Im very fortunate to live right by a lake and I can go fishing anytime I want. Our lake is known for its massive trophy size rainbows but the #1 thing I’ve heard is: never eat the fish, they taste terrible and like mud.
Our lake is quite shallow and has a max depth of like 25 feet so I’m wondering if that has something to do with it.
I am 26f and I've been trying pretty much everything to organize my space and items but it's like I'll make 45% progress and within 2-3 days, fuck not even like a day, and I'm back to 0, back to square one. This is so embarrassing to admit but my room consists of clothes all over the place, dirty dishes, garbage, random art supplies, books, just like clutter everywhere. I've tried to donate and throw things away but I struggle a lot with that, especially getting rid of clothes.
Even at work I've noticed how disorganized I am so I know it's not just one space that's causing the problem, it's a me-problem. I just leave thigns all over the place and I notice it more at work since I'm just more aware as it's a shared-space. I can't tell you the amount of times coworkers will ask me "hey is this your stuff on the table?" and I'm like "omg yes I forgot about that sorry".
Also I forgot to mention but I have been diagnosed with pretty severe ADHD but even with being on the correct medication (I've had to trial-error a lot of adhd meds in order to find the right one for me), there is an improvement but still, nowhere near where I feel is healthy or normal
I feel so guilty but I’ve been having to call in sick to work quite a few time this year. It was a few times during the beginning of the year, just a day or two, but a few weeks ago I called in and this morning I did again.
I guess part of me is trying to find validation in that I’m not a bad person, that my boss isn’t angry at me, that no one’s disappointed in me, because those are things I’m constantly worrying about. Why do I worry about those things? Trauma probably but I’m trying to not let it consume me yk?
I try and validate my reasonings:
-one time my boss was walking by and she said she wasn’t feel good and needed to go home, even though she looked and seemed fine. I just remember that moment for some reason
-I feel sooooo guilty about leaving work but I remember how my coworkers were like “Idgaf and could care less about what people think of me calling in sick” and one coworker said “you’re not going to get a raise or gold star for not calling in sick for the whole year”
Today I called in sick because it’s been a fucking rough week in terms of personal stuff going on. I’m dealing with a very abusive family member and their bullshit so I just was so fucking exhausted, but no one knows that. So I fear people just assume, especially my boss, I’m calling in because of like summer weather or idk, something stupid.
I’m trying to prioritize my health and mental health but I can’t help but feel so wrong for doing it
I’m just at a fucking loss at this point. I’m writing this in an emotional state as I believe I’ve reached the end of my rope, and I’m fucking drained. So I apologize if it’s a mess or just a lot.
Lately things with my mom have gotten pretty bad but at this very slow, painful pace where it’s progressively getting worse and worse. My mom’s got a lot of trauma and mental health, basically has been putting on this front her whole life that she’s completely fine. Well idk wtf her issues is but it’s like everything is offensive to her and she is constantly on the defence. I feel like I have to be so careful with what I say and I have to always be careful to not say anything that she could take as criticism or an attack.
My mom and I have a pretty intense and confusing relationship, like her own relationship with her mom (which is the source of her trauma as my grandmother is a terrible and selfish person. Like I can’t stand that woman) bleeds into our relationship so my whole life, my mom has compared her parenting to my grandmothers, her relationship to our relationship, how close we are, the things we talk about, like her sole purpose was to never be anything like my grandma. Yet my mom actually ended up doing a lot of the things my grandma did and even displays those same abusive tactics my moms talked about my whole life.
I’m 26 so now when we fight, it’s different. I have a waaayyy better understanding of how a healthier relationship should look like and act, how a healthy family interacts with each other. So now that I’m an adult and on this more equal playing field with my mom, I’m noticing her starting to attack me way more often, where it’s like she needs to crush me and make me “lose” the fight at no matter the cost. So she’s saying things to me that just feel like a direct attack or rather she is trying to control me….but she can’t anymore so that’s where she gets even more angry.
It’s like I’m watching her lose her grip and control over her life, where she thought “faking it till you make it” would work in all aspects of her life, including relationships. Well now I’m seeing my mom at the age of 50, with no friends, always miserable and unhappy, speaks so negatively and judgmental about others, and she’s gained a ton of weight, so I’ve seen her self esteem plummet. I love my mom but it’s the harsh truth. Her trauma and mental health have caught up to her and it’s like she’s being forced to deal with it, like pushing her trauma and problems away only makes it resurface in other areas.
So we are camping and my mom’s been miserable every single day. She’s been complaining and whining nonstop but what’s been driving me absolutely fucking insane is how much of a child she’s been acting like. There are literally children running around this campground and I’ve seen them throw tantrums, and it’s ironic how my mom acts the exact same way when she throws a tantrum. If she doesn’t get her way, even over stupid shit like not getting the seat she wanted at the table, she will get progressively worse and worse, complains and whines until we are forced to comply with her.
This is harsh but again the honest truth, but she ruins the good vibes with her bullshit. Like we are all floating on the lake out on paddle boards and keep in mind, all wearing life jackets, and my auntie tries to climb onto my moms board but ends up flipping them into the water. My mom is like 10/10 raging mad, red in the face. Instead of being like “oops I fell in the water hahaha”, she is pissed off and yelling at everyone, and we are like “common it’s not that bad” like we are trying to make light of the situation but she is progressively getting more and more offended so I get annoyed and my mom ends up attacking me and is yelling at me. She said something like “don’t get annoyed with me again!” But she said it in the way where she was like telling me I wasn’t allowed to be annoyed. So I was dumbfounded because again, we are all having an amazing time out on the lake but now I’m being verbally attacked for just reacting to the situation. I honestly can’t even remember the specifics like wording but I just remember her getting even more angry at me and now is directing the entire situation at me being annoyed so I’m like “fuck off! I’m allowed to be annoyed if I want too” and she said something else that was just nasty and mean and my auntie even stepped in and was telling my mom to stop and drop it.
The entire fucking mood was ruined because of my mom, and I know that’s harsh to say but it’s just the truth. I love my mom but I cannot stand how she can take something and ruin it all because she’s not happy. When she’s not in a good mood, well everyone has to suffer until we fix it.
If I could make any wish, it would honestly be that my mom gets some serious help. My moms talked about how angry my grandpa was her whole life, how she never wants to be like that but yet I’m watching my mom turn into exactly that, miserable and angry all the time.
I’m just so done. I’m fucking exhausted. I’m so sick and tired of getting disappointed again and again, being forgotten about again and again. No one fucking cares about me and they all assume I’ll be fine on my own but never once have I asked for that. I’m so sick and tired of my parents abandoning me and expecting me to just get over it.
What really hurts is that I know if I just stayed quiet, didn’t say anything or go to anyone, no one would come to me. My dad never ever asks how I’m doing, he’s never interested in me or wants to do things with me, my mom just doesn’t care to think about my feelings, she basically just tells me to get over it. I feel so alone.
We are camping and everyone is in this group site but my mom booked me a site all the way across the campground. I’m just sitting in my tent, while everyone’s all together and hanging out. It hurts so fucking bad
I hate when I get like this, I feel like a child and I’m only 26. Unfortunately I live at home with my parents as I’m saving up for a home, so there are some things that feel completely out of my control. I wanted to go fishing today and take my kayak out but we are going camping tomorrow. I genuinely thought we were leaving the day after tomorrow so I was planing my whole day around fishing. Well I come home and see the kayak is packed and loaded on my dad’s truck. I ask if I can go kayaking and my dads like can you go tomorrow when we are camping?? And for some reason, I couldn’t be like “okay”, I was planning and looking forward, like I even went out and got some flies too.
I try to get my dad to take the kayak down but he’s not budging so I just knew how hopeless it was to try and convince him. I’m trying to do adult things, I’m trying to be independent, but it’s so hard when shit like that happens. I went inside but I was sooooo upset and part of me didn’t understand why.
This is going to be hard for me to share as I feel incredibly embarrassed but I just started to spiral, I was raging mad, clenching my fists, kicking things, shaking with so much rage, and crying my eyes out. All over a kayak. I’m so grateful that this time my mom actually came and saw me, that she didn’t ignore me when I’m upset as that’s what she always does. So I feel incredibly lucky to have my mom calm me down but I’m still so embarrassed. I feel immature and I feel like no one would want to be around someone like me, someone crazy. I feel fucking crazy when I get like that, I feel like a basket-case, delusional. I hate it so fucking much
I’ve always known this but for some reason I’ve finally come to terms with it. What sucks is that my grandmother is also a master at manipulation and gaslighting, so I know that my mom has gotten that from my grandmother and the trauma she caused my mom. Doesn’t mean it’s okay.
I’m just so fucking frustrated and I feel so defeated, just absolutely defeated.
-whenever I try and confide to my mom about something that’s bothering me, she will always imply that the situation wasn’t even that bad to begin with.
For example, I felt a coworker was being mean to me and my mom will say something like “yeah but that’s just your perception right, doesn’t mean that’s what actually happened”. What?? I just told you what happened…it feels like she is implying that my version of reality is false and unreliable. She will literally tell me that they weren’t being mean and I was perceiving it wrong. In others words: your delusional
-my mom will be in a bad mood and often it feels directed at me but in a very passive aggressive way. I ask what’s wrong and idk how to explain this but it’s like she gets even more pissed off and says she fine but is like trying to make it seem like I’m making shit up, like I’m the one trying to manipulate her. Idk if that makes sense but it drives me fucking insane OMFG, like I get soooo angry when she does this. Like major gaslighting and manipulation
-she will loose her mind, scream at the top of her lungs, be loud and destructive, extremely hostile, and calling me all these horrible names. I obviously get very upset and react but what she will do is now that I’m upset, she will suddenly calm down and flip her whole demeanour so it appears that I’m the one losing my mind and yelling. When she was the one saying such horrible and nasty things AND things that she knows will trigger me. THEN she will act like it never happened and never addresses it again.
-I was diagnosed with traits of BPD but my psychiatrist told me that he suspects my mom has a bad case of it. (she won’t ever get diagnosed but my psychiatrist was very confident from my own story and briefly chatting with her). She uses my traits of BPD as I’m mentally unstable and will do things like imply I’m having “an episode”. I strongly, very strongly believe that my mom has BPD and NPD, but I’m no doctor so what do I know.
I’m 26 f and I was diagnosed with a severe case of ADHD. I basically A+ the test and it’s literally the only test I’ve ever even gotten a decent mark on so I found it to be quite hilarious. I’ve always felt that there was something “wrong” with me but I couldn’t figure out what and why. I have 2 step brothers with autism so I’m very familiar with the disorder but there is this coworker who is adamant that I have autism. I don’t like this coworker only for the reasons that she is so pushy about me having autism and every time I give her a reason, she’s like “yeah but autism hides behind those symptoms”. I literally told her “my psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADHD, and I’ve been seeing him for like 4 years now. I’m sure he would pick up on if I had autism” and she’s like “yeah but autism and ADHD overlap, he might see it as ADHD but it’s really autism”. I cannot stand her but she’s gotten in my head and now I’m like “what if I actually do have autism??”
So now I’m hyper aware of how I present myself and how I interact socially. I am a very introverted person, and I keep to myself a lot but I’m second guessing everything
Im wanting to get a dog for protection as I’m a 26 year old, single woman, and I’m on the smaller side so I’m fully aware I’m powerless in certain situations. I want to be able to go on walks and feel safe but also want to know my dog can handle themselves too. I know that if my dog were to get attacked, there’s only so much I can do physically. Like my parents have a Pomchi and I was just on a walk with him today and these 2 French bulldogs came charging after him and I was just able to scoop him up in time. In that moment I wish I brought my parents black lab cuz then at least I know she might protect us a little. But it’s situations like that I want to be prepared for and ease that anxiety.
So right now I’m living at my parents house as I save up for my home but soon I’m going to be moving out and on my own, so I want to prepare for that. I also just want to feel safe and protected in general, like I said I’m fully aware of my capabilities in certain situations and how powerless I would be. So any recommendations would be greatly appreciated! I’m a very attentive and hands-on type of dog owner as I love to do training and activities with my dogs.
I am a housekeeper and unfortunately my phone fell off my cleaning cart and fell into my bucket of mop water. Thankfully it was only like 10 seconds submerged and it still works fine and charges BUT I have condensation on my camera lenses which won't go away days later, and now my phone screen has not turned on twice now but the phone is responding like I tried to restart my phone and I could feel the haptics and I almost called the emergency hotline trying to restart it.
So I'm like do I:
-wait and hope it goes away
-try to send it in for repairs
-just get a new phone and not waste my time (14 pro max is paid off)
There are a few coworkers that are really passive aggressive but there is this one that seems to bug me a little bit more than the others. I’m 26 and I think she’s in her mid 30’s so she’s not like one of those old, cranky ladies. She’s very friendly, nice, sweet, but she can be a little competitive or least that’s what I’ve been picking up on as I’m often thinking to myself “this feels like a competition I didn’t sign up for or know about”
There have been multiple times when she is speaking to me in a very friendly, quiet, positive tone but what she is saying feels targeted in a way, or like she is hinting at something. But I can’t prove anything, like when I try and explain what she is doing or saying, I can’t really articulate it well because it just seems like she is being nice and friendly.
I just remain positive and friendly but it does bother me a bit. I can kind of tell she may be feeling a bit on edge or anxious, like I know she’s going through a divorce and court so she’s been really stressed with that. I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt because she is a really nice woman but it feels like her own insecurities get the better of her sometimes so she’s makes these passive aggressive comments. We are very similar and people often make comments that we are very alike in how we act and our demeanour.
Idk maybe I’m waaaayyy off the marker on that but it’s this weird mix of “fuck this bitch” and also “I really like this woman and would hope to be friends or work-friends one day” but I’m also very aware of the fact that it’s work and I’m there to make money and go home
It drives me absolutely nuts. All I want is for my mom to come and hug me when she sees I’m upset but she will literally walk the other way and ignore me until it blows over. I just got really upset and was crying in my room, my mom knew because she could hear me. I passed out and wasn’t hoping to find a text from my mom but nothing. She never does. She will literally act like nothing ever happened and make me feel crazy
I want a hug, I want to be comforted, I want my mom, I want my dad
I have 2 dads:
-bio-dad who never gave a fuck or was ever around or involved in my life. I have 2 half sisters from him and I’ve grown up watching him do way more with them than he ever has with me, and put so much responsibility on me as a child just because I was “the oldest”.
-stepdad who is involved and around in my life but very cold and distant. He doesn’t show affection or emotion well and I think he has a bit of autism to be completely honest. If I didn’t say anything to him, he wouldn’t ever notice. Yet at the same time he’s been more active and present in my life than my bio dad ever has
I refer to my stepdad as my dad but all I want is my dad. I want my dad to want to do things with me. I want him to be excited to do stuff, to remember that I am here and that I am important. I feel like I can only bond with him over fishing so that’s what I’ve been doing and so far it’s been amazing. He even got me a new fly fishing rod but he’s to busy to show me how to set it up so either I can wait for him to not be busy (which is never) or I can just do it myself. I want my dad to show. I want my dad to spend time with me. I want to be important and a priority to him. I want my dad to show me how to spool the line on my rod but why do I have to beg him? Why do I have to remind him to spend time with me? Why do I have to remind him that I’m here?
So I got upset because I’m sick of waiting for my dad to show me so I just watched a Youtube video. Well I fucked it up already and I got really upset. My mom was trying to almost defend my dad and it makes me feel even more alone. She’s yelling at me for getting angry and telling me to ask ChatGPT and I just about fucking lost my mind and punched a wall. I DONT WANT AI TO SHOW ME I WANT MY FUCKING DAD
What’s fucked is that I’ve stopped showing my dad things or asking for his attention because I felt like I was the only one giving it out. Turns out I was right because he hasn’t checked in on me in about 2 years. He hadn’t asked what I’ve been up to besides work, hasn’t asked what projects I’m doing, hasn’t asked if I’m okay.
I feel so hopeless. I’m desperate for any sort of comfort, to not feel so alone. I’m angry that I don’t have parents who can parent me. My mom ignores me when I cry and will avoid me until it blows over. I’m crying to her about wanting my dad to spend time with me and she’s getting angry at me for some reason, saying my dad’s busy. wtf. I deserve to have someone set aside time for me. My mom should be the one who sees that, who advocates for me.
I will be crying my fucking eyes out in my room and my mom will ignore me. All I want is my mom to come into my room and hug me, to calm me down. I don’t have anyone and I truly mean that. I don’t have any friends, I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t have any family. No one can save me, I can’t even save myself. No one will ever understand that type of pain
I’m so incredibly lonely right now. I’m constantly seeking out others but it’s so rare I get that back. I feel like I’m constantly begging to be noticed, begging my dad for an ounce of his time, watching people just skip me over. I try and become more kind, more funny, more nice, more approachable, more smart, just for the hope that someone might find me of value, so someone would notice me, invite me, think of me, consider me.
I want to be loved
It’s such a painful realization but it’s true. In my life, I feel like an after thought and never considered. I want my dad to see me as a priority, I want him to want to do stuff with me but I have to literally beg him to give me an ounce of his time. I’m watching him sit in the living room, doing absolutely nothing while I’ve been begging him to show me how to spool fishing line onto my new rod. I’ve been begging my dad for years and I finally got a rod and now he’s still dragging his feet.
I want to be important and a priority. I’m sick of asking for his time. So I’m done asking him. I’m so fucking sick and tired of begging for an ounce of his time only for him to make me feel like an after thought. He knows I want to do this with him, like he saw how fucking excited I was to get my new rod. He’s constantly complaining about how busy he is, only for me to see him sitting on the couch scrolling on his phone.
I’m sick and tired of balling my eyes out from being heartbroken, it’s so fucking painful. I hate it so much. It’s like this uncontrollable wave of emotions, where you can’t stop crying, and you feel it in the centre of your chest. Like this sinking hole in your chest.
Part of me just wants to go look at a YoutTube video and spool my own line but I also really really want my dad to show me. I want my dad to want to show me
I’ve (26f) been wanting my dad to show me how to fly fish for years, like I’ve been begging him for years. He always said yes but never actually showed me, so it’s just years of me asking and getting disappointed when he never did. Then one year my brother got a fly fishing rod but yet never touched it once. So then finally this year he finally showed me and it was the best experience of my life, like I will forever hold those memories so close to my heart. Finally, my dad is doing something with me where we are both excited and he even buys me a rod and all the equipment, so I’m all set up. But I don’t know how to spool the line onto my reel and I honestly want my dad to show me himself but he keeps blowing me off, saying he’s to busy or “maybe, we’ll see”
To be honest, I’m heartbroken and beyond frustrated. I’ve been begging my dad for years, fucking years to show me and now that he finally has, he still dragging his feet. I want to be a priority on his list, I want to be important to him, I want my dad to be excited to show me stuff like this, I want my dad to think of me, but instead he’s thinking of the things he has to do.
My dad is very busy but the problem is, he’s had these same projects on the go for years, like projects that he claimed would only take a few months, yeah well 7 years later and it’s not finished. So my dad is constantly busy but yet how he prioritizing his time is ridiculous. He has all these projects but yet chooses to sit on the couch and play guitar. Okay maybe he’s resting but I thought he had all these things he had to do so why are you playing guitar on the couch??
I’m looking at his work schedule and comparing it to mine so then maybe I can ask him to show me how to set up my rod, but nope….he’s to busy.
I want to be improtsnt, I want to be a priority, I want to be loved or thought of. I’m so sick and tired of this. I even begged my first boyfriend to show me but guess what? Never happened but he did cheat and break up with me to get with my best friend. What’s the best part is that he showed her how to fly fish and I had to watch on social media.
I’ve watched YouTube videos and I know I can figure it out myself but I want my dad to show me. I want to have that time with my dad. It’s not like it’s a whole day event, it’s literally spool line onto a rod and guess what? I’ve even practiced and got all these fishing knots like a blood-knot. I just want my dad
My local store just locked all their tackle up yesterday and I’m so pissed off to be completely honest, like everything is behind a big cage but the tackle is on these moving shelves so in order to actually look at the tackle, you have to move these shelves around, WELL HOW TF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN A BIG ASS CAGE IS IN THE WAY??” So then I’m expected to what? Hunt down an employee, get them to stand there and watch me browse? Or are they even going to let me do that??
Idk why and I wish I wasn’t like this but it’s like this need to have everyone like me, and when someone doesn’t, I get super anxious and almost obsessive over it. I’m trying to practice not giving a fuck about what others think or feel about me but when someone is clearly annoyed by me or just isn’t giving me good vibes, I feel this need to make them like me and I hate that, like I know that makes me even more annoying.
At work, there are a few coworkers that I feel like don’t like me or maybe fine me annoying to be around. Just knowing that makes me super anxious and I start to overcompensate by being extra nice to them, asking them questions, just doing whatever I can to be in their “good side”
I hate that I am like this and I really want to change, I want to be secure within myself and not constantly, and I mean constantly worrying about what others might be thinking or feeling about me.
Here’s an example: today I work I was putting away our stock for our department and instead of putting the box in the shelf, I decided to take the items out and stack them on the shelf so I can fit more stock and get some of the boxes out of our room. I’m regretting doing this only because my coworkers won’t like that I did that and for some reason my head is convinced that I’m going to be labeled as a know-it-all or cocky from other coworkers. We leave notes to communicate with each other and our manager isn’t very present or around much so we just communicate via notes. I left a note that I found expired stock and that we need to be rotating our stock. I’m afraid that my note came across as bossy or know-it-all, even though I made sure to be extra nice and leave hearts on my note.
No one’s said that I’m an “cocky”, “know-it-all”, “bossy”, but I’m so afraid of being perceived that way that I’ve almost convinced myself that’s the truth. But then I’m also like “but saying that, what if I actually am?”
It’s so fucking exhausting
I came home from work one day and I saw a crow with a twisted foot, poor guy was hopping on one foot the whole time. I started feeding him chunks of cheese, any scraps I had, and I’m quite happy to say that I think I have made a friend:)
I have a few questions:
-is there anything I can do for this crow? Or is it just one of those situations where I have to let nature take its course?
-how can I tell if its male or female?? I noticed it hanging out with 4 other crows but I noticed my crow friend is more bigger, like his head is more puffy in comparison to the others.
-this morning when I fed him, he was only hanging out with one other crow but I wanted to see if he would take the food while I was still close by. I sat and waited but I noticed a few things:
-is cheese a good food? I seem to gravitate towards giving them that as it’s easy to grab and in my head a good snack?? I mean they literally eat garbage out of dumpster so I assume it’s fine