u/eating_cement_1984

Credit: @emmmasdigis on Instagram

Decent enough. 6/10

Can I get a "real" in the comments?

Ok, so last week, I was walking over for some event in college, and I saw my friend with two female friends of his. One was small, pretty cute but not exactly my type, and the other... well, she was taller and just... yeah...

So anyway, backstory: my friend and I shot a short film a week prior to this and it did pretty well within the college circuit. So what happened next was that the taller girl was like "So... are you the director of the film you did with [Friend's name]?" I was like "Yeah" and then she did that playful-flirty-but--still-cautious look with her eyes and was like "Yeah, saw it. It was pretty nice." The other girl was like "You're the scriptwriter, right?" and I confirmed the fact, and then she told me "I really liked the descriptions you used. Pretty poetic". All the while both of them gave me that same playful stare...

The one I fell for was of course the taller girl, of COURSE. Dammit. Like an idiot, I mumbled at the end and awkwardly shuffled out of there to go to the event... And then I found the taller girl's IG back at home, sent a follow request, got it accepted... And... that's that.

In just 5 minutes, I fell hard for someone I'd met for the FIRST TIME EVER. Like, REALLY hard. What is wrong with me? And this is after a long list of failures, btw. Everyone I liked prior to this, I'd fallen for WAY too quickly, and every single one of them either lost interest in the DMs... or they were taken already.

I guess I am pathetic for this... But I'm playing it more cautiously now. Haven't DMed the taller girl just yet. If we're meant to be, we'll meet up again IRL VERY soon. If not... well... Yeah. So, we'll see what happens.

How's ur Sunday, btw?

Hey there sillies! For far too long now I've been trying to find someone who I like, and the problem is that every single person I like is taken. No matter how open-minded I am, no matter who or where, they always have someone!

It's like single girls don't exist anymore. It's like I'm meant to be alone forever. I'm 20, going 21. I've never been in a relationship. I missed out on teen love and I think I'll miss out on my early-20s shit too. I hear stories of people finding someone online and I can't feel happy for them. I get that ugly feeling within me, and I rage-close my Chrome tabs. It's fiction, finding someone. I hate that I even care about this. I hate that I'd like to know what it's like to be loved back. Nobody's done that--not friends, not family... I only have myself. "Focus on yourself first". I DID! And now I'm thinking "The more I focus on myself, the less I'm starting to care about other people... and the more being alone forever sounds nicer than risking my heart again and again."

I'll never be loved back. I've accepted that. I've slowly started to create a figment of my imagination to love. She laughs at my jokes, she isn't mean, she's mine and I'm hers. The real world is full of attractive and rich people who all have someone. Personality matters very little. I've been told I'm sort of attractive, or "unconventionally attractive" but that matters little coz everyone around me wants ripped, tall gym-bros.

Let them be happy, I guess. I'm meant to die alone. I can't keep hurting my heart like this. I'm ready to give up on love forever. It doesn't exist for people like us. I'm bi, and it's hell. My girl crushes are taken, my guy crushes are all straight and here I am, battered from both sides. What's the point, anyway? We all die alone. We all face the black void with nobody to confront it with.

I guess it'll pass... Soon, I'll be back to planning a future where I can live life isolated so as to not wince when I see happy couples pass by me on the street. Once I'm there, I'll never need to leave. It's impossible for anyone to love me. And yeah, I'm a guy. An androgynous, sorta-fluid mess of a guy, yeah... but a guy. And men have no inherent value in this world. If I die while isolated, there'll be nobody to miss me.

Sorry for this pointless rant. I'll be alright by tomorrow morning... I think.

This is a still from a short film I did with a friend about a guy who falls for a hallucination of his mind. As for what happened after its release... it did pretty well! 500+ views, 70+ likes... How's your Sunday going? Any creative works from your side?

Example in the next slide