u/ilikeitchyballzdude1

So in the dream, there was this one paul mccartney meet and greet happening in my town, right? But I have work to do and my jerk boss intentionally hid it until the last minute so I had to ran for 15 minutes just to not miss it

I was pratically at the end of the queue and the last 10 minutes of the event when I arrived, and I just waited eagerly to talk to paul about how much I liked his music and asked for an autograph

when its finally my turn

"hello sir Mccartney, ive always admired your music and I am such a great fan of your song "blackbird", its such a lovely little tune! Can you give me an au-"
"Fuck off, wanker"

"what?"

Then he just laughed at me like I am an idiot. And then I realized ringo is there too.

And then he started discussing how authortian governments will slowly kill off the freedom of the people while disguising the hate and bigotry as good intentions with ringo.

then they both turn young again and I jolted awake in cold sweat in 4am. Then I cry realizing that I would probably never meet baul in my lifetime.

.......did i just get sucked by a Paul Mccartney themed succubus?

turn 3 btw

always the rankup games that gives me these mfs

Sir? Why are you hyperventilating and curling up in a ball? Who is "Nagoriyuki" and what is a "touch of death"? Are you alright?

i hate how every single subreddit without borderline fascist moderation just turns into generic karma farming shitpost sub even though theres already thousands of them.

people be gentrifying so hard they are now gentrifying subreddits lmfao

Remember the graduation party last night? It was crazzzzzzzzzy, haha, we are finally able to drink legally and miss toriel personally let us drink some of her super fancy wines as celebration as well as bought 3 crates of beer from San's. It was a total blast! I remember ending up going insane style during the drinking game we had, fwahaha.

......anyways, I ended up waking up naked with berdly next to me.

I remember he saying that he will escort me back to my house half drunkenly, and I guess in the process we both got messed up in the head by the alcohol stuff and thought each other were Susie, and we sorta just did what our instints told us.

I was fine with that actually! Berdly was an awesome friend that will never take advantage of me, and when he woke up he was just as equally as confused ! I am sure we can just sweep all that under the rug and treat it like a happy incident that we will laugh about decades later.

But when I decided to buy a pregnancy test just in case......it was positive.

Kris, you've paid attention to Ms Alphys during biology, right? You do know bird monsters give birth using eggs that are almost indestructable, right? Which means in 2 days, I will lay an egg, and that's it. No abortions, no nothing, I will have to just accept the fact that I and berdly now shares a child.

I just can't do this to Berdly and Myself, Kris, we both have our futures ahead and I don't want to ruin both of our lives and ended up as an unhappy shotgun couple until we meet our miserable ends......and not to mention the child will have parents that doesnt love them!

So angel forbid, if I wanna take a plan B and get rid of that poor thing I will have to do that in the next 48 hours-no, even less.

I checked every pharmacy in the 30 mile radius. Every single one of them doesnt sell any plan Bs. The fastest delivary takes 3 days.

Why would they? The angel said that having a baby is a blessing no matter what and everyone around is super religious! Even if it will do no good for everyone involved it doesn't matter!

......that's when you come to play, Kris.

your brother surely have a pill or two, right? I remember him and dess getting active quite often......Can you just sneakily take one from the drawer? I am sure plan Bs dont expire after a few years, right?

Please, save your friends from wedlock, Kris.

......I guess you didn't expect me to be here too, huh?

Yeah, things were rough in the past 10 years.....after that whole fiesta about dess and stuff. I dropped out of college and tried to start a business using whatever money we've left after the government confiscated everything for corruption charges, but I guess it just.......doesnt quite work, and to pay off my dad's bills now that mom is in jail, I have to.......resort to this.

No, my parents or anyone in hometown doesn't know. They still thought pure little noelle is working on her promising business in the big city.......please don't tell them I ended up like this, Kris.....

D-don't worry, Kris! Even though this is not exactly the best job ever I am p-perfectly ok with it!!!!! The pay is...enough......the hours are nice, and my clients.......they could be a bit creepy, rowdy and maybe even get violent at times, but they are ni-they are decent people! They tip well and orders hour extensions every now and then! I am hap completely fine!

......

......

Say, Kris, why don't you come and enjoy yourself for a while? My......manager......had trained me well and I am sure you will be satisfied; and i saved up enough for a freebie or two for people I actually like without him hitting me again...... Consider it my Christmas gift.

Now you are totally allowed to own a pet reindeer. Its legal in our town, your family totally has the resources of tending one and its not even that weird for antler monsters like us because reindeers are like chimps to you humans......

But do you really have to name your doe "Noelle" and dress her up just like me? I mean you somehow got a wig that matches the exact texture of my hair, styled her antlers to look exactly like mine, and even gave her this prosthetic red nose to make her look like me naked in all fours!

If that's not weird enough, you have to bring her along to school for some reason! I dont know how you convinced Ms Alphys to bring your "emotional support animal" to class, but its super humilating and distracting to have a naked version of you getting your fur stroked by your childhood friend and making weird noises in the back and attracting everyone's attention-you've made my school life hell, Kris, now everyone calls me "naked Noelle" and laughs at me whenever they see me!

And it also makes me.....kinda jealous? The deer looks like she enjoyed your strokes so much that I almost wished I am your deer so you can stroke me instead once. And this is making me feel.....strange, and i would rather not go down on that path........

Can you please just stop this, Kris? Is it because of that game I borrowed last year and forgot to return? I promise I will return the copy of dragon blazers 3 to you this monday.....please just return your pet to the forest or at least stop dressing her up or calling her "Noelle".......

THEY ARE SACRIFICING THEIR ENTIRE EXISTENCE TO FOCUS ON THIS SHIT BRO HOW TF AM I SUPPOSED TO WIN

WASTED 10 MINUTES PLAYING AGAINST THEM AFTER SOLOING EVERYONE ELSE AND STILL LOSE

PLEASE ADD A RANKING SYSTEM HYPIXEL

You mom paid me hefty sums of money per month to be your friend ever since we were like 6. But now you are such a creepy weirdo that I dont even want the money anymore. I just dont feel....comfortable around you.

Can you just not talk to me from now on? Just......stay away from me and my friends.

It's like every frustration and hatred 99% of the players have towards the game is entirely foreign to them while they are getting mad over some shit completely alien to the rest of the playerbase

lowkey these vanqs are just another species atp

I am actually having a hard time fighting pot because they are just so good at grooming muscle memories into me (block more often to certain moves or let me think they are gonna play a certain way) that I often just let them hit those fucking moves that delete half my hp bar.

Istg if you are a discord groomer you would be a phenomenal pot main because half of that fuck's gameplan is to induce shit muscle memories into your opponents and guess what that shit just like actual grooming lasts a uncomfortably long time or even potentially be lifelong

Y'know, its that time of the year for me again! No big deal, right? They are just starting to come loose and dangling a bit a few weeks earlier then usual so I got impatient and pulled them out! The bleeding is totally normal and I've wrapped it nice and tight with bandages. It doesnt hurt at all, don't worry about it!

>!and I found out on the computer a few days ago that in chinese medicine fresh deer antler soup could make people more......vital and......active, so.......!<

what did I say? Uh......nothing! You must've misheard me! Now hurry up and drink my soup when its still hot, its a delicate personal recipe after all!

Y'know , I've always had a crush on you, ever since we were kids and you were me and Kris's dependable big brother figure......there's just a sense of......maturity within you, warm stability that makes me feel comfortable, at home......satiated. You felt like home to me.

But you have to pick my sister. My chaotic, rule breaking sister. My loser sister. My sister who wanted nothing but unrestricted freedom. She just doesn't fit......you.....and you knew it yet still willingly plunged into her. Chaos and Order, Irrationality and Logic, Yin and Yang. You two were polar opposites and was never meant to be.And I had to just watch you trying so hard to maintain this doomed relationship while your perfect little bride is just sitting there, within your arms reach. Do you know how painful to have your rightful love snatched by another right in front of your face?

Even after Dess was gone, you still weren't freed from your demonic grasp. The shadow of her still looms over you. Your fur is no longer neatly combed. You are no longer punctual and there's a gaping hole in your mind that makes you a husk of your former self. It is almost as if that woman is still here, tormenting you until you are no longer the warm, fuzzy Asriel that I admired.

I thought I could heal you. Using my womanish charm to nurture you back to the cheery Asriel I admired. I really did. But you rejected every single advance I made towards you, saying things like "you are too young" and how its immoral to date your missing girlfriend's sister. What a load of bull! We are only 2 years apart! That's perfectly fine! The truth is that succubus of a sister of mine had deluded you into beliving she would ever come back, right? She dangles this faint string of hope that makes you never able to move on, toying with you like a plaything even after she's gone, all while she is probably getting hitched with some biker outside of hometown!! She had made you into an utterly hopless puppet that could only chase the mirage of her existence.

I really tried to give up on you and get on with someone my age, but for some reason, it just.....doesn't work. I tried to settle for someone that is similar to you, with the same warm apple scene and soft attitude-but Kris isnt even half the man you are-dont get me wrong, they are a good friend, but lover?No that much. I tried to look into your perspective and get into someone as wild as dess, a free spirit like Susie ,but the more I dated susie the more I am perplexed by how did my failure of a sister even entrance you. And Berdly? Pfwahahaha............dont even joke with me.

In the end, I am still hopelessly obsessed with you.

Fwahaha, ironic, isnt it? Now I am chasing the shadows of my lovers, just like you. And hey, look, everything worked out perfectly, right?

Who know this is how I could fix everything? I merely tried dressing up like how my sister would dress and played some house with you, and look how happy you were in the past few days! The shadow's gone, and you are back to the old sweet Azzy! And to think all it takes is just some improv classes online!

You didn't really needed Dess, didn't you? You seemed just fine with me! Does the doe behind the mask really matter? You want me to play bad girl? I can play bad girl with you! I can be your Dess without all the flaws dess have, Asriel.

Well, you don't have a choice anyways. This is the only Dess you will ever get. You know that faithful night 3 days ago? I did......something to our little barrier. A precaution. The final step of the plan to make sure you dont run away like a coward. I knew the caring Asriel would'nt dare to run away from his family, right?

Well, Asriel.......I love you.

OH NOESSSSSS WHERES YOUR MUSCLE MEMORY LIL BRO ENJOY YOUR BRUTAL LOSE STREAK NOW LIL CHUD SKILL GO BYE BYE GET FUCKEDDDDDDD

what do you mean, Kris, its just the same game Dess had played with me since I was a kid! Playing doctor! You just take off your shirt, sit on the bed like a good girl and let the "doctor" inspect all over your body! A classic, fun little game! Well I dont know what's the fun of being touched and squeezed, but maybe when I am the doctor this time it will be fun!

Kris, dont tell me......Asriel surely had played this game with you at least once? Didnt your brother taught her how to play this? Everytime she come to play this game with me she will call me Asriel as if we are roleplaying! Come on, Kris, remember! Surely you have memories of playing this game!

Dess told me there's nothing weird with that so it must be true! Right, Kris, right?

Who knew that Mr sans is actually your birth father alongside your stepdad now? Thats soooooo crazy Kris!!!
Anyways, how do you think your parents met? Mr Sans seems so much older then your mom......