u/rererowr

I’m a born and raised Muslim, I’ve lived my whole life putting 90% of my efforts to academics and barely 10% towards my faith, we care about faith as a family but you could say not to a crippling point. And while I know this is an exmuslim subreddit, but I feel like this might be the only place where I could comfortably speak my mind.

I’ve been on the internet for over a decade now, playing games, getting into servers/ groups and anything there was. I have probably talked to hundreds if not thousands of people in total during the span of said decade and I remember almost every single random detail about most people I met.

I’ve talked to A LOT of Muslim people and I’m gonna be so brutally honest. Only ONE person has made me feel like a genuine human. No shame, no guilt and no judgment of who I was and no shaming whatsoever for my sins. I’ve met multiple people who’d act like they were the “no judgement” type of person but the minute they’d hear about you having texted a boy for help in a homework question back in 9th grade? You’re going to the pits of hell. You’re a slut!!! 😱😰 damn my bad for daring to go to school 🤣

Anyways, every time I tried being involved with anything related to religion then lord was it AWFUL. They start expecting perfection and would judge you left and right. I have drifted away from the whole faith multiple times during my life cuz of how shitty I felt, like if I didn’t fit this description the Muslim society made then I could no longer call myself a Muslim. It got to a point where I seriously built the perfect front where it was genuinely just a performance, a facade even, just so I could seem perfect and people would leave me be.

That caused me to have multiple painful epiphanies. I could not accept being human that sins and I couldn’t take how people could possibly view me at every given moment. I would jump from full on delusions of a perfect Muslim to completely dropping the faith in a span of months. I hated having Muslim friends at some point cuz it was just constant shoving of faith and never anything else. I hated my own self at so many points too and for someone who’s self obsessed that is such a major red flag

I think around a few months ago I completely let that mask drop. I was no longer interested in acting any more religious than I actually was, I barely know that much about islam but what I know is I like having someone to talk to, spirituality just hits good for me and I’m glad it does, but I’m not anything more than that man. Yes I like learning more when I can and in the right context for me and I like growing as a human being, but that’s the only way I’m moving forward.

I no longer discuss religion and almost always shut down any kind of topic that may relate to it. I’m fulfilled with talking to my God when I can and I’m not interested in hearing from Muslims anymore. I don’t care how you practice, I don’t care about your struggles and I definitely give no fuck for your opinion.

Honestly even reading about the earth to Khadijah situation (yes I know I’m late, I don’t have social media and only learned about her taking off her hijab randomly in a feminist subreddit) made me realize I was right. Oh my god the over sexualization of her, the unrealistic expectations and miserable shaming? That was the last straw for me tbh. I’m honestly so happy for her, you go girl and I like how she just let it all go after the sudden change and didn’t let anyone keep telling her what to do, this is her life man! God they need to get a life for once.

With time I’m starting to feel massive disinterest towards men, I come from a family that’s mostly women and I haven’t seen much good from the few men we have, mix that with the experience I’ve been through…I’m really not looking for anything anymore.

I don’t even feel anything anymore and the thought of relaxing with my turtle in my backyard with a cup of tea feels way more peaceful than ever going through a talking stage again. Even the little attraction I had for men is just disappearing at this point, it’s like a big MEH 🫥 it’s always been like that but never to this extent where I’m legit getting icked by reading through anyones messages.

However, I realize this feeling may be temporary and I’d at some point crave attention or love, even when I know it’s not gonna happen. How do you deal with those sort of heart cravings even when you’re living your best life alone?

Hello! I’m 21F, from the Middle East, so I have a UTC+3 timezone in case that’s important to know.

I sometimes struggle talking when people ask me a whole lot of questions like connecting is some sort of checklist. I like having random conversations whenever we want. A long term friendship isn’t a daily blast imo, it can sometimes be a regular check up with some wild update or no updates at all and that’s fine!

I like learning about people’s random obsessions, no matter how random they are! I’ve been recently obsessed with redecorating my Hayday farm so it looks like something I’d live in for example! I also really like crime and learning about ships sometimes, not in a technical/ mechanical way tho…just a general understanding of why titanic sunk for example 😆

Please don’t hit me up just because I’m a female.

Hala ya shabab.

We’ve noticed that a lot of people enjoy their anonymity way too much to the point they feel comfortable enough to post pics of people from uni/ asking how to find someone through x, y and z and we’re not about that.

Do not try me. Your post might only get removed at first, but trust me, proof is saved and you will be banned and said proof will be used against you if you’re ever caught in a تشهير case.

لا تسوي اشي ما بتقبله عحالك، لا يعني ازا انك مجهول يعني ما بتقدر تنصاد. خلص حب بدك تعرف حد روح تعرف عليه ولا احكي معه، لا تجي هون تحكي عالناس. ما بفرق معي لو الصورة حاطينها عصفحة عامة، طالما الشخص ما قلك بلسانه نزلني يعني لا تنزل، والله عيب تسوو هالحركات زي كأنها هديك صفحات "ام جكيت احمر بحووبككك" توكل على الله 😂