sense of community has been around as long as animals have walked this earth. And this argument completely negates the fact that there are atheists all around the world where other religions prevail who are just as loving and caring as any other person. It’s like for some reason, they don’t want to admit that you can actively choose to do right by others just for the sake of it, lest the entire foundation of their moral compass crumble.

Honestly, it makes me pity them, because if they really need a book to remind them to be a good person, that’s pretty concerning. I don’t trust anyone who says they need religion to be a good person, because that means they’re only in it because they feel like they’re being watched all the time and for the eternal reward. Humanism is probably the biggest argument I make for atheism in everyday life: that these ideals cannot be co-opted by religion and weaponized against anyone who doesn’t follow their manual, because these tenets belong to humanity, not to any spiritual hoax.

I’ve noticed this time and time again. They speak in this bizarre, whispery tone that is so off-putting. You can tell they have to put a lot of intentional effort into doing it, too—imagine every time you spoke you had to remind yourself to lower your natural volume. And for being so soft, it’s like ears on a chalkboard.

I’m guessing this has something to do with “the meek will inherit the earth” and the “peace” lies they spread, but the irony of it is just all too much for me. We all know religion to be some of the most violent propaganda out there: oppression, thievery, crackpot politicians spewing their religious filth.

So why do these men think speaking in a soft spoken is going to inspire anyone? Really, it just comes off as a social identifier for other people to “get” that their christians, but in reality, it’s a social cue to me to stay the hell away from that person. The second I meet any religious man who speaks like this, I immediately don’t trust a single word they say.

My (32F) parents are so completely involved in my sister’s (34) social circle. They know her friends, her friends’ parents. Even one of my cousins is close with my sister, so they keep up with her regularly (this is its own hurt because that cousin and my sister have actively excluded me for a decade). They care about every detail of their lives and commit it to memory. And they show up consistently for these big get togethers and parties hosted by my sister or the related friends/families, so the bond only grows stronger. Even if it’s just to make a brief cameo, they will drive 5 hours out of their way just to show up, say hi, and then leave after an hour. They’ve been invited to weddings so it’s my sister, my parents, all the relevant friends. And I’m not invited to any of this, so I simply hear about what a great time my parents were spending with my sister and all her people, while being the only one left out like that’s totally normal.

My sister and I are estranged for similar reasons I’m sure you can imagine without me boring you with too much detail, so I don’t attend (not that I was invited to begin with). But it feels like my parents have one child from my view, and it’s not me. They all seem like their own little family with no place for me. And if it’s ever my “turn,” people couldn’t care less to show up and even feign interest. But you can tell they’re so genuinely committed to being a part of her social life.

It’s just gut-wrenching watching the level of dedication my parents invest into my sister’s social life, and the worst part is, for two people who are incredibly judgmental of others, they do it all without judgment nor complaint. They actually enjoy it. They drove all the way up to her house one year just to stop by and say hi for her birthday party, which was clearly designed for people closer to our age—essentially, it was a rager—and they still felt the need to show up for an hour and then drive all the way home (it’s 5 hours RT). And they never once judged or made any snarky remarks toward my sister for planning to get totally drunk with her friends. If I invited them to my birthday party where there was also drinking involved—hell, if I invited them to any birthday party I was having with friends—they would absolutely never in a million years attend, and they would find some reason to explain it away with the same reasons that didn’t matter for my sister’s get-togethers. They’re not prudish or anything, but anything I invite them to that doesn’t interest them or isn’t normally their scene, they instantly refuse. It’s no without a thought. Not with my sister. It’s instantly a yes without even hearing the details, and instead, they attend, and I get asked to watch their dog while they’re gone.

I’ve tried to talk to them about all this to no avail; there’s always an excuse, or gaslighting, or turning the tables on me somehow. My mom always says it’s because I “don’t give enough warning,” and that my sister has access to my mom’s calendar so they can schedule things far in advance. If that’s the case there’s no calendar sharing for me. Or the excuse is financial, too tired, not interested because it’s “my thing,” I “need to get friends,” whatever they can think of; and, as you guessed it, none of this comes into play when my sister invites them.

I feel entirely like I have no family. I have no family to care about me, my life, my friends, my friends’ families. To show up for special events small and major. And if they ever did, I would see on their faces that they were having a rotten time and wanting to leave. It’s my sister’s family, not mine, and I’m just watching them be the parents they’re capable of being to someone else. The care, the effort, the excitement to spend time with her that they never would for me is all so devastating. Idk why this happens, but watching your family be such a tight-knit group without you makes you wonder why you were even birthed in the first place—especially if they didn’t want to be a part of your life and yet so involved in your sibling’s.

Before these answers come because I know they will, most people are NOT trapped in a bad marriage. They’re happy and they found a good person for them. But if marriage is treated as one of the most ordinary and boring things you can do—and, to society, not enough of a reason alone to be living or successful—then why is it so hard for us here to find that thing? If it’s so commonplace, why does it require so much failed effort? If it’s nothing special, why is it all people want and some of us can’t have?

As someone who’s always known she wanted to get married, I’m creeping up on my mid-30s with no luck, and the fact that I can’t achieve something that is seemingly so easy—almost expected, if you will—of the rest of the world makes me feel like a complete and utter failure. As in I’m inept because I’ve climbed many mountains and still can’t do this simple thing everyone else can.